Friday, August 14, 2009

Faces of the Metrodome: Most Valuable Usher

She is a controversial figure. For some, she represents the fist of the man. For others, she represents truth, honesty and protection. To Twins fans, she is known as the Seat Nazi. Most ushers at the Metrodome are assigned a different for each game. But she has kept the same post for what seems like a millenia.

The left-field corner, sections 136 through 139, is particularly attractive to fans seated in the upper deck. It's a dark blue oasis promising great baseball viewing. And even though Delmon Young could never track a fly ball into the corner, he's still within shouting distance. No one is sitting down there.

That's when she strikes, snarling, "can I see your ticket please?" You didn't lose your ticket. Your buddy doesn't have them. You're not going to sweet talk her. You're fucked. It's back to upper general for you.

The amount of money this one red-clad usher-warrior has saved is practically incalculable. Without her, fans would regularly buy $7 tickets, and simply move into the $31 seats in the corner. She's keeping it fair for those who actually spent the $31 bucks while providing financial flexibility to the Twins front office. Bravo!


brex said...

If it weren't for the seat nazi the Pohlads would have sold the team by now. In these harsh economic times we have people like this to thank for keeping baseball in MN.

Anonymous said...

total b.s. if a lower level section is nearly empty and it's several innings into a game, then ushers should look the other way if (civil behaving) fans take some of those seats.

i've walked down plenty of times and have never been ushered out. you just have to not sit in the front row, not sit on top of others and be civil in general.

the pohlads have enough money. spend more of it for a better roster and the seats will be too full for this to be an issue. is real small-time to be worried about upper deck, loyal fans taking empty seats late in games - isn't saving the franchise any money over the long term - just makes them look cheap, petty and miserly.

haasertime said...

I think you may have missed some of the sarcasm/absurdity, but I should have been more objective, leaving an open discussion, instead of saying "bravo"

So here's my bravo case:

She's like a filter. She filters all the dumb, drunk cheaters. That leaves room for the more sophisticated brand of cheater, like myself. I simply grab an old used ticket for the lower level, and show that to her. They never look at the dates anyway. She doesn't care if you sit there as long as you have a ticket for greater than or equal the price of the seat you're sitting in.

Or you could to the daymonster print-at-home tickets.

But yes, late in the game the ushers should be much more lax.

soup said...

Oh yeah. Got to stay away from the left field corner, as inviting as the seats may be.

The right field corner, however...

I recall a time, years ago (2006), when Haas, Holmer, and I used deception and cunning to infiltrate the lower g in the right field corner. Our actions were wrong, but our hearts were pure. This malfeasance, however, was for the good. Our heckling of Vlad Guerrero caused him to make a costly error in right field. Our proximity to the Angels bully allowed us to give them a proper heckling. As a result, K Rod walked Weird Lew Ford with the bases loaded in the ninth for the game tying run. In the 10th Cuddy hit a walk off homer over the baggie off of thoroughly heckled reliever JC Romero.

In conclusion, you can thank our sneaking down for the 2006 division championship.

jammyman said...

i appreciate the seat soup said, you just respect her, and move on to other sections.

a couple of weeks ago i was at a mariners game at safeco, and an usher with a striking resemblance (and in the left field corner) to the mn seat nazi asked me and my brobros to show her our tickets...we did, and they were our seats. thats the best feeling in the world.