Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jinx the Tigers part two

Editors Note: This is the second of a two part series. Read yesterday's entry before proceeding.

The trio set out from south Minneapolis at 5pm on Thursday, planning to reach Ann Arbor before Friday's sunrise. A flat tire outside of Hudson, Wisconsin proved to be only a minor setback. We remained cool under pressure, even as the tow truck driver emasculated us by twisting the lugnuts free without breaking a sweat. Five hours later, a different automobile was carrying us toward our destiny.

Arriving at the University of Michigan at noon on Friday, we met with our inside man, Travis. After a quick nap at Casa De Travis, the four of us were on our way to the Motor City. On our way, our master of the dark arts, the man with the plan, laid it all out for us. Luke had expressed doubt in his ability to affect any of the important Tigers in a meaningful and negative form. Thus, he had decided his power would be best used to inflict a small amount of damage on a very good player. Indeed, Luke was convinced that placing a light, irritating jinx on Miguel Cabrera was the best way to bring the Central crown to Minnesota.

Entering Detroit was was quick and easy, but had an eerie foreboding feel. It seemed that the freeways were designed to handle the traffic of a large number of people, yet there were almost no other cars around. Additionally, the buildings of Detroit were built with the expectation that tenants would occupy the space, but many impressive structures stood empty. Luke announced his belief that the post-apocalyptic atmosphere would benefit us, as depression and a non-diverse economy usually add to magical powers.

The Tigers lost to the Blue Jays that night, and while the fireworks exploded above our heads, Luke worked his magic. He summoned all his Harry Potter knowledge and ruthlessly cast spells upon Miguel Cabrera and anyone near him. We were on our way home when we realized that our mission was not glamorous or immediately gratifying. We would gain zero fame from this event, because there was no way we would run around saying, "I gave Miguel Cabrera an STD!" And there was a chance the jinx hadn't worked at all. We wouldn't know for quite some time.

So, we went on with our trip. Travis's friend found two tickets to the Wolverine-Irish football contest on the floor of a bar, allowing Tfrezac and myself to join Luke and Travis at the Big House. Afterward, I was offered a warm dog bed in the laundry room, which I graciously accepted.

When we finally arrived back in Minneapolis, we saw it. It was everything we could have hoped for. We've done our part, now it's time for the Twins to give the entire Tigers roster herpes...all the way to the central division crown.


soup said...

awesome jinx good job!!!!!!!!!!!

However, I'm more impress with the guy that cast the goatee spell on him. I would take face herpes over that goatee anyday.

Daymonster said...

When I saw the herpes on Cabrera's face, I knew, somehow, that Luke had something to do with it.

Anonymous said...

Verlander's next!