Tuesday, March 31, 2009

5 kinda obscure television characters you might like

And by obscure I mean they cannot be seen on basic cable.

David Brent - The Office
One of my favorite TV characters of all time. I am a sucker for awkward humor. Nobody does this better than David Brent.

Omar Little - The Wire
It takes a lot to frighten inner-city Baltimore drug dealers, but when Omar comes calling they scatter. A shotgun and an indifference to death will do that. And his ghetto version of proper English is wildly entertaining. Omar is the 21st century Doc Holliday.

Leon Black - Curb Your Enthusiasm
In season six of Curb Larry and Cheryl decide to take in the Blacks, a family left homeless by Hurricane Katrina. As an added bonus, Leon Black also moved in...even though he's not a hurricane victim. But Leon does whatever the hell he wants.

Mr. G - Summer Heights High
Summer Heights High was an Australian mockumentary series that only ran for one season. Chris Lilley played the three main characters. Each are great, but the drama teacher, Mr. G, steals the show

Darren Lamb - Extras
Darren is the useless talent manager that struggling actor Andy Millman (Ricky Gervas)somehow got stuck with. Incompetence is always really funny.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Okay, seriously, you guys. My fantasy team is literally redonkulous

You guys want to talk about my fantasy baseball team? Of course you do! I can't think of anything more fun than talking about my fantasy baseball team. No joke, it's seriously awesome. I literally love it. I want to marry it and have like a thousand bagillion babies with it :P

I picked fourth. So my first pick was David Wright. Duh. Um, let's see 33 HR, .302 BA, and 15 SB last year. Yeah right. Like I'm going to pass that up.

I am literally good in every offensive category. I got home runs up the ying yang. My only not totally awesome player is AJ Pierzynski (I just threw up in my mouth a little. JK, you guys). And I only have AJ because it was in the last round. And I read on the internet that you are not supposed to draft a catcher early. If you drafted a catcher early you probs haven't been to as many fantasy baseball websites I have. And you are going to get pwnd.

My pitching? Best. Pitching. Of. Any. Fantasy. Baseball. Team. Ever. In. The. History. Of. The. Planet. Um, hello? I got Kevin Slowey in the 15th round!!! So, yeah. It's awesome to like the infiity power. I also got Joey Devine in like round 16. I was all like, "Hi Future. Meet Joey Devine." I said this because Joey Devine is the future of baseball relief pitchers.

Wasn't this fun talking about my fantasy baseball team? I can't wait to read the comment section to hear what you guys have to say about my team. Feel free to leave your email address so I can send you updates about my team.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Fact Check: Sadaharu Oh vs Beastie Boys

Sadaharu Oh is the greatest player in Japanese baseball history. In his 31 year career, he amassed 2,786 hits and 868 home runs.

The Beastie Boys are a pioneering rap trio from Brooklyn, earning commercial and critical success in their 23 year career.

The song, 'Hey Ladies,' from their 1988 LP, 'Pauls Boutique,' includes the following line:

[We have] more hits than Sadaharu Oh

On occasion, hip-hop artists have been known to stretch the truth to appear more successful and attractive to consumers and peers. They often boast of accolades, but with so much information out there, how do we know the truth?

Someone needs to hold these public figures accountable, in a non-partisan environment. We here at Alright Hamilton believe that objective analysis often trumps baseless claims. With that in mind, we present the following:

Beastie Boys

Hits/Singles: 28

Sadaharu Oh

Hits: 2,786


Sunday, March 22, 2009

Dis and Dat

-Comrade Fidel Castro has gots opinions on the WBC. No points for guessing that he blamed capitalism for Cuba's failures in the tournament.

-I love all my fellow SoDaks that play in the MLB, except for Mark Ellis. And by "all the SoDaks that play in the MLB except Mark Ellis" I mean Jason Kubel. Ellis has the distinction of having the most major league home runs of any player born in South Dakota (70).

Stop laughing.

But, I still don't like him. This disliking stems from when I was 11 years old and he tried to stop my future (and now Alma mater) high school, Lincoln Patriots, from winning the state basketball tournament.

Well, not that any of you probably care about South Dakota high school hoops, but my Pats just went 25-0 and won their first state championship since we beat Ellis' Rapid City Stephens team in 1995. So the Sioux Falls newspaper, the Argus Leader, had this story reminiscing about Lincoln's 1995 championship. This interaction between former Lincoln great, Cliff Toole (what a name), and Ellis makes me laugh.

As it turned out, the pumped-up Pats closed the deal quickly in the finals
against Rapid City Stevens, which knocked off Roosevelt in the semifinals on a
late shot by current Oakland A's standout Mark Ellis...

...At one point, Toole reached up and
swatted an Ellis attempt into the crowd, telling reporters later: "I gave him a
'Shawn Kemp.' Then I stared at him and he said something dumb."

Reminded of those comments this week, Toole shook his head.
"I don't even know what a
'Shawn Kemp' is anymore," he said.

Yeah, Mark Ellis! Yo ass gots "a Shawn Kemp" and den yu did ah "say something dumb"?

-Extreme sheep herding is as cool as you thought it would be

-Sports are fun. Weird sports are really fun.

-Last night I went to the grocery store to buy some pistachio nuts. I was just really craving pistachio nuts. I bought a couple of other things, but the bag of pistachio nuts was the real reason for the half hour expedition to the grocery store. When I got home, however, I discovered that I had accidentally purchased a bag of "glutinous rice coated peanuts." Daddy not happy. What the F are glutinous rice coated peanuts? And more importantly,why do they look the exact same as pistachios?

They do look like pistachios, right?

-We really shouldn't think this is funny.

-And finally..giant sea worms!!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Spellchecking Twins Names

If the Twins had names that were agreeable to spellcheck, here's what they'd look like. There are some pretty good nicknames in this bunch!

Alexi Camilla - Recently married a British monarch.

Nick Pinto - If you hit his rear end, he'll burst into flames.

Joe Crude - Sounds like a bad guy on an 80's video game.

Kevin Slowly - Actually, he can throw 94 miles an hour.

Francisco Larine - lar·ine (lar′in, -─źn′) adjective

1. designating or of a suborder (Lari) of seabirds, including gulls, skuas, and skimmers
2. of or like a gull

He doesn't look very seagullish to me.

Book Bonder - He can't be any worse at bonding books together than he is pitching.

Demon Young - "Hey what are you doing tonight?" "I think I'm gonna go up to Rosedale and check out that new horror flick, Demon Young!"

Denature Span - de·na·ture - to change the nature or natural qualities of. Span totally denatured C.C. Sabbatical into a terrible pitcher.

Michael Cruddier - There are cruddy ballplayers, there are cruddier ballplayers, and there are the cruddiest ballplayers. Michael is cruddier.

Pat Neck - The neck. Good nickname for a sidearm reliever. It's also the signal Gardy uses to bring him from the bullpen.

Matt Gorier - And you thought the game was gory before they brought him in.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

White Sox fans: dignified cognoscenti

Well what have we here?

Some White Sox fan took the time to sit down, paint this masterpiece, and put it on the internet for all to see. God bless 'em. Give yourself a second to take it all in. Let the sobering darkness of the artist's soul wash over you. The theme of the inevitability of death dominates your senses, while the Bartolo Colon narrative percolates below the surface. And it has skullllllls!!!!!!!

The three teams that are being crushed by the White Sox Lord of Death are, of course, their biggest rivals. Their biggest rivals are the San Francisco Giants, the Chicago Cubs, and the Texas Rangers. I'm going to join a street gang and have this piece of art painted on the hood my hooptie. Frank Thomas is big!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

AH! Bracket Pick 'Em

A world where everyone is dressed in green, obnoxiously drunk and cares about basketball may seem like an inner circle of hell, but this is life in March. Might as well embrace it.

Even though we're a subsidiary of Google, I've created a Bracket group on Yahoo! So you'll need to have a yahoo account to join, but it only takes a few seconds to grab one. Join the group:


Anyone who is reading this right now can join. Fill out your bracket. It's just for fun, so it's no pressure. Last years winner, Soup, got a really sweet basketball crown, so you never know!

And it's a proven fact that watching the tournament is more fun if you've filled out a bracket.

Talkin' Technology

Last week, while discussing things that make us feel old, our conversation devolved into technological babble. Since you're probably on a computer right now, we may as well go through all the things to make your experience better.

- Twitter. This social networking website has blown up like bubble gum in the past month. It's been around for years, but it's swift rise to the number three social networking site is pretty amazing. Facebook has even jumped on the bandwagon by rearranging their homepage to be more like Twitter.

What is Twitter?

If I were a Twitterer, I'd write a sentence and then publish it. Other Twitterers can add me as a friend and see the sentences I write. I have no idea why others would read what I have to say. (this is much different.)

Getting started:

(Kevin Slowey's bro) wrote a quick tutorial on how to make interesting Tweets. A lot of celebrities like Shaq, Lily Allen and Christopher Walken have notable accounts. Twins blogs have also climbed aboard, with Howard Sinker and K-bro leading the revolution. Alright Hamilton hasn't joined yet, but I don't know, I suppose we could?


It seems narcissistic. What is the subject of most Twitter messages? The person who writes them. People actually think that other people care what they're doing all the time. It's all me me me look at what I'm doing. Look at what I'm thinking. Look at what I'm feeling.

But hell, that's what the internet is all about; especially for us common folk. I remember my first website when I was in the ninth grade - it was all just pictures of junk I thought was cool.

iGoogle and RSS feed

Google IG and the Google Reader have nothing to do with social networking or showing yourself off. It's more about custom consolidation of information, making the stuff you care about quicker and easier to find. I love my iGoogle page. You can add boxes such as gmail, espn baseball news, and random stuff of the day. Here's an example:

You can even chat with other googlers! It's very cool. But the best thing about it is my Google Reader. Whenever I see a blog I like, I just subscribe to it, and every time they publish something, it's headline pops up in my feed. It saves a lot of time surfin onto sites to see if they've been updated.

Put all the aforementioned technology together, and you would know what celebrities are eating, while viewing the freshest lolcats, and Tweeting your thoughts about them.

Monday, March 16, 2009

"The Last Great Race On Earth"?

The Iditarod is on. And on, and on, and on. It is known as “The Last Great Race On Earth”. So in honor of the Iditarod, I have created a Venn Diagram to show what a race needs to qualify as a great race on Earth. I have also compiled a list of other great races that do take place on Earth, thus proving the dog race people liars.

1. The Boston Marathon. Let’s be honest, it’s a big deal. I realize that humans running long distance=boring, but it’s impressive none the less. See Rosie Ruiz.
2. Sahara Race. Not quite as cool as the thing they used to do with the Arabian horses/camels and the scabbards where the winner gets a huge treasure from a sultan that may or may not include his daughter, but still a great race.
3. "The Great Race". The old movie with Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis. Hilarious...and great.

4. The Daytona 500. Seeing Kenseth spray the champagne on his team was classic this year…totally j/k guys, still bff?
5. Straight River Rubber Duck Race, aka Duck, Duck, Goose Race. It is so cool, although it has been cancelled because it is apparently illegal…so I guess maybe it shouldn’t be on the list…check it out.
6. The Kentucky Derby. The history, the pageantry, the roses, the crazy-ass hats.
7. “The Amazing Race”. Obviously the name has some implications that we can’t argue with. Plus, Ned Schneebly is on the new season…what? That nasally voice is going to get so old.
8. AL Central Pennant. Always a great race.
9. Tour de France…I mean Lance. Controversy. Crashes. Doping. Tight shorts. Cigarettes. Fries. Toast. Kisses.
10. The Great Midwest Dragon Boat Festival. There are dragon heads on their boats, thus qualifying it as a great race. Plus, it takes place on Lake Michigan, which is on Earth.
I would love to hear your comments and your additions to the list. I could have added a lot more. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the Iditarod is amazing, but let us all be careful when using superlatives. Especially in high school yearbooks. It can hurt people’s feelings. At least that is what I've heard.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Breaking News: Gardenhire says nothing new with Mauer's back

Twins' manager, Ron Gardenhire, recently held an online chat with some Twins fans to talk about Joe Mauer's health and other Twins issues. Here is the transcript:

Gardy: First I'd like to say that things are going great right now. The guys are in good shape and are progressing along like they should. I don't have any new information on Joe (Mauer) but when I do, we'll let you know. With that, I'll open it up for questions.

Twinksfan7: Gardy, do you have any new information on Mauer?

Gardy: ...Uh, like I said, no. I don't. We're are waiting for the results from some additional tests.

Paul57: What if Joe is not ready to go?

Gardy: Well, what we do in baseball is have players that back up our starters. So in this case, if Joe is not able to play then Mike Redmond, his back up, will play in his place. When Redmond can't go it will probably be Morales.

Paul57: So, Ramos then? I watched him in spring training and he's the best.

Gardy: No. It will be Redmond. He's the back up catcher.

puntopowa: Okay, I get that. But what if Joe is injured and can't play?

Gardy: Again, Redmond will start

Paul57: But Redmond is the back up catcher, so that doesn't really make sense. Does it?

Gardy: Okay. Remember back when you were in grade school. If your teacher got pregnant she would take time off to have the baby. Then you would have a substitute teacher in her place until your regular teacher comes back.

puntopowa: But what if your teacher is a man?

Gardy: Well then...you know what, let's just move on.

FallOffTable: How is Joe doing right now?

Gardy: You mean since three minutes ago?

FallOffTable: Yeah

Gardy: The same. He's doing the same. Nothing has changed over the three minutes.

FaribaultKid: Michael Cuddyer has played third base in the past. Why don't we move him to third and then sign Barry Bonds to play in the outfield?

Gardy: No.

carl33: Why don't we trade Phil Humber, Brendan Harris, Delmon Young, and Jason Pridie for Hanley Ramirez?

Gardy: Yeah, it doesn't work like that.

gogogadget: Hi Gardy this is Tom. I sent Go Go a fan letter the other day, and I haven't heard back from him. Did he say anything to you about me?

Gardy: No.

JoeF7: Sorry, I'm getting on here late. Is there anything new with Joe?

*Gardy has just signed off*

Thursday, March 12, 2009

No Data, Analysis, Sources, Nothing. Just Rash Predictions Because I Can.

With all the Credible Twins Blogs, Beatwriters, ESPN and the Dinosaurs over at the Strib/WCCO (well I having nothing bad to say about Mike Max anyway), there's no point in me putting in loads of effort and thought into breaking down analytical predictions and observations, because what's the point? This blogosphere needs more irrational thoughts and homerism. so here she goes.

Delmon Young: Will hit over .300 and 30+ bombs. That is if Gardy doesn't play favorites and start the most overrated Twin in Twins history (Michael Cuddye) instead. If that's the case I might not watch many games out of protest.

Carlos Gomez: Will strike out less, get caught stealing about the same staggering amount, and steal 90 bases.

Joe Mauer: Have you seen the new commercial with him playing video games with Joe Nathan? He was actually in some sort of character, and showed some type of acting ability. He'll probably miss some games and do what he always does.

Twins Starting 5: Best starting 5 in baseball, will dominate.

That Mirajes bullpen guy: He looked awesome last year, will look awesome again. He'll be a big help for the bullpen.

Joe Crede: I predict he will get a hit in spring training. Seriously though, he's still hitless. I bet he inherited the curse of the free agent signing. I used to be mad at the FO for never shelling out money on a big name free agent, but now I know why. Kudos Twins front office, Kudos.

Span: I see him having a sophomore slump. I honestly see denarded hitting .250 this year.

Kubel: 50 bombs.

Nathan: He started struggling towards the end of last year. I actually worry about him. Closers tend to have a window and once they start slipping they can go fast. Oh I hope that wasn't some form of analyzing. Actually screw it everything here is analysis, but it's too late to go back and redo this.

Morneau is Morneau. Or More-no. Which sounds dumber than the old pronounciation, but after all he is Canadian. You and you're hockey love. I wish you weren't so good at baseball so I could dislike you.

Jose Morales: This guy is so ready to be Mauer's backup. I've had a small man crush on him for a couple years now. He's good.

Brian Buscher: I don't know why hardly anybody thinks this guy is everyday material. Well his defense sucks, so I suppose that's a great reason, but he really needs at bats.

Casilla: Loves Fruity Loops.

Does Punto deserve a snippet? I don't think so.

Harris: Meh I'm bored with this already, he should be a nice little helper like he was last year.

Twins will win the division, and John Kruk will be forced to talk about them. I can't wait.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

So What's Wrong with Joe? The Injury ABC's

A -
A is for ACL
In his debut he wrecked his knee
In hindsight it was a warning
of how the future would be

B is for back pain
It's always flarin' up
It hurts so damn bad
he can't even wear a cup

C -
C is for Chlamydia
The sexually transmitted disease
It's embarrassing to talk about
and it burns when he pees

D -
D is for dehydration
Joe drinks from fresh water springs
But when those aren't available
he uses one of those camelbak things

E -
E is for Eczema
It's a dryness of the skin
So Joe moved to Florida
(and he won't take taxes on the chin)

F is for Fatigue
Even Joe gets tired
A day game after a night game?
Gardy would get fired!

G -
G is for Gonorrea
Also called the clap
He shouldn't have taken that woman
Home to take a nap.

H -
H is for Hernia
Joe's turning in-side-out
'Internal organs stay inside,'
I once heard Mauer pout.

I is for Ingrown Hair
It happens on his face
now he packs a pair of tweezers
with him just in case

J is for Jaundice
Cuz of the kidney obstruction
It will turn him the color yellow
and bring love-life destruction

K is for Kidney
They had to dig in that
to find some nasty blockage
That wouldn't let him bat

L is for Lactose Intolerance
Joe doesn't do dairy
He drank milk while on Price is Right
Then puked on Drew Carey

M is for Mad Cow Disease
While Joe isn't a steer
He's had more health problems
than doctors see in a career

N is for Neuropathy
When all his nerves go bad
He won't be able to control anything
And Wilson Ramos will be glad

O is for Osteoarthritis
His hands hurt when he's hitting
The doctor said it would be better
If he would just give up knitting

P is for Panic and Anxiety
It ain't easy being Joe
He doesn't always know what to say
so instead he says, "ya know."

Q is for Quadriplegia
It's hard to play with only your jaw
but Mauer bit down on that bat
And hit everything he saw

R is for Restless Leg Syndrome
Tossing and turning an awful lot
All through the night he keeps waking up
To his legs doing a forgotten home run trot

S is for Shin Splints
Joe is a very tall guy
So his legs start buckling
By the time it's July

T is for Throat Cancer
Joe started smoking to fend off the skeeters
But he wasn't thinking cigarettes when Gardy said
'Lay off the heaters'

U is for Ulcer
Mauer's belly doesn't burn with desire
It burns with stress and acid
Like Bruce Springsteen, he's on fire

V is for Vertigo
Sometimes Joe can hardly stand straight
Maybe instead of 14 cocktails
He should only have had eight

W is for Wandering Spleen
Joe's had it since birth
His organs are leaving him now
Tryin' to get down to Fort Worth

X is for Xeroderma Pigmentosum
Joe's skin is burned as soon as it gets sun
Which makes it hard in the summer
But Joe just wears sun block, SPF- one thousand one

Y is for Yellow Fever
Contracted in Africa on a dark, dreary day
From an infected mosquito
He forgot all his bug spray

Z is for Zambusch's Disease
Another problem Mauer's bound to acquire
But I'm still glad he plays here
Cuz he's healthier than Mark Prior

Friday, March 6, 2009

Alexi eats Froot Loops whenever the hell he wants

From Phil Miller:

Lots of players have various food supplements and power bars in their
lockers, stuff to give them energy. So I laughed when Alexi Casilla reached
up on his shelf and opened a plain-looking plastic bottle this morning -- and
poured a handful of Froot Loops out of it.

Of course Alexi Casilla eats Froot Loops! What did you think he would snack on? A powerbar? Gross. Don't make me puke.

When he wakes up in the morning he does a big stretch and wipes his eyes with his little fists. Then, after he gets ready, it's time to prepare the Froot Loops container. The Froot Loops container is a special container that is exclusively used to transfer Froot Loops. He slowly elevates the bottom of the box. The Froot Loops container waits patiently on the counter-top. Alexi's left hand carefully massages the Froot Loops out of the box. They fall and begin to fill the Froot Loops container. Plink, plink, plink. Once full, He and Froot Loops Container go out to take on the day together.

You see Alexi loves Froot Loops, and I love that Alexi loves Froot Loops. I would like to sit down and eat Froot Loops with him. Out of the box, in a bowl with milk -- whatever. It doesn't matter. The important thing is that Alexi and me would be together doing what we love. In this world, where there is so much uncertainty, eating Froot Loops with Alexi Casilla seems true. I wonder what his favorite color of Froot Loop is. Mine's red.

Carlos Gomez, however, likes Fruity Pebbles. And he hates Froot Loops. Well, he doesn't hate the green ones. But what is he going to do, pick out only the green ones and eat those? He did that once, and it sucked. Carlos also doesn't have time for a special container. He just takes a couple of handfuls of Fruity Pebbles and stuffs them in his pockets. But sometimes he washes his pants with Fruity Pebbles in his pockets. Then he has to call his mom

Mom: Hello?
Carlos: I need new pants
Mom: Who is this?!?!
Carlos: Carlos. I need new pants.
Mom: Oh, hello Carlos. Wait, you just got new pants. What happened to your new pants
Carlos: Dunno
Mom: Carlos, did you wash your pants with the Fruity Pebbles again?
Carlos: Yeah, but I didn't mean to.
Mom: Alright, I'll get you new pants, but you have to be careful when you are washing your clothes.
Carlos: Okay. Thanks.
Mom: Do you need any new underwear?
Carlos: MOMMMMMM!!!!

Sometimes Carlos and Alexi get in arguments over their favorite cereals. Alexi doesn't mind Fruity Pebbles, but feels like he has to hate them because Carlos likes them. They are friends but also arch nemisises. They are frienemisises. Their arguments over cereal are very passionate and Latin like this:


Then Mike Redmond walks through the door. The live studio audience goes crazy. Once the audience calms down he says, "You bring up a good point Carlos, but there are other factors to consider besides how crunchy the cereal is." The audience is stunned because they didn't know Redmond understood Spanish. Then he winks into the camera, and the audience smiles and claps. Then Gomez and Alexi wrestle because they are still mad.

Over time, the two learn to accept each other's differences and understand the value of diversity.

But seriously, you guys. One of you Northfieldites (Northfieldians?) needs to call one of your Malt-O-Meal hookups and get this man some Tootie Fruities.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Things that make me feel old

Twitter makes me feel old. I guess I just don’t get it. It’s like a text message or email, but shorter and more often. Not interested. And the verbiage is very confusing. I went to Justin Morneau’s Twitter page. So, did I twitter him? Did he twitter me? Was there any tweeting involved? And I’m totally serious when I say that I don’t completely understand what an RSS feed is.

Being older than professional athletes makes me feel old. When you’re a kid you want to grow up to be Dan Gladden or Chris Carter. But then, before you know it, it happens. You’re grown up and you’re not Dan Gladden or Chris Carter. I’m probably over-thinking this, but I remember the moment when I noticed this hero-to-peer transition take place. It was my first semester of college, and I was watching Lebron James play high school basketball on national television.

I’ve gotten over the initial shock of being older than these millionaires that play sports to entertain me, but it still makes me feel old. And seriously, how am I older than Delmon Young? Come on, he’s 23 years old and he’s already got early-onset-Vlad-Guerrero-trying-to-run-syndrome.

Grown ups being born later than 1990 makes me feel old. There are 19 year olds running amok in this world that never lived in the 80s. They can vote and everything. In this year’s MLB draft there will be many draft picks that were not even alive when David Hasselhoff brought down the Berlin Wall. Grown up suburbanites are starting to have fake names. This makes me feel old. You’re a grown woman and your name is Jordynn? J-O-R-D-Y-N-N? That’s ridiculous. I know it’s not your fault, but what were your parents thinking? Your mom was probably like, “You know what would be really fun? If we like named her Jordan, but totally spelled it fun and crazy?!?!” Then your stupid mom probably tried to write an emoticon on your birth certificate. This isn’t your church softball team, lady. It’s a child. And your child deserves a real name, not something that floated to the top of you’re Alpha-Bits cereal.

The current state of hip-hop makes me feel old. I used to like an occasional hip hop song. Now I find the rap music scene laugh-at-it funny. I’m not sure if rap is getting worse or if I’m just becoming more comfortable with my inner curmudgeon.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Twins thoughts from the weekend

The Friday game was only on the radio. I listened to it drifting in and out of a nap, so I don't have a lot to offer that the box score wouldn't tell you.

-I do know that Wilson Ramos gun runners like what. He gunned down two runners and John Gordon sounded quite impressed by his arm.

-The latest player to be dubbed our "Third baseman of the future, " Danny Velencia, went 2-2.

-The "Pride of Belle Fourche" (No, Jason Kubel. Why would you assume four-time PRCA world champion bareback rider, Marvin Garrett?) hit a dinger.

I watched Saturday's game at 3AM on Sunday after a night of mild consumption. At the time I thought it would be a good idea to take notes on the game. Yeah, they're mostly indecipherable.

-The Yankees broadcast was okay, but there were a couple of things:

  • On Nick Punto playing for Italy in the WBC - "If you've ever eaten at Olive Garden, you're on the Italian team." You live in New York and you're making fun of Italian Americans? Good idea. You better double the security on your race horse.
  • On the Metrodome being loud - " You left there and your ears were ringing for days. Literally for days. That’s not hyperbole" No, that's exactly what hyperbole is. If your ears are literally ringing for days you should go to the hospital.
  • Yankee’s trivia question: "Justin Morneau was the 2006 AL MVP. Which player came in 2nd?" Tough one. I assume Derek Jeter is the answer to every Yankee trivia question.

- Kubel, Buscher, and Young continue to rake. I've ranted on the Young/Cuddyer thing before, but I can't help myself. Through seven meaningless at bats a piece, Young has six hits (one double) and Cuddyer has one. Now, most people say that this is too small of a sample size to draw any conclusions. Not me. I only needed seven AB's to conclude that Young should be the starting right fielder, and the idea of trading him is ridiculous.

Last year, Young was 22 years for almost the entire season. He hit .290/.336/.405. What was Cuddyer doing when he was 22 years old? He hit .222/.300/.333 in 18 Major League AB's. To date, at 23, Young has 106 extra base hits. At the same age, Cuddyer had 13.

Cuddyer has said that he is more motivated than ever this year. And he might not be as vocal about it, but I think Young is too. Apparently Young worked hard this off-season and is in great shape. This is probably the first time the 23 year old has ever had to really prove he deserves a starting job. So, here's hoping Young plays a little inspired. Here's hoping both these players get a little cold-blooded over this competition and bring out the best in each other.

-Other "notes" I took:

  • "Oh, great. Jeter hit a sacrifice fly. Somewhere Joe Buck is standing and starting a slow-clap."
  • "Nice 4-6-3. Suck it Nick Swisher. Stop smiling. You look like an eight year old that just heard the word "penis."
  • "Gomez hit's into a double play? Yeah, right. Totally safe." In 702 MLB AB's he's grounded in seven double plays. Just sayin.

Yeah, I'm not going to do Sunday's game. This got long enough.