Monday, March 22, 2010

Mauer Contract Brings Balance to the Universe

Two Alright Hamilton contributors share their reflective and emotional thoughts on Joe Mauer's new contract.

Soup: I believe it was Mahatma Gandhi who once said, "Home is where the heart is." Well, Joe Mauer's heart is in Minnesota, and so is his employer for the next eight years. Our state can now collectively exhale.

Haas: It is indeed a huge relief. But was there really ever a doubt that this would happen? I mean, it was meant to be. It was written in the stars. He's our Baby Jesus, and the Twin Cities is Bethlehem. Jesus never left Bethlehem, so it's fate that Joe stays here.

Soup: Yes, and just like when Jesus signed his contract, Joe's new deal provides hope for those little boys and girls that are looking to be inspired. Joe Mauer and this contract are that inspiration. This contract sends a message that you can be a successful superstar and still remember where you came from and how you were raised.

Haas: It's true. He's probably the first superstar to ever remember where he came from. All the others forget and then sign with the Yankees. Hmmm.. Do you think he could have signed a larger contract in New York? Because I haven't heard that anywhere.

Soup: I'm glad you asked. The answer is YES! Mauer could have signed a bigger contract with some big market team, but he didn't. He chose to stay around. Being around the people he loves is more important than the bright lights and fame. This loyalty is refreshing for an athletic superstar to display in the wake of the Tiger Woods saga.

Haas: Yeah, he took a deep discount to stay with the Twins, settling for just $184 million bucks over eight years. That's loyalty.

But I have no doubt that loyalty wasn't the only force behind Mauer's decision to stay in Minnesota. He was acutely aware that the world would collapse if he didn't re-sign. Twins fans would blow up Target Field and Major League Baseball would spiral downward into anarchy. And society wouldn't be far behind. Joe Mauer knew what he had to do: save the world.

Soup: Since September 11, 2001 Minnesota has been looking for a hero. We have been looking for a leader. Maybe that person is Joe Mauer. Maybe not. What we do know, however, is that you can crash planes into our towers and we'll still be here. And for at least eight more years, so will Joe Mauer.

Haas: huh?


Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that Mauer's higher income taxes will pretty much fix the state's budget shortfall; another way in which this was a heroic sacrifice for Joe.


TwinsWin83 said...

If Mauer were to leave the Twins what would every generic high school female fan put on their homemade signs instead of 'Marry Me Joe Mauer?'

The thought they would be forced to used to come up with something new could, in itself, cause minor to mid-level chaos.

Daymonster said...

Mauer just said this contract will go to the end of career. Does he know something we don't know?

Daymonster said...


Doesn't Mauer live in FL? And if memory serves there is no federal income tax in FL.

I could be wrong though.

Daymonster said...

errr state income tax, I mean.

Anonymous said...


The portion of a player's income earned while playing in Minnesota is taxable income in Minnesota regardless of the state of residence (see the MN Dept. of Revenue web site under "part-year non-resident requirements.")

This keeps the Twins (and Vikings and Wild amd Wolves) payroll departments humming!

Also, he gets a small bonus for every press conference sentence that does not include "y'know."

Daymonster said...

Sweet. Thanks for the info.

(NBC song) The more you know...