Sunday, April 5, 2009

Opening Day swagger

It's Opening Day, people. What the hell are you doing on the internet?

Opening Day: from the Latin oris dies. It was an ancient Pagan holiday in which Druids would drink lambs' blood and make forts out of blankets in their living rooms. Now it's a holiday devoted to baseball. And it's awesome.

There are Twins related activities all day! Unfortunately it isn't technically recognized by work places or schools, but this obstacle can be overcome with a simple and fraudulent tale of uncontrollable diarrhea. Or you can just tell them that you're half Druid and you need the day off for religious reasons.

What other day of the year can you just drive in front of the Metrodome and nice people hand you hot dogs, potato chips, and coffee for breakfast? The answer is no other days of the year. Hot dogs for breakfast! If you can't get excited about baseball and a free hot dog for breakfast, well...

And I'm not sure what it is, but it seems that the Twins got a little bit of a swagger heading into this season. Maybe it's the rookies that contributed significantly last season having a little more experience. Maybe it's a healthy Liriano. Maybe it's the apparent healing of Joe Mauer's inflamed Sports Illustrated Joint. Maybe it's the stellar defense we will be trotting out there. Maybe it's not having Craig Monroe, Livan Hernandez, Tony Batista, Rondell White, or Mike Lamb starting.

Wait. Figured it out. It's a classic case of the Mustache Swagger.
H/T Haas
So a "Happy Opening Day" from Alright Hamilton to you. As the Ancient Druids would say, "lascivio ball!"


soup said...

Kevin Slowey would like to see your drivers license and registration, please.

Anonymous said...

If Morneau had facial hair, it'd be the handlebar.

TwinsWin83 said...

HA. Mauer looks like Luigi.

For Opening Day today I had all of my classes do an MLB Map. They had to correctly locate each major league city on a US map and label them.

Its hard to explain to 7th graders that the Tampa Bay Rays dont play in Tampa Bay.

I also told them that Opening Day is my favorite holiday of the year. Right ahead of Arbor Day.

jammyman said...

wow. is that francisco liriano or lavar burton?

Anonymous said...

Morneau looks suspiciously like Tom Brunansky.

Yay, Druids!


Walk On Boy said...

Please tell me that you're getting your moustie swagger on as well, Haaser. Please.

aprilzz said...

Ok, I can't stop laughing at those mustache pics or soup's comment. It's killing me!