Wednesday, September 9, 2009

All-White NBA team

Granted, there are plenty of tremendous, gracious, agile white guys in the NBA. Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki have taken home multiple MVP's over the past several years. But let's face it. White People are < Black people at basketball




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Brian Scalabrine

Listen to him during the first minute of this press conference. Who says this? Especially when you're the 10th man on the team?





here's a song I found about him when surfing youtube. I laughed.






Mark Madsen

I know he's a really great person and too easy of a target, but seriously. I still laugh every time I see this video. Just watch it again for the 50th time. I promise you'll still laugh.






I told you.


Brian Cardinal





I remember when this guy played for Purdue. At the time I thought he was 32. Now he gets to launch 3's in a Timberwolves Uniform for one more season. Thank god the 'ol contract is expiring.


Kyle Korver




Wally Szczerbiak

Known as the slowest man in the National Basketball Association, Wally would make a great fit as our go-to wingman. I love how he's one of the only people in the NBA to throw down a dunk, then have the announcer react by laughing out loud.







Marco Jaric



I mean look at his face. It looks like somebody photoshopped it, but this is an unaltered photo. Who needs cap space and future first round picks when you can have this cat-like point guard anchoring your bench?


We've grabbed some players, now lets get some suits.


Head Coach,
Randy Wittman



I couldn't possibly sum up everything related to him and this organization (at the time) any better.


GM,
Kevin Mchale

Man, just look at this asshole. Way to represent everything I dislike about Minnesotans.


Unfortunately, these days are long gone. Now we are stuck with a GM who makes thought out, calculated decisions. Most of them even make sense, too.


Owner,
Glen Taylor



I'm really looking forward to the constant growth of my ears. If he wore a newsboy hat he could be Brian Johnson for Halloween.


Commisioner,
Bud Selig



This guy would make a terrific Commissioner. It's unfortunate that David Stern is capable enough to dress himself in the morning, otherwise he'd be the guy.


The greatest thing about this blog post is that the Timberwolves have previously had 7 of the above, and are quite possibly about to add the eigth. BRING BACK MCHALE



^sarcasm

7 comments:

soup said...

Sorry Biz,

I tried to make a few simple formating edits and stuff started to go crazy. Hopefully someone that's better at the internet can fix it. Blogs are hard.

Love the post, though. I love big white doofs. My top ten:

10. Gheorge Muresan
9. Bryant Reeves
8. Rik Smits
7. Mark Eaton
6. Chuck Nevitt
5. Greg Ostertag
4. Chuck Nevitt
3. Uwe Blab
2. Todd MacCulloch
1. Arvydas Sabonis

bizmarkie507 said...

I'll get over it. Matt Bonner is the guy getting schooled by Iverson. Rik Smits and Arvydas Sabonis are shoe-ins. I'da put Detlef Schrempf on there too.

And does anybody know the name of the song that the Brian Scalabrine one is a parody of? I really want to listen to the real thing right now

Anonymous said...

The first time I saw Korver in an NBA game I thought it was Ashton Kutcher shooting his next episode of Punk'd.

soup said...

The first time I saw Kyle Korver was at a bar in Omaha. So, it's kinda like we're friends.

jammyman said...

I realize I'm a little late...

Chris Kaman
Kurt Rambis
Danny Ferry
Eric Montross
Will Perdue
Shawn Bradley
Danny Scheyes
Craig Ehlo
Scotty Brooks
Bryant "Big Country" Reeves

jammyman said...

definitely hung out with shawn bradley. worlds tallest mormon.

Anonymous said...

Now that's a list!

No list necessary. There is only one word that comes to mind when I think of "Whities" on the court.
Have you heard the word? Because I was under the assumption that everyone had heard the word.
BIRD


-Holmer