Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Land of 10,000 Targets

There are 19 Fortune 500 corporations based in Minnesota. But Target gave the most money to have their name attached to the new Twins stadium. The Twins and Target would like you to believe that they are a natural fit for a 'partnership' because they share the same community values and giving nature. But experts believe this is merely phase 2 of the Targets plan to take over Minneapolis and eventually the entire state of Minnesota.

Don't believe us? Look at all the words the big T is attaching itself to, which we Minneapolitans must now use:

Target Center
Target Field
Target Plaza
Quarry Target
Target Headquarters
Lake Street Target
Target Night at the Walker
Super Target

They are everywhere out there. At least they have yet to enter the home... my god, half the shit I'm wearing right now is from Target!

With phase 2 almost complete, experts say phase 3 is in it's initial planning stage. Here are some other things rumored to get the new Target name or logo.

- Target is in talks with the Minneapolis Mayor, R.T. Rybak to get the name changed to something a little more "Targetish"

- The skyline will forever change once Target can get their hands on an iconic sign.

- Initially planned to be revealed earlier this summer, talks have slowed down the transformation of the future "Spoonbridge and Target"

- And the final step in phase 3 is to turn all 10,000 lakes in to large permanently dyed Target Bullseyes. (The chemical process was ironically developed by 3M, soon to be known as 3Target)

No one is sure what phase 4 will entail, but I think it's safe to say we will soon be cheering for the Targetsota Twins against the rival General Motors Tigers.


bizmarkie507 said...

I knew before the stadium even was approved that it was eventually going to be called target park, best buy park, or 3m park. Its gross but inevitable. I still wish they would've went with my idea about spicing up the name. Like Tubular Target Twins Town.

Oh and on the subject of bland, boring, uncreative names, you know what grinds my gears? Calling the new 9-11 memorial thats being built, the Freedom Tower. Seriously, how lame, obvious, and stupid is that?

haasertime said...

Dammit bizmarkie, you're good at coming up with kooky names. I will now refer to Target Park as Target Twins Town.

and what's with the freedom tower ripjob? If you hate America so much, why don't you just leave?

brex said...

I cruised past Target Field on my bicycle last night. It looks pretty ugly right now but I can imagine it looking much better when they add trees and other decor.

How is this pedestrian bridge going to work? is it going all the way to 1st ave?

@wuter: Freedom Tower is more imaginative then Building 1 and Building 2 of the WTC. Hater.

Daymonster said...

Wuters hates America.

bizmarkie507 said...

Down with the troops. Hooray bin Laden.