Thursday, January 21, 2010

Matt Tolbert and other Nightmare Scenarios

Feeling of panic and desperation grip Twins Territory as Bill Smith & Co twiddle their thumbs and spring training looms. Visions of Nick Punto, Matt Tolbert and Alexi Casilla in starting roles tease the consciousness. And recently, the pleas for action took a turn for the ironic when it was discovered the Twins offered grizzled Jerrod Washburn a sizable contract.

Even as the money comes pouring in from the promises of Target Field, the Twins haven't made any public progress on a new contract for our homeboy Joe Mauer.

With only a month before pitchers and catchers report of Fort Myers, the front office a lot of work to do. The nightmare lives, but things could be much worse...

In addition to an unsigned Joe Mauer, Alexi and Tolbert penciled in the lineup, and Jerrod Washburn on the hill, here are some other Nightmare Scenarios

- Meteorologists announce springtime La Nina, which will cause blowing snow and frigid temperatures through much of April and into May.

- Jason Kubel becomes a spokesman for Affliction Appearal, signs on to guest star on MTV's Jersey Shore.

- Justin Morneau announces his conversion to neo-paganism. As a result, he'll follow the 13-month-calendar, which means his September actually occurs in July.

- Pat Neshek re-injures his surgically repaired elbow while moshing with his hardcore death metal band.

- Glen Perkins follows the advice of his personal quack medical team and switches arms, becoming a righty. He is completely untradeable.

- T.C. the Bear doesn't wake up from hibernation.

- Joe Mauer announces that he hates hotdish.

- Spring training trade: Twins send JJ Hardy to the Brewers for Carlos Gomez.

7 comments:

haasertime said...

i had this weird dream last night that Prince wrote an awful gospel fight song for the Vikings.

brex said...

we come in the name of the purple and gold
all of the odds r in r favor
no prediction 2 bold
we r the truth if the truth can b told
long reign the purple and gold

soup said...

"Joe Mauer announces that he hates hotdish."

HA

I have so many things to say about Prince's Vikings song.

Anonymous said...

"...grizzled..."

nice

FrontRowSeats

TwinsWin83 said...

Jim Thome?

Bryz said...

"Joe Mauer decides he needs a celebrity girlfriend. A celebrity girlfriend that he can't get in Minnesota."

jammyman said...

will gardy realize that we are better with thome at dh and kubel in the of instead of delmo? hmm...what can we get for delmon? cash? fertilizer for the new grass?