Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Ya Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

By Michael Haas

Shoe shopping. I can't stand shoe shopping. Before last night, I hadn't purchased a new pair of shoes in about five years. Because I'm the worst shoe shopper ever. And I think I realized why I hate shoe shopping: New shoes suck.

New shoes are the biggest racket on earth. When you walk into a shoe store, there are probably 500 different pairs from which to choose. Which is a lot, until you realize that all those shoes are ugly. And all those 500 pairs of shoes fall into just three categories:

1. Tennis shoes

Tennis shoes are cool. I'm talking about all those run-of-the-mill Nike, Adidas, New Balance, L.A. Lights, and so on. These shoes are comfortable and everything, but they aren't good casual work shoes. They are often too gaudy and athletic looking. I'm looking for something a bit more professional...

2. Hipster shoes

Wouldn't it be great if someone designed comfortable, fashionable, respectable looking shoes? Amazing! They succeeded by coming up with "sport casual" Oh, except just one thing: they're all ugly. I guess they are OK for hipster doofuses. But I'm just not that cool. They all look like track shoes these days. And half of them don't have laces. Ha! Most of them look like golf shoes.


"If we're ever going to get out of here alive, we're going to need some golf shoes"



3. Skater shoes



I've never really skateboarded in my whole life.


It's hard to believe, but it's true: we don't have many options when it comes to shoes. We're held at the mercy of designers who tell us what's fashionable. Well I'm not buying it. Literally.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.

12 comments:

Daymonster said...

Usually I agree with all of the "Grinds my Gears" post. But I am going to have to respectfully disagree, in a way.

As far as buying clothing, shoes are way better than the alternatives. At least with shoes, I can 9 out of 10 times get them without having to try them on. That is a huge plus. And when I do need to try them on it's way better than trying on pants or a shirt. Those are so tiring. Plus you can sit down while trying on shoes, which is nice.

The only thing better than buying shoes is buying hats. Also, if I go into like a DSW store or whatever and I go to the bargain area, I can usually find pretty good prices on some shoes. Yes, some look ridiculous, but for the most part I can find something because I have a somewhat large foot.

But do you know what really grinds my gears? The Twins bullpen the last two games.

soup said...

I have had the same pair of New Balance 574s for about four years. I love them. I'm scared to go shoe shopping again.

brex said...

Alright, lets get down to brass tacks. I don't enjoy anything if it in any way involves spending money.

Daymonster said...

Not true for me. I subscribe to the thought what the use of money if you don't spend it.

Holmer said...

I love shoes too much to agree with you Haas. I will say that the process of going out and finding them, can be quite a disappointing event. Unless I find that one pair that catches my eyes, and yells out, "Best shoes in the world!" I turn around and continue to the next shoe store. It usually takes about three stores before I either give up, or wrap my feet up in my new favorite shoes. And that feeling will make any effort I put in, worth it.

Holmer said...

And thank you for changing the subject. I can't think about the Twins right now.

tfrezac2002 said...

It could be that I have my finger on the pulse of fashion, or that I have chronic foot odor. But I can't handle having anything on my feet except flip flops.

bizmarkie507 said...

wet sandals in the shower. haha!

bizmarkie507 said...

I buy skater shoes : (

TwinsWin83 said...

i had a really cool pair of 'airwalks' in 6th grade.

About the only shoes I ever got pumped about were new baseball cleats or basketball shoes. I think regular shoes as a whole have kinda gone too poo. Too fancy. Need to be more simple. Like a casual pair of white low-top adidas. Superstar style. Nice.

Holmer said...

Agreed twinswin, there is something about a new pair of cleats that makes you feel like Forrest Gump when his braces fall off.

Jim H. said...

Nice Seinfeld reference.