Pedro Gomez is a silly goose

Isn't ESPN's Pedro Gomez a silly goose? Big League Stew brought to my attention that he voted for Jay Bell to go to Cooperstown and not Bert Blyleven.

Now, I can't rip Bell too much. He was one of us. The Twins drafted him in 1984. Then, ironically, the Twins traded him to the Indians in a deal that brought us Bert from the Pirates. Then Bell...I don't know...played for some teams and stuff? Apparently he had a nice career. Good for him.

But more deserving than the Farting Dutchman? Bert has struck out more batters than Tom Seaver, Hank Aaron, and Willy Mays combined. How many other players have done that? Not many. Like four, maybe.

Every year there are some dumb ballots cast by members of the BBWAA. Every year there are also two "B's" in their acronym for no reason. Baseball is one word. One "B" should be sufficient. Oh, and be sure to check out their website. It was created by eighth grader Tyler Kirkvold as his final project in his personal computing class.

Anyway, can you imagine if we didn't use the stuffy BBWAA rules and the public voted players into the HOF, like we do for all-star games? I can.

Here would be your 2009 HOF class:

Shigetoshi Hasegawa

Hideki Irabu

Masao Kida

Kazuhiro Sasaki

Masato Yoshii

Lost post: Live-blogging the Knickerbockers 1859 season opener

Friend of AH!, Fitzwilliam Bingley, wrote this a while ago, but we're just getting around to posting it.


A fine crowd has gathered to watch the New York Knickerbockers play the detestable swine that are the Brooklyn Excelsiors. This is the first game of the season in this eighteen hundred and fifty ninth year of our lord.

The glimmering shadows, that lay half-asleep between the field of base and ball and the adjacent oaks, were a kind of spiritual medium, seen through which, this magnificent game had not quite the aspect of belonging to the material world. Truly, it’s a divine field of grass surrounding a charming inner field of mud and dirt. But, we will not, then, malign the infield as gross and impure, while it can glorify itself with so adequate a picture of the heaven that broods above it; or, if we remember its tawny hue and its muddiness. Let it be a symbol that the earthliest human soul has an infinite spiritual capacity, and may contain the better world within it depths. In a world where few things are certain, I assure you this game, this chess of the flesh, is at home on this irregular field. Oh, and also, they are serving beer. Which is nice.

First Inning:

The Knickerbockers, looking dapper in their customary white flannel tops and blue pantaloons, take the field with a chorus of cheers. The excitement of the crowd has led to some peculiar behavior. Nearly all have removed their handkerchiefs from their pockets and are twirling them in the air around their heads in hopes that this act will bring a hit that allows a Knickerbacker batsman to return all the way to home.

The Knickerbockers slipshod play has given the Excelsiors runs hardly earned. Paulding was typically tardy to relay the ball back to the infield. The torpor of his movements makes a pregnant heifer seems swift. Whata bum.

6-3 Excelsiors

Second Inning:

E.B. Tucker has given the Knickerbocker offense a most needed spark. He is a giant of a man, standing at a stature of six feet and one inch, with a frame supporting the weight of one hundred and ninety some pounds. The hearts of many women have been torn asunder by his recent engagement to be married. I too opine for he and I to meet in a desolate field, the moonlight, opiating our senses as he ravishes his charms into my supple flesh under the watchful eye of silent stars. O’ how I wish he might join me, if only to nuzzle my visage into the intricacies of his gaping maw…but totally just as friends, of course.

9-7 Knickerbockers

Third Inning:

I see Doc Havensworth and his blood letting instruments are on hand in case of injury. The safety of the players is of the utmost importance.

The Excelsiors have regained the momentum. I am becoming more irritable with each run those bastard men score. Adding to the irritation, some hooplehead has blown up a pig bladder and has begun passing it about. If it comes near me, as God is my witness, I will pop that maddening sphere with this very ink-pen I hold clenched in my hand.

16-10 Excelsiors

Fourth Inning:

Birney has made a most commendable play for two outs. He dived on the infield dirt after the ball like a feral dog after an infant field mouse deformed at birth. Then, in the prone position mind you, flipped the ball to Adams at second base. Adams then relayed the ball to the elder Anthony brother covering first. Birney has covered his uniform with dirt, as he is wont to do from time to time; for he is well know for pantaloons covered in mud and a crotch covered in syphilis.

23-18 Excelsiors

Fifth Inning:

I just popped the pig bladder. A man yelled at me for ruining his fun. I threw a rock at his face.

32-27 Excelsiors

Sixth Inning

Mrs. Shivelgrass is in attendance. She has taken the demeanor of a widow and is mucking about with the shuffle of one suffering from consumption. Now she has run onto the field of play with her dress held high! My face has turned an embarrassing hue of crimson as I report to you that I, and all of God’s creation, caught a sinfully long glimpse of the skin of her legs below the knee. The three Patterson brothers, obese as they are dim, have finally restrained Mrs. Shivelgrass, after waddling humorously about the field in pursuit. Thankfully Father Matthews is in attendance to properly diagnose her as a witch. Doc Havensworth concurs. Yes, I know it's the mid 19th century, but our town still loves a good witch diagnoses. So back the ef off, history majors.

38-30 Excelsiors

Seventh Inning:

Avery appears to have injured his leg. He is helped off the field toward Doc Havensworth for a much needed rest and blood letting.

The Knickerbockers fail to overcome the deficit.

Final: Excelsiors 41 Knickerbockers 34


Box:


The current depression this loss has put upon me shall be lifted by the post game entertainment. For the trial of Mrs. Shivelgrass and her witchcraft is too be held post haste, and it almost assuredly will be followed by a rousing witch drowning. There are no losers this day! Well, sans Mrs. Shivelgrass. That witch gunna get drowned.

Let's Get Michael Young

Michael Young is reportedly demanding a trade from the Texas Rangers. The shortstop has hit over .300, played over 150 games and played good defense consistently for the past six seasons. The Rangers are asking him to switch to third base, to make way for something called Elvis Andrus. Young refuses, and gave the Rangers a list of teams to whom he'd accept a trade.

I've consulted Alright Hamilton MLB Hot Stove Correspondent, Tony F. Rezac.

AH: The Twins should trade for Michael Young.

TFR: he's pissed about having to switch positions.... again

AH: yes, he came up as a second baseman. Do you think the Twins have interest?

TFR: Well, he would fit right in, except he's kinda overrated. And we wouldn't want to shift around the staples we have in the infield.

AH: Oh yes, I forgot our big offseason move: signing Nick Punto to play shortstop.

TFR: ha, and we have a 'can't miss' second basemen in Casilla, and you can't argue with Buschers .306 average.

AH: Riiight. But it wouldn't take a lot to get him, relatively.

TFR: How do you mean?

AH: It's so late in the offseason, and he's forcing them to trade him, and there's only a few teams he would go to and only a few teams that would go for him. And we've got money.

TFR: True, but Bill Smith has been asleep at the wheel. Not a single move other than singing Punto to be an everyday player.

AH: Well yeah, there's no way it'll happen. But it should be considered more than it is. Or something.

AH: 1.21 gigawatts!

TFR: ha, I love that movie.

AH: Check this shirt out.

TFR: That's great

TFR: They are making a movie about the end of the world in 2012.

AH: Who are?

TFR: One of the major movie studios. I just watched the trailer on imdb

AH: Looks good?

TFR: No, no it does not..... but it has to be better than "The Day After Tomorrow" doesn't it? that movie was awful.

AH: Why is the world going to end in 2012?

TFR: the Mayan calendar ends December 21st, 2012.

AH: Oh my god, does anyone else know about this?

TFR: But for them the world ended in about 1500, so they were way off.

AH: It's just when they ran outta paper, or realized, "hey wtf am I doing writing an infinite calendar?"

TFR: my calenders always end on December 31st, but I wake up every January 1st.

AH: Booya.

TFR: Listen to Phil Collins - Easy Lover



AH: Priceless.

Random Notes: Prince Edition

- Prince hates record labels. Remember when he changed his name to that unspeakable symbol? He claimed the record label essentially owned the name 'prince' and used it to make money. He hates record labels. So to release the three albums worth of new material this year without a record label, Prince devised a plan. Start a website. It's an odd choice considering that Prince seems to hate the internet, too. He's one of the only artists who has essentially no music on youtube. He once tried to sue one of his fansites for illegal use images and junk.

But I guess his hatred of record labels trumps his hatred of the internet. He launched MPLSound.com a few months ago, featuring four new songs, but it was quickly pulled down. His new site, lotusflow3r.com, launched this week. For now, it features three new songs, including a rockin' version of the classic 'Crimson and Clover'

I wrote last month about my lack of interest in my old favorites new music. But Prince has a few things going for him. 1. His inadvertent viral marketing has the web buzzing. 2. The music is good. It seems that he's fine tuned his sound, with more guitar. 3. He's from Minneapolis, and is proud of it. The website features our skyline, and he has a song called MPLSound. Represent.

- Speaking of represent, how cool are these tee-shirts?


- Question: Is there any better movie-album-song trifecta than Purple Rain? Great movie, great album, great song.

- We've posted Prince doing While My Guitar Gently Weeps, his 1985 Purple Rain performance at the AMA's, and his awesome side project, The Family, whose song we used as the 'o8 Twins rally soundtrack.

But make sure you check out his SNL performance before they find it and remove it.

- I can imagine Prince as a mime. What shade of red would you describe his beret?


I can also imagine Prince as a television weatherman.

A solution to College Football without needing a playoff

The Florida Gators and Oklahoma Sooners will play for the National Championship tonight, and yet again, multiple teams are screaming injustice. The Argument is that there are too many qualified teams to fill two slots, so they want a playoff. Let's take a look at the teams that were left angry on the sidelines and think about what should they should have done/should do to better their situation.

Southern California Trojans: They are an annual powerhouse, and looked like a much better team than the Big Ten's finest (tries not to laugh) Penn State in the Rose Bowl. Like Oklahoma and Florida, they only have one loss, to go with a few high profile wins. The Trojans get snubbed because of their strength of schedule. The Pac-10 has been dubbed the Pac-1, because the level of teams significantly drop off compared to USC. A large disadvantage they have is that unlike the ACC, Big 12, and SEC, they do not have a Conference Championship game. A way to kill three birds with one stone is to invite Boise State to the conference. Boise State dominates their conference every year, usually goes undefeated, yet do not get taken seriously for a National Championship because of their weak conference. Adding Boise State to the Pac-10 would strengthen both USC and BSU's schedule, and 11 teams would help justify a 1 vs 2 Pac-10 title game.

Boise State Broncos: See above.

Utah Utes: Many are making the case that they deserve the National Championship because of their win over Alabama and their undefeated record. What kills them is their 72nd ranked Strength of Schedule. For some reason, nobody is talking about how Utah and Texas had a 2-1 contract, meaning these teams would play each other 3 consecutive years, 2007 at Texas, 2008 at Utah, and 2009 back at Texas. This didn't happen because Utah pulled out of this season's game at the last minute, so Texas scheduled Arkansas State instead. If Utah wants to be taken seriously as a possible National Champion, then they need to play Texas, period. If that Texas/Utah game occurred, whichever team lost would be clearly out of the NCG picture, and which ever team won most likely would be playing Florida tonight.

University of Texas Longhorns: They do have the biggest argument out of anybody to play in the National Championship Game, due to the fact that they beat Oklahoma earlier this year. People say the BCS screwed them because Oklahoma, by a few percentage points, inched out Texas in the Rankings, thus the highest BCS ranked team got to play in the conference championship and so on and so forth. But the fact is, the Big 12 all around got this one wrong.

The SEC's rule about a 3 way tie is they take the two highest ranked BCS teams out of the three, and go with head to head. This makes perfect sense. The Big 12 just simply goes with the highest ranked BCS team, disregarding head to head completely. You also have to acknowledge the fact that Every Big 12 coach unanimously agreed to said rules, so ultimately Texas has nobody to blame but themselves. But I also blame the Big 12 as a whole for agreeing to these tiebreaker rules.


So there you have it. As much as I'd like a playoff, it just simply isn't going to happen anytime in the near future. If these teams make these adjustments, then we wouldn't be hearing the massive arguments.

Rewind: omg, Twins to be contracted

Here's what would have been written if Alright Hamilton were in existence in November, 2001.

First McDonald's burns down, then terrorists attack, and now this. The Twins are one of two teams that are rumored to be part of Bud Selig's contraction plan. What does that mean? It means the Twins would cease to exist. Major League Baseball would buy the organization, and then dissolve it. From Walter Johnson to Kirby Puckett to Cristian Guzman, all that history....poof.

And this comes after our most successful season since the early 90's. The Twins almost took the division this season, and we have the same team coming back. It's sickening.

How did it come to this?

Carl Pohlad. He volunteered the Twins for this outrageous plan. Most Twins fans agree that he's a stingy old miser, but we never thought it could come to this. Some people considered him at least a fan, and thanked him for buying the team and keeping them in Minnesota, and for opening his checkbook to keep Kirby here. But if Pohlad and Selig get their wish, Pohlad's legacy will be worse than Norm Green's. Much worse. To willfully dissolve a beloved team is a slap in the face to the citizens of Minnesota. He cares about money - he has no respect for us.

Here's a quote from the Star Tribune:

"[Pohlad's] family will be forever a pariah in Minnesota ... the Pohlad name will be remembered with contempt. ... For 41 years, the Twins have added greatly this state's social fabric and identity. Letting them die when we need them most is foolish indeed"

Other thoughts:

- Being a senior in high school rocks. Our band kicks ass.

- We should totally invade Iraq before the blow us up with all their WMD's.

- Who would your new favorite team be if the Twins are contracted? Mine may be the Rockies. Mike Hampton had a bad season, but he'll turn it around. Ron Coomer probably won't be back with the Cubs, so maybe I'll root for whichever team he signs with, as long as it's not the Yankees.

Twins Hall of Fame Thresholds

By M. Haas

A new class of players and coaches will be enshrined in the Twins Hall of Fame this month. There are 13 former players in the hall, with 19 on this years ballot. To whom this prestigious accolade is handed is decided by a 57-member committee of local dignitaries. To make their decision a well-informed one, (albeit extraordinarily small sample sizes) we present the cheat sheet.

First base:

In the Hall: Harmon Killebrew, Kent Hrbek.

Hrbek hit .282/293/1086 in 14 seasons with the Twins. Killebrew hit .258/559/1540 in 21 seasons with the organization before leaving for Kansas City.

Threshold for first basemen: .270/426/1313

On the ballot: No first basemen on the ballot. For the record, Morneau is at .281/133/523 in six seasons.

Second Base:

In the Hall: Rod Carew. He hit .334/74/733 in 12 seasons in Minnesota, winning rookie of the year, an MVP, appearing in the All-Star game every year and flirting with .400 in 1977. He's also a real Hall of Famer.

On the ballot: Chuck Knoblauch - .304/43/391 in seven seasons before going to New York. It doesn't look like his numbers reach the THoF plateau for second basemen. Sorry Chuck, the bar was just set too high. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Shortstop:

In the Hall: Zoilo Versalles hit .252/86/401 in seven Twins seasons while appearing in two all-star games and winning one MVP.

On the ballot: Greg Gagne. .249/69/335 in eight years before his move to Kansas City. He gets bonus points for participation in both championship seasons, but Gagne still falls short.
Roy Smalley hit .262/110/485 during two tours of duty with the team, totaling about nine seasons. Pretty impressive, and he gets bonus points for his hair. Smalley isn't exactly a classic or romantic name (to my generation,) but his numbers put him in the Twins Hall of Fame. Congrats.

Third Base:

In the Hall: Gary Gaetti. The rat is the lone THoFer at this position as well. He set the bar with his .256/201/758 in nine seasons. Gaetti also inspired the largest and weirdest fansite on the web, the Gary Gaetti Cult.

On the ballot: John Castino .278/41/249 while playing 416 games at third over six seasons. He was the Co-MVP in 1979, but his career was essentially over by 1984.

Catcher:

In the Hall: Earl Battey sets the bar with his .278/76/350 organization numbers.

On the Ballot: Brian Harper with .306/48/346. Battey played seven seasons with the Twins, Harper played six. Each helped the Twins to a pennant. Battey was a crafty vet, Harper played 16 years, but only played regularly in Minnesota. Battey was a three time all-star, Harper had an all-star mustache. These numbers say Harper he has a shot....... but he doesn't.

Outfielders:

Alright, now we have three sets of numbers to formulate a much steadier HoF threshold.
In the Hall: Kirby Puckett: .318/207/1085 in 12 seasons. Tony Oliva: .304/220/947 in 15 seasons. Bob Allison: .255/256/796 in 13 seasons.

Twins HoF Threshold: .292/228/943

On the Ballot:

Tommy Brunansky .250/163/469
Marty Cordova .277/79/385
Danny Gladden .268/38/238
Larry Hisle .286/87/409
Cesar Tovar .281/38/319

No, no way, sorry, no and no.

Pitchers: (era/K's/wins)

In the Hall: Bert Blyleven 3.28/2035/149 Jim Kaat 3.28/1824/189 Frank Viola 3.86/1214/112 Rick Aguilera 3.50/86/40 while saving 254 games.

Twins Hall of Fame threshold (minus Aggie the Closer) 3.47/1691/150

On the ballot:

Al Worthington 2.62/399/37 while saving 88 games.
Jeff Reardon 3.70/185/15 while saving 104 games.
Kevin Tapani 4.06/724/75
Brad Radke 4.22/1467/148
Jim Perry 3.15/1025/128
Camilo Pascual 3.31/994/88
Dave Boswell 3.49/865/67
Mudcat Grant 3.35/377/50
Dave Goltz 3.48/887/96

Radke is awfully close to the magic 150 wins, but his ERA is high (yes, he played in an offensive era) and his strikeouts aren't far off the mark, considering he wasn't a power pitcher. He'll be in eventually.


So congratulations to Roy Smalley and eventually Brad Radke. These two outstanding players are all-time Twins greats, and will eventually be enshrined in the Twins Hall of Fame! Roy Smalley?

Aw, heck. When have voters ever paid attention to the numbers? Hey, what is this Twins Hall of Fame thing, anyway?