Friday, February 27, 2009

Best Twins Free Agent Signings

The Twins are a notoriously cheap team. So we've had to dig through the transactions archives to come up with more than a few meaningful free agent signings.

Jack Morris - He pitched 10 innings of shutout ball to help the Twins win Game 7 of the World Series. I don't think the Twins could have imagined a better scenario when they signed him eight months earlier, making him one of the highest paid players in the game. (at $3.7 mil) After winning 18 regular season games, becoming an October legend and making a boatload of money, the hometown kid signed with the Blue Jays. (Where he would win more championships and make more money, but not pitch as well).

Chili Davis - Another signing that helped the Twins win in '91. Davis came over from the Angels where he hit only 12 bombs and 58 RBI, but Andy McPhail must have seen something in his eyes. For when 31 year old designated hitter put on that Twins uniform, Davis caught fire. He complimented the Twins lineup to the tune of 29 homers and 93 RBI.

Dave Winfield - After 19 years in the majors, Winfield had finally won a title. And he certainly did his part: he hit .290/26/108 while the Blue Jays rolled to their first World Series win. So with that under his belt, all Winfield needed to do was get his 3,000th hit. So in December of '93, he decided he'd do it less than a mile from where it all began, the University of Minnesota. He got his 3,000th hit, but he was in his 40's and put up his least productive numbers of his career. The future Hall of Famer was then sold to Cleveland for a nice dinner.

Paul Molitor - Molly was a distinguished baseball player, spending 14 fine seasons in Milwaukee, which would have been hell on most Minnesotans. At age 36, Molitor finally broke free and went to ......Canada. Well, it was obviously better than Milwaukee, because he promptly won his first World Series title with those Blue Jays. With that out of the way, Molitor only needed to collect his 3,000th hit to finish his Hall of Fame resume. Gosh, this is sounding familiar. But seriously, he played really well in 1996 on an otherwise lousy team. As the primary designated hitter, he hit .341 with 113 RBI. And that was about the last time the Twins had a 'primary designated hitter'

Oh, and he also mentored a young Ron Coomer...... who turns out to be not young at all! He was 29 in 1996.

Terry Steinbach - The A's catcher took a page out of Winfield and Molitor's book and came to close out his career with his awful hometown team. The Twins weren't very good the last three years of the 90's, but Steinbach didn't hurt the team. He certainly wasn't blocking any prospects. And he helped teach Brad Radke the finer points of the game? Sure, let's go with that.

Other notables:

Mike Marshall - Former Cy Young winner played three seasons with the Twins in the late 70's. He was a closer and pitched well, earning 21 and 32 saves in '78 and '79, respectively. He even garnered MVP votes in 1979. More importantly, this is thought to be the time when he came up with his stress-free pitching techniques.

Carl Willis - The Big Train was a key member of a solid bullpen in 1991.

Juan Barenguer - El Gasolino, Senor Smoke, whatever you want to call him. The energetic Barenguer was a fan favorite on the '87 team, the year he won 8 games out of the 'pen.

Rick Aguilera - Aggie was traded to Boston for Frankie Rodriguez during the '95 season. The Twins then re-signed him prior to the '96 season, and then inexplicably turned him into a starter.

Otis Nixon - 39 years old in 1998. The Twins were rebuilding, had been terrible for the past five years, should have been getting younger, but then signed a 39 year old centerfielder. This move officially made them the oldest team in the majors. He hit .297 as their leadoff hitter.

Mike Redmond - Capable back-up to Joe Mauer's weak and easily broken body.

Tom Kelly - TK was released by the Brewers in 1971 without playing in a major league game. He finally appeared in 1975 and hit .181/1/11. That is his career line. The Twins must have been impressed, because they brought him back as a coach and he worked his way up to manager; now his baseball philosophy has become Twins gospel.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Seriously, What is Joe Mauer's IQ?

I came across this advertisement on ESPN while reading about how Boof is most likely out for the entire 2009 season.

QuizYou says Joe Mauer's IQ is 114, but Major League IQ says it's 122. So which is it?

Either way, there are a couple things we can tell from this. A) Joe Mauer is smarter than the average Minnesota Twins fan. B) The average Minnesota Twins fan is smarter than the average person (Avg. IQ =100). Not that's something that we didn't know. I hear the average IQ of a White Sox fan is in the low 60s. Just saying.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Moderate spring fever

Alas, the professional baseball season is to begin. Tomorrow the Twins will play a game in which the outcome is insignificant, but the game's existence is imperative. For this game provides hope, a faint light dancing in the distance against the darkness of this hell-damned winter that enshrouds us. Let this game be a warning to the demonic creatures and NBA players that are running roughshod on our frigid streets with an insatiable hunger for childflesh. Like the banks of defiled snow, they too will melt under the purifying sun of spring.

Our front office, for fear of being disemboweled at the cold hands of winter's soulless hell-beasts, took to hiding for most of the winter. Only Stephen Hawking could prove that a Twins front office still existed. Then something miraculous happened. The sound of pitchers and catchers reporting rang loud and true from the green grass of Hammond stadium, and jolted the Twins front office out of their winter holes and they signed a right-handed, power-hitting, third baseman, Joe Crede.

He is only a year removed from being a foe with the other ne’er-do-wells on the south side of Chicago, but this is spring. Spring does not look back at past transgressions. Spring embodies new life and new beginnings.

May this hope of baseball carry us through this next cold month. For soon it will be spring and we'll squeal with delight as we twirl about beneath the shadowless rainbows of the baseball season! It will soon be time for kitten cuddling and tickle fights with your coworkers (I'd clear those with HR first).

And then spring bleeds into summer. And there will be backyard barbecues and three hamburger patties per bun. There will be awkward tan lines and baseball and baseball players with awkward tan lines. It will be a time of enchanted narwhal riding followed by enchanted narwhal feasting.

So prepare your tank tops and trim your chest hair, for the baseball season and hope for happier days is upon us.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Joe Crede Thoughts

A bunch of our contributors weigh in on the recent acquisition of Joe Crede.

Soup - - First, good for Crede for taking this deal. I'm not sure how it all went down, but it

seems like he wants to play baseball and play for a winning team. And also good for the Twins. Many fans wanted them just to sign him for $5-$7 million just because we had the money, but the front office held their ground and got a really good deal. I'm fine with Buscher playing one day a week or so and being a left handed bat off the bench. Hopefully Harris gets some time at short. He hits the ball hard and was third on the team in doubles last year. Tolbertshould start the year in AAA. If Crede has 500 ABs, he hits 24 bombs.

Twinswin83 - - Crede is a win-win situation for the Twins. At the very least, the dreaded Metrodome Turf Monster devours every last bit of Crede's back and we never hear from him again. At the very best, he returns to his All-Star form, hits 30 dingers, drives in 100 runs and wins a Gold Glove while pushing the Twins into the playoffs all while providing the much-needed support in the batting order behind Morneau. The results will likely be somewhere in between those to exaggerated scenarios. And I'm fine with that. At least we have something to talk about now after a long, long, long offseason of crickets providing the only noise in the front office.

If Crede is in our dugout wearing the “TC” on his lid that means he can’t possibly be swinging for the other team and thus adding to his ridiculous “Twin Killer” resume, and that is a win in itself.

Haasertime - Obviously, I'm thrilled to have him on the team. I realize that he has a tough time getting on base, but I like his defense. Of course, there's that turf thing. So I asked a FieldTurf guy if there was any evidence of the surface being tough on backs, and here's his reply.
There is no data on slipped disks. With that being said, several of the top sports medicine facilities around the US use FieldTurf to rehab their athletes. Several long term care facilities also use FieldTurf to help their patient’s rehab.

Inconclusive. But there are rumors that the Twins are willing to make some adjustments to the Metrodome field specially for Joe Crede. Here's a leaked diagram:

It looks like they''ll be replacing the existing turf with something else, presumably something that would be easier on his back. Possibly some sort of Sleep-number type material? How can we find Joe Crede's sleep-number?

While haasertime asked a "FieldTurf guy" about Crede's back, I went a step further and consulted a friend who is a doctor. It's a PhD in Sociology but he demands I call him Doctor. He says the FieldTurf is going to be a huge problem. He even provided these images to explain.

As you can see on a grass field, Crede dives with the greatest of ease.

But on the Metrodome Field Turf, any movement snaps his back in two. It looks painful.

Luckily, I contacted Adidas and they said they are working on a shoe for this very problem. Unfortunately, Crede is still under contract with Nike, so there is a good chance we won't see this new kicks until 2010. And by that time, even if Crede re-signs, he won't need them.

These new Adidas TurfCleat 3000s are perfect for the older corner infielder with back problems who sign a one year deal with a team who plays half of their games inside. The real grass bottoms let you play on grass no matter what the field is made out of.

Tfrezac2002: I am stoked to have Joe Crede anchoring the left side of the infield. I remember, in '06, watching Twins/White Sox games and telling Haasertime that Joe Mauer and Joe Crede were going to be the superstars of the league for years to come. Both have battled injuries over their careers and that has kept them from winning the mutiple MVPs I predicted for them at that time. But, when they have been able to get on the field they are at, or near the top at their respective positions. I wonder if these same people saying that signing Joe Crede is a mistake will even hesitate to break the bank for Mauer in a couple years? I hope he can rebound after a couple of down years. That will free up Harris to play more short and that will in turn allow Punto to fill that giant hole we're going to have at second. Crede was the prize I had my eyes set on when the season ended and we've got him, so I can't say I'm disapointed but as long as Dougie baseball doesn't have a job I wont be happy until the Twinkies get him down in Fort Meyers.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Random Thoughts

- Have you heard Paradise by the dashboard light by Meatloaf? It's a great song. It's like nine minutes long and pretty funny. There's a cheesy part of the epic song where Phil Rizzuto is doing a play-by-play of a baseball game, but clearly referring to what's going on in the backseat.

Indeed, Meatloaf has a great sense of humor when it comes to love. In Paradise, he promises a girl that he'll love her until the end of time, in exchange for sex. Soon after, he explains that he's, "praying for the end of time." Apparently he learned his lesson, because later in the album he explains: "I want you, I need you, But -- there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you. Now don' t be sad - 'cause two out of three ain't bad."

Moneyball Pitt

- If you haven't read Moneyball, you should. Brad Pitt read it. He liked it so much, he wants to turn it into a movie. I'm trying to imagine this, but I can't. I'm sure they'll add some Hollywood twists, like Angelina Jolie is in love with Nick Swisher but she's a Red Sox fan. Or the A's chartered plane's cargo hold unlocks and thousands of deadly snakes are released. Which lead to players getting snake bites. Which lead to amazing eyesight. Which lead to an absurd amount of walks. Which lead to Billy Beane coming up with his baseball M-theory: Snakes + Walks = Runs.

Streetfightin' Men

- Apparently karaoke is on the rise, as bars don't want to shell out the money for live bands (in these tough economic times) And so is karaoke-related violence. And why shouldn't it? A lot of people are very serious about getting up in front of strangers and showing off. A guy got stabbed to death in Malaysia for refusing to give up the mic.

I have personal experience - I once [knew a kid who] was a few sheets to the wind and was sick of hearing some dork sing a really slow country love song. So [he] got up and unplugged the guys monitor so he couldn't sing anymore. You're liable to get your ass kicked doing something like that.

All this talk about karaoke got me wondering about the most popular karaoke songs. So I emailed some dude from a local entertainment company. He must specialize in country, because here's his reply:

The best I could do would be an educated guess:

Female Songs: The Rose, Crazy, Mama He's Crazy, Goodbye Earl, Any Man Of Mine.

Male Songs: Your Cheatin' Heart, You Never Even Call Me By My Name, Mountain Music, Beer For My Horses, Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy).

Metrodome spotting:

Daymonster reports that while watching USA's cop comedy, "psych" he noticed outdoor shots of their Thunderdome looked curiously similar to our own Metrodome.

Wow. A building that''s been on national TV that's right down the street from my house. This is up therw with other famous buildings on national television, including the music video for Aerosmith's I don't wanna miss a thing (filmed at the Minneapolis Armory (I park my car where Steven Tyler sang!)) Or when Courtney Cox was pulled from a screaming St. Paul Civic Center crowd and into Bruce Springsteen's arms in the Dancing in the Dark music video. You're welcome, Courtney Cox.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

lost posts: baseball pilgrimage

View Larger Map

This is Soups lost post.
I assume he wanted to explain that it is possible to attend games in Philadelphia, Washington DC, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland, with stops at the baseball Hall of Fame and the Rochester Triple -A squad.

Sounds fun.

Update: You know how girls plan out their wedding dresses way before they are ever going to get married? Well, I guess I do that with baseball road trips I will probably never have the time or money to take. Hopefully I'll get to make this one. Here is the deets in an email I sent to a few buds that are baseball fans, and more importantly, have summers off because they are teachers.

Gentleman, Andrew,

Andrew, I just implied that you are not a gentleman. Doesn't feel good, does it? To the point, right, yes...I have a proposition for you all. First, let me ask you if you have plans the week of August 3rd. Of course you don't. That's literally months away. So, here's what you are going to do. On August 3rd go to the airport. Get on a plane and tell the pilot, "I need you to fly me to Washington DC. This is not a drill." I'll meet up with you in DC. On the Tuesday the 4th we will see some sights in the city and at night will watch the Nationals play against the Florida Hanley Ramirezes.

On the very next morning we get a rental car and drive 4 hours and 20 minutes to Pittsburgh. Here we will take in a game at the beautiful PNC park (vs Diamondbacks).

The next morning we wake up and drive 2 hours and 20 minutes to Cleveland and watch the Indians get destroyed by the Twins.

Next morning we drive 4 hours and 15 minutes to Rochester, NY for a Red Wings game.

Next we get up and drive 3 hours and 15 minutes to Cooperstown, NY for the HOF. After we continue driving 4 hours to NYC. The Mets are out of town. The Yankees play the Red Sox, so the tickets will be few and expensive. So, we just hang out in NYC for the night.

Next we drive 2 hours to Philadelphia to watch the defending champions.

Finally we drive 1 hour and 45 minutes to Baltimore for a game at Camden Yards on Monday the 10th.

If four of us go the cost for plane ticket, hotels, gas, rental car, HOF ticket, and game tickets would be about $600 a piece. This is assuming that we stay with friends in DC and NYC.

So, are you in? or are you out?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Facebook is dead to me

After getting 5 friend requests from family members in the past week I started wondering what the hell is going on? There was a day when you needed to have a college email to have a facebook account, and now you just need to be over the age of 30. This article really discouraged me, and what's worse is someday my parents will probably have an account, then they'll send me a friend request and look through hundreds of photos of me being drunk and acting inappropriately. facebook is officially dead to me. I'm just gonna stick with myspam where I can make it impossible for people to find me. Well except for TFRezac. He somehow always finds me.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Joe Crede Limericks

There once was a ballplayer named Joe
To everyone he wanted to show
That his back was not sore
and demanded once more
to play baseball with Justin Morneau

There one was was ballplayer named Joe
whose agent wanted lots of dough
He'd drive in runs
if we cough up the funds
kind of like quid-pro-quo

The former third baseman for Chicago
Could sign with the Twins tomorrow
If he stays healthy
he'll be very wealthy
but if not we'll probably blow

Joe Crede's back is all hurt
It happened when he played on the dirt
And the turf in the dome
on which Crede would roam
To the DL he will surely revert

There once was a man named Borus
He wants Joe Crede to play for us
But for too much money
in this economy
But no Joe, our D is porous

Thursday, February 12, 2009


-Since I've moved out of the country I've noticed that America has way too many traffic regulations. I never see accidents in Korea, but about everyday in America you see a fender bender. Here's a thorough explanation of why this might be.

But driving in China is, apparently, a horse of a different color. Well, at least the Chinese written drivers license exam is. Here is an actual question from the exam: "If someone's intestines are protruding from an open abdominal wound, should you: A. Put them back in place; B. Do nothing; or C. Cover them with some kind of container and fasten it around the body?"

What? I would probably do D. Throw up all over myself, cry, then faint. The answer is C. I'm sure you're a good person, but there is no way I'm going to touch your intestines. And if my entrails are ever strewn about in your presence, feel no pressure to cover them with some kind of container and fasten it around my body. I'll just wait for the doctor.

-What's the nerdiest think you've ever done? Well, take solace, friend. Analyzing the Physics of the Death Star is much, much, nerdier.

It made blowing up an Earth sized planet like Alderaan look easy, but actually took about 2.2 x 10^32 joules of energy to do so. This might be a lot of energy depending on whether you know what a joule is. And I most certainly don't. I prefer all my energy measurements in "days it could power Las Vegas." Scientists have also discovered that it takes 1.21 gigawatts to time travel.

-Roberto Alomar might have AIDS. What I like about this story is you get quotes like this, "She said follow-up exams determined that Alomar had full-blown AIDS." What's "full-blown AIDS?" Is there a spectrum for how much AIDS you can have? You're a little AIDSy. You have some AIDS. You have lots of AIDS. You have full-blown AIDS.

-Keith Law, at ESPN, has ranked all the farm systems in baseball. Here's the AL Central: Indians - 7 Royals - 9 White Sox - 14 Twins - 22 Tigers - 25. I guess it's better to be high on this list than low, but I'm pretty indifferent. I haven't read what he said about the Twins because you have to be an "ESPN Insider" to read the whole thing, and I would rather have full-blown AIDS than pay money to be an EPSN Insider.

Chrono Trigger really is the best game ever

If you even remotely enjoy playing old school RPG's you need to download a Super Nintendo Emulator and play Chrono Trigger.

This game takes place on a planet of which an advanced monster lives in the core, consuming the world's natural resources until one day it will destroy everything. You're main character is a boy named Crono who fights monsters and travels through time with heroes and friends, in attempt to unlock ancient misteries and save the planet.

The Graphics are classic, the action is enjoyable, the music is better than most video game music even for today, and there is an instance where you get rick rolled.

The storyline is actually enjoyable as well, unlike most other games of that time. There really isn't any lame mushiness.

If you are bored and have any free time, I suggest playing this game.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Get to know 'em: 2009 acrostic poems for starting rotation

Big. spot. Scott.
Absolute competitor. He is the definition of average when it come to "stuff." but he takes care of bizzzzzz.
Knotts berry farm in California is his favorite amusement park. He went on Montezuma's
revenge 21 times in a row.
ERA. He was eighth in the league in ERA (3.45) last year.
Reads the obituary section so he can have something to talk about with his grandma.

Left handed. Also he throws left handed and bats left handed mostly due to him being left handed.
Invented the "toilet tank hinge" in 2001. It's a hinge that allows the lid for the toilet tank to open and close.
Rested on the seventh day...after creating baseball in six days.
Intriguing. The question mark that is Liriano in intriguing.
Autistic. Liriano is not autistic.
Ninety one mile per hour sliders: RIP. God, it was fun while it lasted. Don't worry. Slider is still nasty (but human).
Often prefers sleeveless uniforms, much to my behest.

Likes, but doesn't L-U-V, Greys
Often googles "Stephan Eurkel pick up lines"
Was the first person in St. Clair, PA to discover "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, start. Yet, he still hasn't beaten Contra.
ERA. Slowey hates giving up runs. He battles. He will break a back door, two seam fastball off in ya ass.
You want some Sowey? Well, you're a bag full of idiots. If you want some Slowey, you gots ta pay. 59 don't give no free passes. Swing the bat and pray.

Brings the ruckus by da buckets
L-O-V-E-S when you come to the pate, try not to hit into a double plan, and then hit into a double play.
Admitted to crying durring "John Q"
Can understand the value added tax, but is unsure it's a good idea.
Knows a lot about pitching to contact, as long as that contact is not good contact. In conclusion, he prefers to pitch to bad contact.
Brings da sinker...wait four seem fast ball...nope, yep. Twas the sinker all along.
Uber is German for super. Ich bein Uber happy mit du einer gut baseball pitchenvier.
Really loves to kill worms.

Perk: It's the one sylable version of "Perkins"
Everyone likes pitching to disabled children, as I'm wont to do from time to time. Much lower expectations...because they're disabled...
Reading Rainbow always confused Perkins. He understood that there are books he should read, but why "reading rainbow?" Oh, it has "rainbow" in the title? The colors of the rainbow seem insignificant in regard to material he should read. As an added bonus,Pizza Hut gives you a personal pan pizza if you read books.
Knows what Rick Anderson told him.
Influenced art

Monday, February 9, 2009

Joe Christensen is a homer and other notes

Twins beat writer Joe Christensen ended a recent blog post with the following:

A key point to consider: What chance does a player coming off a back injury have of staying healthy while playing on FieldTurf?

I've racked my brain trying to come up with the motivation behind this statement/question. Clearly, he is relaying a concern of the Twins front office when considering a Joe Crede signing. But why didn't (as he's done before) simply state that this is a concern, rather than ask the fans to ponder the question? Here are some possible motivations:

1. He's lazy and doesn't want to ask the Twins physicians or any knowledgeable experts in general. He expects the fans to know the effects of an artificial surface on a recovering back.

2. He's alluding to the complicated decision facing the Twins - since this is a near impossible question to answer, it means signing Crede is a huge gamble.

3. He knows fans will react by thinking, "Oh yeah, gosh that doesn't seem like a very good fit, because the Metrodome has artificial turf! That's where the Twins play half their games! We can't possibly sign him now!"

At best, he's shoddily expressing the concerns of Billy Smith. At worst, he's playing one of Smith's bargaining chips for him. And at even worse, he's making excuses for the hometown team not to sign Crede.

Other Crede Notes:

I think a lot of folks were disgusted and shocked when the news broke about Boras's demand of a base salary of $7 million, after we'd been thinking $5 mil would get it done. But after doing the math, I've discovered the difference between $5 million and $7 million is just $2 million bucks. And there's payroll room. Without Crede, the payroll would be about $60 million, which is less than it was last year, and way less than the $74mil payroll of '07.

And let us not forget that this is a one year deal. I doubt if the $7mil we didn't spend would rollover to 2010.

Besides health and money, the only other reason not to sign Crede is .................. production.

If we didn't sign him, a platoon of Harris and Buscher would play third base. It's been argued that Crede isn't a huge upgrade, even if he stays on the field.

Joe Crede career: .257/.306/.447
Brendan Harris career v. LHP: .295/.360/.440
Brian Buscher career v. RHP: .297/.354/.411

The Twins actually had a bunch of RBI from the platoon of third basemen last year.

Here's my argument: I'd rather have a healthy Crede at third, providing good defense and hitting bombs! Call me a rube, but I like power and clubhouse presence, veteran leadership and good defense. An infield of Buscher/Harris, Punto and Casilla just doesn't do it for me. Plus, it's only one year.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Off season analysis for visual learners

This off season has been a bit hectic for Twins fans. With all the players signings and abritrations avoided, it's understandably difficult to keep it all straight. This is a guide to the Twins' off season for the visual learners amongst us. Also, it is a little known fact that 20% of the readers that read baseball blogs can't read. So, this is also a good way for those people to be a part of the Twins community.

First, let's look at what the Twins have done to address the late inning relief issues we had last year. A Venn diagram will be the magical vehicle we use for our journey of knowledge and understanding.

Joe Crede is the name that's currently throwing weapons grade plutonium on the hot stove flame. Joe C has been keeping us abreast of the on-going Crede saga that has all of Twins Territory captivated. Christensen relays that reports indicate that Crede is 75% healthy.

Well, apparently Christensen got some bad information about the 25% back owy. Crede's agent, Scott Boras, says that Crede is 100%, and I can't think of any reason Boras would say that if it wasn't true.

Crede is apparently asking for a base salary of $5.1 million. Currently, the Twins are not willing to invest that much. If Crede lowers his asking price the Twins might be willing to take the risk. Confusing, I know. This supply and demand curve should help you understand (price in millions of dollars)

There you have it. You can clearly see that the quantity of Credes demanded by the Twins at $5.1 million is zero. Hope this helps.

Joe Christensen also noted that a Twins official is 90% sure that there will be no notable roster changes before spring training. He also explained that if Crede's health goes from 75% to 90-95%, they could have a match.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Key Off-Season Acquisition: Groundskeeper.

- The Twins announced yesterday they've hired a heads-groundskeeper for Target Field. Larry DeVito has spent the last 12 seasons with three organizations, bouncing between the majors and Triple-A. Upon viewing Target Field, he expressed disappointment over the large number of port-a-potties near the home plate area, but was assured that they'd be removed. He also expressed optimism that he could fill the hole at third base. (Brian's joke, not mine)

Jarrod Washburn: Again?

There have been some goofy reports swirling lately. I still don't understand the one about Gagne being offered a contract, essentially accepting it, and then the Twins pulling it so they could explore trade options. And I really don't understand the Delmon Young to the Mariners for Jarrod Washburn and a catching prospect. Then the rumor was shot down almost as soon as it was brought up.

had a good point about the nature of trade rumors in the age of the internet. Rumors and leads tend to snowball, and potential trades are analyzed before they're even a whisper in a GM's ear.

All this Washburn, Crede and Gagne talk means one or two things:

1. Billy Smith is still trying. Or at least trying to look like he's trying. He's already claimed that he's satisfied with the roster as it is, so who knows.

2. Twins fans, beat writers and bloggers are bored. There hasn't been a lot to discuss this off-season, so every small tidbit, "Crede workout!!" is turned into a Very Big Deal. There are a lot of Twins fans clamoring for any upgrade at all, even if it wouldn't an upgrade. Does that make sense? We all need something to talk about.

Want to anger on-screen talent?

Try walking in their line of sight while they're on camera. Christian Bale freaked out while on set of the new Terminator movie. Which reminded me of Chris Berman. There's also a funny compilation of of Bale's tirade and Bill O'Reilleys.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Belated Celebratory Jubilation

The Sioux Falls Canaries are the 2008 champions of the American Association League/The World!!!! What's up meow, Saints fans? What, you couldn't get Daryl Strawberry paroled and into your line up? ooooh.

Let's relive the memories with a montage, shall we?

It's no secret how my hometown team won. Pitching and defense. We had both of those things. We took it one game at a time. Other teams just wanted to hit home runs. Not us. We did the little things. Hustle. That's something we did too is hustle. All the time we hustled. It's a grueling season, and it just came down to the Sioux Falls Canaries wanting the championship more.

And the players. Shoot, I could go on and on about all the great players we had. I mean, the first baseman, and the catcher. All the players, really. Steve...John...But I don't want to turn this post into an absolute love fest. Here's a more analytical break down of the 2008 season.

Also, the poll question on the Canaries' website is: "Which is a better name for Sioux falls?" The answers are either "Titletown" or "City of Champions." Not making this up. I voted for Titletown. While it may not be original, it is more succinct. But I guess the good people of Sioux Falls feel differently. 74% favor City of Champions. If the Saints ever win a championship, I'm sure Common will have the same poll on his webpage.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Top Ten Billy Smith Excuses

Top Ten Excuses for Off-season Inactivity

10. Too busy watching hilarious youtube clips of The Price is Right.

9. Scott Boras

8. Instead of going to the Winter Meetings in Las Vegas, he went to Branson.

7. He thinks Terry Ryan is still the GM

6. Scientologist conspiracy to use the Twins for marketing Dianetics. Smith will be killed if he signs anyone other than Tom Cruise.

5. He was about to trade for Mark DeRosa, but felt reluctant to give up any mid-level prospects who may have a chance to become September call-ups someday.

4. In a three month drug haze from hanging out with Michael Phelps.

3. Can't find his glasses

2. Doesn't want to screw everything up like he did last winter

1. Just like his wife always says: He's afraid of commitment and never initiates anything.