Tuesday, November 24, 2009

BronxBoi2 weighs in...

Congratulations Joe Mauer. As a Twins fan I am biased, but I think you make for a terrific MVP. Of course, BronxBoi2 disagrees. He sent me this email:

Dear Soup,

Oh, congradufrickulations, Joe Mauer. You have somehow convinced the baseball writer people that they should vote for Mauer to be MVP based soley on batting average. Somehow you have beswindled the baseball writers to ignore HR, RBI, and Intangibles. THIS IS SUCH A GONG FACTORY!!!!! Seriously, smoke a crack pipe more, you guys. THERE ARE MORE STATS THAN BATTING AVERAGE.

The simple fact that Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter didn't recieve ONE first place vote is assinine!!!! They should have been co MVPs. If you put their numbers together, JOE MAUER WOULDN'T EVERY COMPARE!!!! If you lived between a rock and the broad side of a barn you would argue that Mauers numbers were better than should-be-co-MVPs Jeter and Tex and you probs road the short buss :P

You want to compare defense?!?!?! Jeter also got first place in the defensive stat. Um, I got two words for you. "Gold Glove." That's the defensive stat, and Jeter also got first place at it.

The absolute fact is, you guys, is that Derek Jeter (the should be MVP...or Tex) doesn't even care about individual awards. Seriously, he only cares about World Series Championships. THAT'S IT!!!!! That's different than Joe Mauer.

But the bottom of the light of the end line is that Jeter and Tex won the world series. Mauer didn't. Let me check the internets (lol)...um, it appears that the YANKEES WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!! I would like to see Mauer wear his MVP award around his finger...like how Jeter wears Championship rings around his fingers!!!! It would be THE WORLD'S DUMBEST THINGS because MVP plaques don't have holes for ring fingers!!! I guess he could be an idiot and punch a hole through it and wear it around his neck like Falvor Flav. But new flash, you guys, JOE MAUER IS NOT EVEN FLAVOR FLAV!!!!!

So enjoy, D Bags

/ still. world. champions.

BronxBoi2, out.

Well said. With Jeter winning the World Series and Mauer winning the MVP, I was reminded of this piece of internet brilliance, Jesus is the Derek Jeter of Christianity. To the part about Jeter liking winning more than anyone else:

From WSJ: Still, there is a question as to whether the MVP award really means all that much to Derek Jeter. As he put it on Aug. 23 after the Yankees beat the Red Sox-a victory that Mr. Jeter paced by hitting a home run on the game's first pitch off Boston ace Josh Beckett-"I'm not thinking about winning any awards right now. The only award that matters is that fifth World Series ring."

From FJM: Joe Mauer, meanwhile, issued a different statement to the press after going 2-4 with a walk against the Cleveland Indians. "Fuck the World Series," said Mauer. "Seriously. Write that down. Fuck the World Series. If I ever win a World Series ring, I will literally just take it and fuck the tiny ring-hole." Mauer punctuated his remarks with a graphic, thrusting pantomime, presumably of what he would physically do to the World Series ring. Mauer added: "I don't give a flying goddamn about winning. I am an awards guy. I'm Joe Fucking Mauer. I only care about individual honors. How many times do I have to tell you guys that? Mauer out, fuckfaces!" Mauer then urinated on a picture of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett holding hands and stormed out of the clubhouse whistling a pro-al Qaeda anthem that he wrote himself earlier in the day.


Bryz said...

Flaws in BronxBoi2's argument:

1. Joe Mauer did lead the league in statistics other than batting average. They're called on base percentage and slugging percentage.

2. Mauer won a Gold Glove as well. Unless BronxBoi2 wants to claim that with Jeter and Teixeira being co-MVP, they would have a combined 2 Gold Gloves this year to Mauer's 1.

3. Gold Gloves are not a defensive stat. They're a defensive award, and even then they've been criticized on their validity.

I suppose we all need a troll to amuse us and make life more interesting, though.

Bryz said...

PS: Thanks for adding OTM to the blogroll :-)

haasertime said...

Glad you linked to that FJM post. I remember reading that just after the first BronxBoi appearance and thinking that the WSJ out bronxboi'd bronxboi.

BronxBoi should do commentaries on lotsa stuff. He's a true character.

Squatting Bear said...

bronxboi is why I come to this site. Spin off blog?

soup said...

For better or worse, BronxBoi will be back after Thanksgiving. Apparently, he has invented a new "Sabrmetric" stat. so that should be interesting.

soup said...

Oh, and are we doing the turkey coloring thing again this year? We should.