Friday, December 11, 2009

Six Things: Twins Off-Season Checklist

Billy Smith and company have left the winter meetings in Indianapolis in worse shape than they arrived. A bunch of potential Twins, such as Pedro Feliz and Rich Harden, have signed elsewhere, leaving the market much thinner for some of the Twins needs. What were those needs again? Let's review.

Needs they have already filled:

1. As Bert Blyleven puts it, "a veteran-type pitcher." Going into the season with only Nick Blackburn, Kevin Slowey and Scott Baker as dependable starting pitchers, the Twins needed someone to eat some innings and bring some durability to the staff. And for at least one season, Carl Pavano met that description. He could have gone elsewhere, but he declined free agency and decided to stay here. Why?


"There were different ways to look at my decision. I could have continued to sit back and wait for the market to unfold more, take a chance and end up with a team that is not a winner and in a place I don't want to be. Or I accept arbitration and work out a deal with a team that is strong in character and talent, as I have already experienced, with a staff that is the one of the best I've had in baseball, and in a division where our rival last year is rumored to be unloading some of their top players with other teams in the start of a rebuilding phase. That doesn't ensure us anything, but I like our chances."
He burned the Yankees bridge long ago, so by default, the Twins become the team with the best chance of winning. Default! Default!


2. Find a middle infielder who can maybe hit a little bit

With the emergence of Denard Span and Delmon Young, (I think we should start writing his name in italics all the time, because there's a lot behind that name) Carlos Gomez became expendable. And in Milwaukee, because of some hot-shot triple A kid, and the fact that JJ Hardy wasn't very good anymore, made JJ Hardy expendable. A blockbuster.

3. Cut some players just to make fans sad.

Boof Bonser is being mourned heavily by Those Girls, and Alright Hamilton wrote a scathing rebuttal to Billy Smith after the realease of Brian Buscher. Whoa, I just thought of something - everyone who has been released both of them had the initials BB. Is this some sort of subtle anti-moneyball stance? Brian Bass, you're next!


Things that still need to happen

1. Find someone to take at least one of the two spots currently being held by Nick Punto

Gardenhire has Punto penciled in as his two-hitter, his third baseman, his nine-hitter and his second baseman. This has to change by opening day. Literally, actually has to change.

2. Exercise those Yankee demons

Did the Twins win a single game against the bombers last year? I don't think so. They just seem so intimidated when they get to the Bronx. Maybe they ought to see it on a non-game day, relieve some pressure.

Luckily for them, I did it in their stead. Yup, 'ol Alright Hamilton & friends. We're always there to help. We went and visited New Yankee Stadium on Monday. It kinda sucked. It cost $20 bux just for a lousy tour, which we obviously didn't fork over out of spite and principal.

And I was hungry the whole time. You see, on my way to the airport in Minneapolis, I stopped at the McDonalds at Broadway and University for a quick breakfast. I swung/swinged/swang through the drive-thru, put the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit in the front seat and went on to my friend Uncle Roy's place to hitch a ride to the airport.. Riding safely with Roy, I went ahead to dig into my bacon, egg and cheese biscuit....... only to discover that it was an egg mcmuffin instead. With no hash browns. Normally, I never insult McDonalds employees by digging into the bag right outside the drive-thru. I trust them. But it came back to bite me in the ass this time.

What could I do? Miss my flight just to run back to northeast and get my correct order? Yeah, they could probably put me on another flight. It would be worth it. But...

"Curses! I have things to do in Manhattan tonight," I thought. Plan B. Save the egg mcmuffin and receipt until I get back home, and then return it.

The breakfast sandwich was frozen solid when I recovered it from Roy's car nearly a week later. The McDonalds staff was awfully confused when they took an old, frozen egg McMuffin from the bag. They denied me until I demanded to see a manager. I had to take out my flight itinerary just to prove my story. Finally they complied, and offered me a whole new breakfast value meal.

Net gain: medium pop.


3. Something about Joe Mauer

Personal voice recorder of Billy Smith, dated 12/11/09

There was something I was supposed to do today. Close the garage door? Did that. Leave money for the babysitter? Check. uhm. OH NO. WE FORGOT KEVIN! ....nah, Slowey is signed for a while yet. Okay, I know it has something to do with someone named Joe. Joe Nathan? He's not as famous as Tiger Woods, so I think we're good there. Joe Crede? Yeah, that's it. Find a third baseman!

eh, I'll wait until February for that.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Exorcise, not exercise.


This new pitcher we got from Boston -- the Player to be Named Later But Not Much Later -- has the last name "Province." Surely someone at AH! can come up with a clever nickname.


FrontRowSeats

soup said...

"The breakfast sandwich was frozen solid when I recovered it from Roy's car nearly a week later. The McDonalds staff was awfully confused when they took an old, frozen egg McMuffin from the bag. They denied me until I demanded to see a manager. I had to take out my flight itinerary just to prove my story. Finally they complied, and offered me a whole new breakfast value meal.

Net gain: medium pop."

Haas, ladies and gentlemen.

TwinsWin83 said...

Suck it up and eat the egg mcmuffin mike.

Anonymous said...

Hah, Brian Bass was non-tendered