Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Let's get excited about the World Series!!!!!

The Major League Baseball playoffs started a month and a half ago, and will conclude in just two weeks. And there's nothing like the World Series that brings out the best in the people of New York. And poor photoshop skills.

There's nothing wrong with the New York Post stirring the pot, but the article is just terrible. If you got a group of twelve year old Yankee fans together and asked them to write about the Phillies and their fans, they would write something similar.

Frillies are coming to town!
Their fans are second-rate & so is their city
By Rich Calder, Erin Calabrese and Jeremy Olshan
First, notice that it took three writers to put this together.

Yankees fans have a message for the Phillies and their hometown: This ain't Rocky, and the underdog won't win!

Boom. Got the Rocky reference in the first sentence. Also in this sentence is the word "ain't" and an exclamation point. Good start.
"The Yankees are going to make Philly cream cheese out of them," a confident Tommy Bayiokos, 44, predicted yesterday in Midtown.

Philadelphia cream cheese reference: check

"Philly fans are a bunch of whiners and should learn how to dress. They should try reading GQ."

Tommy is more sophisticated than the people of Philadelphia. He reads GQ magazine.

Living up to their second-class billing going into the start of the Fall Classic tomorrow, the Phils arrived in New York yesterday -- by train.
The less-than-grand entrance triggered a flood of invective from the Yankee faithful.

I'm guessing if the Phils arrived on a gold-plated hovercraft they would still receive a flood of invective from the Yankee faithful. And no one in New York ever rides on trains.
"Bleacher Bums get a bad rap," said Tanner McLoud, 42, of Long Island. "But if you've ever been to the old Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia, you'd realize just how much worse Phillies fans are. "You can't go to a game without getting booze thrown at you!"

So begins the Philly-has-bad-fans narrative. Did you know they once booed Santa Claus at an Eagles game?!?!?!

Gotham has been regularly beating the pants off Philly since overtaking the one-horse town as the nation's economic capital in the early 19th century.

This would be good for Yankee fans to chant, “We’ve been regularly beating the pants off you since we overtook your one-horse town in the early 19th century and we became the nation’s economic capital!” Everybody now, “We’ve been regularly beating the pants off you since we overtook your one-horse town in the early 19th century and we became the nation’s economic capital!!!!!!!” It’s a perfect retort to “Yankees suck.”

Even Benjamin Franklin, Philly's patron saint, has been described as "the father of all the Yankees."

On the other hand, Daddy Yankee, is from Puerto Rico

[ Snip...just a bunch of other stuff about New York being bigger and having more stuff]

And don't get us started on the cuisine.

Now this is turning into a lesbian stand-up Comedian act.

Consider Philadelphia's most famous export -- other than Will Smith -- overcooked minced-meat sandwiches doused in Cheez Whiz.

"The big meal there is a steak with cheese and onions on a hero, but they don't even call it a hero. It's a hoagie. What the hell is a hoagie?" said Ron Montclane, 26.

Philly Cheesesteak reference: check.


There's a little bit more, but I've spent enough time on this. And Philly fans are obnoxious too. Wait, sorry. Philly Phans. In conclusion this World Series is going to be terrible. Here's rooting for Park Chan Ho.
Prediction: Phucking Phighting Phillies in Phive games. (actually seven)

7 comments:

haasertime said...

good work, soup.

Do the Twins Cities have any publications that would stoop as low? That's just malicious homerism at its worst.




Phillies in 5.

Daymonster said...

Cliff Lee makes me happy.

carl said...

Let's remember though, "The New York Yankees are the only team to win 26 world champion ships."

All aboard?

Anonymous said...

The Philly Phanatic is kind of dumb, but he's more entertaining than the Yankees' mascot -- Rudy Giuliani.

FrontRowSeats

jammyman said...

Weird. Daddy Yankee's real name is Ramon Luis Ayala Rodriguez.

Yes, I said Luis Ayala. One of Gardy's best quotes ever came after releasing Ayala...

"When you walk into my office and tell me you don't like your role, and he talked about his contract for next year, you lose me right there. I don't deal with that. We're talking about winning now. That's why he's out the door and another guy's in there to pitch. And it's not because he's a bad guy. His theories are a little different." Booyah.

haasertime said...

If I got ever win a World Series, they'd better give me a Champion Ship. Like the pirates in 1979. But don't get me started.

There are crazy cat people. You know the ones where the animal control comes into their house and finds 300 half-dead cats swimming in feces. And then there are crazy cap people. I bet Giuliani's house is stacked to the ceilings with NYPD and NYFD yankees hats. Don't even get me started.

So if Mauer had walked in the managers office talking about his next contract, Gardenhire would have kicked him off the team? Don't get me started, don't even get me started.

soup said...

I think Jeannie Darcy is really funny. I wouldn't be surprised if she did a guest post sometime.

Daddy Yankee endorsed John McCain for president.