We got a win, you guys!

Well, we out scored them this series at least. That's something. As happy as I am to see Jason Kubel have a big game tonight, this series sucked. I was pissed off on Wednesday. I love the Twins, but normally don't get too emotionally invested in a game. On Wednesday, however, I was just pissed off. I couldn't laugh off the losses with a chuckle and a couple of cynical comments. There was rage in this gentle soul. Most of it, of course, directed at Nick Swisher. That dickfor. Lets do an exercise in which we substitute "Nick Swisher" for every time Louis CK says "deer" or "animal."


That's how I feel about Nick Swisher.

In lighter news, Vlad is coming to town! What he lacks in batting gloves he makes up for in grown-man-ass. You could set your beer on that free swinging ass. Not that I've ever thought of such a thing.

There were a couple of more things I was going to talk about, but they can wait. It's Memorial Day Weekend, people. This is no time to be inside reading baseball blogs. Go outside. Drink beer. Remember veterans. Be merry. Unless you're Nick Swisher.

Former Washington Senator center fielder Elmer Gedeon died serving our country on April 20th 1944.

BronxBoi on Yankees series

Here Ye! Here Ye! Attention all loyal Twins D Bags.

This blog just got a hole bunch cooler because BronxBoi is officially back in this bitch. So if you came here to read the same old "Twins are good because Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau have high batting averages" dribble. You're not going to get it today because I'm not going to write that because I know that that line of thought is ignorant.

I am going to preview the series between the defending world champions and the Twins by an analyzed in an even keeled hand. I'm sure you internet trolls will probably just say that I'm biased towards the Yankees because I am a Yankee's fan, but that is strawman arguing.

Firstly, I'm glad I'm not going to the game. TARGET FIELD IS A JOKE!!! It is brand new and so it doesn't have any history and history is what makes baseball the best. sport. ever. The Yankees did it right when they build their new stadium. They did it like the old one so it has history, and ghosts, and loar but its new so its got better stuff. That's why Yankee Stadium tickets are so expensive. The same reason why Cristal (Yankee Stadium) cost more than Boonsfarm (Target Field).

And NO ROOF??? That's highly dubious. The Twins front office should stop living in a vacuum and have realizationed that it SNOWS ALL THE TIME IN MINNESOTA!!! Yeah, watch baseball when it's snowing...good idea, Minnesotans. Your brains need a reality check, seriously.

We'll look at the pitching match-up momentumly, but right now the Yankees have a better offense than the Twins hands down without a doubt. Yeah, Mauer and Morneau have high batting averages. SO WHAT?!?! I've said it once and time again on this blog, BATTING AVERAGE ISN'T EVERYTHING!!! Cano and Tex have more combination of RBI and HR than Mauer and Morneau. But since your golden boy Mauer isn't as good as those two stats, you nimrods think that BA is the end of all be all. Well IT ISN'T, so deal with it! And Jeter has more offensive intangibles than the all the Twins team.

Burnett vs. Baker
There is no way Baker pitches better than Burnett. Burnett throws at least 3 mph faster.

Pettitte vs. Liriano
Liriano couldn't even carry Pettitte's future Hall of Fame plaque because his left arm would probably fall off and he would need surgery.

Vazquez vs. Blackburn
Same reason as Burnett vs. Baker

Prediction: Yankees sweep.

- BronxBoi, out

This week on Alright Hamilton!

Hello, folks. Today is Monday, so there won't be much going on around here - we're like the fancy restaurant of the blogosphere. But here's what's on tap for this week:

Who Sucks In Yankee Stadium?
Target Field - Then & Now
Player Sculptures
Social Media & Twins FandomTwins Walk-up songs
Baseball Fields in Minneapolis

Sound really, really exciting? Well, you should click on over anyway. But for now, I'll leave you with this:


For five blog points, name that burger.

Doing his job: Delmon Young

Delmon Young seems happy to be playing baseball this year. And when Delmon is happy, I'm happy.

He hasn't always been happy. He looked like a fish out of water when he first came over from the Rays in 2008. He played like one too, gasping for air and flopping around left field. The expectations were mighty for the former overall number one pick, yet both he and Brendan Harris couldn't back it up. Those expectations were probably unfair, but it also didn't help that these guys didn't come up through the Twins minor league system.

Now, I'm not blaming Delmonzi for this, I'm blaming the Twins. Gardenhire and the coaches probably saw blemishes in his game, but weren't accustomed to ironing those things out at the major league level. If you think about it, Carlos Gomez, Delmon Young and Brendan Harris would never have come up to the big club with the Twins in the shape they broke in with their respective teams. Harris was an all bat-no glove shortstop, which is completely unheard of in the Twins system. Carlos Gomez, when he came up to the Mets, was just stupid energy in a spaceman suit. And Delmon was a pull-happy sloppy footed right-fielder.

The difference is that Delmon has changed, while Harris and Gomez have not. The Twins have been patient with the left-fielder, even through his inconsistency. Delmon was probably exasperated after years on constant verbal and non verbal questions by Gardy, "Do you know how to do the little things right? Do you know how to play the game the right way? Nah, you don't know."

But I think Delmon has come around. He lost a bunch of weight, talks about hitting with Jim Thome, and says all the right things. Last Saturday, Dan Gladden asked him after the night game if it was frustrating to have to check to lineup card for his name every day. He said something to the effect of, "no, I know we have good players that need At-bats, and whenever they need me I'll be there to do my job."

Former overall number one pick, disappointing formerly hyped up trade piece, and now, just another player doing his job on a pennant contending team.

I'm happy that Delmon is happy with that.

The Mariners are hilarious

Last week, during the course of crowning the Twins division champs, TwinsGeek wrote,

...all you need to do is look at what Twins fans are debating. Who should the 25th man on the roster be? Should there be a 3rd backup catcher? Can we find room for a Rochester reliever on the 40 man roster?

Seriously? Those are the concerns? The Tigers have Brennan Boesch, who has all of 58 AB above AA, hitting fifth in their lineup. And we’re worried about when an injured Red Wing can be put on the 60 day dl?

And it's true. Twins fans don't really have much to gripe about. Arguing about Wilson Ramos is the most popular thing for fans to do over the past week. We don't have to complain about Tony Batista or Juan Castro like a few years ago. And last season we were biting our finger nails all April in anticipation of Joe Mauer's return.

A lot of other teams spring optimism has already turned to ugly desperation. The Royals somehow have a bleaker (more bleak?) outlook than ever. The Reds can't seem to manage young pitching talent. And then there's the Mariners. I'm sure you've heard all this, but it's too much of a shipwreck to see just once.

First, there's a guy names Eric Byrnes, who the M's picked up from the Diamondbacks. Hilariously, Arizona decided they'd rather pay Byrnes $10.6 million bucks to not play for them than pay him $11 million to return. Anyway, Byrnes was only hitting like .115 for his new team, so when he came to the plate during a tie game in the bottom of the 11th and Ichiro on third, manager Don Wakamatsu made the easy decision to try the suicide squeeze.

The first rule of the suicide squeeze is to get the bat on the ball. No matter if it's in the strikezone or not. If you don't get the ball away from the catcher, the runner, who took off with the pitch, will be dead meat.




Byrnes pulls the bat back to take ball one. And sure enough, Ichiro is dead meat. Rangers manager Ron Washington gets tossed for arguing that the pitch should have been a strike, because he can't grasp the fact that anyone would pull the bat back.

Byrnes is always good for a funny quote or a dumb soundbite, but instead of meeting reporters after the game, he wordlessly rode his bicycle past them. He continued down the ballpark hallway and outside into the rainy night.

He was cut two days later. He's now being paid $11 million dollars to play beer league softball.

Then there's Milton Bradley.

After getting into an argument with his manager about who runs the team, Bradley left a game. He then asked for "help." It was the most predictable thing to ever happen.

Finally, there's old man Griffey. Reportedly, he can't sleep when he's away from home, so he takes naps in the Mariners clubhouse because he feels comfortable there. And that's what Junior was doing during a game last week when he was called upon to pinch-hit. And that's what he kept doing after that opportunity passed. He'll probably be forced into retirement soon, not because of that incident, but because he's old and hitting under .200.

So be happy you're not a Mariners fan. Or at least be happy that your team wasn't in position to sign Eric Byrnes, Milton Bradley and a sleepy hall of famer. Yeah, they brought this on themselves.

Orlando Hudson: shoe-in for fast-talking Hall of Fame

Orlando Hudson talks really fast. Fastest talker in baseball



But you can't be any ole fast-talking-joe-bag-o-donuts to get into the Fast-talking Hall of Fame. So let's look at how Hudson compares to his fast-talking contemporaries.

When Mr. Tesaverde wasn't teaching history at Bayside high, he moonlighted as a pitchman for various companies. True story: Jessie Spano almost set fire to her note taking paper trying to keep up with "Terrible" Tesaverde. That's HOF material right there.



Love him or hate him, Snow is by far the fastest Canadian Reggae rapper in the history of the world.



Any Outsider fans out there? Anyone? Well apparently this crowd is not as cultured in the ways of Korean Fast Rap as I. Because when it comes to fast rapping in Korean, well...Outsider is your man.



I think I heard a "why" and a "baby don't cry." I assume the rest is in Korean.

And we can't forget Bizzy Bone.



What's the record for the most curse words in a two minute baseball interview you ask? Well, it's a little off subject, but since you asked...



On that note, have a better weekend than Terry Crowley.

LiveBlog - Broom in hand.

Pregame

The Twins haven't been able to sweep a series yet this year, but they'll have a chance today against Detroit. Standing in their way is sinkerballer Rick Porcello and some less than ideal conditions. They'll counter with Kevin Slowey.
Top of the first

Magglio Ordonez bounces out to short, ending a quick one-two-three inning for the Tigers. He's kindof a goof. He got mad at Michael Cuddyer for throwing the ball to first base after he singled out to right. He gave him to old stare-down. Which isn't very scary coming from a guy with a jerry-curl.

Was it bush league for Cuddyer to throw it quickly to first? Who knows? These unwritten rules are so confusing. Luckily some guy wrote them down in book form. He also shared ten really obscure ones with Big League Stew.

Two of those caught my eye, because I violate them all the time:

Don't stand on the dirt cutout at home plate while a pitcher is warming up.

and

Don't walk in front of catcher or umpire when getting into batter's box.

But then again, I play in the bush league.

Bottom of the first

Justin Morneau smacks a "booming double," and Cuddyer gets Hudson in. The Twins love to score runs in the first inning.

2-0 Twins.

Here's another unwritten rules article. Bert Blyleven was asked questions about different situations, but he brings up a good point: Why do hitters get to wear a bunch of pads? I remember one article questioning Barry Bonds' use of his gigantic elbow armor, saying it actually helped his mechanics. I don't know about that, but I know I hate Barry Bonds.

Top of the second

Kevin Slowey gets a double play and a strikeout, still 2-0 Twins.

Breaking news: Kevin Millar, of Boston Red Sox fame, signs with the St. Paul Saints. He played there in 1993, their first season. I wonder how their attendance will be with 40,000 people at outdoor Target Field all summer.

Bottom of the second

Wilson Ramos grounds out. He's really fallen back to earth. He hasn't had a hit in his last four at-bats. I think they should send him back to double-A. Punto and Casilla are also out. No surprises there.

Top of the third

Alex Avila bashes one into the upper deck. Or at least that's what John Gordon says. If he truly put it up in that trapezoidal section, it'd be the first time anyone has done it. On Monday, Cuddyer became the first to hit one into the left field upper deck. But the facing of the upper deck is flush with the outfield fence, so Cuddy's homer was only about 410 or something like that.

2-1 Twins

Bottom of the third

John Gordon has been talking about how he got to visit the Budweiser party deck before the game today. I think he'll get a stern talking to by the Twins front office, because he had nothing positive to say about it. He wasn't complaining or anything, but merely stated that it was very high, offered poor sightlines and was awfully windy. Dan Gladden began talking about seeing the stadium, and taking a long time to see everything. Gordon hasn't even visited the upper deck yet. Which depresses the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth.

I feel like you don't even know a stadium unless you see a game from multiple viewpoints, during both the day and the night. And then there's these broadcasters who get paid to go to the game, and they just sit in the exact same chair, game after game.

Jason Kubel doubles, driving in Orlando Hudson. I'm glad I picked up the O-dog for my fantasy team.

Twins lead 3-1.

Top of the fourth

Slowey gives up a laser shot homer to Miguel Cabrera. Is the ball jumping today or is Kevin just hanging his pitches? 3-2 Twins

Bottom of the fourth

Oh my, Boesch just drops the ball. That's 29 errors for the Tigers. Oh, make that 30, as Santiago olays one into left field. Tigers lead the league in errors. I don't think the Tigers' heads are in this thing. They must be mourning Ernie Harwell.

Note: they didn't rule that Denard Span hit an error. The official scorer must have been marking the previous error and missed it.

Twins fail to get a hit with the bases loaded, as usual. But they pick up two and now lead 5-2.

Top of the fifth

Good job. One hit, one left on. Twins up 5-2.

Here's a plug for Batting Stance Guy, who is, to date, Alright Hamilton's most famous interview subject. He wrote a book. I don't get it, either.

Bottom of the fifth

quick inning. So I'll close out a very controversial subject from last week: drinking while biking.
Take a look at that poll up there in the right hand corner. 28 people thinks you can get a bike-specific DUI. Well, they're wrong. All 28 of them.

I got this email from a Minneapolis police officer:

Thanks for your question. For the charge of DWI, a person would have to be in physical control of a motor vehicle. A bike would not constitute this crime. Being intoxicated while riding a bike might violate other laws such as impeding traffic, or disorderly conduct or a host of others.

So there.

Top of the 6th

Another solo shot. An absolute bomb. And a base hit and a walk. Slowey is not at his best today. So after throwing 97 pitches, he'll be replaced by JESSE CRAIN, who works out of it.

Twins- 5
Tigers- 3

Bottom of the 6th

The Tigers are playing like the Twins usually play in series finales.

The only problem is that the Twins are playing only slightly better than they normally play in series finales. Kubel goes down with the bases loaded, as usual. And they fail to score. Yikes.

Top of 7

Good job, Crain.

Does anyone know if the Twins have worn their 'M' hats yet this year?

Bottom of 7

Boy, this game has really ground to a halt. I gotta run, but I'll check in with the postgame notes at about 3:30. Anyone else wanna take over?

Fear thy Ramos

Be afraid of Wilson Ramos. He's gunna git ya. Lock your doors, AL pitchers. Actually, just to be safe, I'd sleep at a friend's house tonight. Because Wilson Ramos would just bash a baseball bat through your locked door.

Look at that man. You think he cares about being good at baseball? No. The only reason why he plays the game is to legally hit something as hard as he can with a baseball bat.

There have been no shaving-cream-filled-towels to the face of Ramos during his triumphant post-game interviews. He was wisely left alone. When he got his first Major League hit, there was no jocular conversation with first base coach, Jerry White. And when Ramos received the ball from that first hit, did he keep it? No. He sent it to his mother because he has no emotional attachment to anything. Not even the baseball of his first Major League hit. It was just another thing he got to hit really hard with a baseball bat.

Ramos was originally cast as "The Nothing" in the movie, The Never Ending Story. He was subsequently fired for taking his role too literally and destroyed the entire movie set with a baseball bat.

The good news for the Twins is that he has seven hits in his first nine at-bats. This might be a record. The even better news, however, is that all those hits have been baseballs...not skulls.