Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Baseball and Cigarettes: A Winning Combination

Hello, my name is Mike and today, I'm thinking about picking up a delicious habit of smoking cigarettes. As a baseball fan, which cigarette brand most appeals to me?


Look! It's 1946 MVP winners Stan Musial and Ted Williams! And you better believe they know their ABC's. Always Buy Chesterfield. Why? because they're always milder, better tasting and cooler smoking. These two elite ballplayers like them so much, they bought ten packs just for today!

Here's what The Man says about Chesterfield Cigarettes:

When you smoke Chesterfield it's so satisfying to know the one cigarette that's
low in nicotine and highest in quality. And it's so satisfying to know that a
doctor no adverse effect to the nose, throat and sinuses from smoking

Yikes. Stan Musial is easily satisfied.


Look! It's baseball great Lou Gehrig! It appears the he prefers Camel cigarettes for three reasons.

1. They don't get your wind. (What would they do with it anyway?)
2. It's the best part of eating. (The best part? Of eating? He must be doing it wrong)
3. They're mild, therefore, they're great for steady smoking. (Lou Gehrig holds the record for consecutive cigarettes smoked, at 2,130. Teammate Wally Pipp offered him his first.)

Funny, I would have pegged the luckiest man on earth to smoke...

Lucky Strike

If I were a big Brooklyn fan, I'd probably smoke Luckies. The stellar Dodger battery of Don Newcombe and Roy Campanella both "go for Luckies." Newcombe exclaims that he "look(s) forward to coming back to the clubhouse for a Lucky. There's a cigarette that tastes like a million bucks." And apparently that was a lot of money for a ballplayer back then.

Camel, part 2

Camel Cigarettes helped calm the nerves of two different World Series winning teams in back-to-back seasons. They're like the Tom Emanski of cigarettes. Forget Orlando Hudson, Billy Smith has gotta go after R.J. Reynolds!


brex said...

What if the 2010 Jim Thome script goes something like the 2009 Brett Favre script?

Bryz said...


I think you've found a winner.

haasertime said...

there are no interceptions in baseball.

Anonymous said...

With all of these benefits, you might consider using all these different brands -- Camel on Monday, Chesterfield on Tuesday, Pall Mall (oh, wait, no ballplayers endorsed Pall Mall), Lucky Strike on Wednesday, and so forth.

Or, just find out what brand Thome smokes and go with that.


PS: Tareytons suck.

soup said...

I really enjoyed this, Haas.

I promise one of these days I'll get back on the blogging horse.

TwinsWin83 said...

I'm always a firm supporter of any Tom Emanski related hummor.

Back-to-Back-to-Back AAU National Champions.