Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010 Twins stuff

-Well, Target Field has a new ceremonial address. Now I have to send my locks of hair to the care of Joe Mauer at:

Target Field
1 Twins Way
Minneapolis, MN 55402

To which I respond, "BOR^46ING!!!!" Yes, that's "r"-to-the-46th-power-boring-in-all-caps. A while ago, we here at Alright Hamilton offered numerous superior ceremonial addresses. But do they listen?

I kind of want to mail Michael Cuddyer an eight of clubs with a note that says, "Ta-Da!" Magicians hate that. It really makes 'em think.

-I hope Bert makes it into the Hall of Fame this year. Smart baseball people tell me that he deserves it, and I agree. What would be even better, though, would be if he didn't make it as a baseball player but as a broadcaster. Take that, Sabermetricians!

-So, the Twins haven't signed an infielder yet. This, of course, means that the POLADS ARE SO CHEAP AND GREEDY THEY ARE THROWING THE TWINS UNDER THE BUS!!!!!!! Not really, but as a Twins fan it would be nice if we signed someone to play second or third. YOU GREEDY BASTARDS SIGN MAUER FOREVER BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-I'm pretty sure our bullpen will be pretty good next year. What I'm absolutely sure of, however, is that our bullpen will be the most-hard core bullpen ever. John Rauch is tall and has aggressive tattoos. It's also well known that Pat Neshek listens to really hard-core rock. Like really hard rock. The crap they blast in Gitmo.

I like Neshek, but...boy, is it hard for me to respect a hard-rock enthusiast. I mean, the genre only has three purposes. Number one: it's good to listen to when you want to rebel against your parents. So, don't feel bad if you listened to crappy hard-rock in middle school. Number two: Mosh pitting. I don't think many grown ups find themselves in situations where they need good mosh pit music. So again, most of us got this out of our system in middle school. Number three: irritating terrorists. That's it. There is no other justifiable reason to listen to hard-rock.

-Sporcle of the day: home run leaders by team. Anything less than twenty is unacceptable.

-I almost got through this post without linking to something weird. But how can I not link to Incredible Humans: 10 medical oddities that will make your heads spin?


haasertime said...

nate colbert?

writerjoel said...

What good is Kirby Puckett drive by a football stadium. Why is Killebrew drive still at the Mall of America. Shows the pain of naming streets after people...the landmarks usually disappear and the name remains and people wonder...why.

1 Twins Way. Jeez. How about Pohlad Place. Or after Calvin Griffith --- Calvin Parkway, Griffith Avenue....

or, maybe, Pawlenty Place!