Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Road Trip: Jinx the Tigers

Editors note: This is part one of a two part series. It's also the dumbest thing you'll read all day.

I apologize for the lack of content around Alright Hamilton lately as the Twins season winds down. We haven't been able to find much humor or entertainment in our hometown team's precarious standing, which hasn't changed much in the past weeks. It's not fun to watch a team float around .500 and fail to pick up ground on a struggling Tigers squad. It's not fun.

With the stagnant state of the Twins season and this blog in mind, Alright Hamilton decided to put together a crack team of supernatural experts, and send them to Detroit for the sole purpose of putting a hex on the division leading Tigers. And that's where our story begins...

Myself and contributor TfRezac share a common goal: to attend a baseball game in all 30 major league cities. Of course, we're in no hurry - mainly because we don't have a lot of scratch to throw around, and partly because we're never in a hurry to do anything. It's a long-term goal, and we believe that as long as we check one unseen stadium from the list each summer, we'll be headed in the right direction. Here's are the parks I've seen, in rough chronological order, at the beginning of the 2009 season.

Wrigley Field
New Comiskey Park
Milwaukee County Stadium
Miller Park
Kaufmann Stadium
Jacobs Field
Busch Stadium II
Busch Stadium III
Coors Field
Dodger Stadium
Angel Stadium of Anaheim
Great American Ballpark

Although I'd seen games at Wrigley Field and Dodger Stadium this year, they were ballparks I'd already examined. With the season winding down and the Twins playing badly, there was only one thing to do: road trip. And the only stadium that Tony and I hadn't seen which was in remote driving distance was Comerica in Detroit.

After it was decided that Detroit would be the destination, we quickly realized that this simple trip to see a stadium could become much more. The only stadium we could reasonably visit also happened to house the only team standing between our favorite team and the playoffs.

With the knowledge that we'd soon be entering enemy territory, one word sprang to mind: Sabotage. Yet it was unclear how only two men could help bring down a professional baseball team. It was clear that we needed help.

When we first contacted Luke, he agreed that this odd coincidence could indeed mean the fate of the 2009 Twins. We had Luke at the top of our list of baseball road trip associates, as he had accompanied us on many long excursions. Additionally, he had a wealth of knowledge in non-violent forms of sabotage, mainly based within a series of mind tricks commonly referred to as, 'magic,' ;earned from watching and reading Harry Potter.

Next, we needed a man on the inside. We preferred someone local, who could get us in and out quickly, while possibly providing clean water and shelter. An old associate from Summit Avenue was skeptical, yet undeniably amazed at the importance of our plan. Travis offered to host us in a safe house in Ann Arbor, and graciously agreed to guide us the final 40 miles to Comerica Park.

The major players were set. Yet none were sure if the scheme would result in a Twins World Series, or herpes.

Busted? Successful? Learned a valuable lesson?

Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion.


Daymonster said...

woah woah woah... are you guys going Friday? Or Saturday? Maybe it said it in the post but I didn't really read it.

Anonymous said...


soup said...

Wow, you actually went to Detroit?

Hopefully you're up on your vaccination shots.

TwinsWin83 said...

Ive been watching True Blood lately and I think the solution might be for you guys to try and "Glamour" (subtle mind persuasion) the detroit players, if you can get close enough to them.

Either that or a good ol' Nancy Kerrigan-style tire rod to Verlanders knee.

haasertime said...

I'm going to the game saturday. I think. That'll be one of many tests to see if the jinx worked.