Friday, March 6, 2009

Alexi eats Froot Loops whenever the hell he wants

From Phil Miller:

Lots of players have various food supplements and power bars in their
lockers, stuff to give them energy. So I laughed when Alexi Casilla reached
up on his shelf and opened a plain-looking plastic bottle this morning -- and
poured a handful of Froot Loops out of it.

Of course Alexi Casilla eats Froot Loops! What did you think he would snack on? A powerbar? Gross. Don't make me puke.

When he wakes up in the morning he does a big stretch and wipes his eyes with his little fists. Then, after he gets ready, it's time to prepare the Froot Loops container. The Froot Loops container is a special container that is exclusively used to transfer Froot Loops. He slowly elevates the bottom of the box. The Froot Loops container waits patiently on the counter-top. Alexi's left hand carefully massages the Froot Loops out of the box. They fall and begin to fill the Froot Loops container. Plink, plink, plink. Once full, He and Froot Loops Container go out to take on the day together.

You see Alexi loves Froot Loops, and I love that Alexi loves Froot Loops. I would like to sit down and eat Froot Loops with him. Out of the box, in a bowl with milk -- whatever. It doesn't matter. The important thing is that Alexi and me would be together doing what we love. In this world, where there is so much uncertainty, eating Froot Loops with Alexi Casilla seems true. I wonder what his favorite color of Froot Loop is. Mine's red.

Carlos Gomez, however, likes Fruity Pebbles. And he hates Froot Loops. Well, he doesn't hate the green ones. But what is he going to do, pick out only the green ones and eat those? He did that once, and it sucked. Carlos also doesn't have time for a special container. He just takes a couple of handfuls of Fruity Pebbles and stuffs them in his pockets. But sometimes he washes his pants with Fruity Pebbles in his pockets. Then he has to call his mom

Mom: Hello?
Carlos: I need new pants
Mom: Who is this?!?!
Carlos: Carlos. I need new pants.
Mom: Oh, hello Carlos. Wait, you just got new pants. What happened to your new pants
Carlos: Dunno
Mom: Carlos, did you wash your pants with the Fruity Pebbles again?
Carlos: Yeah, but I didn't mean to.
Mom: Alright, I'll get you new pants, but you have to be careful when you are washing your clothes.
Carlos: Okay. Thanks.
Mom: Do you need any new underwear?
Carlos: MOMMMMMM!!!!

Sometimes Carlos and Alexi get in arguments over their favorite cereals. Alexi doesn't mind Fruity Pebbles, but feels like he has to hate them because Carlos likes them. They are friends but also arch nemisises. They are frienemisises. Their arguments over cereal are very passionate and Latin like this:


Then Mike Redmond walks through the door. The live studio audience goes crazy. Once the audience calms down he says, "You bring up a good point Carlos, but there are other factors to consider besides how crunchy the cereal is." The audience is stunned because they didn't know Redmond understood Spanish. Then he winks into the camera, and the audience smiles and claps. Then Gomez and Alexi wrestle because they are still mad.

Over time, the two learn to accept each other's differences and understand the value of diversity.

But seriously, you guys. One of you Northfieldites (Northfieldians?) needs to call one of your Malt-O-Meal hookups and get this man some Tootie Fruities.


haasertime said...

"In this world, where there is so much uncertainty, eating Froot Loops with Alexi Casilla seems true"
ha. ha.

I think Fruity Pebbles have more colors than Fruit Loops.

jammyman said...

Fruity Pebbles is my all-time favorite cereal...well, not exactly...Fruity Dyno Bites is.

bizmarkie507 said...

^funniest video I've seen in a while

Daymonster said...

Okay here is the deal...

I like the M-O-M version of every cereal over all the name brands EXCEPT fruity dyno bites. They are the one exception where the name brand is heads and shoulders above the Malt-O-Meal version.

I don't know exactly what it is but Fruity Pebbles has some sort of formula that keeps them from getting soggy so fast. Check it out. My dad didn't believe me growing up so I made him buy both kinds and we did a side-by-side test.

With saying that. Everyone should by M-O-M cereals. They only have a few brands here in Chicago. So someone please send me some blueberry muffin tops.

haasertime said...

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Malt o Meal is the other one that doesn't taste as good as the original.

soup said...

Dyno bites? Is Dyno a mixture between dynamite and dinosaur? If it is, that's awesome. If not, I'm confused.