Thursday, November 19, 2009

Metrodome Confessional

Forgive me, Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, for I have sinned.

You had done me good for so long, yet I often did you and your staff so wrong. With this 2010 season having the feeling of renewal, I would be regret not to adequately close the previous chapter. To do so, I must confess and ask the Dome for forgiveness before I can move on to the 2010 season.

-Metrodome, I'm sorry for using my college student identification to get cheaper tickets long after I graduated college. I owe you an apology and probably $8.

-Metrodome staff at gate G, I'm sorry for pretending that those sunflower seeds in my cargo pocket were jumbo-sized and not a small bag of seeds used as cover the two beers at the bottom of my cargo pocket. I owe you $28.

-Metrodome Division III baseball temporary staff, I apologize for pretending my boxed wine full of Nalgene was ice tea. And, I wish I could take those hurtful words back I spoke to the Wartburg first base coach.

-Metrodome stairs to lower-level ushers, I'm sorry I lied to you. You were just such sweet old people. I lied right to your faces wrinkled from the gentle hand of time. But, seriously, lower-gen is a lot better. You know this. So I politely and deceitfully asked you, "I'm trying to find a dietary health option. Is there a concession stand that sells something healthy like a sandwich?" Without considering the ramifications of an upper-gen person sneaking down to lower-gen, you generously blurt out, "Well, there's a sandwich place right down stairs." Then, time and time again, I would slink past you, never to return to my ticketed seat.

Un-named AH! contributor: Metrodome tunnel near the Twins clubhouse, I'm sorry I borrowed all those parking passes without asking. I fully realize they were intended for the suite owners, but I just got greedy. And you're right, taking a pass for every single home game of 2002 may have been a bit overboard, yet the thought of parking for free right next to the dome all season was just too much. I feel bad saying this but; it was awesome.


Holmer said...

I sit here face in hands in sorrow for the things I have done to you Metrodome. I must open the floodgates, as Soup has done so selflessly.

I'm Sorry '95 Metrodome maintenance guy, for making you replace all of those cup-holders that I busted off in spite of the Raider loss.

I'm sorry for using the wrong tickets at the turn-styles, just to be escorted to the outdoor smoking section, where Haas and I stalled for a moment, then followed some smokers in, free of charge.

That Wartburg 1st base coach was not expecting a heckler of your caliber to be a lowly DIII game. He cried himself to sleep.

God those parking passes were awesome!

Anonymous said...

Reverse Metrodome apology:

You know all those all-star ballots you guys completed and dutifully handed back to the ushers? Straight to the dumpster before the 8th inning was over!

Usher-type person

roy said...

The best part, in '95 what Josh was 10-11 years old, breaking everything in site, because of a Raider loss, who would have thunk it. Mischeivious little ginger.

haasertime said...

damn anonymous!

So you're the reason the Twins didn't have an all-star starter from 94 to 2002!

Holmer said...

Yeah Roy, I was an angry little one, especially when my brothers lost something.

Anonymous, I punched and punched for innings on end. I'm turning those things in by myself from here on out.

Anonymous said...

- Metrodome, please forgive me for the rage I expressed and the orange I threw from the upper general seats in right field back in 2003. It wasn’t my fault, it was Chris Gomez’s horrible infield play and multiple errors. I tried to hit Chris Gomez with that orange…and I am not one bit sorry about it.