Friday, February 15, 2008

Top Story Lines as we head to Fort Myers

By M. Haas

With pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training on Sunday, we'll take a look at some intriguing position battles and general questions that we'll follow until heading north.

- Liriano

The first question is, when will he arrive in the states? Apparently he's being held up by visa problems. I had no idea that drunken driving charges could affect your credit. I'm switching to mastercard.

There will be many, many stories on Lirianos health, his pitches and his positive mental attitude. But his road to recovery and how different the new F-Bomb will be is definitely of importance to the Twins of 2008 and beyond. His devasatating slider was his out pitch when he posted a 2.16 ERA in 2006. Will the slider be there, and if not, can Liriano still make bitches sit down?

- Joe Mauer

How tall will he be? This goofball hasn't stopped growing yet, and he turns 25 soon. It seems that the double duty of catching and growing is really taking it's toll on Mauer's health. It'll be interesting to see how his body holds up through spring training. Has anyone ever thought of moving him to a different position? Maybe like third base? I'm a genius!

- Fort Myers

Why is Fort Myers a 'Fort' ??

- Carlos Gomez and the centerfield saga.

Sounds like a pretty cool name for a band. Center is the only position that is more or less wide open. The Twins have outfielders Jason Kubel and Michael Cuddyer, along with new arrivals Delmon 'The Truth' Young and Craig MonRoe. But I'm not sure any of those folks want or can play CF. And what about Jason Pridie? Maybe Carlos Gomez, the key prospect in the Santana deal, can showcase his maturity and awesomeness to grab the starting role. If he's not starting opening day, he should be out there at some point this season.

- The new guys

Can the newly acquired Twins play baseball? Can they earn our respect and admiration? Do they have personalities? I'm talkin about Adam Everett, Mike Lamb, Kevin Mulvey, Phil Humber, Livan Hernandez, and those other guys that I'm forgetting.

- The rotation and Boof's fat ass

It's all youth behind big Levon Hernandez. Someone will have to step up: Scott Baker, Kevin Slowey, Boof and Liriano. There are reports that Boof has lost a bunch of weight, but AH! would like to go on the record as saying that when Boof reports on Sunday, it will be discovered that he has gained weight. A lot of weight.

This looks to be one of the most interesting seasons in recent memory, and the whole thing kicks off on Sunday.


soup said...

I hope boof gains 50lbs and wins the cy young.

Holmer said...

HAH! Mastercard.

Are there any talks of more additions?

haasertime said...

some people thought that we could add another veteran pitcher, but i doubt it.

pretty awesome how i was spelling fort myers wrong for half the day.

bizmarkie507 said...

bring back Kyle Lohse baby!!

bizmarkie507 said...

Hernandez will have a plus 5 era and 1.65 WHIP.

That's my call and I'm sticking to it.