Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Nebraska boy named baseball's bottom prospect

Norfolk, Nebraska eleven year old, Philip Snodgrass, has been named by BaseballUSA as baseball’s bottom prospect. He is currently playing right field for Scott’s Lumber little league team. Snodgrass has been hitless in all of his 18 little league at bats this year, continuing his three year hitless streak dating back to his tee ball debut on May 22nd, 2005.

Snodgrass’s father, and Scott’s Lumber coach, Jack, was surprised by the news. “I mean, he has a lot to work on, but I’ve seen improvement. He’s also been injured a lot.” said the father. Some of Philip’s development may have been stunted by as series of non-baseball related injuries. Most significantly, he missed four games this year with a bloody nose.

Snodgrass was less surprised by his current prospect ranking. “Yeah, that’s about right,” said the right fielder, “Baseball is hard, and it makes my body tired. One time I got dirt in my sock.”

Snodgrass’ teammates share his unsurprised sentiment. Shortstop Taylor Hahn commented, “Oh, he’s bad. I actually invite my friends to our games just to watch how bad he is. But he’s nice, though. He’s got an X Box.”

BaseballUSA’s advanced scout, Rick Prendergast, explains Snodgrass’ ranking saying, “Yeah, there is really no one else in the country less likely to be a Major League ball player. He graded out as a minus, minus...well, everything. Seriously, watching him bat is like watching a quadriplegic thrown into a tornado with a baseball bat duct-taped to his hands.”

Snodgrass, however, has no errors in his 46 games of organized baseball. BaseballUSA analysts have concluded that this is most likely a result of zero fielded balls by Snodgrass. He explains, “No. Gosh no. I don’t field balls. Very dangerous. I played catch one time and it hurt my hand a lot. One time Carson (Shilling) went to catch a ball, and it hit him in the face. No thank you.”

Despite his ranking, Snodgrass will continue to play baseball, stating the season ending pizza party as the primary enticement. He added, “That’s what it’s all about. Pizza parties. If you take part of the straw wrapper off, you can blow on the straw and shoot the wrapper at people. And Pizza is awesome. I only like cheese, though.”

4 comments:

haasertime said...

That sounds like me in third grade. I had only recently found out that it wasn't just adults who played baseball. I held the bat with a two inch gap between by hands, but without Cobb-esque results. But he should know that there's always the latino loco northfield baseball league.

TwinsWin83 said...

I think I coached that kid in Babe Ruth.

Daymonster said...

I'm pretty sure the kid on the leftit Philip Snodgrass. Picture.

haasertime said...

ha. classic. and Brex looks like a badass.