Alright Hamilton update and bonus Lost Post

It's not very warm outside, and to make matters worse, (or better?) the Twins are officially without Nick Punto. No, worse. Once again, we've hit a lull at Alright Hamilton. That's just how it goes. To brighten the mood, I've dug up a very short and unpublished piece about how my room mate is driving me LOCO. Originally penned in October, so some of the references to tropical temperatures may seem especially dated.


What does a squirrel eat? What is my roommate? The answer to both these questions is nuts. She always has her electric space heater running. Today is October. It's warm in October. Yet she still has it blasting away every. minute. she's. home. Yes, that includes OVERNIGHT.

Her space-heater love affair drives me crazy for two reasons. The first is because this behavior makes no fucking sense whatsoever. It's not cold outside. It hasn't dipped below 55 degrees overnight since last March, for pete's sake. The behavior makes even less sense when you consider that she is a fairly environmentally conscious person. She uses her bicycle a lot, she's a crazy-good recycler and she watches wild conspiracy theory environmental documentaries. So you'd think she'd be into energy conservation. Her misuse of her space heater runs counter to her personality, at least as I see it.

I'm convinced it's just some OCD tic or some odd psychological dependence thing. And her nuttiness is rubbing off on me. Now I pace the kitchen asking myself how to solve this problem and how to bring it up to her. Which leads me to the other reason it's driving me nuts: I have no idea how to solve this problem. I'm a reasonable man. I believe that every problem has a solution, even if it involves some tough decision making. This problem has no solution, which is probably on a count of how the problem is ludicrous in the first place. I shouldn't be bothered by this, but I am. I can't talk to her about it, because she has every right to run that thing all the time.

Anyway, here's my solution: a fake flyer, which I'll place in our front door, as if some environmental agency is out spreading their message. I designed it, but only wrote two of the bullet points. See if you can tell which two are mine: