Skol Vikings: A Google Image Search

by Soup

At times, AH! has been accused of being a bit condescending. This may, in part, be due to our preference for the "sophisticated" game of baseball over those "neanderthalic unwashed" that prefer the NFL. To dispel any of these false assumptions, we are happy to provide a tribute to the wonderful Vikings fans found via google image search.




"This blog smells like updog." Yeah, this guy invented that joke. Oh, and he did it wearing a Gary Anderson jersey. What have you done with your life, big shot?



Hi!!!! Hello!!!! Hi!!!!! This Vikes fan is friennnnnnnnndly. You may know him better by his screen name DrDragonTickler69. He loves the Vikings. More than you. Oh, you think you like the Vikes more than him? How many Vikings players have restraining orders against you? Well, this fan has nine. Nine players on the Vikings roster have restraining orders against this him. Yeah, they'll never understand. He also owns an awesome telescope that can see further than any restraining order. His favorite food is DQ ice cream cake with Skol Vikings frosting.



This guy is a Vikings fan and has the tattoo to prove it. Before this tattoo, his chiseled bicep was just a chiseled bicep. Similarly,the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was just a ceiling until Michelangelo Buonarroti was given a chance to paint his masterpiece. It is my hope that many tank-tops and wifebeaters come this fans way. For his gorgeously tattooed bicep aught to be displayed proudly for all to enjoy.

Additionally, he likes sailing. You can clearly see that from his T-shirt. He also likes his nipples, They are appropriately emphasized by pictures of life-saving flotation rings in the pattern of his shirt.


This man clearly has a lot of purple pride. He wants a new stadium. He also hates the new-stadiumless Dakotas. This fan is proud to be pictured here with all of his friends. He is the president of the Vikings Windsock/Hat Wearing Chemotherapy Patient Fan Club. In this picture we see his ability to call his mom for a ride home despite the inclement weather conditions. A brave soul, this one.

Soup's Guest Writer Series 4

In my fourth, and final, installment of the guest-writer series we have Hal Rocklage. Hal is a successful "power businessman"(his term) and part time motivational speaker. Oh, and he also requested that you play this song on "full blast" as you read his piece.

Putting the Win Back in Twins

Close your eyes. Go 'head. Close 'em. I want you to imagine a Major League Baseball team. This team only had a payroll of $57 million. It's the youngest team in the league. They lost two of their best players in the off season. Imagine this team was in a division with three other more talented teams.

Now, write down on a piece of paper how many wins you think this team won this season. Then slowly slide that piece of paper across the table to me, like we do in the business world.

65 wins? 70? 75? 80? 85? You're all wrong!

The answer is 88, and that team is your Minnesota Twins!

Hi, I'm Hal Rocklage. I want to talk to you today about winning. I am a winner. The Minnesota Twins, however, not so much. Sure they won more games than expected, but still, they failed to win the division. Let's look into our own hearts and minds and discover what makes me a winner and the 2008 Minnesota Twins losers. Because I'm a successful power businessman, we will use cutting edge business-world analytical devices to reach our conclusions. We will also use my patented 8 "P's" that makes a winner.

Positivity: Naysayers are losers. But remember, A pat on the back is not far from a kick in the pants. Write that down.

Personnel: Mahatma Gandhi, who's always been an inspiration of mine, once said, "You are only as good as the people that work for you." The Twins made some poor decisions last preseason in trying to find the best people to work for them. They signed Craig Monroe, Mike Lamb, Adam Everett, and Livan Hernandez. Let's look at this scientific Venn Diagram to find out exactly how helpful these veteran signing were.

I don't think I can state it any more clearly that that. These were "seasoned" vets, but unfortunately they were seasoned with freshly ground terrible.

Please and thank-yous are for sissies: Winners say "now" and "you're welcome."

Persistently want more: I am never satisfied. I know what you're thinking, "Hal, what more could you possibly want? You have great hair, great body, a great job, rich friends, a personalized license plate, a ton of money, a Boflex." Yes true, but I want more. I'll give you an example. I want a better office. Don't get me wrong. My office is awesome. You've probably only seen offices like mine in the movies. It's worth more than your life. No, I mean that literally. If I was to murder you, harvest your organs, and sell them on the black market...my office would still be worth more. But I want an office where I can have liquor out in the open. You know, like in those crystal containers. Right now I don't think I can have alcohol out in the open in my office. And that folks, is what drives me everyday.

Protein shakes: drink nine daily.

Permanently on edge: Never get comfortable or satisfied. That's when you're at your weakest. I, for example, listen to a recording of pitbulls viciously barking as I go to sleep. Helps me keep that edge.

Posters: It important to hang motivational posters around the workplace.

Protect your fingers and thumbs: In the business world we take protecting our fingers and thumbs very seriously. Fact: 80% of all business-world injuries are thumb and finger related. Winning companies protect their employees fingers and thumbs. The twins did not do that this season. Matt Tolbert, Alexi Casilla, Nick Punto, and Michael "Cuddy get hurt anymore?" Cuddyer all missed time from finger and thumb injuries from sliding into bases. Luckily for the Twins, my company is highly diversified and highly lucrative. We have a product that will solve these problems. I give you Baserunner Glovz 1.0

The 'Z' in gloves was my idea. Keeps things fresh. The Baserunn Glovz 1.0 offers a rugged exterior yet with an interior that is as comfortably protective as the nape of Falkor the luckdraon.

I know what you're thinking right now. You're optimistic about the Twins future. We have a lot of talented young players. You're thinking championship teams are coming. Well, I have a news flash for you Twins fans. Championship teams are NOT COMING...

THEY'RE. ALREADY. HERE!!!!

Thank you. Thank you. Buy my book. Thank you.

Struggling Twins Ask for Federal Bailout

By Michael Haas

The Minnesota Twins Baseball Organization has asked the federal reserve to take the necessary actions to keep the team from total collapse. After the team posted a loss in the 12th inning in Cleveland, owner Carl Pohlad announced the club was in 'dire straights,' and on the verge of meltdown. September losses totaling 10 games appear to have cut playoff chances to less than 13%, leading season ticket holders to sell off much of their stock of tickets.

Industry insiders point to the decreased effectiveness of relief pitching as a major source of the Twins problems. Performance of the hitters with runners in scoring position also took a hit during the 4th quarter of the season, leading to a major decrease in run production.

Congressional Democrats reacted by blasting Bud Selig's failed leadership, saying the commissioner did not regulate the schedule aggressively enough. Republicans, who have criticized last weeks Tampa Bay Rays bail-out, argued that their convention was not to blame for the Twins woes and that they "should learn to perform better on the road."

The Minneapolis-based Twins are an important team, particularly in the midwest, where fans would be most affected by a poor 6th month showing. The team can no longer provide insurance that a competitive team will show up to play on a daily basis. Consequently, sales at the Metrodome are dwindling, while free-market ticket prices are plunging. A recent poll suggests that interest rates among fans are at a level not seen since May; this despite a poor Vikings season.

What the organization would do with the potential $80 billion windfall was unclear Wednesday, but insiders believe the club plans to bribe the White Sox into losing all of their remaining games, saying, "That's the only way they could win -- just like Cincinnati in 1919."

McHale: For the Love of God

Draft O.J. Mayo on Thursday evening. He is awesome, he's a sure-fire future star, and please go against rumors I've been hearing about you wanting to trade down. It completely backfired when you traded Brandon Roy for Randy Foye, as it backfired even worse when you traded Ray Allen for Marbury. Please, moron, learn your lesson already and keep the 3rd pick, and make sure you use that pick on Mayo.


Mr. McHale, if you f**k this up, I will boycott the Timberwolves until you are no longer with the organization.
Todays Star Tribune most read stories...look at number one - priceless headline.

Gomez's Cycle: I Was There

I was at the game last night and I tried to document everything that happened. Unfortunately around the 7th inning my camera ran out of batteries. But I took good notes and a few pictures before it died. If you don't believe that I was there I have this to prove it.


My memory is a little fuzzy (much like the above picture) after a few $6.50 Miller Lites but I assure you this is as close to accurate as I can remember. Here goes.

5:00pm - Left work to meet Anna at the El stop.

5:33pm - Arrived at Sox/35th stop. Rode the train for about 30 minutes surrounded by people in Sox garb, but they waited until we were getting off to start heckling. Pussies.

5:40pm - Picked up the tickets from will call. Asked if we had parking passes about a thousand times by dudes trying to resell them after we left. I am not going to fall for that again.

5:55pm - Anna knows a guy who knows a guy who owns a place called Grandstand. It's probably one of the most amazing baseball fan stores I've seen. There was literally thousands and thousands of different pieces of White Sox merchandise. I went in there looking for a Twins jacket but unfortunately they only had every other team in stock. I was just impressed that they had any other team besides the Sox in stock, but I would think Twins gear would sell better than Rays.

We went in the back room where there was some guys drinking beers and smoking cigars. We had a couple beers and heard about how Swisher was there last night after the game and said that he never had a chance on the double from Mauer. It was slicing away from him the whole time and how he was bummed about Floyd not getting the no hitter (obviously).

6:30pm - Walked back to the stadium to take our seats.

7:00pm - Oldest woman ever throws out first pitch.

Adorable.

7:05pm - Good looking girl sings national anthem on the field. Ugly girl behind me sings as well. Girl on the field was better.

7:08pm - Rain. Grounds crew rolls on the tarp. It's a big DHL tarp but they put it upside down, I wonder if DHL didn't pay this month.

It's hard to tell here but it's pouring.

7:30pm - Still raining. Talked to some dudes that were here from Charlotte, NC. Bank of American was in the process of taking over LaSalle Bank and today was the first day all of the LaSalle Bank signage was changed to Bank of America. They were here to watch the signs I guess.

8:00pm - Raining really hard now. Anna says if the game doesn't start by 9pm we are leaving. I agree reluctantly.

8:30pm - Rain stops. Everyone cheers and goes back to their seats.

8:32pm - One of the tractors is stalled that is holding down the tarp. They finally get it started and off the tarp.

Not a good advertisement for Toro.

8:34pm - Tarp is off and they are announcing the teams.

8:37pm - I look into the Twins dugout and Gomez is warming up. I have never seen it before, he is doing some sort of dance move. I tried to document it but it's hard to see. He is jumping up and down and moving his arms up and down like they did in the 50s.

Whatever works for you Gomez.

8:45pm - Game starts... finally. First pitch from Buehrle to Gomez. Ball.

Second pitch: Gomez shows bunt.

8:46pm - Third pitch, smoked to left field about 3 rows up. Gomez - 1-1 (HR). Gomez was rounding second by the time the ball got out of the park.

9:06pm - Four Sox fans behind me were some of the best hecklers I have heard in a long time. It wasn't just the material but it was also their delivery. We got into it a little bit when Pierzynski got a hard single up the middle and one of them asked if I wish we still had him. I quickly explained that I'd take starter and one of the best closers over AJ any day especially when Mauer isn't exactly a downgrade at catcher. My argument would have been better if they would have asked in 2006.

9:13pm - Gomez strikes out swinging. Gomez (1-2, HR)

9:45pm - Punto bunts what looks to be foul and get doubled off in the rare 2-5-4 double play. Punto is irate and starts yelling at the home plate umpire.

9:46pm - Punto is pacing in the dugout and still angry. You wouldn't like Punto when he's angry.

9:47pm - Gomez is up. Hecklers start making fun of his necklaces, says he looks like Wilma Flinstone. I thought it was funny. Gomez did not as he hits a two out triple to left center. Gomez (2-3, HR, 3B) I then get into a discussion with the guys behind me if Gomez will hit more triples or more home runs. I say more triples.

9:49pm - I look over to my right and this is the guy I am sitting next to. No lie.

9:55pm - Nick Swisher is up. His facial looks even dirtier in real life, especially when it's pink. The guys behind me start blowing up a blow up doll with the words "Slump Buster" written on it. Hilarious.

10:03pm - Buehrle intentionally walks Delmon Young to set up the double play and get to Mike Redmond.

10:04pm - Proved ineffective as Redmond sac-flies to right center. Terrible throw by Swisher. Must have been the reflection of his chin hair.

10:08pm - Punto clears the bases with a double to the left field corner. I told you you wouldn't like Punto angry.

10:10pm - Gomez up. Soft fly to left field. Carlos Quintin dives and misses. Swisher runs over and misses picking up the ball. Ahh, yes. These are the White Sox I remember. No one knows how this was scored at the game. It couldn't have been a triple but it didn't seem like a double either. Official announcement: Double. Gomez (3-4, HR, 3B, 2B)

Gomez right before his double.

10:11pm - Ozzie comes out to the mound, takes out Buehrle. Calls for Octavio. Buehrle comes back to the dugout, grabs a bat and smashes the shit out of the space heater in the dugout. So funny.

10:12pm - Harris and Monroe shoot the shit with the guy sitting next to us with Dotel warms up. He says his little brother is Monroe's biggest fan and is in Special Ed. I don't believe him, but he gets a ball anyway.

10:20pm - Hecklers behind me tell Monroe, if he grounds out to Crede he has to buy us all beers. They included me, which I thought was nice. Monroe looks over and nods in agreement to the bet. Unfortunately for us, he strikes out swinging. He looks back and asked the Ump if it would have been ball four had he not swung. The ump says yes, and Monroe grabs his bat at yells "Fuck."

10:30pm - Remember that blow up doll I told you about. Well it came back out and they sat her in a seat with a ticket in her hand in case they came and checked. They did, and they didn't believe her. When they started making a hole to deflate her, everyone started yelling things like"she already has 3 perfectly good ones!" Then the security guard gave it to the Bat Boy to throw away. What kind of grown man gives a young boy a blowup doll?

Here she is. So hot.

10:31pm - AJ hits a double off of a diving Gomez that can't come up with it. I guess he can't do everything.

10:40pm - Boone Logan comes in to relieve Dotel. Works a 1-2-3 inning.

10:46pm - Ehren Wassermann comes in to pitch. Worst name ever.

10:47pm - Gomez leads off the ninth. Not sure if he heard me but I told him no matter where he hits it, stay on first base. Must have been good luck because he legs out an in-field single to complete the cycle. Gomez, 4-5 (HR, 3B, 2B, Single). Gomez pumps his fist several times in excitement.

10:48pm - Masset comes in for Wassermann.

10:50-11:10pm - Flood gates open. Gomez is up again. Almost gets hit by Masset. But ends up striking out. (Question for AH! experts: How many players have hit for the cycle and struck out twice?) Twins up 13-0 going into the bottom of the ninth.

11:11pm - Dye hits it hard over the left field fence. There goes the shutout.

11:14pm - AJ goes 3-4 with a 1 out single in the bottom of the ninth. Guys behind me still want to know if I want him on the team. I still say 'no'.

11:15pm - Bases loaded 1 out. Looks like Guerrier is warming up in the bullpen. I think this is the first action in the BP all night. Not sure though.

11:19pm - Alexei Ramirez grounds out to third. Game over.

11:22pm - They locked the bathrooms. WTF.

Gomez - (4 for 6) HR, 3B, 2B, single and two SO.
Congratulations Go-Go. I am glad I could be there and see it.

Things I've learned to appreciate over the last yearish:

By Tony F. Rezac

Its been quite a while since I've posted anything, but all this anniversary hub bub has inspired me to reminisce on the past year. Over the year that AH! has existed I've learned to appreciate quite a few new things, and rediscovered a few others. So, without further ado, here's some random crap that I like.

A good cup of coffee, I first started drinking coffee about 2 years ago. I know, that is not within the last year, but hear me out. It was horrible instant army coffee, poured like tar and tasted more along the lines of butt. When I finally got home from Iraq in November I started drinking Caribou Coffee and I haven't looked back since. My personal favorite was the perennial blend, but unfortunately that was seasonal and they recently stopped selling it. So, the search is on for a new favorite. Any suggestions?

Bratwurst: I've always loved myself a good bar-b-q, but until recently I've always preferred burgers, hot dogs, or what was my favorite: Chedderwurst. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a burger or dog, and if I could get over how bad they burn my tongue I would still love chedderwurst. But already this spring, I've really started to enjoy brats, they still give me terrible heart burn though.

The interweb: You really take it for granted until you lose access to it. In Iraq I didn't have access for over 5 months. I was completely cut off from the real world, terrible! Instead of explaining how we rely on use of the interweb, I'll just refer you to the South Park episode called "Over logging."

My two feet: With gas prices approaching 4 bucks, I've learned to walk places. I guess I'd still rather have it the other way though.

Frankie and Annette movies: This goes along with my post about teen movies sucking these days I stumbled across "Beach Blanket Bingo" one hungover Sunday morning, and was instantly in a better mood. There is nothing better than taking a step back into the carefree 50's, with all the singing and dancing. They are just teens on the beach trying catch some rays, a buzz and some tail.

Lost: I watched a few episodes of Lost during the first season, thought it was pretty good but never got hooked. But while In Iraq I borrowed the first season on DVD from a friend and couldn't stop watching. I know the whole premise is absurd, and has only gotten more so in the current season. But, I'm in so deep I have to find out what happens.

Legos: Legos were my favorite toy growing up, but I completely forgot how sweet they were until a few months ago. Being unemployed, I Spend countless hours of my day struggling to find something to do. On one such occasion I went to Target to buy a new DVD, directly across the aisle was the Lego display. Being a Star Wars nut I was instantly amazed how realistic and accurate the Star ships were.


So, I purchased an AT-ST (the two legged walkers the Empire uses on Endor in episode VI, Return of the Jedi, pictured above) and spent the rest of the afternoon putting it together. Since then I've purchased a few more sets and built many others with the ones I and some friends have grown up with, they are hours of entertainment.

Board games: This goes along with legos, I loved boardgames growing up but lost touch with them until about February. My roommates and I played a marathon game of risk one night for no reason. Since then we've played "Clue", "Guess who?", "The game of LIFE" and "Sorry." They are a great way to kill time. Anyone know of any other good board games?

So there you have it, some things that I am enjoying these days. What are you enjoying? Let me know in the comments.

Minnesota Twins Movie: Cast of Characters

There hasn't been a commercial motion picture featuring the Twins franchise since the 1994 flick, Little Big League. But few other teams have the sort of dramatic story line and colorful characters that the 2008 Minnesota Twins have.

The story about the Minnesota Twins team would feature a young pitching staff with a veteran ace at the helm.

Livan Hernandez would be played by Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson.

Jamie Foxx would play the young left-hander. Dubbed "The Franchise"
Liriano struggles to get back to the form he once had.

Boof Bonser would have been played by Luciano Pavarotti
if it wasn't for the language problem, and the dead problem.

The young Pat Neshek would be played by Matthew Perry.

Veteran closer, Joe Nathan would be played by Jerry Seinfeld.

Nick Blackburn would be played by Mötley Crüe bassist, Nicki Sixx.

Tommy Pickles from the hit show, Rugrats would take the
part of the baby faced Scott Baker.

The plot would not just surround the pitching staff, the young outfield corp, devastated by the loss of veteran center fielder and former face of the franchise, this rag-tag team of outfielders make spectacular plays on and off the field.

Jeff Daniels stars as Michael Cuddyer, the eldest
member of the OF struggling to teach the young outfielders
how to spot balls against the domed roof

Carlos "Go-Go" Gomez will be played by R&B sensation, Usher.

Venus Williams will star as Denard Span the
troubled yet talented outfielder.

The movie would feature a slew of other players including a majority of the infield. Best friends Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau struggle as they battle to get back to the form they had two seasons ago, while still making time for regularly scheduled "bro-dates."

Ashton Kutcher would star as the hometown hero, Joe Mauer.
He would have no lines in the movie.

Justin Morneau would be played by Mark Wahlberg.

Energetic Nick Punto would be played by
Justin Chatwin as he struggles to get a hit all season.

The film would also feature a bevy of characters from the front office.

Ron Gardenhire would be played by veteran actor Gary Busse.

New GM Bill Smith would be played by Walter Eugene "Radar" O’Reilly from M*A*S*H.

The climax of the film would feature a stunning performance
of Carl Pohlad by C. Montgomery Burns.

The young Twins might also get a visit by the ghost of Minnesota Twins Past.

American Idol Winner Ruben Studdard would play the ghost of Kirby Puckett.

That's about all the characters I could think of. Feel free to leave more information about the story line or other actors to play the Twins players.

Twins Mailbag: Dumb Questions, Real Dumb Answers

By Michael Haas

Over at the Twins official website, beat writer Kelly Thesier periodically fields questions from the fans. It can make for some informative baseball talk, but it's not exactly groundbreaking stuff. You see, Ms. Thesier works for the Twins, so she is required to tow the company line and remain optimistic about things. So I'm going to answer dumb fans questions from the biased, negative fans view.


Q - How can the Twins be so optimistic about Francisco Liriano's ability to help the club this season? The general consensus on Philip Humber and other Tommy John elbow ligament replacement surgery recipients is that they don't return to form until their second full season.
--- Paul P.

A - That's not really a question, Paul. That's more like an accusation followed by a statement. It sounds like you're accusing the Twins of being over-optimistic about Lirianos recovery, and you want to know why. First of all, I don't know what makes you think they are overly positive about the projection of Liriano's effectiveness for 2008, but let's just say that you're right on. You see, the team has to sell tickets. You think they can market Scott Baker, Levon Hernandez or Kevin Slowey? Hell no. They need the F-bomb for money just as much as they need him for wins. Let's chalk this up to Wishful Thinking.


Q - This year will Joe Mauer still have to DH when they play a day game after a night game?
-- Anthony H

A - You should know the answer to this question.


Q - With Nick Punto being the main backup for most infield positions, who would be the Spring Training candidates to backup Justin Morneau at first base? Does Punto have the ability to play first?
-- Jake H

A - Punto? You kidding me? Could you imagine Punto over there at first? Ha! When he would hold a guy on, he would probably take a lead with the guy, then dive headfirst back to the bag with him too! Punto! C'mon! But in all seriousness, who cares about a backup first baseman anyway? That's way down the list of needs at this point - right behind a number one starter, a number two starter, a number three starter, a center fielder, a DH, a shortstop, a third baseman, a second baseman, a reliever or two, and an Al Newman.

Q: What are the chances that the Twins could get Barry Bonds? It seems not many teams are interested in him, and I think he'd fit good as another veteran in the Twins young lineup.
-- Donald W

Nice fucking grammar, Don.

Q - With Coco Crisp wanting out of Boston, is there still a chance that we could get him? Or are the Twins set with the three players they have competing for the center field spot?
-- Ben W

A - Contrary to what the Twins say, I believe that this is a rebuilding year. A team generally will not block or trade prospects in a rebuilding year. And even if it wasn't, Coco Crisp ain't exactly the guy who would wrap up the title for ya.


Q - How long is Mike Redmond under contract with the Twins? Do you think he will stay in Minnesota until he retires?
-- Dan P

A - We used to worry about the future of guys like Torii Hunter and Johan Santana. We'd imagine a future that has those guys forever in a Twins uniform. Now you want to ask about Mike Redmond. Like you'd really be upset if you saw Mike Effin Redmond playing for another team. Oh, how things have changed.

Fandom: Picking a Favorite Player

By Michael Haas


Who's your favorite player? That question is one of the fundamental pieces of being a Fan. Most kids have favorite players before they know anything about the sport. The bar was set awfully high for those of us who grew up with Kirby Puckett. He was much more than a 'favorite player' to most of us. The kids who had a different fave chose that way just to go against the proverbial grain. It was obvious why we chose Kirby as, at least, our favorite player; but what if the decision isn't so easy? How do people generally choose their Guy? What specifications are there for a favorite player?

The Ability to Play Baseball

It's a fact that ability and popularity are closely linked, especially at the top of the scale. The better a player is, the more fans he has. But there are many subsets of pure ability and statistics. Perceived grit, effort and clutchness are important to fans too. Nobody likes a lazy, flippant fuckface, but makes up for it with talent (J.D Drew, Glen Perkins.) Grit can come in especially handy for those ballplayers who aren't very skilled. It's the old, "hey, they play hard everyday" (Mike Redmond, Nick Punto.) It is certainly admirable to see a guy give it all he's got, even though the only way he can drive in a run is to slap it into right field.

Personality

Players with an affinity for the game, the fans, and life are undeniably likable. A funny, quotable, original personality is great for us older sports fans. A heroic, role model type guy is ideal for the youngsters. Obviously, it's tough to know a professional baseball players true character. This is where the media can either help or hurt a guy. Mickey Mantle was widely regarded as a hero, but it may have been different if the sportswriters hadn't suppressed their knowledge of his foibles. But it doesn't really matter the flaws, as long as we don't get too obsessed with the player and/or don't hear about them. Now reread the first two sentences of this paragraph and you'll understand why I am not a big fan of Mauer and Morneau.

Originality

Most fans will try to pick a less obvious player as their favorite. It's lame to like someone that everyone else likes. That's probably why I was in denial about Torii Hunter being My Guy until it was too late. Tear.

Sexiness

Girls like baseball players, but only the cute ones. Generally, a girls hottest player is also their favorite player.



My New Favorite Player

As noted above, I recently realized that Torii Hunter was my favorite Twin. Cinderella said it best: You don't know what you got 'til it's gone. So I suppose I'll pick a new guy, as I suspect a lot of other Twins fans are doing. I'm not going to pick Justin Morneau or Joe Mauer - - they are frustrating players to follow, give lame interviews and are adored by all women. So who else? Joe Nathan is pretty good. But I can't choose a closer as my favorite player, or any pitcher for that matter. The same argument for why a pitcher can't win an MVP holds true here - they only appear once in five games. When I pay good money to see my team, I damn well better see my player too. So how about one of the new guys? There is something to be said about hitching your wagon to a player early. It's a badge of honor, just like my friends 2003 copyrighted Santana shirt. How about Delmon Young? He talks, he hits baseballs, and not everyone loves him yet. I think we have a winner!



Congratulations Delmon Young, you are now my favorite Twin.