Friday, October 30, 2009

Chamionship Walk-Offs

The pinnacle of baseball is winning the World Series. To win it suddenly and dramatically, in front of the home town fans is really something special.

But not so much for the other team. Relatively recently, both the Phillies and Yankees have both been on the losing end of a World Series clinching walk-off. They're feeling pretty good right now, so let's remind them of their epic failures, and the other rare walk-off wins.

2001- Arizona vs. New York - Game 7

The Yankees were trying to heal New York and save America from the terrorists by winning their fourth championship in a row. Except Mariano Rivera, who isn't American. The Yankees were leading 2-1 in the bottom of the ninth, until Rivera gives up three hits, hits a batter and airmails one into centerfield. Luis Gonzalez wins it for Randy Johnson and the Diamondbacks. The Yankees haven't won the World Series since.

1997 - Florida vs. Cleveland - Game 7

The Indians were three outs away from their first title since 1948 when they brought in closer Jose Mesa. He promptly gave up a single to Moises Alou, who later came around on Craig Counsell sac fly, tying the game and sending it to extra innings. In the 11th, Edgar Renteria hit a two-out single up the middle to score Counsell, and the Marlins won. Later, Cleveland shortstop Omar Vizquel called Mesa a choker, and when he looked into his eyes in the ninth inning, Vizquel saw, "nothing." Mesa would go on to drill Vizquel every time he faced him for the rest of his career.

1993 - Philadelphia vs. Toronto - Game 6

The Blue Jays had the Phillies on the ropes, leading the series 3-2 and the game 5-1, in the 6th inning. The Phillies came back with five runs in the seventh, and sent their closer, Mitch Williams to the hill to preserve the one run lead and force a game 7. Joe Carter then smacked a one-out, three-run homer to win it. This event was widely recognized as the point where players, and in turn, all of main-stream America, ceased to sport the mullet.

1991 - Minnesota vs. Atlanta - Game 7

The bat that broke put Dan Gladden on second base with no outs in the bottom of the 10th. Knoblauch sacrifice, intentional walks to Puckett and Hrbek. Cue pinch hitter Gene Larkin. We all know this one. Good job, Jack Morris. Best World Series ever.

1960 - Pittsburgh vs New York - Game 7

After a long back and fourth battle, light-hitting shortstop Bill Mazeroski ends it with a solo shot in the bottom of the 9th. Since it was against the Yankees and not for them, baseball widely forgets it.

1953 - New York vs. Brooklyn - Game 6

The Dodgers escaped elimination by tying the game in the top on the 9th at 3-3. After a lead-off walk in the bottom of the inning, Mickey Mantle hits an infield single (this was 1953) and Billy Martin ends it with a base hit. Sorry Dodgers, but there's always the year after next.

1935 - Detroit vs. Chicago - Game 6

The Cubs lost! What a shock! After Mickey Cochrane scored the winning run, the Tigers probably politely shook hands and went their separate ways.

1929 - Philedelphia A's vs. Chicago - Game 5

The Cubs lose again. This walk-off wasn't particularly exciting, since the Cubs would have lost eventually anyway. Connie Mack wins.

1924 - Minnesota Twins (then called the Washington Senators) vs. New York Giants - Game 7

Tied in the 12th inning with the bases loaded, a sharp ground ball takes a bad hop and Washington D.C. wins it's only title. When the franchise moved to Bloomington in 1961, the good people of Minnesota politely declined the old trophy.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Let's get excited about the World Series!!!!!

The Major League Baseball playoffs started a month and a half ago, and will conclude in just two weeks. And there's nothing like the World Series that brings out the best in the people of New York. And poor photoshop skills.

There's nothing wrong with the New York Post stirring the pot, but the article is just terrible. If you got a group of twelve year old Yankee fans together and asked them to write about the Phillies and their fans, they would write something similar.

Frillies are coming to town!
Their fans are second-rate & so is their city
By Rich Calder, Erin Calabrese and Jeremy Olshan
First, notice that it took three writers to put this together.

Yankees fans have a message for the Phillies and their hometown: This ain't Rocky, and the underdog won't win!

Boom. Got the Rocky reference in the first sentence. Also in this sentence is the word "ain't" and an exclamation point. Good start.
"The Yankees are going to make Philly cream cheese out of them," a confident Tommy Bayiokos, 44, predicted yesterday in Midtown.

Philadelphia cream cheese reference: check

"Philly fans are a bunch of whiners and should learn how to dress. They should try reading GQ."

Tommy is more sophisticated than the people of Philadelphia. He reads GQ magazine.

Living up to their second-class billing going into the start of the Fall Classic tomorrow, the Phils arrived in New York yesterday -- by train.
The less-than-grand entrance triggered a flood of invective from the Yankee faithful.

I'm guessing if the Phils arrived on a gold-plated hovercraft they would still receive a flood of invective from the Yankee faithful. And no one in New York ever rides on trains.
"Bleacher Bums get a bad rap," said Tanner McLoud, 42, of Long Island. "But if you've ever been to the old Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia, you'd realize just how much worse Phillies fans are. "You can't go to a game without getting booze thrown at you!"

So begins the Philly-has-bad-fans narrative. Did you know they once booed Santa Claus at an Eagles game?!?!?!

Gotham has been regularly beating the pants off Philly since overtaking the one-horse town as the nation's economic capital in the early 19th century.

This would be good for Yankee fans to chant, “We’ve been regularly beating the pants off you since we overtook your one-horse town in the early 19th century and we became the nation’s economic capital!” Everybody now, “We’ve been regularly beating the pants off you since we overtook your one-horse town in the early 19th century and we became the nation’s economic capital!!!!!!!” It’s a perfect retort to “Yankees suck.”

Even Benjamin Franklin, Philly's patron saint, has been described as "the father of all the Yankees."

On the other hand, Daddy Yankee, is from Puerto Rico

[ Snip...just a bunch of other stuff about New York being bigger and having more stuff]

And don't get us started on the cuisine.

Now this is turning into a lesbian stand-up Comedian act.

Consider Philadelphia's most famous export -- other than Will Smith -- overcooked minced-meat sandwiches doused in Cheez Whiz.

"The big meal there is a steak with cheese and onions on a hero, but they don't even call it a hero. It's a hoagie. What the hell is a hoagie?" said Ron Montclane, 26.

Philly Cheesesteak reference: check.

There's a little bit more, but I've spent enough time on this. And Philly fans are obnoxious too. Wait, sorry. Philly Phans. In conclusion this World Series is going to be terrible. Here's rooting for Park Chan Ho.
Prediction: Phucking Phighting Phillies in Phive games. (actually seven)

Monday, October 26, 2009

New Twins Uniforms - The Cream and the Clear

Although the Minnesota Twins won't reveal their new uniforms until November 16th, Alright Hamilton has the unofficial designs TODAY. An anonymous source with knowledge of the design process has described the new duds for us. Here are our interpretations of the descriptions.

The cream colored alternate

The regular home colored uniform will not undergo extreme changes, except for an updated Twins script. However, they will introduce this cream colored alternate. Cream is so hot right now. The Giants and Padres perfected it, and the Mets are also reportedly adopting the style. The script, of course, was used from 1961 to 1971. It's not clear if this design will be worn one specific day per week, or if it will be a choice for each games starting pitcher.

The Road Gray - Pinstripe free

Using an obscure script from the 60's, the Twins have really spruced up their away uniform. We're still not sure if they'll be keeping their 'M' caps.

The Twins will also need to find room for a number of patches:

So there you have it. Hank Thoreau once explained, "things do not change; we change." And that's especially untrue in this context.

From talking with a few people, some think this makes more sense as a possibility.

Note: The away cap will feature the TC logo and a red bill.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Weekend Notes

-- Can you name the World Series Champion lineups back to 1987 in 13 minutes? Of course you can't. But it's fun to try. I've tried like four times and haven't topped 160. Who the hell was on the 1988 Dodgers?!?! Seriously, screw those guys. And Scott Brosius, if you're reading this, screw you too.

-- A belated congratulations to Sultan Kosen who has been crowned the world's tallest man. The title is not without controversy, however. Leonid Stadnyk is supposedly four inches taller, but he refuses to be measured because he thinks he's too cool for the title saying, "If this title had given me more health or a few extra years, I would have taken it, but the opposite happened, I only wasted my nerve cells." Well thanks for that, Debby Downer.

Sultan, however, is pumped about the title. As he should be. He looks at this new found fame as the best way to get a GF. He says, "Hopefully now that I'm famous I'll be able to meet lots of girls." You go, Sultan. If there's one thing I know about girls it's that they love flipping through the Guinness Book of World Records looking for single men. Seriously, I heard Shridhar Chillal is married to a Laker Girl.

-- According to anthropologist and feelings-hurter Peter McAllister, the modern man is a whimp. Take it back, meany!!!!

-- We here at Alright Hamilton! feel it is our duty to warn the readers about creatures that are gunna git ya. Well, unfortunately I have some troubling gunna-git-ya news. The Montauk Monster has a Panamanian relative. And it is hideous.

So stay the hell away from Panama, and have a good weekend.

Addendum by Daymonster:
Sorry about adding on to Soups post but there were a couple of things that needed to be addressed before the start of the weekend. First, I was going to write something about my favorite website, But it seems that Soup beat me too it first.

I have been playing the quizzes on this website for a several months and they fairly recently added the ability to create your own. You can only make a few a month so here are the ones I have created so far. You should try them.

The Minnesota Twins All-Metrodome Team
The Minnesota Twins Retired Numbers
Where Minnesota Sports Teams Play

And the most fun one...
The Best Medical Device Companies based on 2008 sales figures.

That's the fun news, now here is the bad news. Turns out "Alright" is not a real word. Gasp! We should have been "All Right Hamilton!" and we should be ARH! not AH! It's one of the 32 most misused words and phrases. This news makes me so mad my head is LITERALLY exploding.

Monday, October 19, 2009


Look at us now. Look at us now. And they said we would never last. But here we are. 500 thought provoking posts later and we're still on the internet.

No one knows exactly how this blog began. Legend has it that in 2007, when the world was a simpler place, Haas wandered into a forest. In this forest he found some gold tablets that told him to go forth and blog. Soon thereafter AH! was formed.

Since it's inception we have been providing the world with discussion on relevant topics, the foremost being baseball and our favorite team, the Minnesota Twins. Though we have poured tens of thousands of words into these topics, you have to be impressed with how little we actually had to say about anything.

George Costanza was once asked why people would watch his show. His reply was simple, "Because it's on TV." And if you asked why people (all nine of you) read AH!, the answer would be similar, "Because it's on the internet."

From Haas:

For better or for worse, we don't have an angle. We're not trying to impose our views upon others. - hell, we hardly express views at all. We're not aspiring journalists or reality show contestants. We're just providing a public service, spreading the joy and the warmth of baseball fandom.

And information. Gobs of information. Thousounds Hundreds Tens A few people land here everyday by Googling stuff like, "Does Joe Mauer have a girlfriend?" and, "My baby waves the homer hanky." Alright Hamilton is were the fans get the information they need.

Perhaps the most mind bottling google qurerie, in different forms, is this:

"What does the Minnesota Twins TC stand for"

People land on here looking for the answer to that question more than a few times. Yet there is no post relating to this information in our archives. Until now.

The TC on the Twins cap stand for Too Cool.

You're welcome.

So feel free to use the comment section to gush about how Alright Hamilton! changed your life. We promise we'll stay humble.

I'm better than Joe Mauer eyesight

What's the matter, Four Eyes? Can't find your pocket-protector?

High five.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Vikings Need A Stadium.....Or Not.

Recently, you may have read things about a certain NFL team that wants a new stadium. Hey, why not? The University of Minnesota football team received public funding to build a new on-campus stadium. The Minnesota Twins were helped by a new Hennepin County sales tax to build their new baseball yard. They have new stadiums, and no one even likes them. This is a Vikings town. The People want a new stadium. They demand a new stadium. That's why the NFL and the purple set up a grassroots organization for them.

The Anatomy of a Grassroots Organization


The term implies that the creation of the movement and the group supporting it is natural and spontaneous, highlighting the differences between this and a movement that is orchestrated by traditional power structures.

What could possibly be more natural and spontaneous than an NFL team creating a website with fake fans expressing their individual opinions on a new stadium?

We have well-thought opinions with a clear understanding of issues!

Four Reasons the Vikings Need This, According to the Grassroots Coalition

1) The Vikings use agreement (lease) expires after the 2011 season, meaning the team has just 30 games remaining in the Metrodome. By resolving the issue in 2009, the stadium will be ready to open in 2012.

You hear that? It expires! The clock is ticking! Owner Zygi Wilf pledged never to move the team, but he never said his cronies couldn't hang the possibility over your head as a bargaining chip/unfair ultimatum.

Yes, there is a stadium built already that works perfectly fine for football, but the LEASE is EXPIRING. The Metrodome is in high demand, and they've already rented it out to the Shriners circus from 2011 to 2015. We just can't EXTEND the LEASE! That would be totally crazy.

2) The Vikings stadium project will provide thousands of jobs and boost economic activity in a time when both are needed. With the Gophers and Twins stadiums set to open in the next year, 5,300 construction workers will be looking for their next job. This project will employ 8,000 construction workers, provide good paying jobs with benefits and involve many sectors throughout the building trades.

That's your number two reason the Vikings NEED a new stadium? To give construction workers a job? I suppose after the project is finished, we'll just ask the state for another $600 million for another huge building that's only used ten times per year. Screw the infrastructure projects that can be of use to Minnesota taxpayers, they need to build gigantic private things!

3) The Metrodome has become obsolete and no longer provides fans with the experience they deserve or expect. The state needs a reconstructed stadium to give Minnesota its only major climate-controlled, multi-purpose facility capable of hosting events year-round.

Okay, what do you think of your Metrodome experience, deserving fan?

Definitely need a new stadium, definitely. The problem with the dome is, I mean the problem is, they end alcohol sales after the third quarter. They don't have no right to do that. It leaves us high and dry for the fourth quarter, and that's the most important quarter! PUUURRRPPLE!!!!

4) The project is ready to be started this summer. Design work is near completion and the Vikings ownership’s financial commitment is secure.

We need a new stadium because it's ready to be built. Makes perfect sense to me!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

New Twins Logo



At Target Field: yes, those hands will shake after a home run. (via Strib)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

We have no one to blame but everybody else

Not our fault. Game one...obviously we can't be expected to win that one. Um, Helllllllo?!?! We got into New York -- after a 12 inning game, mind you -- at like 3AM!!! Yeah, like we were ready to play a game that night (sarcasm). If you cut us, do we not bleed? If we play a long game and then don't sleep much, are we not tired? Our only flaw in game one is that our team is human. If that is wrong...Guilty. As. Charged.

Game two? um, two words for you: Phil Cuzzi. He's totally the reason we didn't win. I'm so mad at him, you guys.

@$#!!! CUZZI CAN @$*^%^$ HUNDRED BLEEDING %&*@# IN GABORONE #($*@ &@#* &*^@ YOUR MOM %$@# &#@# IRONING BOARD @#$^$%#^@ $@#@!@# BACK IN THE SHOE BOX #&@!^&@ TARTAR SAUCE#*@&#@ TIL THE HANDLE FALLS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I feel better. Actually, I kind of feel bad for the guy. As a former nine-and-under soccer referee, I can understand the pressure that goes with officiating a big game. But, I'm just bewildered how he called Mauer's hit foul.

Our game three loss, obviously, was because we were still trying to recover from the game two loss (because of Phil Cuzzi). And the Yankees have a big payroll and just buy players. In conclusion, the Twins actually won that series with the Yankees. Good job.

Stay tuned tomorrow when I break down all the 2010 free agents and trade targets!!!! Just kidding. I'm not doing that. I'm done talking about baseball for a while.

There's been a lot of non baseball stuff on my mind lately. For example, what is going on here?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Goodbye Metrodome, Hello Jail Time

I am sure almost all of you either saw or attended the game last night. It was bittersweet, it was a great season, and I was glad to have been at the last game (I couldn't have gone to the game today if the Twins would have won) but some terrible mistakes really made you wonder why the Twins have a reputation for playing baseball the "right way".The highlight of the night for many was the super drunk fan that dropped about 15 feet onto the field near the Yankee's dugout. The dumbass was wearing a Rod Carew jersey and carrying a MGD plastic bottle when he dropped down. He dropped the beer but quickly grabbed the bottle before too much had spilled. He took a swig and than ran towards the mound and towards Rivera. He veered away as A-Rod began to run towards the mound to protect the Yankee closer. As the drunk fan ran past the mound he threw down the beer and flipped off Rivera.

The drunk fan then proceeded to run out towards center field. One security guard fell trying to catch him and the drunk fan eventually made it to the center field fence.

The dumbass valiantly tried to scale the soft wall but he gets tackled before he can get all the way over.

I put the dude's chances of escaping around 25% if he gets all the way over. I don't know too much about the Metrodome's corridors but I feel like he had a shot of getting out of the stadium if he gets a decent head start. There is no way those security guards are getting over the wall there in a timely manner.

While I think this guy was a total asshat, he did give me and 54,000 fans about 3 more minutes with the Metrodome and for that I thank you, super drunk fan with a twisted ankle, terrible headache and mounting legal fees.

UPDATE: I found a video! It's not the first part near Rivera but it's still pretty good.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Random Notes Post

First, here is the 2009 Homer Hanky.

It also doubles as the 2008 Homer Hanky as it was printed last year, before the Twins lost game 163 to the White Sox. Good job using the three R's, Twins marketing department!

This is also the most expensive Homer Hanky ever, retailing for $2.00. One possible explanation for the price doubling is that this hanky serves two purposes against the Yankees: the reverse side is solid white.

Apologies Segment:

Sorry Joe Mauer. Before the season began, I predicted that you wouldn't play a single game in 2009. You're welcome for the motivation though; you've been a durable workhorse after coming off the DL in early May. I hope you destroy Derek Jeter.

Sorry Minnesota Twins. When you fell three games behind the Tigers last Wednesday, I thought it was all over. I wrote a blog about going to the dentist instead of offering hope. That'll teeth me!

Sorry Orlando Cabrera. When you came to Minnesota, I wrote you off as a bone Billy Smith picked up only to throw Mauer and Morneau. I thought you were only here to make it look as if the front office were still trying. You've made solid contributions, while maintaining nappy defense and flawless hair.

Sorry starting rotation. When I wrote, "could [Duensing] be that ace for the playoff run?" I never could have dreamed you'd be starting game 1 of the ALDS in Yankee Stadium. But I could have guessed that you'd get knocked around.

Sorry Joe Christensen. I called you a homer for agreeing with the Twins when they publicly worried how turf would affect Joe Crede's bad back. You were right about me. Tell your sister, you were right.

Hating the Yankees

When I talk about hating the Yankees, the main argument usually goes like this:

They're only good because they have money.

Which isn't entirely true. Besides that, it also hurts to say, because as a Twins fan, it's essentially admitting defeat. In fact, it's the very same reasoning Bud Selig used to try to contract the Twins in 2002.

Someday, I'll come up with some air-tight logic as to why the Yankees should be hated. But right now, I don't need a logical reason to hate them. I'll hate them because they're good and they're playing my favorite squad.

And also, fuck Jay-Z.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Metrodome memories

I went to my first game at the dome when I was seven. As I sat in the home run porch I tried to comprehend how Kirby Puckett was standing right there in center field. It was actually him. I knew it was him. It looked like him. He was wearing Kirby Puckett's uniform. But I asked my dad for conformation that it was actually he, Kirby Puckett, standing there. He looked at me with an "of course" expression and said, "Yup."

But for a kid there was no "of course" about it. Being there and witnessing these players -- players I got to know through box scores, baseball cards, and TV screens -- was an amazing event.

That's what I liked best about the dome. My favorite baseball team and favorite players played there. We all got older and replaced our childhood wonderment with grumbles and complaints. We beg.....

What is...?????



Hellllllllllllooooooooo! It's me again! The Kinetico Water System's girl!!!!! Watch ya doin? Can I play too? I have lots of Metrodome memories. Games six and seven of the '91 World Series, Santana's 17 Ks, stealing the souls of the cleansed...I could go on forever. :P

Hey, I built a fort in an abandoned slaughter house. Wanna see it? It's awesome. We could play hide-and-seek, tell secrets, rub animal blood on our faces. It's gunna be so fun, you guys! :)

Nobody? NOBODY!?!?! Fine. I just thought one last time before I'm gone we could hang out. So I guess this is goodbye. But remember, You may not see my face in the 7th inning anymore, but I'll be there. I'm always there. Watching.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I have nothing original to add to the wealth of Twins coverage today. I'll just tell you that game 163 was the best game I've ever seen in person. It was a roller coaster of emotion. One moment the whole stadium could feel a loss creeping in, the next moment, a win seemed certain. And then there were times when I felt the game would go on forever. When Alexi Casilla finally drove in Carlos Gomez, the stadium had a mass emotional release, that went on for ten minutes. The fans went nuts, and Gomez probably went crazier than anyone else. After four hours of super intense baseball, it felt great to see Gomez and the dome erupt.

My friend Jeff in Oregon sent me a text message as the bottom of the 12th got underway, "dare I say best game ever?"

I replied, "regardless of the outcome, it's definitely the best I've ever seen live."

Here are some other texts that were thrown around during the game:

Katie: This is redic. I think my heart has stopped beating ten times

Andy in Hawaii: Take your shirt off and get it going in there! Kirby Puckett!

Phil: For some reason, I'm the only Twins fan in NYC, I think I'm going to get beat up

Jeff: Oh man I am having a heart attack

Anderson: The dome is leaking over here

Anita: omg

Andy: Seriously. There will never be another situation like this. Game 163. Potentially last game in stadium. Win 17 of last 21. Unreal.

Phil, just after the Orlando Cabrera home run: Holy shit we're going to win
Me: Don't jinx it

Karlee: ahhhh!!!!!

Jeff: you have to lay one down there
My reply: Agreed. Orlando just bailed them out

Tony: Get that Granderson foul ball?
Me: Had my fuckin hand on it, but it squirted away. Guy one seat over got it.

Andy in Hawaii: Is Favre DHing?

Phil, after the Miguel Cabrera homer: Damn, wish he would have got arrested

There isn't much time to celebrate. Brian Duensing will take on the Yankees today. Don't write 'em off just because they're in Yankee Stadium. Anything can happen with this ballclub.

(Don't forget to submit your picks for the Alright Hamilton Playoff Bracket of Fun!)

Playoffs? Don't talk about -- playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs?

So I guess there is an extra game today. They say it's still the regular season, but the team that wins this game gets to play more games. And this game wasn't originally scheduled. That sounds like playoffs to me. The Twins are playing playoff baseball! Again!

Well, if you haven't already noticed, this post is not by haasertime or soup. (The lack of humor, and sentences that begin with "and" were probably your first clue) It's my first time back at AH! in a long time. The last few months have been, as most of you know, interesting. And I chose that word carefully.

Don't feel bad if you don't get the above reference, that one was for me. But here is a hint: Speaking of which, if you know of anyone in the market, let me know.

There has actually been a lot I wanted to discuss this summer, a summer that involved several moves (finally ending up in Minnesota), a great season of baseball and an exciting trip to the Minnesota State Fair. But those stories will have to wait another day.

I was given the task of simply giving my predictions for the upcoming playoffs. So that is what I shall do. First, the National League.

St. Louis Cardinals vs Los Angeles Dodgers
The Cardinals, one of the hottest teams in baseball (Pujols is sexy) has lost seven out of their last nine. Is this a case of easing up and coasting into the playoffs or a sign of them slowing down? I think the Cardinals will have no problem with the stalled Dodgers offense. The only question is exactly how good is the 1-2 combination of Carpenter and Wainwright. The answer is, very good.
Cardinals in 4

Colorado Rockies vs Philadelphia Phillies
The Rockies are the team entering the playoffs on a hot streak. Can that momentum push them past the defending world champion Phillies? I would give the Rocks a chance if they played all the games in Colorado. Unfortunately for them, they won't. While Lidge will try to blow it, the Phillies will pull it off.
Phillies in 5

Boston Red Sox vs Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
The BoSox have beat the LoAngAngOfAn (I just made that up, but I think it will catch on) in three straight divisional series. Could this be the year the Angels get help from Christopher Llyod and finally beat the Red Sox and their annoying fan base? I think so.
Angels in 4

Minnesota Twins/Detroit Tigers vs New York Yankees
At the time of this publication nothing had been decided in the American League Central. After last year's coin toss fiasco they changed the rule, this year, thankfully, the Twins and Tigers get together and pick one all-star team to play the Yankees. Today's game is just to help them figure out who makes the team. Joe Mauer and Joe Nathan are captains and Miguel Cabrera has a number between 1 and 10 behind his back. That and a bottle of booze.

But seriously folks, whoever wins gets swept by the Evil Empire.
Yankees in 3

Bummer, right?

Game 163 - All The Marbles

Well, not all the marbles. Just a few. And after getting the AL Central marbles, the winner would need to play two more American League teams, successively collecting marbles along the way. After winning half the marbles, they would play the N.L. marble holder in a double or nothing seven game Marble Series.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. The Twins will have to beat a rookie of the year candidate in Rick Porcello today at the dome. They'll counter with "ace" Scott Baker. Minnesota has been playing very well lately, winning their last four games while Detroit dropped their last three of four to force this play-off.

I feel much better about this tiebreaker game than game 163 of 2008. Last year the Twins lost two of three to the Royals, and then limped to Chicago only to get shut down by John Danks. This year, the Twins have the momentum and the home field advantage. But you never know how things will play out. Unless you're Mike Blowers.

Hopefully the home town nine gained some insight from all those fine Twins veterans on Sunday. It was fun seeing the legends of '87 and '91 mingle with the bright-eyed '09 crew. They should realize that their performance today could earn them an invite to some random Twins function in 30 years.

Today at 4pm, all our questions will be answered.

Who will pitch: Big Spot Scott or Moon Shot Scott?

Will the Tigers save the soul of a dying city, or will the Twins crush it in one swift blow?

Can gallons upon gallons and puke and bile, excreted from thousands of drunk football fans, be cleaned from the Metrodome in just 14 hours?

Can Delmon Young continue his transformation from slush-footed jackass to power hitting fan favorite?

Can Jim Leyland heap any more praise upon Ron Gardenhire and his Twins?

Will some idiot really wear a purple Brett Favre jersey to the game?

Will Miguel Cabrera be getting blasted drunk in Detroit or New York?

Who will lose their marbles?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Silly Metrodome Similies

The Twins will end their 27 year run at the Metrodome this weekend, leading many local and national media members to wax nostalgic about the teflon dump. They'll be compiling lists of memories and moments, writing about pros and cons of playing baseball there, and looking forward to Target Field. You'll see them referring to the dome as "functional," probably comparing it to a rec room.

We've decided to boil all these things down to the nuts and bolts by making silly comparisons between the dome and random stuff. After all, how can we reflect on our time in the dome without comparing it to an old couch?

The dome is like your girlfriend's cat, it's really scratchy but it you have to deal with it.

The dome is like your favorite brand of beer - it tastes great but no one else will even try it.

The dome is like Tim Pawlenty - full of hot air and totally out of work in 2012.

The dome is like your old couch - had some great fucking times but now it smells.

The dome is like Kevin Costner - really shitty but associated with baseball too often to ignore.

The dome is like Hootie and the Blowfish - totally passe but had a couple awesome moments

The dome is like the time John Kruk's crotch got hit with a baseball - sucks at the time, but it was ultimately life-saving.

The dome is like Utah - good place to sit on your ass and stay dry.

The dome is like England - Not sunny and the beer costs too much.

The dome is like a RonCo food dehydrator - stupid looking but surprisingly functional.

The dome is like Nick Punto - doesn't have much of a batter's eye.

The dome is like Sputnik - Spherical yet pointy in parts

The dome is like the DeLorean - Seemed like a good idea in 1982

The dome is like a box of chocolates - It's sticky.

The dome is like the Chartres Cathedral - Innovative in use of Gothic flying buttresses, but just not that great to watch a baseball game.

Let's see more in the comments.