Friday, May 29, 2009

You're reading this because it's on the internet

The bad news: this post is a waste of your time. The good news: here is a picture of a really big catfish.

-With the Twins hitting more home runs this year, the national sports writers might actually have to change the standard Twins-do-the-little-things story they have been reprinting for years.

Last year after the Twins hit back-to-back homers, Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports said, "That's like two straight laughs at a Dane Cook show." Well now that the Twins have been hitting with some power, columnists are going to need a lot more hilarious similes/metaphors. I thought I would help them out.

-The Twins are demonstrating more power than North Korea.

-Jon and Kate
Gosselin practically have more children than Mauer has plate appearances between
home runs.

-Like Ted Nudgent, Mauer is killing everything moving

Yeah, I only got three before I got bored/hungry.

-Carlos Gomez keepin' it real:

-I heard a very funny Joe Mauer impression on this KFAN podcast from Paul Allen's show. It's about a third through.

-Someone from Winner, South Dakota -- the place of my birth -- has won a $232M Powerball. Just think of the belt buckle you could buy with that kind of money.

-Who's your favorite giant of all time? Angus McAskill? Chang Woo Gow? Lutteur Ant? I've always been a Ed Beaupre kind of guy. myself. I even have his signed trading card.


Daymonster said...

Yeah, you know the ball hit my hand and uh, it hurt alot. Um, but you know you just go out there and give it your all and sometimes you get your hand hurt and uh, sometimes you know you don't, and that time uh, I did. Uh, but I just... try and go out there and just forget about the pain even if its really intense and it stings a lot, like now. I'm in a lot of pain, right now.

haasertime said...

"mauer has hit 11 home runs this year - about twice as many homers as punto has hits"

Souhan could use that one.

Anonymous said...

Gomez. That is some incredible footage.

Daymonster said...

I admire his honesty.

soup said...

You know what's cool? Cowbells at baseball games. just kidding. They're terrible. Also, I saw they started the wave on Sunday while Garza was pitching in a big spot. So nice job Rays fans.

Anonymous said...

Tampa fans should stick to jai alai.