Monday, December 21, 2009

BronxBoi2 does Sabrmetrics

Controversial Yankee fan and guest poster, BronxBoi2, is back. Now with Sabrmetrics

Sup, D Bags

BronxBoi2 back in this bitch. Some of you internet trolls will probably say that I'm over-exaggerating the unjustices of the MVP that faced Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira. But this year's voting was LITERALLY THE MOST MONUMENTAL ROBBING OF ALL TIME IN THE SOCIETY WE LIVE IN TODAY!!!!!

To put this debate to sleep once and forever, I have made a sabrmetric. This sabrmetric demonstrates imperially WHO IS THE TRUE MVP for 2009 and all substantive years following. This stat is all-conclusive because it uses all five assets that make a great baseball player: batting average, home runs, runs batted in, intangibles, and defense.

So not that I have to ration my logic to you stat-humpers that live in your mom's basement and probably can't even throw a baseball because you'll start wheezing because of your asthma, but this stat is super complex. So, try not to get too excited and make a mess all over your pun

I call it BronxBoi Everything Statistic, or as it is abbreviated, BBES. The fist part of BBES is the batting average. You Minnesota fans are all to familiar with this stat BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY STAT that Joe Mauer could even hang his coat on for his MVP case. IT'S THE ONLY OF THE THREE OFFENSIVE STATS THAT HE WAS BETTER THAN TEX!!!! But you guys have been literally drinking so much kool-aid that you can't even see your own face!! As I'll show you it is important, but it is NOT EVERYTHING in determining an MVP!

The standard barrier for a good BA is .300. So, the BBES looks at the percentage someone's BA is superior or subsuperior to .300.

[(BA/300) x 100] -100

Then for HR you add the number of HRs a player hit. BTW, Tex HIT 39!!!!

+ HR

Then for RBI you add the number of runs batter in a player had. Tex HAD 122!!!


Now for the most important part, intangibles. This is something you Minnesota mouth breeders will NEVER UNDERSTAND. This includes blatant stuff like being the captain of your team, playing in a meat cooker mega-media environment, diving on the ground, sacrifice bunting, playing the game the right way, trying really hard, and giving yourself up for your team no matter what all the time. Each player's intangible rating is created by me and my bros P Dawg and Middy.

What's our qualifications?!?! Um, let me think...We call into talk radio stations at least three times a week and comment on at least ELEVEN different sports websites EVERY DAY!!! And we watch baseball ALL THE TIME when we're not out partying :P The scale for the rating is .100 for the most intangibles and .000 for no intangibles.

x Intangible Rating

Leaving defense out of determining the best baseball player would be oxymoron. Seriously. So, the BBES includes the defensive stat, Gold Gloves won the year previously.

+ Number of Gold Gloves

So the final equation looks like this:

{[(BA/300)x100] - 100 + HR + RBI} x IR + GG

Let's look at Joe Mauer's BBES first and for most:

{[365/300x100] - 100 + 28 + 96} x .038 + 1 = 6.54

Now Tex:

{[292/300x100] - 100 + 39 + 122} x .06 + 1 = 10.5

Now Jeter:

{[334/300x100] - 100 + 18 + 66} x .10 + 1 = 10.53

There you have it, D bags. These facts are undeniably strait from the horses mouth. Derek Jeter intangibles narrowly out-pushes Tex for the best overall player in baseball. As you can see crystal clear Joe Mauer is not even in the conversation. The numbers LITERALLY DON'T LIE!!!

Oh, and BTdubs...STILL. WORLD. CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Cogent, convincing, clever, calculations -- clear and credible. Well played, sir, and congratulations on the World Series victory. I'd alomst forgotten.


haasertime said...

I'm going to come up with an offensive stat that literally proves BronxBoi is the most offensive baseball writer ever.

Anonymous said...

Jeter had the lowest BA, HR and RBI and you believe it's his "intangibles" that put him ahead and deserving of the MVP?? Get a life.

Anonymous said...

Ok, not lowest BA but fewest HR and RBI. And what do Yankees fans cherish? HR!

TwinsWin83 said...

BronxBoi should know better then anyone Mauers willingness to dive, sacrafice himself and make a great play on defense after his full-layout lunge at homeplate in NY.

He must not have gotten the memo that Mauer led the league in average, on base perentage and slugging, which most experts believe to be the modern triple crown. This all while playing the most demanding position in baseball, and playing it better then any other cather in the game.

Just like a typical NY fan to blow Jeter and think him and a douchey, money hungry free agent pick-up who hits 39 chip shot homers over the softball fence are the only MVP candidates.

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stars said...

i think BronxBoi's real identity is the Situation. Next time you write a rant of this degree of stupidity, I recommend checking your facts. Lame ass. You are why everyone hates Yankee fans.

haasertime said...

Now that we've had some fun, I'ma put the seal on it to make all these people feel dumb.

A Modest Proposal said...

Irony: When stupid people call out the stupidity of others stupidly, thereby revealing their own immense stupidity in the process.

TwinsWin82 ans Stars: Did you think that was BronxBoi2's picture? And the woman – his girlfriend? But never mind the pictures: How is it possible to read this post and not recognize the satirical intent? Do you imagine that Jonathan Swift really intended that the Irish should eat their own children, too? Do you know who Jonathan Swift was?

How's this for a modest proposal: Put down the video-game controllers, turn off the television, read something that involves more than a box score, and learn to recognize satirical writing when it all buts slaps you across the face.

bizmarkie507 said...

hahaha! Soup is king

haasertime said...


Modest Proposal = Best Comment of the year?

tfrezac2002 said...

It has to be in the running. Maybe we should have a poll and decide once and for what was our best and worst work of the year?

TwinsWin83 said...

What qualifies as irony? The fact that Modest Proposal didnt understand the sarcasm in the comment about the sarcastic post? I think that probably qualifies.

Bryz said...

I had a feeling this was true before I even saw the Alright Hamilton! Sarcasm Stamp of Approval.

Broker said...

I thought that blond intangible next to the car must have been worth at least 500 in the calculation. Maybe he's right........

Child Prodigy said...

What a f-ing blow hard!!! I used to think Alright-Hamilton had clear and concise writing, but clearly they employ 5 year old "righters" if you know what I mean.

Feel free to search through for some real Minnesota writing and none of this NY BS MFMFMFMF

Anonymous said...

Anybody can come up wih their own formula and make almost anyone look good...that said, Jeter's stats were all worse than Mauers, so he shouldn't even be in the conversation. Texeira had more HR's and Rbi's, but Mauer played a month less and still came within 10 hr's and 20 something rbi's PLUS plays the hardest position physically on a player (ask any baseball expert) So there is MY intangible. Mauer's position makes what he has done as a hitter more impressive than Texiera who did play in a HR friendly ballpark BTW. The Writers got this one right so BronxBoi2, go cry into your World Series T-shirt!