Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Minnesota Twins Movie: Cast of Characters

There hasn't been a commercial motion picture featuring the Twins franchise since the 1994 flick, Little Big League. But few other teams have the sort of dramatic story line and colorful characters that the 2008 Minnesota Twins have.

The story about the Minnesota Twins team would feature a young pitching staff with a veteran ace at the helm.

Livan Hernandez would be played by Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson.

Jamie Foxx would play the young left-hander. Dubbed "The Franchise"
Liriano struggles to get back to the form he once had.

Boof Bonser would have been played by Luciano Pavarotti
if it wasn't for the language problem, and the dead problem.

The young Pat Neshek would be played by Matthew Perry.

Veteran closer, Joe Nathan would be played by Jerry Seinfeld.

Nick Blackburn would be played by Mötley Crüe bassist, Nicki Sixx.

Tommy Pickles from the hit show, Rugrats would take the
part of the baby faced Scott Baker.

The plot would not just surround the pitching staff, the young outfield corp, devastated by the loss of veteran center fielder and former face of the franchise, this rag-tag team of outfielders make spectacular plays on and off the field.

Jeff Daniels stars as Michael Cuddyer, the eldest
member of the OF struggling to teach the young outfielders
how to spot balls against the domed roof

Carlos "Go-Go" Gomez will be played by R&B sensation, Usher.

Venus Williams will star as Denard Span the
troubled yet talented outfielder.

The movie would feature a slew of other players including a majority of the infield. Best friends Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau struggle as they battle to get back to the form they had two seasons ago, while still making time for regularly scheduled "bro-dates."

Ashton Kutcher would star as the hometown hero, Joe Mauer.
He would have no lines in the movie.

Justin Morneau would be played by Mark Wahlberg.

Energetic Nick Punto would be played by
Justin Chatwin as he struggles to get a hit all season.

The film would also feature a bevy of characters from the front office.

Ron Gardenhire would be played by veteran actor Gary Busse.

New GM Bill Smith would be played by Walter Eugene "Radar" O’Reilly from M*A*S*H.

The climax of the film would feature a stunning performance
of Carl Pohlad by C. Montgomery Burns.

The young Twins might also get a visit by the ghost of Minnesota Twins Past.

American Idol Winner Ruben Studdard would play the ghost of Kirby Puckett.

That's about all the characters I could think of. Feel free to leave more information about the story line or other actors to play the Twins players.


Tricia said...

This post is absolutely hilarious. I would totally go see that movie.

Anonymous said...

Joe Mauer should be played by Nick Blackburn

Daymonster said...

Yeah, I thought about that, or the other way around. But I actually had trouble finding pictures that showed how closely they matched. If the picture isn't at a similar angle it doesn't look very good. The head shot of Mauer has a big goofy smile, and that is not Blackburn's style.

bizmarkie507 said...


I love the Scott Baker one hahaha

Jim H. said...

No lines for Mauer...perfect!

Excellent post, Mr. Daymonster.

haasertime said...

ha! pavarotti. Thats good. This would be the best movie ever. We should get started on a script.

Anonymous said...

You're wrong. Major League: Back To The Minors was after Little Big League and featured the Twins.

Daymonster said...

Everyone knows Major League: Back to Minors is about the South Carolina Buzz.

But I do see your point. You don't have to be a dick about it though, anonymous.

Becca said...

Maybe Ryan Seacrest could have a small part playing Adam Everett as he tries to get of the DL.

soup said...

Mayor McCheese as denny reyes