Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Best of AH! in 08

Here are the 9 best items on Alright Hamilton of 2008. Click here and reminisce with us. Browse around and give your opinion on other great posts of '08 so we can round out the top ten.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Yankees Just Bought the Rights to Jesus Christ

Just Minutes ago, Jesus Christ signed a 6 year 185 million dollar contract in hopes that he will produce a few miracles and help a few bounces go the Yankees way.

The lack of a Salary Cap in Major League Baseball is a complete joke. I know this is your favorite sport Haas (Twins are my favorite team of any sport) but this spending whatever you feel like is ruining the game, and has been ruining it for a long time.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday's Fun Foptical Filluision (FFFF)

Well, as you know it's a tradition here at AH! that every Friday we have an optical illusion. What's that you say? We have never had an optical illusion on Friday before? Well, we have. Maybe you just didn't realize it when you were reading the seemingly normal posts on Fridays, but I bet if you go back and search you will see that this has been a tradition for some time now. Go ahead and check the last few posts on Fridays, I'll wait.

You checked? Damn. Okay, well maybe it's not a tradition, but it should be.

Anyway, here is one that baffled me for a good portion of the morning. Let's see how you do.
(My answer is below in white so you need to highlight the text with your mouse. Feel free to disagree with me or explain it in your own way in the comments)

After looking at this for longer than I care to share... I figured out that the red and dark green triangles have different slopes. The red has a slope of 3/8 or .375 and the dark green has a slope of 2/5 or .4. So when they combine them to make a "triangle" it's not really a triangle at all. It's really a 4 sided polygon.

In the top drawing, the more gradual triangle is on top, and the steeper triangle at the bottom actually makes a convex shape. Where as in the second figure on the bottom the steeper triangle is on top and the more gradual near the bottom makes the the shape concave. And believe it or not the difference in area between these shapes equals one of the squares.

Visually you can see this by matching up the points along the "triangles" or by printing it out and putting a second piece of paper connecting the two points of the hypotenuse.

Does that make sense? Do you agree or disagree?

Headline of the Day

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Building a Better Ballplayer - Literally

Apparently, Twins players are undergoing laser eye surgery to help their performance on the diamond. How else can they improve through the miracle of modern medicine?

Eyes: Forget painful eye surgery, just replace them. State of the art electronic eyes can pick up the spin on a pitched baseball better than conventional peepers. Available in azure, hazel and pinstripe.

AI: Artificial Intelligence is one of the biggest goals of computer science. When it's invented, Alexi Casilla could benefit from a couple of chips worth of IQ. Does patience come with that? Okay, send some over to Carlos Gomez too.

Botox: One of the simpler cosmetic surgeries, this could be great for the oft-nude backup catcher. When Redmond retires, he plans to pitch his Baywatch: The Movie idea to the studio. Naturally, he wants the star role. Male model Joe Mauer would also benefit from some botox, as it's never too early to look out for those crows feet.

Some sort of smell enhancer: The team did amazingly well at smelling RBI's in '08. This nasal improvement would be specifically for Morneau, specifially in September.

Tommy John surgery: Making the arm super strong by replacing an elbow ligament with a better ligament from somewhere else. Genius. Neshek and Liriano should have had this done a long time ago. Might as well do Guerrier now.

Henry Rowengartner Surgery: By deliberately tightening all tendons and ligaments, a pitcher should be able to throw about 100mph. Just don't slip on a baseball!

Prosthetic Legs: Some marathoners, who've lost their originals, now sport state of the art, space age legs. After this surgery, Delmon could switch the 'run' setting from grape stomp to gazelle.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Gardy and Andy

Nick Punto vs. O.J. Mayo

An interesting comment was left by Brex yesterday. It said, simply, "Nick Punto > O.J. Mayo."
I'm not a math genius, but I remember that the alligator always eats the larger. So, Brex must mean, Nick Punto is greater than O.J. Mayo. Let's quickly break down the argument.

Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo

Professional basketball player, Memphis Grizzlies
21 years old
skills: averaging 20 points per game as a rookie.

Nicholas Punto

Professional baseball player, Minnesota Twins
31 years old
skills: lifetime .252 batting average in eight seasons

The nod goes to Mayo in relative skill level, height and weight. Punto wins profession and age.

But what does 'great' mean?

- Very large in size
- Larger in size than others of the same kind
- Large in quantity or number
- Remarkable or outstanding in magnitude, degree, or extent
- Of outstanding significance or importance
- Superior in quality or character; noble
- Powerful; influential
- Eminent; distinguished
- Grand; aristocratic

Mayo wins: large
Punto wins: distinguished, influential, noble.

Nick Punto is great

Friday, December 12, 2008

Status Quo Fo Sho

I'm OK with the status quo.
Yes, our shortstop is Nick Punto,
but I still say this team won't be bad.
All those players we could have had?
Not worth the hefty price
(says Mr. Smith on Mr. Ryan's advice)
We don't need Atkins or Blake
and a year of Beltre would be a mistake.
We won 88 games in last year's campaign
And I say we will contend again.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Rock n' Roll Music

It's been a while since we dished about music. I'm getting tired of refreshing mlbtraderumors.

Does anyone ever have a definite answer when asked, "What is your favorite band?" It depends on who you're talking to, how you're feeling that day, what time of the year it is, etcetera.

There are still times I answer, "Guns n' Roses."
Of course, now I have to specify which Gn'R I prefer and why.

There have been times when I answered with Metallica and AC/DC, too.

All three of the aforementioned musical outfits released new records in 2008. But I didn't buy the music. Of course, I haven't purchased an album for a few years now; but the point it is: I had no interest in new AC/DC, Guns n' Roses or Metallica music. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm sure it's something.

So without listening to any of these albums completely, I will now review them for you.

Metallica - Death Magnetic

I didn't even know they were releasing new material. After their last album, St. Anger, I was very skeptical of the legendary thrashers direction. Then I got excited for two reasons. The album cover looks badass. They quit screwing around and returned to their classic 80's logo, good decision! Secondly, I was pulling onto my street while flicking past 93x on the radio. I heard something...something I had not heard for a long, long time. Within five seconds of the blistering guitar riff and viceral drum stomp, I decided I would like this new band, because they sounded like vintage Metallica. Then I heard Hetfield sing. Weathered? You bet. But it was Metallica.

Likelihood that I explore more of this album: 90%

AC/DC - Black Ice

I was in high school when their album, Stiff Upper Lip was released. that was the peak of my AC/DC fandom, as I bought the album the day it came out and attended both concerts on that tour. AC/DC is great for their time and place, but I'm over them. It's not artistic, deep or very bluesy - it's the same, straight-forward rock n' roll. I don't know. I guess I miss Bon Scott. I heard the single on the radio, and I heard 'War Machine' somewhere online. I listened to it because KISS has an 80's tune of the same name. The KISS song is better.

Likelihood I explore more of this album: 0%

Guns n' Roses - Chinese Democracy

No. Overthought. Overproduced. Guitar playing is trying to be progressive rather than bluesy. The orginal Gn'R was a unit, they each wrote and contributed to songs, gave input and helped produce the music. Axl can't do it by himself, even given 14 years. I put on Appetite for Destruction after listening to the first half of this record.

Likelihood I explore more of this album: 100%
...It's already on my iTunes

And finally: Did Coldplay Copy Satriani?

Note on Trade Targets

By Hichael Maas

The Twins of 2009 will certainly have some new names, but who will they be? Minnesota lost Rennys Deyes, Edem Averett and possibly Pick Nunto. They are looking to upgrade several positions, but it's been tough going. They failed to sign "big name" free agent Basey Clake, after refusing to add a third year to the deal. The free agent market is thinning, so heavy trade rumors are afloat - and you know what that means: Yelmon Doung. The 23 year old outfielder hit .290 for the Twins last year, but with the emergence of Senard Dpan and charector questions, Yelmon could be on the block. Names associated with Twins rumors: Wack Jilson, Aarret Gtkins, Wy Tigginton, Corge Jantu, and..... Kevin Kouzmanoff.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Investigative Journalism: Man, I'm Lame

By Michael Haas

I was sick with the flu most of thanksgiving break, so I had a bunch of time to sit on the computer. Instead of blogging (I've completely lost the ability to write - the headline on Mondays post was 'Tukeys') I emailed people to ask them dumb questions.

A flu shot cannot give you the flu.

But it can give you flu-like symptoms. What's the difference when I'm laying in a cold sweat?

There will still be a baseball field at the Dome when the Twins leave

I had to send an email to the Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission to get that info. I was concerned that when 2010 rolled around, the dome would be turned into a Vikings-only facility. Watching the Gophers and small college baseball in March is a great tradition. Nearly every college team in the midwest plays a game here in the spring, and they are playin around the clock. Here's what the Director of Operations said:

As of now, the Metrodome will still have collegiate baseball in 2010, both the U of M and small-college. It is hoped that any new Vikings stadium will also include baseball.
New Vikings stadium will include baseball? Neat! Then they could still have high school and college baseball there, and the Twins could use it when it's too cold in April and October. One problem: The Vikes aren't getting a new stadium.

The Gophers baseball team wants a new stadium, but don't hold your breath.

I knew the current home of the Gophers, Siebert Field, is falling apart. They play less than five games in the aging, leaky stadium, and play mostly at the dome. Hey why not play at Target Field?

Assistant Program Director:

There are no plans to play at Target Field but we will still be in the Metrodome for at least the next couple of years. We are in what is called a “quiet” fundraising period for a new baseball stadium. Coach Anderson and the Golden Gopher Fund are working on securing some “major league” gifts which will kick off the public fundraising.

Okay, so how much does it cost to build a college baseball stadium? The softball stadium was built in '99 for less than $3 million. If Molitor and Winfield kick in a few hundred thousand, this thing could really happen.

Getting a player to defect from Cuba and play for your Major League team isn't as wild of a process as I'd imagined.

Recently, I saw a story about two Cuban baseball stars who were kicked off their team, which means that they can't play in the World Baseball Classic. They were suspected of planning to defect. I imagined a baseball-crazy country, where dusty old scouts and agents approached naive young prospects in back alleys, promising money and women if they leave their country. I couldn't find any info on this process of prospect - defection - tryouts - signing, so I emailed my main man LaVelle.

I don’t know all the ins and outs, but Cuban players have to defect first before signing with a club. There usually is a US-based agent – in the past it has been Joe Cubas, but I haven’t heard his name mentioned in awhile – who meets with defected players, arranges workouts for major league teams and then tries to get players signed. The timing and where they defect to is important, too. Ariel Prieto screwed something up with his defection years ago and was thrown into the draft.

Any team can show up at the workouts and put in a bid on a player. It’s up to how much they want to spend.
So it's not as romantic as I imagined. But someone in Cuba has to convince these players that they are good enough to leave their country behind. I mean, it's not like leaving Venezuela.

Still no word from Midway McDonalds

on the McChicken and Double Cheeseburger controversy. They don't sell either of the items after midnight at their midway location. Why?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

We take Twins blogging seriously

Well, if no one else is going to post anything... Let's see...

Oooh, The movie Bad Company is just starting on Korean TV. Do you want me to live blog it for you so you can feel like you're actually here with me watching Bad Company? You doooooo?

They're in Prague. Chris Rock is playing chess with that Russian guy from Fargo (the movie, not the town). Hopkins walks in. He wants a guarantee Russian guy is good for it.

In 10 days Hopkins and rock get the device. Russian is mad Hopkins was late. Hopkins seems unapologetic for his tardiness. Additionally, Hopkins is wearing a leather coat with a big fur collar.

Hard rock/techno music starts. Hopkins stealthily slips something into the briefcase of that crappy new heart surgeon that replaced that black guy on Greys.

Rock is getting followed by bad guys. Monks are singing. The music is really picking up right now. uh oh. UH OH!

Russians are shooting machine guns! Hopkins saves Rock.

Rock says, "You're jeopardizing the mission!"

Hopkins says, "You are the mission."

Now people are in an office starring at lap tops and talking about nukes(nuclear weapons). And commercial. Channel change.

Okay it looks like a movie is starting on channel 36. Let's see what it is. Booyah! Cruel Intentions 3. Never have I been so happy to see a movie I never knew existed. What time is it? Jesus, that late? Oh, well. Must. find out...who has the cruel intentions and what the exact cruel intentions are...that the title eludes to...

Credits come on to a rock and roll song that is soooo California. We see pictures of beaches. Oh, now a plane lands. A handsome devil gets off. I can't place him, but I feel like he's been killed in a number of horror movies.

He gets into a limo with his suit cases with a babe. Wait, babe gots attitude and rejects him. He follows in a cab. She says, "If we ride together we arrive together." Sounds like Hollywood talk if you ask me.

They are at some kind of school. It may be a college. Babe's name is Cass. She said, "Daddy donated a wing." So, she has a nice dorm room. Hunky-frequently-killed-in-horror movie guy gets a roommate that is sickly.

Horror guy's name is Jason. Despite Cass's evilness, he likes her. Again, dis bitch got 'tude so she likes some other guy that is rich.

More crappy California garage band music. A bunch of new people. A couple seem like hippies. Two seem like go getters. One of the go getters is English. Oh, wait I think English guy is the same one that is rich that Cass likes.

Bombshell, he is a prince and is rich.

Jason bets Cass that she can't sleep with him. He ups the bet to 10Gs and says that she can't also sleep with Patrick this weekend. Who's Patrick? Not sure. The plot thickens.

Cass is golfing in a sports bra. Not that I noticed. She has a Louis Vuitton visor. What's with female golfers and visors? I'm talking to you, Mom.

Okay, Patrick is the sickly roommate. We got that settled. Cass is getting her fake mack on with Patrick. She is wearing a bikini and asks him if she can show him something in her room. It's a short story she wrote. Patrick loves it. She tries to kiss him. He says, " I don't understand." But then they start tongue kissing. She's audio recording it for proof. We don't know what happened between the two, but she presents the tape to Jason. He pays her, but says she only half done. Not sure what that means. I think 20k are available, 10 for Christopher and 10 for Patrick.

Christopher, the British guy (I don't think he's an actual prince, but he says he knows Prince William) is having a date with Cass. Patrick comes in with flowers. Cass acts like he doesn't know her. Patrick tells Christopher that they slept together. Patrick gets the tape out of her purse and plays it for them. Christopher storms off. Patrick is not sickly any more. IT WAS ALL AN ACT! We were all played, but not as bad as Cass was played. So Cass gives the 10K back to Patrick because he was the one that sponsored Jason's bet.

Okay, going to bed. Thanks for visiting our blog today, people.

You're welcome.

Monday, December 1, 2008


After sifting through hundreds of entries, here are the three finalists for the Oh, That's a Turkey Alright contest.