Friday, April 3, 2009

Things to bring back to MN from Ft Myers

When packing, it's easy to forget stuff. The Twins have been in Florida for over a month. They were settled in nicely. Soon they will pack and head north to the Twin Cities. Here's a helpful list of stuff not to forget:

Cortisone, heat pads and ice packs: It's been a rough spring. A load of injuries has plagued the last few games of spring training. Joe Mauer plans to sleep covered in ice, in a hyperbaric chamber until he is healthy. Keep your fingers crossed.

Emery board: It's been reported that R.A. Dickey will start for the Twins in Chicago next weekend. Knuckballers need to have a perfect grip of the ball in order to get it to trip the light fantastic on it's way to the mound. So RAH will need to manicure his nails in between innings. Just don't manicure that ball!

Sunglasses: Their future is so bright, they gotta wear shades.

Elliptical exercise machine: This is for Delmon Young. Twins fans have expressed concern over Delmons unconventional style of moving. This should help smooth things out.

Long underwear - For the trip to Chicago next weekend. A couple years ago, Rondell White and the Twins were in Chicago on a cold April day. Rondell tore up his halmstring running out of the dugout because it was so cold. The Twins lost out on 80 to 90 RBI because of that. Never Again.

163+ T-shirts - It turns out 162+ isn't the same thing as making it to the post season.

Calendar - A calendar is used to keep track of time. Last year, Justin Morneau was confused and thought the season ended about September 9th. Never again.

Better Walk-up music - Rumor has it that Mauer will be using this song as his walk-up music. I don't know who's behind it, but it is the most average sounding rap song ever. But for you Stolaf grads, there's a Larry Nava reference.


jammyman said...

Also, they should not forget to bring Liriano back to MN. That could prove to be embarrassing, as he is the opening day starter.

brex said...

No tell Delmon forget the exercise machines. He needs to remember his hitting shoes. Same goes for Casilla, Kubel, Cuddyer.

jammyman said...

hyperbaric chambers=weird. i looked them up to see how much they cost.

soup said...

Well, don't leave us hanging, Jam. How much do they cost?

Do you think it would be cheaper to get a semibaric chamber or a kindabaric chamber? Because I'm not sure I need that much baric.

jammyman said...

well according to google products they can run anywhere from 1,995 to 100,000 depending on the model (seems like quite a disparity). it all depends on if you want a "government model" (doesn't say if it was used by G.W.), a "recompression freeze dry" model (recompression isn't a word), a "civilian model" (cheapo), and what size you want. seems like it might be a scam, but i guess the verdict is still out...

Anonymous said...


They should bring lots of chewing gum. Ballplayers look better chewing gum and, according to the Billy James Baseball Abstralmanac, they play better while chewing, too. Remember Carew with that big wad in his cheek? He claimed it helped him see the pitch better.


jammyman said...

when i was in high school i used to put an entire pack of BLC in my mouth at one time. at first it wouldn't all fit and i would have to keep my mouth open until i chewed it enough to compact it into a cheek-sized wad. it definitely did not help me see thhe ball...i was more of a defensive specialist and pitcher than hitter. glory days.

TwinsWin83 said...

Make sure the sandpaper R.A. brings is camouflage or something so that he doesnt get Niekro'ed out there. Kent Hrbek isnt around anymore to help out with a sly cover of the foot when the emery board comes flying out the back pocket.