Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Twins Mailbag: Dumb Questions, Real Dumb Answers

By Michael Haas

Over at the Twins official website, beat writer Kelly Thesier periodically fields questions from the fans. It can make for some informative baseball talk, but it's not exactly groundbreaking stuff. You see, Ms. Thesier works for the Twins, so she is required to tow the company line and remain optimistic about things. So I'm going to answer dumb fans questions from the biased, negative fans view.

Q - How can the Twins be so optimistic about Francisco Liriano's ability to help the club this season? The general consensus on Philip Humber and other Tommy John elbow ligament replacement surgery recipients is that they don't return to form until their second full season.
--- Paul P.

A - That's not really a question, Paul. That's more like an accusation followed by a statement. It sounds like you're accusing the Twins of being over-optimistic about Lirianos recovery, and you want to know why. First of all, I don't know what makes you think they are overly positive about the projection of Liriano's effectiveness for 2008, but let's just say that you're right on. You see, the team has to sell tickets. You think they can market Scott Baker, Levon Hernandez or Kevin Slowey? Hell no. They need the F-bomb for money just as much as they need him for wins. Let's chalk this up to Wishful Thinking.

Q - This year will Joe Mauer still have to DH when they play a day game after a night game?
-- Anthony H

A - You should know the answer to this question.

Q - With Nick Punto being the main backup for most infield positions, who would be the Spring Training candidates to backup Justin Morneau at first base? Does Punto have the ability to play first?
-- Jake H

A - Punto? You kidding me? Could you imagine Punto over there at first? Ha! When he would hold a guy on, he would probably take a lead with the guy, then dive headfirst back to the bag with him too! Punto! C'mon! But in all seriousness, who cares about a backup first baseman anyway? That's way down the list of needs at this point - right behind a number one starter, a number two starter, a number three starter, a center fielder, a DH, a shortstop, a third baseman, a second baseman, a reliever or two, and an Al Newman.

Q: What are the chances that the Twins could get Barry Bonds? It seems not many teams are interested in him, and I think he'd fit good as another veteran in the Twins young lineup.
-- Donald W

Nice fucking grammar, Don.

Q - With Coco Crisp wanting out of Boston, is there still a chance that we could get him? Or are the Twins set with the three players they have competing for the center field spot?
-- Ben W

A - Contrary to what the Twins say, I believe that this is a rebuilding year. A team generally will not block or trade prospects in a rebuilding year. And even if it wasn't, Coco Crisp ain't exactly the guy who would wrap up the title for ya.

Q - How long is Mike Redmond under contract with the Twins? Do you think he will stay in Minnesota until he retires?
-- Dan P

A - We used to worry about the future of guys like Torii Hunter and Johan Santana. We'd imagine a future that has those guys forever in a Twins uniform. Now you want to ask about Mike Redmond. Like you'd really be upset if you saw Mike Effin Redmond playing for another team. Oh, how things have changed.


Holmer said...

The educator in me says there's no such thing as a dumb question, but...c'mon.

I'd rather have Redmond be our backup first baseman than Punto.

Is Coco Crisp some sort of prize? $? I'd rather have our three guys battling each other.

bizmarkie507 said...

hahaha that punto thing was hilarious. I love minnesota but we do have some of the biggest rubes ever. There should be more pieces like this at AH!

Daymonster said...

I think, and no offense to other posts, but this was the best one I have read in a long time.

Also, I made an excel spread sheet I could throw up on the blog for people to fill out for the tournament. I know it's late notice or does everyone have enough of those?

bizmarkie507 said...

throw her on here. I forgot to fill anything out.

Anonymous said...


Q: When the home town 9 are 15 games out at the all-star break do you think we'll be able to get an entire section to ourselves. Like their last rebuilding project?

A: Yes.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit. I just laughed out loud for about 5 minutes while reading this. Please make sure that this is a continued trend here throughout the summer so I can laugh at this instead of the reality of our team!!