Friday, April 9, 2010

A Modest Proposal: Add a Roof to Target Field

As a native Minnesotan, I'm not accustomed to dealing with cold or inclimate weather. Naturally, I was a bit shocked when I realized the Twins were moving from a domed stadium to a ballpark WITHOUT a ROOF!

I'm just glad we have national sportswriters such as Tom Verducci to tell us how we badly we messed up:

And a target of critics it will be in April, May, September and, if applicable, October, when baseball will be played, when it can be at all, in miserable conditions. In this era in which sport is as much about programming as it is competition, and when stadium roof technology has been around for more than a quarter of a century, Major League Baseball should never have allowed a ballpark to be built in Minnesota without a retractable roof.

That's right. Most games will be postponed, and the rest will be played in Miserable Conditions. And it all could have been avoided by building a retractable roof. Which was was totally feasible too. All they had to do was tack on another $150 million dollars to the project. That wouldn't have been hard to do. It only took twelve years of battle at the state legislature and county commission to secure the $390 million dollars for the stadium, I'm sure it would have only taken a couple years more to ram a stadium bill through with enough money for a roof. Like Abraham Lincoln said: good things are worth waiting for.

And to those who say the tiny stadium footprint wouldn't have room for a roof, I have one word, made up of two words, for you: HOGWASH. They could have expanded the footprint. If they closed and filled the 394 freeway and then tore down the bus terminal/parking ramp, they could have probably fit the footings for the base of the retractable roof. To make room for the roof track, the could have just taken out 5th street and 7th street. See? Easy.

It would have been beautiful too. Just like Miller Park - when the roof is open, you can't even tell it's there. It doesn't hang over your head and block the sky at all. It completely disappears, allowing every seating section to soak up that glorious sunshine.

They don't have roofed stadiums in Chicago or Detroit, but their weather isn't as bad as ours. If you look at this graph, you can see how awfully cold it is in Minneapolis:

(click to enlarge)
See?!?!?!?

Clearly, Detroit doesn't need a roof because their average high in April is about 58 degrees. Same with both Chicago stadiums. But compare that to Minneapolis. It's two degrees colder. In other words, IT'S TWO DEGREES COLDER!!!!!

58 degrees in Chicago? Fine. How would you describe 56 degrees in Minneapolis, Tom Verducci? "baseball will be played, when it can be at all, in miserable conditions."

And Minnesotans can't deal with miserable conditions. Normally, we don't go outside until all the snow has melted around Labor Day. We don't own jackets. We can't wait out a rain delay. And doubleheaders suck!

I don't know why they even bothered to build a stadium without a roof. Just look at it!



Yup, we should have just stayed in the Metrodome.

10 comments:

soup said...

You guys have been putting out some pretty good material this week.

Anonymous said...

If anyone makes you put the AH! sarcasm stamp on this, you should punish them by making them read every Souhan column written in the past decade.

Nice graph!

FrontRowSeats

Anonymous said...

AMEN! SO sick of these national writers who don't have a clue.

Josh said...

Looks like I found a new blog to follow.

At first I thought this was a serious post, and was concerned about the 394 part. Finally, when you got to the part of how Minnesotans can't handle cold weather, I could fully appreciate the humor in this piece.

Karin said...

Well, there will be some seriously miserable conditions at Target Field. 100 degrees, humid, Scandinavian skin getting fried by the mid-day sun, legs sticking to plastic seats, the fat guy in front of you sweating through his faded Mientkiewicz jersey, beer warming before you can drink it all...

Jared said...

Your welcome for the nighttime panorama. I hope you all enjoy it.


As seen here on my Flickr page...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/icedavis/4485417861/

Daymonster said...

Josh,

All the posts before this weren't enough for you to follow AH!?

haasertime said...

Thanks Ice Davis. And Thanks. I meant to link back to it but then I couldn't figure out where it came from.

sassinator said...

One of the best uses of the title "A Modest Proposal" I've seen since Swift himself used it.

TwinsWin83 said...

thank you for writing this post mike. I read that ESPN story the other day and felt my blood pressure continualy rise as I tried to read through it.

We dont take too kindly to outsiders tellin us bout our bid ness'