Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BronxBoi on Yankees series

Here Ye! Here Ye! Attention all loyal Twins D Bags.

This blog just got a hole bunch cooler because BronxBoi is officially back in this bitch. So if you came here to read the same old "Twins are good because Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau have high batting averages" dribble. You're not going to get it today because I'm not going to write that because I know that that line of thought is ignorant.

I am going to preview the series between the defending world champions and the Twins by an analyzed in an even keeled hand. I'm sure you internet trolls will probably just say that I'm biased towards the Yankees because I am a Yankee's fan, but that is strawman arguing.

Firstly, I'm glad I'm not going to the game. TARGET FIELD IS A JOKE!!! It is brand new and so it doesn't have any history and history is what makes baseball the best. sport. ever. The Yankees did it right when they build their new stadium. They did it like the old one so it has history, and ghosts, and loar but its new so its got better stuff. That's why Yankee Stadium tickets are so expensive. The same reason why Cristal (Yankee Stadium) cost more than Boonsfarm (Target Field).

And NO ROOF??? That's highly dubious. The Twins front office should stop living in a vacuum and have realizationed that it SNOWS ALL THE TIME IN MINNESOTA!!! Yeah, watch baseball when it's snowing...good idea, Minnesotans. Your brains need a reality check, seriously.

We'll look at the pitching match-up momentumly, but right now the Yankees have a better offense than the Twins hands down without a doubt. Yeah, Mauer and Morneau have high batting averages. SO WHAT?!?! I've said it once and time again on this blog, BATTING AVERAGE ISN'T EVERYTHING!!! Cano and Tex have more combination of RBI and HR than Mauer and Morneau. But since your golden boy Mauer isn't as good as those two stats, you nimrods think that BA is the end of all be all. Well IT ISN'T, so deal with it! And Jeter has more offensive intangibles than the all the Twins team.

Burnett vs. Baker
There is no way Baker pitches better than Burnett. Burnett throws at least 3 mph faster.

Pettitte vs. Liriano
Liriano couldn't even carry Pettitte's future Hall of Fame plaque because his left arm would probably fall off and he would need surgery.

Vazquez vs. Blackburn
Same reason as Burnett vs. Baker

Prediction: Yankees sweep.

- BronxBoi, out

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, BronxBoi, that picture you used? It's Wisconsin! (I recognize the telephone poles.)

ObstructedView

Matthew said...

You are officially retarded. "a hole bunch cooler", really? I hope this was alluding to the fact that you are a giant a hole, and that you didn't mean a whole bunch cooler. The new Yankee stadium is also a giant pile of rubbish. No history, no charm, no reason to ever go there again. You also realize that it snows all the time in New York too? Fucking tool.

Carl said...

BronxBoi is not "officially retarded". I learned that last season.

And no, it does not snow in New York. Ever.

Anonymous said...

I love it. A caricature (the semi-literate, smack talking, testosterone addled Yankee fan) tweaking a stereotype (the thin-skinned Minnesotan provincial whose bloated sense of Minnesota self barely conceals a massive inferiority complex), an exchange which prompts this moron Matthew to demonstrate that there is some truth behind the stereotype. Which is more pathetic: That Matthew fails to recognize the unmistakable satiric intent behind this post, or that having failed to recognize the unmistakable satiric intent behind this post, Matthew has his sense of self threatened by Bronx Boi?

btw, love this site. At its best it mocks the dry, mostly humorless Twins blogs that have proliferated in recent years. That makes for a perspective that puts professional sports in its proper perspective. Keep up the good work.

Tricia said...

BronxBoi is hilarious. I think you should have him be a regular AH! contributor.

TwinsWin83 said...

I for one would love to sit down over a cup of coffee and pick BronxBoi's brain.

Anyone know how I can get ahold of him?

TwinsWin83 said...

ps. Isnt that picture the road where Steve Buscemi's partner offs the cop and that couple in the movie Fargo?

Daymonster said...

yeah, I thought it was from Fargo. But that would still make the road in MN near Brainard right?

We need to get a picture of BronxBoi soon.