Thursday, October 11, 2007

Glen Mason Fired!

By Michael Haas

Editors note: This is what would have been written if Alright Hamilton! was operating in December of 2006.

The Mason era ended yesterday, just one day after another jaw-dropping defeat for the Gopher football team. Old Bob and Joe finally had enough of the Monson and Mason duo of broken promises .

This past season was a microcosm of the whole Mason era. He took a bad team into mediocrity, but couldn't win a big game. Glen Mason will probably be remembered - whether it's fair or not - for the numerable epic collapses his teams seemed to perfect. Fridays loss in the Insight Bowl came as no surprise to the Gophers fanbase. Mason's teams have such a history of squandering leads, that not one person vomited after the catastrophe in Arizona.

Let's take a look at some possible candidates for the coaching position:

Mike Grant: The son of legendary Vikings coach Bud Grant has always been too afraid to coach at any level but high school. If he could grow a pair, he might be a good fit for the U. He obviously has many connections with high school coaches in the state, and he's a true Minnesotan.

Tony Dungy: The former Gopher quarterback and Vikings assistant coach is currently the head football coach for the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts will probably blow it in the playoffs yet again this year, which could put some pressure on Dungy. The U would give him quite a bit of money to work for his alma mater.

Flip Saunders: Another U alum, Flip currently coaches the Detroit Pistons. He has many schemes for basketball that would presumably transfer seamlessly to football.

Lou Holtz: Lou is a legendary college football coach, and has always had a warm place in his heart for the Golden Gophers. Last season, just before the Badger-Gopher game ended, he explained that he was happy to see Paul Bunyans Axe going back to Minnesota. For those who don't know, Lou coached the Gophers for just one season, 1985, before moving on to coach Notre Dame. I assume that he would drop his TV gig to finish what he started.

Sid Hartman: Close personal friends with a lot of coaches in the state, and could really get the program on the map by motivating those genius's in the marketing department. He's been easily the biggest proponent of Gopher football in the post-rose bowl era, so he might as well seal the deal and run the team. But the Star Tribune and their readers would likely beg to make him stay in the fish-wrap business.

I'm sure I'll think of more candidates, but Mason was just fired yesterday and these were the big names that popped out at me.

Whoever Maturi chooses as the next coach of the Golden Gophers, he'll have a great chance for success at the U. Mason lead the team from futility to mediocrity, and there's a new stadium coming in just a couple of seasons. The new coach will have to thank Glen Mason for laying the groundwork for a championship program. No one is expecting a Rose Bowl in the direct future, but at the very least, we expect no more 4th quarter collapses or near-losses to NDSU.



haasertime said...

I hope they hire a coach who is a good salesman and recruiter for us.

I hope he makes silly, unrealistic promises and then makes a cool new nickname for the gophers fanbase!

Indiana. dead.
Purdue. dead.
Michigan st. dead.
northwestern. dead.
iowa. dead
penn state. dead.
illinois. dead.
ohio st. dead.
wisconsin. dead.
michigan. dead.

they're all dead!


TwinsWin83 said...

haha. I think Sid is close personal friends with everyone involved with sports in Minnesota, from Carl Pohlad to soccer moms from Mankato to Minnetonka.

My vote is for Mike Grant. He can just bring his entire Eden Prarie team with him to the U and then we could atleast beat Bowling Green.

Nice Animal House reference. Wormer. DEAD.

Pat said...

I haven't even read your post, and frankly I don't care because you may blow your cyber mind.

And in the immortal words of Joe Buck, "Go crazy, folks! Go crazy!"

Daymonster said...

uuhhh.. what?

tfrezac2002 said...

I think Bubba Sullivan would do a pretty good job with the Gophers.

bizmarkie507 said...

who needs Charlie Strong, the defensive coordinator for University of Florida, when you can hire the most unproven head coach in the history of D-1 coaches?

Gopher Nation baby! Here comes Pasadena.