Friday, May 8, 2009

Screams of sadness

Another Twins loss builds an awful wreckage in my soul. The dark shadows of fourth place torture and torment. An ever deepening sea of ineptness consumes our hopes and dreams. The season is lost. Gone like the dead foliage of Autumn. The pitching rem...

...What the...

uh oh


It's utility infielder Jay Canizaro!!! What the heck are you doing here? Wait, let me get this straight. You want to know if we will party with you, Jay Canizaro?!?! I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Um...YEAH!" This is awesome. Right, we need tunes. Ahhhh yeah, now this is a party.

This a great party, Jay. WHAT?!? No you DIDN'T, Jay Canizaro. You did not just bust out the limbo stick! I freaking love limbo. Let's do it. Let's find out how low we can go. This is a blast. I don't even remember what I was sad about.

Hells yeah I want some junk food. Let me get a plate. You're right. This is a party. Screw the plate. I am just going to shove the sweaty wad of Cheetos I have in my hand into my mouth! This party is out of control, you guys.

Seriously, do not press "send." Oh my gosh, it's ringing. I can't believe we are prank calling Denny Hocking right now.

HAHAHA. He was all like, "Hello." Then you just totally hung up on him. He doesn't know what is going on right now. He just got Punk'd hard. Man, partying with you, Jay, is exactly what I needed. You want to take the furniture out on the street and start it on fire? You're right. That's a bit overdoing it.

What's that, Jay?'m not interested in buying any Amway products. Wait, where are you going?


jammyman said...

what a great party. i don't super love cheetos though. remember that one time when jay canizaro came over and we prank called denny hocking? that was awesome.

man i hate denny hocking. what adds to that hate is the fact that he was the player rep for the twins for so long. what a d-bag.

haasertime said...

nothin like a party with jay canizaro to get the mind of all the LOSING. Once, in Kansas City, we talked to Jay Canizaro. He didn't bust out the limbo stick.

People who burn furniture in the street are idiots. A few weeks ago at the U of M's spingjam, some dumbass drunks started a fire in a dinkytown neighborhood. Back when I used to riot at the U, we had principles. We only flipped and burned cars, hurled bottles at riot police while singing the UofM rouser when we had a reason. Like winning the national championship.

soup said...

A kid in my accounting class had a Hocking jersey. He said his sister was the nanny for Denny's kids. Still no excuse.

Jay Canizaro knows how to throw a party. I'm happy he invited AH!.

Do you think our blog is mad we forgot it's second aniversary?

Anonymous said...

Jay C. and his boyz should punk the Coom Dog next time. He's so annoying and I think he's partly responsible for the Twins' bad road trip just because he's so annoying.


haasertime said...

we didn't miss Alright Hamilton's second anniversary. That's why we had a party with Jay Canizaro.

Waters could write the exact same post today as he did two years ago, and it would be just as relevant. Check it out in the archive: confessions of a desperate twins fan from may 8th 2007

brex said...

The God damn plane has crashed into the mountain!

I was curious how April has treated the Twins over the years (might be a bit late now that it's may 8, but who cares) so I did some research... Since 2002, the twins are combined 92-80 during April. The best year was 2005, 15-8, resulting in a .512 season and a chisox championship. The worst year was 2006, 9-15, resulting in an exciting 1st place finish... but incredibly disappointing ALDS.

Just thought I would share that

bizmarkie507 said...

nice brex. I always remember this team starting like crap, so I usually don't panic unless they still suck by the time june rolls around. But still, I can't watch this team right now its just too frustrating. I don't mind watching a loss if they played well, but these losses are a result of not playing well at all.

tfrezac2002 said...

Wow, what a great party. I love the limbo! It was the highlight of the night. I wanted to make a death threat to Denny. But Jay said that was going a bit overboard.

TwinsWin83 said...

Blowout wins cure all. Atleast for the time being.