Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Twins Teddy Bear Tours Target Field

The Twins held their first large scale showing of Target Field this weekend, and despite cold temperatures, hundreds of fans came to check it all out. And it did not disappoint. It was a great experience to finally walk the concourses and sit in the seats at the brand new ballpark after closely following its construction over the past two and a half years. It's certainly a top-five MLB stadium.

Unfortunately, the only view of green grass was in the left field corner. The rest was covered with some sort of tarp, presumably to keep in the heat (heated coils run beneath the field) and keep off the frost or whatever. It made it hard to imagine a baseball game actually being played in the building. But that will come soon.

The day was all about exploring the many amenities of Target Field. At the Metrodome, there were just two bland 360 degree concourses that led to equally spaced gates and two separate decks: upper and lower. The new place is a goddamn baseball corn maze compared to that dump.

Here's Teddy drinking a cold beer on the lower concourse just behind home plate. The highest seven rows (or so) are are covered by the cantilevered Legends Club seats. No blue sky or sunshine for these folks. There isn't even a view of the scoreboard. But they have their own flat screen televisions and they will always stay warm.

And directly behind those seats is an entrance to Hrbek's. It's a small bar without views to the playing field, but there are plenty of pictures of the former Twins first baseman. Unlike Hrbek, the place feels a little small and dark. But at least any ticket holder is allowed inside, unlike..

The Metropolitan Club. It's a tribute to old Metropolitan Stadium, which is where the Twins played for a few years while the Metrodome was constructed. It feels like a cafeteria for old people who like to feel rich and exclusive. I felt under-dressed, as did the Bear, who wasn't wearing pants. It's a neat space, featuring three walls of glass, but I'll never hang out there since it costs a bunch of money and it doesn't offer views of the field.

can you spot the Target symbol?

Well, it looks like Teddy found the exterior deck of the Metropolitan Club, where the field is clearly visible. Looks like a fun place to watch the game. Unfortunately, it will cost money to sit there, even though you already have a regular seat in the stadium and you are spending money on their food. And you have to be a season ticket holder to enter.

Next we visit the Legends Club. If you haven't noticed by now, there are a lot of clubs at Target Field. Oh, it's just terribly exclusive. There's the Metropolitan Club, the Champions Club, the Legends Club, Hrbek's Pub Club, Club sandwiches, the 573 Club, the Townball Tavern Club, the Twins Pub Club, the Budweiser Deck Club and the Twins Majestic Pro Shop Club. Here's a breakdown of where you can and can't go:

Open: Hrbek's Club, Twins Pub Club, Town Ball Tavern Club, Club sandwich.
Make more money: Champions Club, 573 Club, Legends Club, Metropolitan Club.

See that section of wood-backed seats in the above picture? The Legends Club is essentially an enclosed, very fancy concourse that leads to those seats. It's also the home of the Puckett and Carew atriums. And Harmon Killebrew's 573 club. But you can't go to any of those places. It's too bad. Those Legends Club seats are definitely the best in the house, both physically and view-wise.

The Carew Atrium features fantastic views of the Hennepin County Garbage Incinerator.

The Champions Club is totally off limits. To get there, you must have seats right behind the plate. It has a special, super-secret passage that allows rich people to move from their seats directly to the club, without having to bump against any commoners. It's done with a carefully designed moat.

The worst part? They took the two World Series trophies and put them behind glass, beyond the moat. Two beloved Twins teams won those trophies, making all of Minnesota champions. We are no longer champions. The people in the seats behind the plate are champions. And they have the trophies to prove it.

And what do my Teddy Bear and I get?

A new hot dog! After much worry, the Twins replaced Hormel with Schweigert. Delicious, right? Not so much. It tasted like a regular hot dog. Disappointing.

All new sports venues feature la-ti-da exclusive areas designed to squeeze out corporate dollars. Some places focus so much on that kind of thing, that they forget about the game. Luckily, the Twins didn't forget about baseball. I think for pure baseball viewing, Target Field will not disappoint anyone. For instance, the entire upper deck is cheap, and it just happens to feature fantastic views.

So bring your bear to a ballgame this season. They'll never suspect a Teddy Bear would try to steal those trophies back.


brex said...

Hey mike, why does a Big Mac cost more than a regular cheeseburger?

haasertime said...

cuz it's nicer and it has two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce chee-

alright I get yer point. You get what you pay for. And yet

Call me a socialist, but I don't like the blatant reflection of society's gap between the haves and the have-nots. It's just gross.

Dig this: It's like if they had a separate McDonalds that only served Big Macs that were much nicer than those that only sold cheeseburgers.

haasertime said...

btw, I really don't care that much, I'm just having fun trying to come up with negatives about this place. I cannot wait to see a game there. And steal those trophies back. HA.

millie said...

For the love of god, remove the tag from poor teddy's ear!
Is he your cuddly loyal companion, or merely a sad collectible, photographed for your grim amusement and destined to be displayed behind glass like those world series trophies?

brex said...

So to be fair, McDonalds should price Big Macs and cheeseburgers equally? Or should they only have one kind of burger?

haasertime said...

No, but Big Macs should be free to all people named Michael Haas.

Millie - That is an earring. If I felt the general public wanted to see the bear, I would display it accordingly. For now, he's sitting on top of the stereo in the living room. Drinking beer.

TwinsWin83 said...

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the site of you putzing around that place with a tiny teddy bear in your arms.

Anonymous said...

Best critique of Target Field on the Internet.

Cute bear, too.


Daymonster said...


Was that mcdonald's paid for by tax payer money?

haasertime said...

how about this:

The Metrodome was built with only two decks and two concourses and no exclusive sections, just a ring of suites owned by the Vikings. It was built with public money and named after a politician.

Target Field was built with 35 different exclusive clubs, and shortly after it was completed, the Twins changed their logo to include the phrase "Minnesota Twins Baseball Club" The stadium was built with public money and named for a corporation.

TwinsWin83 said...


turgid said...

Nice critique. methinks Brex is worried the moat is too shallow. Thx for posting!

Anonymous said...

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