Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Things that make me feel old

Twitter makes me feel old. I guess I just don’t get it. It’s like a text message or email, but shorter and more often. Not interested. And the verbiage is very confusing. I went to Justin Morneau’s Twitter page. So, did I twitter him? Did he twitter me? Was there any tweeting involved? And I’m totally serious when I say that I don’t completely understand what an RSS feed is.

Being older than professional athletes makes me feel old. When you’re a kid you want to grow up to be Dan Gladden or Chris Carter. But then, before you know it, it happens. You’re grown up and you’re not Dan Gladden or Chris Carter. I’m probably over-thinking this, but I remember the moment when I noticed this hero-to-peer transition take place. It was my first semester of college, and I was watching Lebron James play high school basketball on national television.

I’ve gotten over the initial shock of being older than these millionaires that play sports to entertain me, but it still makes me feel old. And seriously, how am I older than Delmon Young? Come on, he’s 23 years old and he’s already got early-onset-Vlad-Guerrero-trying-to-run-syndrome.

Grown ups being born later than 1990 makes me feel old. There are 19 year olds running amok in this world that never lived in the 80s. They can vote and everything. In this year’s MLB draft there will be many draft picks that were not even alive when David Hasselhoff brought down the Berlin Wall. Grown up suburbanites are starting to have fake names. This makes me feel old. You’re a grown woman and your name is Jordynn? J-O-R-D-Y-N-N? That’s ridiculous. I know it’s not your fault, but what were your parents thinking? Your mom was probably like, “You know what would be really fun? If we like named her Jordan, but totally spelled it fun and crazy?!?!” Then your stupid mom probably tried to write an emoticon on your birth certificate. This isn’t your church softball team, lady. It’s a child. And your child deserves a real name, not something that floated to the top of you’re Alpha-Bits cereal.

The current state of hip-hop makes me feel old. I used to like an occasional hip hop song. Now I find the rap music scene laugh-at-it funny. I’m not sure if rap is getting worse or if I’m just becoming more comfortable with my inner curmudgeon.


bizmarkie507 said...

Well like my rant on old people taking over facebook, what if all our parents start twittering before we do? would that make us feel really young?

Walk On Boy said...

Agreed. Something that made me feel old recently was being informed Shaq is 37.

I know he's older, but he's been in the league 17 years. I was SEVEN when he came in and remember wanting all the ridiculous Reebok and Pepsi shit he was selling.

Tell me how my age taste.

soup said...

"Tell me how my age taste."


tfrezac2002 said...

I remember my cousin being born, and a few months ago at Christmas, we got drunk together. Now that makes me feel old.

jammyman said...

i twitter, and i still don't completely get it.

things that make me feel old:
1. my wife (who was born in 1985) is about to be 24.
2. i have a wife.
3. my house is full of furniture (real furniture).
4. i own a house.
5. i have 5 or 6 gray hairs.
6. its no longer funny to count how many times someone falls in a high school girls basketball game...totally kidding, it is.

Daymonster said...

I'm going do defend twitter.

Plus, I like how you assume that twitter has to be a verb. It's true that 99% of internet names become or are verbs. You go to google to google something, you check your email to email someone, you go on IM to IM someone.

But on twitter it's like this foo.

"twitter" is the applicattion itself

"twitt" (with one or two t's) is the act of posting messages

"tweet" refers to the actual messages

I enjoy twitter, it's great that I can go on my phone and in 5 seconds find out what a bunch of my friends are doing.

During work (well when i still had a job) it was like a huge chat room with people replying to each other and making plans and stuff.

Tricia said...

If I were a pro athlete, I'd be past my prime. That's just weird.

I'm glad there are other bloggers who remember the 80s.

Daymonster said...

And here I thought hasselhoff BUILT the Berlin wall.

Holmer said...

"Early-onset-Vlad-Guerrero-trying-to-run-syndrome." I think I just died due to laughter. Funniest thing I've heard in months.

Seeing LeBron during college was a big 'old' milestone for me as well. Trying to understand the age of Greg Oden boggles my mind. And my 7yr. old sister(born in '89) is a sophomore in college.

But I feel young when I watch Chris Chelios, who has played in the NHL for my entire life.

I don't want to laugh at hip-hop, but are they being serious?

Daymonster said...

When did you see LeBron play in college? An alternate universe?

soup said...

I never it was dumb to have been made with the twitterings. (is that right?)It's like my grandma is scared to use computers. She realizes that they are terrific and useful machines. She's just to old to care. That's how I feel about preforming twitterification activities.

This may change. In a year or two I may see the light. By then all the good names will be taken and I'll have to be

hi Jam

jammyman said...

sorry soup, i just sold clownpenisdotfart on ebay for 60 bucks. you're out of luck.

brex said...

Agreed with everything above but I must not be that old, "clownpenisdotfart" made me lol.

Holmer said...

when i was in college.

haasertime said...

RSS feed is wonderful. It cuts down on surfing and checking and rechecking sites like a fiend. Try it.

bizmarkie507 said...

imagine how old Greg Oden will look when he's 40. Yikes.

Karin said...

My brother is, like, really old and that makes me feel old.

I don't understand twitter either. I don't even understand facebook anymore. I definitely don't understand RSS feeds and I'm younger than you guys. THAT makes me feel old, and also makes me feel sorry for you guys.

soup said...

arg! you would, Jam.

please tell me is still available.

Holmer said...

Daymonster, give me your address we'll see what I can do. A life without Muffin Tops is no life at all.