Monday, July 27, 2009

Sid: Smith Working Phones

Sid Hartman is reporting that Twins GM Billy Smith has been talking on the phone recently, presumably in an attempt to help the Twins win baseball games. Details are sketchy, but this much is sure: Bill Smith is talking. On the phone.

Because Sid forgot to mention the four W's and H of journalism, we'll attempt to break it down for you, the reader.

Bill Smith talks on phone

What?
Smith on the phone. It's the biggest Fat-Guy-Talks-on-Phone story since the Taft/Livelinks scandal of 1929.

Where?
Presumably, Billy Smith is making phone calls from the Metrodome. Wouldn't it be great if all 30 GM's started a fantasy baseball league, with all their own players? They could make trade proposals from their blackberry's.

When?
Sunday morning. Hopefully before and after, as well.

Why?
"to try to improve his team with the addition of a pitcher and/or a righthanded hitting second baseball."

Introducing a second baseball into the field of play. I like it. I mean, it certainly wouldn't hurt our chances. If we have Morneau hang onto one baseball all game, he could touch first with it every time the first baseball is in play. It would really help our pitchers out. Oh, and it's a righthanded hitting baseball? He'd have a tiny strike zone, ensuring a walk almost every at-bat. Inserting the hitting baseball between Mauer and Span would help shore up that weakness.

Who?
Smith on one end, unknown baseball folks on the other. Who would he have to give up for a decent player? And what would that decent player's name be? Orlando Cabrera is someone's name, but Sid has probably never heard of him.

How?
From wikipedia:

The device operates principally by converting sound waves into electrical signals, and electrical signals into sound waves. Such signals when conveyed through telephone networks — and often converted to electronic and/or optical signals — enable nearly every telephone user to communicate with nearly every other worldwide.
Some Italian got screwed out of his invention because he let his patent expire. That sucks.

How else would Billy Smith talk to his peers? Probably like a polar bear plunge: briefly and coldly. That's why they call him "Mr. No."

Billy Smith can talk all he wants, but until he gets that second hitting baseball, no one around here will listen.





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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

You didn't fill in the cause of death on the Sox toe-tag.

C'mon, commenters!

FrontRowSeats

soup said...

This post just reaffirms this blog's reputation for providing all the information newspapers leave out. Educational.

I'm back in the states for a couple of weeks. Anyone want to go to a game on Sunday August 2nd?

bizmarkie507 said...

Every time I see Sid talk on the Sports Show with Mike Max, I just want to give him a blanket, some warm milk and read him a nursery rhyme until he falls asleep.

haasertime said...

It would suck to be a StarTribune decision maker. I'll bet that Sid makes boatloads of money, yet writes nothing but gobbledy-gook. And they can't cut Sid.


Soup: Stallions playoff hunt 09 is every Sunday this August. Come down to Northfield and ump for us. Any other Twins game would work though, and I believe Daymonster is in town too, possibly making this the first time that about every AH contributor is in MN.

Daymonster said...

That would be crazy.

soup said...

How about Friday's game (31st)?

Can I ump and drink beer at the same time?

haasertime said...

yes, and yes.

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