Friday, October 17, 2008

Kinda Obscure 2008 Twins

By Michael Haas

Everyone knows the star players. Everyone knows good 'ol Joe Mauer grew up in St. Paul and loves club anthem hip-hop. Everyone knows Carlos Gomez speaks poor english and wears the number 22 to honor his childhood hero, Brad Radke. But we want details about these other guys. In fact, we barely even know these others names, yet they played baseball for our Twins this season.

Howie Clark

Clark is the 34 year old utility man who played eight games for the Twins in late May, going two-for-eight. Thanks buddy! He accepted his assignment back to Rochester at the end of May, and did not get called up in September. He will probably never appear in the majors again. So it goes. Fact: Clark's favorite guitarist is Jake E. Lee. Not Zakk Wylde, not Randy Rhoads, but Jake E. Lee. His argument for Lee's guitar mastery is this youtube video, entitled, "Jake E. Lee Shreds"

Matt Macri

Macri is the infielder the Twins received from Colorado for Ramon Ortiz. Traded for Ramon Ortiz? Yes, he is that good. Fact: He has sent an angry letter to CBS every day since Drew Carey took over as host on The Price is Right. He cannot stand Drew Carey.

The veteran Howie Clark took Macri under his wing while in Rochester, and they became good buddies. They talked about many things, as buddies do as a way to pass the time.

Here's a snippet of a conversation between the two:

Clark: I never understood why people clean up their house so thoroughly before a party.

Macri: Uhm, probably so it looks nice for their guests

Clark: Yeah, but it's going to get messy during the party anyway. And you'll definitely have to clean afterward...It's like taking a shower before going jogging.

Macri: I take a shower before I come to the ballpark.

Clark: Really? How many showers do you take in one day? And besides, that's different because you have people looking at you.

Macri: Yup, just like a house has people looking at it during a party.

Clark: .................... Damn............. Read any good books lately?

Ryan Jorgensen

Jorgensen (no relation to Terry) was a September call-up this season, but only got one at-bat. The 29 year old catcher was, along with Howie Clark, named in the Mitchell Report the past offseason. One of his favorite ways to waste time, is to watch America's Funniest Home Videos with the sound off. He then makes up his own one-liners to the bloopers. He thinks he's hilarious.

Jorgensens commentary on the above video, pretending to sound like Bob Saget:

"You've got it all wrong lady, you're supposed to fall over when you drink the wine, not while you make it! "

Julio DePaula

DePaula didn't get a chance to pitch for the Twins this season, but he's on the active roster and threw 20 innings last year. The 25 year old righty has a chance to help out the bullpen in '09?

Julio carries a map, carefully folded into his wallet, with him at all times. The map shows the regional differences of terms for Carbonated Beverages. Being on the road a lot, he needs to know how to order a pop. The weird thing is that he deliberately calls it Soda in Pop regions, and Coke in Soda regions, and Pop in Soda regions. Just to piss people off.


rob said...

That map is awesome!

soup said...

Ha. Great post.

Holmer said...

Howie's got a point, but I don't like it.

We should try that with FHV...HA.

Gomez's game is so similar to Radke's, now it all makes sense.

Have you seen Drew Carey on the the price is right? terrible.

bizmarkie507 said...

Drew Carey has grown on me

TwinsWin83 said...

Pretty obscure mike. Just like we like it.

Jim H. said...

Hilarious post!

The map lists "other" as an alternative to pop, soda, or coke. Years ago, I traveled in south Alabama and it seemed like every time we stopped, somebody would ask, "Y'all want a cold drink?" by which they meant a pop. It was pronounced "COLdrink" -- one word, emphasis on first syllable.

Anonymous said...

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not....does he really carry that map around?