Friday, September 18, 2009

Now or never stream of consciousness

It's now or never. Time to make the move. Backs are against the wall. Crap or get off the pot. This is the time. If I don't drink this milk by 1:48 PM Friday September 18, 2009, it's all over.


At that exact minute, this milk bottle of milk will have gone bad.1:48? fine. But, 1:49? Don't think so, hot shot. I have never seen milk gone bad, and I certainly don't want to. If Ernest Scared Stupid has taught me anything, it's that you don't want "dat milk punch gawn bad." And watch Ernest Scared Stupid again. You'll thank me. It's got everything you could possible want in a movie. A tree house/fort, goblins, Supersoakers, Earnest. Anyway, wish me luck. I have about 1.4 liters of milk to drink in the next two hours and 38 minutes.

And I can't just simply pour the milk down the sink. For this milk isn't just any milk. This milk received an A1 grade by the Seoul Dairy Coop. It says so right on the carton. That's the best milk. There is no grade better. So projectile vomit or no, it will be done. In conclusion, I would like to invite everyone to my place for a milk drinking party.

Speaking of now or never...how about the series this weekend, huh? Like, uber-important, you guys. It's the fourth quarter. Ninth inning two outs. This is our time. It's not how you start, it's how you finish. Let's sweep the Tigers and put them behind an eight ball between a rock and a hard place. We need a never say die attitude and keep battling. It's a 162 game season.

I'm just not scared of the Tigers. They are probably a better team than we are, but who cares. They hate winning their division. They haven't done so since 1987. And now they've been jinxed!!!

I've actually always kind of liked Miguel Cabrera. Him hitting that walk-off single on an intentional ball was one of the coolest things in the long history of things. And I kinda like that he's lazy. That, I can relate to. Being good at baseball...I have no idea what that's like. My greatest baseball moment was a home run I hit on a little league field in a "league" my friends and I made up in college. My only home run ever. The ball actually hit the top of the fence and weakly bounced over. The left fielder could have easily caught the ball but he was taking off his shirt at the time. Just the most pathetic home run ever.

And the worse part is that I didn't even celebrate the once in a lifetime event. I just quietly jogged around the bases. I guess I was shocked. For years I had been carefully planning my HR trot. A big bat flip, stare at the pitcher all the way to first, moonwalk to second, worm to third, C-Walk home and then hump home plate for two minutes. I guess, the best laid plans of mice and men...(is there more to that saying?)

Sorry, back to the Tigers.

Prediction: sweep

Analysis: have you been to this blog before?

8 comments:

Daymonster said...

what's a liter?

haasertime said...

What's bulgarian MIAK?

TwinsWin83 said...

What's a Miguel Cabrera?

Anonymous said...

what?

Anonymous said...

twins suck. all they are is a 4a team with mauer and morneau on it. and nathan. thats it. you losers dont even have Santana! ha too poor to even function and owner cant afford to buy a stadium? how are you supposed to beat real teams in the playoffs? and wtf milk have to do with your crappy twins? haha you guys suck seriousl.y might as will give us adrien peterson while your at it like you give us all your other players! lol!!

bizmarkie507 said...

I'm not as good at this as soup is : (

haasertime said...

i agree with anonymous. You guys should give all your players to

"us"

jammyman said...

i think the 4th paragraph was on a no fear shirt that i had...