Its been long enough

We are far enough from it now to know, our hometown 9 got nothing of great value for the best pitcher in the league. Last January, as you all know Johan Santana was traded to the Metropolitans for a handful of prospects. Carlos Gomez, Phillip Humber, Kevin Mulvey and Deolis Guerra.

Everyone was fairly high on Gomez at this point last season. He was streaky and stuck out too much, but everyone was convinced he would outgrow that. Instead he steady gone backwards. His defense is outstanding, and can steal a base whenever he gets on base. But, he doesn't get on base, ever! Hopefully now that his wife has popped out a new baby he can relax. But, I have a feeling that "relax" isn't in this kids vocabulary. The thought was he was going to be the answer in center field with Torii Hunter, but I am convinced if the club breaks camp with Denard Span in the leadoff/CF spot, the team has another Central Division banner hanging from the Teflon roof.

The twins came north from Florida with Humber this year, but he couldn't get anyone out up in the show so he was send down to Rochester after only 4 appearances. To make room for Juan Morillo, they are teammates now in New York. Since he was demoted he has been pitching much better with opponents only batting .120 off him in 2 appearances.

Kevin Mulvey started the year in AAA and had a couple not so great starts, but has turned in 3 fair performances in a row. He wont be great, but scouts seem to think he'll be an ok big league pitcher someday. Nothing spectacular, but a solid back of the rotation starter. the one problem I see is that he has only gone past the 5th inning once, and hasn't gotten into the 6th yet. The other Red Wing starters have all gone 7 at least once. He does lead the team in strike outs and has an ERA under 3. But if he can't get you the innings maybe he could be solid bull pen guy.

The real question mark is Deolis Guerra, the phenom from Venezuela. He is still only 19 and in his 3rd year of professional baseball. But his ERA has gone up, and his K's have gone down every year. And he hasn't been promoted above A ball, so that means he's getting worse. There is something about this kid though, his stats aren't very good, but he wins ball games. Last year he had an ERA just under 5.5 and still won 11 games in 24 starts.

I'm not second guessing Billy Smith's decision here. Were better packages offered? If you believe the hype then yes. But I wasn't privy to the negotiations so I really have no idea. I am not saying that these cats wont be able to become very productive major leaguers someday either. I am just disappointed that the Twins are close to being the team to beat, and if we are able to get any production from one of these guy it would push us over the top. But I don't plan on holding my breath for that. As of right now the team to beat in the central is KC, and that is just disgusting.

Whats the deal?

I have only been to 3 games so far this year and its been ugly, the team has been able to muster 10 run. But 7 of them came on Saturday in an 11 inning debacle. The two other losses were 2-12 to Toronto and 1-7 to Tampa. Three games is hardly an adequate sample size I know, but they have been so bad I want to be upset about it. They have looked more the '99 team that only won 63 games. Scott Baker was BAD in 2 of the three, but that doesn't explain why their bats went silent. But, fear not, I know the boys are better than this. I've seen it on the TV and heard it on the AM dial. But the 3 times I've witnessed the club in action, I have been sorely disappointed.

Maybe I'm just bad luck and bitter about it. But it probably has more to do with the fact that I saw Scott Baker pitch twice.

Kinda obscure cartoons.

Some kinda obscure cartoons you may or may not remember.



There are shows from our childhood that everyone remembers. Who could forget when the Beagle Boys kidnapped Gyro Gearloose and used his telaportation ray to steal Uncle Scrooges money. Or when the Rescue Rangers crash landed in the BooBoo forest and they thought Dale was a god because he fell out of a flying machine. But, there are many other shows that have gone by the way side in this hustle and bustle world. With this being the last year in the Metrodome and everyone looking back over the past 20 some years, I guess it just tickled my nostalgia bone.

Street Sharks. Cashing in on the popularity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, this show focused on 4 surfing brothers are kidnapped by the evil Dr. Paranoid and have their DNA spliced with various species of Sharks. Dr Paranoid didn't stop with just the brothers. He also made his own underlings, Slobster and Killamari (can anyone say Beebop and Rocksteady?) This show was a total rip off, and other than the names of the characters (Ripster and Big Slammu being a couple), and the fact that they literally swam though pavement to get where they were going, it offered little. They did have one of the best catch phrases though "Jawesome! To the Xtreme!"



Eek! And the Amazing Thunderlizards. This show was one of my favorites back in '93. Not because of the hapless Eek, or his fat girlfriend. But for the Thunderlizards segment. The Thunderlizards were a group of dinosaur commandos hell bent on destroying all of human kind. All 2 of them, Scooter the inventor and Bill. (How did they reproduce?) No matter how hard the Dino's tried, they could never catch the fairly dumb humans. HUMANS RULE!

Wild West C.O.W. Boys or Moo Mesa. This one was a real gem, a comet hits in the old west town of Moo Mesa, giving all the animals opposable thumbs and the ability to speak English. The C.O.W. boys (Code Of the West) were deputized by Sheriff TerriBULL-o and answered to mayor BULLoney. This show was just a walking punchline, everyone had some silly name that had something to do with cows in it. The Boys tangled with the likes of the Wild BULLies, and the Gila Hooligans, which was made up of lizards.

Battletoads. You may remember the game, but do you remember the show? It was launched as a direct competitor to TMNT, but with little success. A super scientist from space lands in California and turns 3 nerds into super fighting amphibians. (Is anyone else sensing a trend?) They must fight the evil dark queen and her beast police to protect the good princess Angelica whose amulet has the power to conquer the universe. This one didn't catch on quite like the Turtles.

Biker Mice From Mars. Trying to capture the fading glory of TMNT, Marvel comics launched this show about 3 rough and tumble brothers who while trying to escape the Plutarkians, who were greedy and ravaged their home world, crash through the score board of Wrigley field and hook up with Charly, the saucy lady mechanic who helped them fix and build new and better bikes and weapons. While this one was violent, edgy and just plain fun, it also had a message about saving the environment. And look at how bad ass they were!

The mice enjoyed a slight renaissance in the mid 2000's when the original episodes were re-aired in an attempt to stir up excitement for another run in 2006, but financing problems kept that on the back burner and when it was finally released in late 2007 it was to little fan fare. But did become a big hit in Scandinavia.

Johnny Bravo. This one isn't quite from our child hood, but it was the first cartoon, besides the Simpsons, that I could enjoy as an adult (or I thought I was an adult when I first saw it at 15). Johnny was a total square who lived with his mom and his only friend was an annoying girl scout that lived next door. But he thought he was pretty sweet. He was just a guy on a never ending quest to touch some butt. Something I can totally relate too. It was a more family friendly Family Guy in that Johnny was totally offensive if you understood his jokes, and it was just a parade of pop culture referances. And, to this day I would rather watch Johnny than Peter and the gang any day of the week.

Most of these were total rip offs, but kids are dumb and if you find something that works just pump it down their throats and they will buy all the toys and games.
There are plenty I've missed, forgotten or didn't feel were good enough to reminisce about. But I would like to hear what all of our faithful readers have to say on the subject.

My quest.

My quest began, like most do, with a lust for fame and fortune. My map was nothing but a list of cryptic clues meant to lead the one who was worthy to the land of prosperity. I knew many had gone this way before, but I was not about to let that stop me. I was young, strong and dedicated.

The first clue, led me east. Away from the mighty coliseum, where gladiators fight their epic battles. And the Vikings lose.

The second clue forced me to abandon my carriage and walk south, towards the wastelands known as "Iowa."

The third clue intrigues me with its mention of gold, but confounds me with its remarks of a second city.

The fourth clue tries to get me to abandon my quest by tempting me with food. Oh how hungry I am, I have been searching for days.

The fifth clue talks of luck and magic, what luck and magic I ask? I have been searching many hours and have received no rewards!

I musn't give up hope. The one ticket to rule them all wants to found...


If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about my obsession with finding the Twins golden ticket. Over the past few days I have put in about 15 hours in the field; walking and searching and another 8 doing research on-line. Its a pretty fun time. When people see me, they must think I'm a real bum. Wandering around with ratty clothes, smoking cigarettes, every once in a while stopping abruptly to look at garbage. Sometimes I even talk to myself.

If you don't know what it is, somewhere on public property in Hennepin or Ramsey county the Twins and the Star-Tribune have hidden a "Golden Ticket" and everyday another clue comes out as to where it is. If you find it, they give you a bunch of crap. And you get to throw out the first pitch at a twins game! I thinking about going with my slider, what do you guys think?

Its a really fun activity to get people out of the house, and you don't have to get as serious as I do. Yesterday I walked around 8 miles, give or take a few hundred yards. Last year me and Haas spent 3 hours turning over every rock in a park in Roseville, we didn't find it. If you are going to tackle a project like this, its best to have a partner. It makes the time go faster and its safer. Before Holm joined me yesterday afternoon, I almost broke my leg twice yesterday climbing things I wasn't supposed to climb.

Here are the clues so far:
Starting from the teflon roof, heading west would be a goof.

Get out and search and use those legs, but to the north there's just goose eggs
Further south of the second City the golden ticket shines so pretty
If you like your breakfast food, this path will get you in the mood

It still could bring you luck today, should you decided to go this way

Everyone I've talked to is convinced they know where it is. But, no one is convinced its in the same place. So far all I have to show for my hours of suffering and hard work are some blisters and soar muscles. And many hours of beautiful scenery. I saw over 25 deer yesterday, in Minneapolis! I had never seen one before that.

I'm stumped, I thought the second city was Chicago, so no where in MN is south of that.
There aren't any parks off Kellogg road.
Popular wisdom (the internet) suggests that Battle Creek park is number one in the running right now.
I must have been way off the past couple days, I didn't see a single person except for people walking their dogs.

But, I disagree all the clues point me to one park, Sechler Park, think about it, its east of the dome, south of both citys, its right next to the Malt-o-Meal cereal factory, where they make knock off lucky charms. Where else could it be?

Why I hate Alan "Bud" Selig

by T.F.R.

"Commissioner Bud Selig is as earnest as a car salesman or a Cubs fan - at one time he was both" The conscience of Baseball by Larry Moffi.

Last night the Phillies won their second World Series in franchise history, and first in almost three decades. With the exception of the Phil's inability to move runners and a few defensive gaffs, it was a well played and entertaining series. But it almost became one of the biggest embarrassments in the long history of the game.

Or so we thought, when in the top of the 6th with the Rays down a run, rain poured and the wind howled, conditions which should have halted the game at least an inning earlier. With the game already official, the umpires kept the teams on the field when conditions were unsafe, giving the Rays the most chances to score and keep their hopes alive.

What no one seemed to know is that Commissioner Bud Selig had decided, that no matter what the weather, the rules would be bent and the game would go to completion. The problem was, he only told the owners this - he neglected to pass the information on to managers, players, umpires, FOX and the fans. This complete breakdown in communication resulted in players on the field risking injury, umpires who knew it wasn't their place to decide the fate of the World Series and fans who looked just miserable. While I applaud Seligs approach to suspend an official game despite the score, I find it despicable that no one was made aware of it before hand. This is just one travesty of the game that Bud has presided over.

In the past, commissioners were elected to expand and improve the game. There have been those on the sides of the players: Happy Chandler, despite a unanimous vote against, upheld the integration of Baseball, Bowie Kent Kuhn who upheld arbitration and free agency, Ford Frick, who took millions of dollars that would have otherwise gone to owners and created the pension fund.

And there have been those on the side of the owners; General William Eckert, a career military man with a business degree, who had never played a day of baseball in his life, *Peter Ueberroth, another business man who lined the owners pockets with millions of dollars from TV deals. Kennesaw Mountain Landis a man who was brought in for the specific purpose to clean up baseball, and our own Alan H. Selig.

Bud is the ninth Commissioner of baseball, the first to be promoted from within the owners fraternity. This is a man who cares nothing for the fans or the players, as an owner he has only one thing on his mind: Rape and pillage to make as much money as you can before you die so you can be buried with it. Much like our friend Mr. Pohlad. Never before had a commissioner been tied financially to a team. He had to step down as president and CEO of the Brewers, and was forced to sell the team when his status was changed from acting commish to just plain commish. But from the time he began tenure to when he finally sold the team, his stock prices rose, making him millions of dollars on top of his ridiculous $14.5 million salary.

The majority of his tenure has been riddled with embarrassment, the '94 players strike, the umpire strike, the tied all-star game, that steroid scandal, and most notably for those who read this blog: contraction. There have also been parts of the game I personally don't like but some seem to enjoy: Interleage play, unbalanced schedule (its good to a point, but why play one team 7 times in April and be done with them for the season?) and the World Baseball Classic. Though, I must admit through gritted teeth that I do enjoy the three division and wild card set-up.

Despite all of this, I believe Selig will be remembered as a great leader of baseball, who guided it through a renaissance of sorts. Teams are making money and people are going to the ballpark like never before, despite the absorbently high ticket costs and the influx of revenue generated by publicly financed stadiums. Which he helped little to build.

*I only put Peter Ueberroth on the owners side because the Twins don't put that money to good use. He was actually a good commissioner and during his tenure every team in the league made money.

Things I've learned to appreciate over the last yearish:

By Tony F. Rezac

Its been quite a while since I've posted anything, but all this anniversary hub bub has inspired me to reminisce on the past year. Over the year that AH! has existed I've learned to appreciate quite a few new things, and rediscovered a few others. So, without further ado, here's some random crap that I like.

A good cup of coffee, I first started drinking coffee about 2 years ago. I know, that is not within the last year, but hear me out. It was horrible instant army coffee, poured like tar and tasted more along the lines of butt. When I finally got home from Iraq in November I started drinking Caribou Coffee and I haven't looked back since. My personal favorite was the perennial blend, but unfortunately that was seasonal and they recently stopped selling it. So, the search is on for a new favorite. Any suggestions?

Bratwurst: I've always loved myself a good bar-b-q, but until recently I've always preferred burgers, hot dogs, or what was my favorite: Chedderwurst. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a burger or dog, and if I could get over how bad they burn my tongue I would still love chedderwurst. But already this spring, I've really started to enjoy brats, they still give me terrible heart burn though.

The interweb: You really take it for granted until you lose access to it. In Iraq I didn't have access for over 5 months. I was completely cut off from the real world, terrible! Instead of explaining how we rely on use of the interweb, I'll just refer you to the South Park episode called "Over logging."

My two feet: With gas prices approaching 4 bucks, I've learned to walk places. I guess I'd still rather have it the other way though.

Frankie and Annette movies: This goes along with my post about teen movies sucking these days I stumbled across "Beach Blanket Bingo" one hungover Sunday morning, and was instantly in a better mood. There is nothing better than taking a step back into the carefree 50's, with all the singing and dancing. They are just teens on the beach trying catch some rays, a buzz and some tail.

Lost: I watched a few episodes of Lost during the first season, thought it was pretty good but never got hooked. But while In Iraq I borrowed the first season on DVD from a friend and couldn't stop watching. I know the whole premise is absurd, and has only gotten more so in the current season. But, I'm in so deep I have to find out what happens.

Legos: Legos were my favorite toy growing up, but I completely forgot how sweet they were until a few months ago. Being unemployed, I Spend countless hours of my day struggling to find something to do. On one such occasion I went to Target to buy a new DVD, directly across the aisle was the Lego display. Being a Star Wars nut I was instantly amazed how realistic and accurate the Star ships were.


So, I purchased an AT-ST (the two legged walkers the Empire uses on Endor in episode VI, Return of the Jedi, pictured above) and spent the rest of the afternoon putting it together. Since then I've purchased a few more sets and built many others with the ones I and some friends have grown up with, they are hours of entertainment.

Board games: This goes along with legos, I loved boardgames growing up but lost touch with them until about February. My roommates and I played a marathon game of risk one night for no reason. Since then we've played "Clue", "Guess who?", "The game of LIFE" and "Sorry." They are a great way to kill time. Anyone know of any other good board games?

So there you have it, some things that I am enjoying these days. What are you enjoying? Let me know in the comments.

Support our Troop - Chicago Trip

By AH! Staff

AH! contributor Tony F. Rezac comes home from Iraq on September 5th. But instead of staying home, we're throwing a party in Chicago! Everyone is invited.

This is a great moment, as our tireless efforts of protesting Tony's involvement in Iraq have finally been rewarded.

Finally!

The Plan

The Twins play the White Sox on the south side the second weekend of September

Friday, September 7th, 7:11pm
Saturday, September 8th, 2:55pm (Fox game of the week)
Sunday, September 9th, 1:05pm

While in Chicago, the delegation will swim in Lake Michigan, look at things at the Art Institute, watch baseball outside and celebrate Tonys homecoming by sharing drinks and laughs with friends.

We also hope to meet up with some Illinoisans (Tom, Tim, Mike, Phil, Krystal, Robin, Megan, Brandon)

There will be three camps of people heading down from Minneapolis.


Workin' It Camp

will be made up of individuals who have to work on both Friday, the 7th and Monday, the 10th. This camp cannot leave until around 6pm on Friday, as they have to work until around 5pm. This group will also need to leave Chicago sometime Sunday afternoon, to assure rest for Monday morning at work. (about 7 hours Minneapolis to Chicago)

Freedom Tastes of Reality Camp

This group may or may not leave for Illinois in time for the Friday night game. Additionally, they may not have responsiblities for Monday, so they may stay in Chicago as long as they want or join..

Road Warrior Camp

The Twins play the Royals in Kansas City on

Monday, September 10th, 7:05pm
Tuesday, September 11th, 7:05pm
Wednesday, September 12th, 1:05pm

The Road Warriors (this includes Tony) plan to drive from Chicago to St. Louis (4.5 hours) on Sunday evening or Monday morning. While there, we will go to the Budweiser Brewery and visit friends. Then we'll drive across the state to Kansas City (3.5 hours) to watch the Twins play ball, and hopefully return to Minnesota (6 hours) by Thursday.

Costs:

Travel - shouldn't be too much if we have more than two people per vehicle, tolls equal about 5 bucks per car each way.

Lodging - some may stay with friends in the Chicago area. There are many cheap hotels around though too.

Food & drink - pretty much up to the individual on how much to eat and drink

Entertainment - Tickets to art museums and ballgames, shopping on Michigan Ave. Budweiser brewery in STL is free.

Facebook event

'This One Time, At Band Camp'

By Tony F. Rezac

That damn phrase from American Pie was so over used by our generations during our younger more naive days, that it rivaled "knock-knock" as the start to the most jokes.

About a month ago I watched Van Wilder for the first time in a couple years and I was very disappointed. But I wasn't worried because it was on in the background and I wasn't paying close attention to it. Then, I received a care package full of movies, and one of those movies happened to be "American Pie." Logically I was excited because I remembered this movie to be absolutely hilarious the last time I saw it - which was about 5 years ago. I took a moment to think after I was finished watching it, and I was shocked when I realized that I did not laugh one time. Have we grown up so quickly that the "childish" humor demonstrated in those kind of films has lost all of it's appeal? Have fart jokes and tits become an old hat? Or is there some bigger problem with teen comedies today? Let’s discuss further, shall we?

How will "teen angst" movies of our generation be remembered? Not well, I'm afraid. American Pie, Van Wilder, Can't Hardly Wait, She's All That, the list goes on and on. They all suck, they were all cookie cutter scripts, starring some dude you never saw again and some good looking broad that ended up in rehab. They offer up some cheap laughs for sure, but once you watch it once you've seen it one time too many. How is it that I can relate more to movies that were made before I knew what foreplay meant or what a joint was, but I can't even sit through movies that were made specifically for my demographic?

I know the 80's were the golden age, when the brat pack ruled the roost, for teen drama and comedy. But the 70's released some pretty good movies with staying power also. Most happen to star John Travolta but they are still good movies - Grease, Saturday Night Fever, American Graffiti just to name a few.

Is the acting pool shallower than ever before? Or is it that the crop of writers in Hollywood has dried up? When I say the acting pool is shallow, I only need to mention one name Tara Reid, she was smokin' hot in both American Pie and Van Wilder. But anyone who caught her show on E! "Taradise" knows what I'm talking about. And its obvious writers are plain running out of ideas - when was the last time an original idea became a blockbuster? Everything is a re-make, or an adaptation from a book or tv.

I hate how the one great movie about teenage life made in the 90's, takes place in the 70's, "Dazed and Confused."

If I'm wrong here please comment and tell me, I have racked my brain trying to think of more good movies from our generation, and I can't come up with one. And the internet is no help, when I search for teen movies or anything along those lines all that pops up is porno. Which is nice, but not what I'm looking for.

Where 'The Simpsons' Went Wrong

By T.F Rezac

I have thought long and hard about this. How could one of the best, history making shows ever to grace the airwaves "jump the shark" if you will. You can make the case for a variety of reasons; rise in amount of un-funny guest stars, increase in religiously themed shows, or that it has lost its edge with the emergence of such animated shows as South Park or Family Guy among others. But I put the blame, mainly, on two things: The death of Phil Hartman, and Barney Gumble sobering up.

When Phil Hartman was murdered it took away two great characters from the show. The constant appearances of Troy McClure were put to a stop and were replaced by real celebrities who lacked the recurring appeal and Lionel Hutz was replaced by Gil, the least funny person on the show.

Barney and Moe were two of the funniest characters in the tenure of the show, and when Barney stopped drinking it reduced their role in too many episodes. Barney was the lovable drunk who every one of us can relate to, and Moe was ugly and a loser with the ladies, which I can absolutely relate to.

My favorite moment from each:
Lionel Hutz:
When the family hires him to defend Homers soul against the Devil,

Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Marge: But we did win.
Lionel Hutz: That's okay. The box is empty

Troy McClure:
"You may remember me from such public service announcements as; 'Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds' and 'Phone Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness."

Barney Gumble:
"I'm concerned about the beer situation. After this case and the other case, we've only got one case left!"

Moe Szyzlak: When Bart prank calls him,
"Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat! "

Great Moments in AH! History

By Tom Daymont

Many people probably think that the writers and readers of Alright Hamilton! are just a handful of dudes just out of college who like to spend their time at work writing and reading blogs that deal with bars, baseball and a variety of other Minnesota sport teams.

Little do they know that some of us (not me) have actually been around for some of the greatest events in sports history. Let’s take a look at some of these moments.

Who could forget when Tony F. Rezac had a dramatic finish at the 1986 Masters. Coming back from 9th place on Sunday to beat a young Greg Norman, and future Hall of Famers, Tom Kite, Nick Price, and Tom Watson.
Some of these moments go back even farther. Like when “The Iron Horse” Josh Holm set the MLB record playing in his 2,130th consecutive game. While this was thought to be an unbreakable record, it stood for 56 years until it was finally broken by Cal Ripken Jr. on September 6, 1995.
Not all moments by AH! contributors have been “great”, a young Andrew Bresnahan was at the October 14, 2003 game 6 of the National League Championship Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Florida Marlins. Andy, better known now as “Bresna-man” attempted to catch a foul ball in front of Cubs left fielder Moises Alou at Wrigley Field. As many now know, Alou did not make the catch and the Cubs failed to reach the World Series. As for the Bresnahan, no one knows exactly where he is now.
As for Michael Haas, who could forget the 1965 fight with Sonny Liston in Maine. The fight only had 2,434 fans attended it live, setting an all-time record for the lowest attendance in a world championship boxing fight, but that didn’t stop the fight from being one of the most controversial in boxing history.

Midway through the first round, Liston fell to the canvas, in what many have argued was not a legitimate knockdown. Referee Jersey Joe Walcott, a former world Heavyweight champion himself, seemed to be confused after he sent the boxer to a neutral corner, but Haas refused, instead posing over his fallen rival, yelling at him to get up, then with his fists up in the air, celebrating the fall. Haas was awarded a first round knockout in front of a couple thousand confused and disappointed spectators.

But probably the greatest athletic acheivment of any Alright Hamilton contributors is that of Mark “The Stilt” Waters. Doing something no one has done since. Mark scored 100 points in NBA game on March 2, 1962 at Hersheypark Arena in Hershey, Pennsylvania. The game was between the Philadelphia Warriors, for which Mark played for and the New York Knicks,

While Mark holds the record for most points averaged in a season and most points in a single game. Mark also proclaimed in his second autobiography “A View from Above” that he has slept with over 20,000 women. Which if you do the math, means that Mr. Waters slept with 9 women a week since the time he was 15 to the time he was 40.

Other AH! Readers have also been featured in sports related movies. Matt Pillsbury, better known as Daniel LaRusso, is tutored by Karate master Mr. Kesuke Miyagi in this 1984 John G. Avildsen film (director of Rocky). He is seen here in a promotional photograph.

There you have it, the next time you read a post by Mark Waters concerning the Timberwolves and you ask yourself “what does this guy know about basketball” remember he once scored with 20,000 chicks and 100 points in a game.

Lets all go to the movies with Tony

By Tony Rezac

Since I have been gone I have seen some new movies, not very many. Some were released when I was still back at home but never got around to seeing. If you need help deciding on a flick, this might help you.

****=Great, must see
***=Good, recommended
**=Take it or leave it
*=Don't waste your time

Pans Labyrinth:
When I found out this movie was entirely in Spanish with sub-titles I was very skeptical. But, I decided to stick it out, and am I glad that I did. This movie is Alice in Wonderland with some Saving Private Ryan and a dash of Lord of the Rings all mixed up with about the same amount of drugs that Rauol Duke took in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." In an age of cookie cutter flicks and remakes of movies that sucked to begin with, this is a truly original and well made flick that will make you wish for more than one or two truly good movies a year. While it would be more appealing if there were an English option I feel it would take away from the experience. If you don't have the patience for 2 hours of reading you wouldn't enjoy the movie anyway.
****

Eragon
Horrible, truly awful. The first 20 minutes the movie really has potential to take off and be a good action/adventure flick. It has John Malkovich as the evil king and Jeremy Irons as the long lost "last Dragon Rider" who must train Eragon, who is to be his replacement. Then all of a sudden, Jeremy Irons is dead and John Malkovich is replaced by some 2 bit Lord of the Rings reject. Don't let the beginning fool you, this is one of the worst movies ever made.
(not even going to honor it with a rating. If you see it I will slap you)

Night at the Museum:
This is your typical Ben Stiller flick, a guy who can't control the situation no matter what, gets thrown into a situation that no one can control. Luke Wilson also makes an appearance as the crazy friend who tries to change the world. Not a bad movie, just a movie. It’s hard to judge any Stiller flick after Zoolander and my personal favorite Heavyweights. It has its moments though. It would be much more enjoyable if Dick Van Dyke had a bigger role as the night security guard. **

Borat:
Hilarious and absurd, I'm sure you've all seen it.
***

Casino Royale:
This one I've been wrestling with since I saw it about a month ago. When I see a Bond movie I expect to see a few things: snazzy gadgets that will never be plausible, things blowing up for no reason, sweet cars and hot chic’s. There were no gadgets at all, 2 explosions I can think of, and did anyone else catch him driving a Ford Focus early in the movie? The Bond girl was played by a true beauty but he fell in love with her? This movie didn't follow the tried and true Bond formula that has worked for over 30 years. While this movie is a very well made spy movie, it lacked many things to make it a truly good bond flick.
** 1/2

Tenacious D in "The Pic of Destiny":
As I stated in my previous post, this movie is great. The dialogue is lame and childish, but Jack Blacks lyrics are inspired and hilarious. The D, as they refer to themselves, actually are gifted musicians and song writers.
***

A Blog About Nothing

Live and alive from Iraq, here is Tony F. Rezac!

Many have asked me the past couple weeks to make a blog post. So I decided that today I would finally do it. I have many topics I wanted to "blog" about, but found it hard to both decide on one and to form it into a coherent thought. So instead of try to form a coherent thought, I am going to spend the next few paragraphs spitting out ideas and thoughts and I will let you, the reader sort them out. There are no doubt some topics that will start debate and some that at some point down the road I may wish to further elaborate on, but for now I'm just going to spew them out to you like a bird feeding its young.

Iraq is a shit hole

A word of advice to any one who ever comes to Iraq, don't eat, drink or touch ANYTHING. I've seen these people slaughter goats in the middle of the streets everyday since I got here. These are the same streets that their raw sewage flows through. And forget about refrigerating the meat once they kill the goat. They just let it hang from a pole until someone buys it. How long to you think meat lasts in the sun on a 112 degree day?

I miss watching baseball

I subscribed to MLB radio and have caught a few of the Twins games now and then, but with a 9 hour time difference and a slow internet connection, it's not easy to listen to a game before I see the box score on ESPN.com.
Also - ESPN insider, whatever the cost was, was the best money I've spent, dare I say, in my whole life. I have spent countless hours reading the archived articles of my favorite columnists.

The lack of quality cartoons for younger kids

While our generation has grown up on some of the greatest cartoons ever, G.I. Joe, Masters of the Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Biker Mice From Mars just to name a few. Children today are forced to watch "Meet the Press" on Saturday mornings when they wake up. Cable offers little in the way of programming that isn't aimed at either the very small/toddler or the adult. What are the 8-12 year olds supposed to watching? Cartoons have grown with people our age and I can not remember a time when there were less than 2 cartoons in my top 5 list of favorite shows. With the exception of Sponge Bob I don't foresee a future like that for today’s young people.

* If anyone reading this considers them selves a Star Wars fan and hasn't read any of the "New Jedi Order" series, you are truly missing out.

* I am planning on going to Germany for second week in September, who wants to come with?

* If you are bored with you standard solitaire on your computer, try Vegas style. It is much more difficult and at times seems impossible, but when you win, you feel like your on top of the world.

* Best movie I've seen since I've been gone: "Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny" If you haven't seen it, you should.

Lastly:

This whole Iraq thing, we can't win plain and simple. It is a complete utter waste of time, money and thousands and thousands of lives - both Iraqi and Coalition. My first thought when I heard I'd be training the police forces was, "sweet, I might really make some difference!" In the 7 months I’ve been here I have done nothing for the good of these people. I keep reading about all these people saying whats best for the Iraqi people, all written by people who have never been here, or have only been to the rich neighborhoods in Baghdad. The poor people where I am are just that. Dirt poor and it doesn't matter how ruthless Saddam was or who is in charge now, all they know is when Saddam was in power; they had electricity and running water - both of which are in very short supply now. They also didn't have to deal with being intimidated or shot just because they live here....
Before I get too deep into this one I'm going to stop. This is a blog for fun, not for politics. If you want to know more about what I think, I'll be home in a few months, buy me a beer and I'll tell you exactly what I think.