Alright Hamilton Best of 2009

2009. It's all over. Two Thousand Nine. Done.

Why do we pronounce 2009, "Two-thousand-nine" ? We don't pronounce 1907, "nineteen thousand seven" It's nineteen-oh-seven." The only other year I can imagine that was pronounced using the word "thousand" was the year 1000AD. But I don't know if they had even invented that word yet.

I feel like when we look back at two thousand nine, we'll remember it as twenty-oh-nine.

It's been a good year here at Alright Hamilton. I guess using the word good is kinda relative to our goals for this blog; and we have none. But it was good in terms of fun, learning, discussion, laughs, and good times.

2009 saw Alright Hamilton welcoming a few new contributors, and lots of original content and analysis. We tried to sorta cover the Twins year, offering commentary on the Metrodome and Olde Tyme baseball. But standing apart from the other content was the introduction of BronxBoi, who taught us a little something about internet trolling and satirical writing, and in turn, taught us a little something about ourselves.

Anyway, here are some of the decent, non-bronxboi pieces of blogging that Alright Hamilton had to offer over the past year. It's pretty subjective, so feel free to throw in some of your favorites in the comment section.

BEST OF 09

CLICK HERE

Also, for good measure, here's the video montage. The baseball season, and indeed the year, truly was SCREAMS OF PASSION.

Links to stuff you probably don't care about

How about all that snow?!?! Talk about a "White Christmas," you guys :P LOL. Anyway, there's not a lot of baseball news out there, but here's some other stuff.

-You know who really likes Christmas? Nazis. Just kidding. Nazis hate Christmas.

-A White Sox fan put her Christmas wishes for the team on the internet. enjoy.

-If you have some free time and want to internet really hard, I suggest the weburbanist seven wonders series. Make sure you check out the Kowloon Walled City.

-Six kickass creatures ruined by evolution

-The ten best post-apocalyptic survival vehicles. I assume they mean, "The ten best post-apocalyptic survival vehicles besides a hovercraft."

-Turns out there are a lot of fun things to do with the cremated remains of your loved ones. One of which is "being exploded in a firework."

-Knife safety for kids

-History's most overlooked mysteries

-light saber battles

-20 weird looking animals

-Derinkuyu, underground city in Turkey

-How to know when it's time to leave the bar

That will be all. I'm sure we'll resume regular blogging around here sometime soon, but don't hold me to that.

BronxBoi2 does Sabrmetrics

Controversial Yankee fan and guest poster, BronxBoi2, is back. Now with Sabrmetrics

Sup, D Bags

BronxBoi2 back in this bitch. Some of you internet trolls will probably say that I'm over-exaggerating the unjustices of the MVP that faced Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira. But this year's voting was LITERALLY THE MOST MONUMENTAL ROBBING OF ALL TIME IN THE SOCIETY WE LIVE IN TODAY!!!!!

To put this debate to sleep once and forever, I have made a sabrmetric. This sabrmetric demonstrates imperially WHO IS THE TRUE MVP for 2009 and all substantive years following. This stat is all-conclusive because it uses all five assets that make a great baseball player: batting average, home runs, runs batted in, intangibles, and defense.

So not that I have to ration my logic to you stat-humpers that live in your mom's basement and probably can't even throw a baseball because you'll start wheezing because of your asthma, but this stat is super complex. So, try not to get too excited and make a mess all over your computer...no pun intended...lol.

I call it BronxBoi Everything Statistic, or as it is abbreviated, BBES. The fist part of BBES is the batting average. You Minnesota fans are all to familiar with this stat BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY STAT that Joe Mauer could even hang his coat on for his MVP case. IT'S THE ONLY OF THE THREE OFFENSIVE STATS THAT HE WAS BETTER THAN TEX!!!! But you guys have been literally drinking so much kool-aid that you can't even see your own face!! As I'll show you it is important, but it is NOT EVERYTHING in determining an MVP!

The standard barrier for a good BA is .300. So, the BBES looks at the percentage someone's BA is superior or subsuperior to .300.

[(BA/300) x 100] -100

Then for HR you add the number of HRs a player hit. BTW, Tex HIT 39!!!!

+ HR

Then for RBI you add the number of runs batter in a player had. Tex HAD 122!!!

+ RBI

Now for the most important part, intangibles. This is something you Minnesota mouth breeders will NEVER UNDERSTAND. This includes blatant stuff like being the captain of your team, playing in a meat cooker mega-media environment, diving on the ground, sacrifice bunting, playing the game the right way, trying really hard, and giving yourself up for your team no matter what all the time. Each player's intangible rating is created by me and my bros P Dawg and Middy.

What's our qualifications?!?! Um, let me think...We call into talk radio stations at least three times a week and comment on at least ELEVEN different sports websites EVERY DAY!!! And we watch baseball ALL THE TIME when we're not out partying :P The scale for the rating is .100 for the most intangibles and .000 for no intangibles.

x Intangible Rating

Leaving defense out of determining the best baseball player would be oxymoron. Seriously. So, the BBES includes the defensive stat, Gold Gloves won the year previously.

+ Number of Gold Gloves

So the final equation looks like this:

{[(BA/300)x100] - 100 + HR + RBI} x IR + GG

Let's look at Joe Mauer's BBES first and for most:

{[365/300x100] - 100 + 28 + 96} x .038 + 1 = 6.54

Now Tex:

{[292/300x100] - 100 + 39 + 122} x .06 + 1 = 10.5

Now Jeter:

{[334/300x100] - 100 + 18 + 66} x .10 + 1 = 10.53

There you have it, D bags. These facts are undeniably strait from the horses mouth. Derek Jeter intangibles narrowly out-pushes Tex for the best overall player in baseball. As you can see crystal clear Joe Mauer is not even in the conversation. The numbers LITERALLY DON'T LIE!!!

Oh, and BTdubs...STILL. WORLD. CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Part Where I Drink Some Kool-Aid

The Twins probably won't do anything to address the holes at 2nd and 3rd base until February. That leaves we baseball fans to make silly lists of the best things of the decade or discuss the Hall of Fame candidates.

Others will keep hoping for that move, becoming frustrated at BS&Co perceived indifference. It's easy to get stir crazy; other teams are moving Cy Young winners while the Twins most recent move was releasing Boof Bonser. That old Twins fan motto starts to get popular this time of year. "I Wish They'd Spend More Money." Or some derivative. They should sign a free agent. They're so cheap. When have they ever brought in a meaningful free agent? Just look at their payroll. If they just had one impact bat and one more arm. They're content just competing for the division. Oh, to be a Twins fan.

But I don't buy it. It's too cliché. And it's too convenient. Who's going to argue with a guy in a bar who says, "The Twins need to spend more money." There's no simple reply. And as a fan, why disagree? It's not our money. However, I don't think the Twins are being stingy all the time. I'd put it at about 87% stinginess and 13% shrill baseball philosophy.

The Thing About Free Agents

They're all old. Which is fine, except that they want multi-year deals. Torii Hunter was 32 when he signed a five-year contract worth $90 million. He'll be getting paid elite money as a 37-year-old, probably chewing up 20% of the Angels payroll.

But I have to admit that I wish we could have signed a solid starting pitcher for the 2008 season. If we had the best arm from the free-agent class, there's no way we would have lost to the White Sox in that one-game playoff. Who was the best starting pitcher of that FA class? Oh right, Carlos Silva.

Or if they still had the money to bring in an outfielder and a starting pitcher, that would be sweet. Players like Johan Santana and Torii Hunter, who helped the team to 79-83 record the year prior.

Free Agents!

The Thing About Payroll Figures

Here's a little theory of mine. True to Alright Hamilton form, I'm not going to crunch any numbers or present any data to back this up. Payroll figures are generally indicative of the average age of the team, rather than the awesomeness of a team. Old players get paid more than younger players.

The Twins payroll is going to be a bunch more than it was last year. Why? Because the average age of the team is climbing as well! (no evidence to back this up.) A bunch of guys are due raises, most notably the catcher. If Mauer gets $20m per year, along with some other raises and the additions of Carl Pavano and JJ Hardy - - that'll push the payroll close to $100 million dollars. Compare that to opening day 2009 when it was barely over $65m.

The $20m per year revenue boost from Target Field can basically go straight into Joe Mauer's pocket. And that's fine with me.

They're spending, alright. They're giving raises instead of huge long term contracts. That's Twins Baseball.

MMMMMMM, Kool-Aid.

My favorite youtube videos of the decade

When sitting around with friends, the conversation will usually turn to hilarious youtube videos. Yes, my friends and I are lame. Now I can simply refer them to this blog post.

1. Tracy Morgan on a small El Paso morning show.

Tracy Morgan isn't a very good actor, but some of the things that come out of his mouth are downright absurd. When freed from a script, his mind runs wild through Star Wars references and goofy family members. I don't think he's drunk in this clip, he's just being himself. Channeling bits and pieces of his stand-up act, Tracy freaks out the squares on a small time news program.



2. Zombie Kid Likes Turtles



3. Axl Rose incites riot

This is obviously not technically from this decade, but it wasn't uploaded to youtube until 2008. So there. Axl Rose jumps into the crowd to kill an amateur photographer, mid-song. "Thanks to the lame-ass security, I'm going home." And that's when the riot started.



4. Fat Lady falls off dirt bike



5. The greatest performance of anything, ever

Prince doesn't like to be on the internet unless he put it there. So the only way to watch this epic song is to connect with the Japanese version of youtube, youku. This was recorded at the American Music Awards in 1985, and the crowd was screaming ala Beatlemania.

Click Here.

Six Things: Twins Off-Season Checklist

Billy Smith and company have left the winter meetings in Indianapolis in worse shape than they arrived. A bunch of potential Twins, such as Pedro Feliz and Rich Harden, have signed elsewhere, leaving the market much thinner for some of the Twins needs. What were those needs again? Let's review.

Needs they have already filled:

1. As Bert Blyleven puts it, "a veteran-type pitcher." Going into the season with only Nick Blackburn, Kevin Slowey and Scott Baker as dependable starting pitchers, the Twins needed someone to eat some innings and bring some durability to the staff. And for at least one season, Carl Pavano met that description. He could have gone elsewhere, but he declined free agency and decided to stay here. Why?

"There were different ways to look at my decision. I could have continued to sit back and wait for the market to unfold more, take a chance and end up with a team that is not a winner and in a place I don't want to be. Or I accept arbitration and work out a deal with a team that is strong in character and talent, as I have already experienced, with a staff that is the one of the best I've had in baseball, and in a division where our rival last year is rumored to be unloading some of their top players with other teams in the start of a rebuilding phase. That doesn't ensure us anything, but I like our chances."

He burned the Yankees bridge long ago, so by default, the Twins become the team with the best chance of winning. Default! Default!


2. Find a middle infielder who can maybe hit a little bit

With the emergence of Denard Span and Delmon Young, (I think we should start writing his name in italics all the time, because there's a lot behind that name) Carlos Gomez became expendable. And in Milwaukee, because of some hot-shot triple A kid, and the fact that JJ Hardy wasn't very good anymore, made JJ Hardy expendable. A blockbuster.

3. Cut some players just to make fans sad.

Boof Bonser is being mourned heavily by Those Girls, and Alright Hamilton wrote a scathing rebuttal to Billy Smith after the realease of Brian Buscher. Whoa, I just thought of something - everyone who has been released both of them had the initials BB. Is this some sort of subtle anti-moneyball stance? Brian Bass, you're next!


Things that still need to happen

1. Find someone to take at least one of the two spots currently being held by Nick Punto

Gardenhire has Punto penciled in as his two-hitter, his third baseman, his nine-hitter and his second baseman. This has to change by opening day. Literally, actually has to change.

2. Exercise those Yankee demons

Did the Twins win a single game against the bombers last year? I don't think so. They just seem so intimidated when they get to the Bronx. Maybe they ought to see it on a non-game day, relieve some pressure.

Luckily for them, I did it in their stead. Yup, 'ol Alright Hamilton & friends. We're always there to help. We went and visited New Yankee Stadium on Monday. It kinda sucked. It cost $20 bux just for a lousy tour, which we obviously didn't fork over out of spite and principal.

And I was hungry the whole time. You see, on my way to the airport in Minneapolis, I stopped at the McDonalds at Broadway and University for a quick breakfast. I swung/swinged/swang through the drive-thru, put the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit in the front seat and went on to my friend Uncle Roy's place to hitch a ride to the airport.. Riding safely with Roy, I went ahead to dig into my bacon, egg and cheese biscuit....... only to discover that it was an egg mcmuffin instead. With no hash browns. Normally, I never insult McDonalds employees by digging into the bag right outside the drive-thru. I trust them. But it came back to bite me in the ass this time.

What could I do? Miss my flight just to run back to northeast and get my correct order? Yeah, they could probably put me on another flight. It would be worth it. But...

"Curses! I have things to do in Manhattan tonight," I thought. Plan B. Save the egg mcmuffin and receipt until I get back home, and then return it.

The breakfast sandwich was frozen solid when I recovered it from Roy's car nearly a week later. The McDonalds staff was awfully confused when they took an old, frozen egg McMuffin from the bag. They denied me until I demanded to see a manager. I had to take out my flight itinerary just to prove my story. Finally they complied, and offered me a whole new breakfast value meal.

Net gain: medium pop.


3. Something about Joe Mauer

Personal voice recorder of Billy Smith, dated 12/11/09

There was something I was supposed to do today. Close the garage door? Did that. Leave money for the babysitter? Check. uhm. OH NO. WE FORGOT KEVIN! ....nah, Slowey is signed for a while yet. Okay, I know it has something to do with someone named Joe. Joe Nathan? He's not as famous as Tiger Woods, so I think we're good there. Joe Crede? Yeah, that's it. Find a third baseman!

eh, I'll wait until February for that.

Price is Right LiveBlog

It's awfully cold here in Minnesota, so in an effort to hold the cold (opposite of 'beat the heat.' pretty good, huh?) I've decided to snuggle on the couch with some hot cocoa and watch the second half of The Price is Right

First up is a billiards table:

Troy (older fella with a black button up shirt and round belly) $1520
Paula: 1300
Molly (short asian woman in her 20's) 1200
James:1521

Paula wins! Come on up.
and the prize is....... an ATV/ offroad vehicle!

The game is push-over, she has to find the right succession of numbers within a 12 digit number. She guesses 9568, she loses! It was obviously less.


Showcase showdown coming up next.


Carol: A GUY and a pastor at a church, steps up to the wheel. The crowd sighs "OHH" as he just misses a dollar, ends up with 15 cents. Says hi to his church and his family. a real guy. Lands on a dollar. He's over.

Jennifer: Bubbly Girl in Yellow shirt, rolls a 95. tough to beat.

Paula: rolls a 40. then an 85.

Jennifer is in! blows a kiss to the crowd.

Jennifer's showcase:
portable DVD player, Sony PSP and 25 games, a 32 gb iPod touch.
Gonna need those on your plane ride to the Dominican Republic! Whirl pools, nice!
Monster truck safari?!?!

And now.. Sweden? Luxury hotel in Stockholm!

It can be yours if the price is right!

She'll bid $19,050

Here's Levon's (short older black girl in a green top) showcase.

A membership to curves, she could use that.
Manna, California for a five day ski trip.

Nissan convertible! Talk about a shapely showcase, and it could all be yours if the price is right!

She bids $32,500

"we'll take a break and check the winner, we'll be right back"

Levons bid on the car package was $32, 500..actual retail price is.... $47,500
Jennifer's bid on the trip package was $19,050actual retail price..... $21,000

Jennifer wins! A heck of a guess. Trip packages are almost never more than $20,000, so she was pushing her luck there, and it paid off. Have fun in Sweden and the Domincan Republic. Say hello to David Ortiz for me!

A two-hitter that doesn't suck

Ron Gardenhire is going to bat a light-hitting middle infielder in the two spot of the line-up. There is nothing you, nor I, can do about it. It's like death and taxes, or whatever. It hasn't been easy, but I've come to terms with this. Now I'm moving on. The best thing we can do is find the best light-hitting middle infielder we can to bat second.

Felipe Lopez is good. We should get him. Other teams, however, are probably thinking the same thing. So he might get too expensive. Let's explore all our options.

And by all our options I MEAN LUIS CASTILLO!!!!!! I wish there was a crescendo button on the keyboard. Because I really wanted to start out small and kind of build up to an all caps "Luis Castillo." I suppose I could have changed the font on each letter so they got bigger and bigger. That would have taken way too much time. Clearly, I have much better things to do. Anyway, I'm not kidding about him. I love that guy. And it's no secret that the Mets really want to trade him (just pretend I linked to something that elaborates on this).

You say you like a high OBP in your two hitter? And who doesn't. Well, Castillo has that in spades, Mister. His OBP was .387 last year. That's better than your Polanco, Lopez, or Hudson. Castillo can also steal you 20 bases and move runners over until Gardy is satiated.

Possible negatives for trading for Castillo? NONE! Well, a couple. A trade means we have to give something up. Last time he was traded (ah, yeah from us to the Mets) it was for Dustin Martin and Drew Butera. So now that Castillo is a couple years older, it would take less than that to trade for him this time. Yes, less than Martin and Butera.

Some might also be worried about Castillo's contract. I mean, if the Mets -- a big market franchise -- want his contract off their books, it must be big. Well, it's two more years at $6 million per year. In comparison, the Phillies signed Polanco (who's the same age as Castillo) for $6 million a year, but for three years.

Polanco, of course, does better at the UZRs, which is the stat for defense. By the way, It's been interesting to see how much UZR has quickly inserted its way into the vernacular of heady baseball fans. And this is true for most sabermetric stats, but I don't think I have seen any become more commonplace in such a short period of time than UZR. I suspect this is due to the huge void that mainstream defensive stats leave.

Every time I see the little graphic on tv that shows a player's fielding percentage, I yell at my stuffed animals, "Some guy actually got paid to design this graphic to show the viewing public this bullshit stat that no one has ever cared about?!?!"

It should be remembered, however, that the range run element of UZR has quite a large subjective influence. As far as I know, there are no laser sensors on the field that compute the zone in which a player fielded a ball. There are no GPS sensors in players' gloves that give precises data on which zone a player fielded a ball. These are, however, good ideas. If these things ever happen, remember that it was old Soup that had the idea first. Also, if in the future, toilet tank lids have hinges on them...well, that was my idea too. Anyway, I invite sabrmaticians to tell me I'm an idiot for being wrong on this, but most range-type stats are created by dudes that watch games and estimate where players make plays. Granted, these dudes probably have a lot of practice and are quite good at knowing their trade.

So, I bring all this up to ask, "What the hell is going on with Placido Polanco's UZR?" Here is his UZR from 2003 to 2009:

2003: 16.2
2004: -1.6
2005: 11.1
2006: 5.6
2007: 9.2
2008: 2.1
2009: 11.4

Those are some pretty big gaps between years. It doesn't make a lot of sense for defense to slump this dramatically. Quickness doesn't slump. Speed doesn't slump. I think it's far more logical to assume that the UZR formula produces a wide variance of outcomes rather than assume Polanco has been a drastically different defender every other year of his career.

So, as Winston Churchill might say, "UZR is the worst defensive statistic except all the others that have been tried before it."

In conclusion, I like Luis Castillo more than I should. Who's with me?

Several or So Things That I Think I May or May Not Have Thought Over A Period of Time Somewhat Recently

By TwinsWin83


It’s been quite some time since I’ve subjected the world, or more specifically AH!’s dedicated group of blog lurkers, to my random musings. So I figured it might be time to talk about a few things that have been on my mind recently. I realize you're holding your breath in excitement and anticipation by this point so I’ll get this thing going.


*Carl Pavano accepted the Twins arbitration offer, meaning he will be with the team for the 2010 season. Everyone seems to think this is awesome and that it shores up one of the spots in our rotation for next season. I’m not quite so sure. His numbers with the Twins last season were far from amazing, 5-4 with a 4.64 ERA in 12 starts.

Now I know that he provided some relief and leadership for a young rotation that struggled most of the season, but last year was only the third time in an 11 year career that Pavano even approached the 200 innings mark. The other two times were the 2003 and 04’ seasons that earned him his mega contract with the Yankees. I just think that he’s ticking time bomb and have a hard time believing he can make it through another entire season. If nothing else, I guess he could be an assistant pitching coach for Rick Anderson if he goes down with another season-ending injury.


*Has anyone heard what Tiger Woods is up to this offseason? I’ve tried to figure it out but I can’t find any information on the TV or internet.


*So the Timberwolves, Wild, and Gophers hockey teams are all terrible this winter. And what was supposed to be a pretty good Gopher basketball team has had a rough go so far. Awesome. What really bothers me most about this situation is that now the only decent team I can watch is the Vikings, and when you have to put all the marbles in their court only bad things can happen.


*I still don’t like Brett Favre. I know he’s had a good season and has led the Vikings to what will probably be the #2 seed in the NFC, but who doesn’t think a retarded monkey with even a basic understanding of secondary coverage’s could be doing the same thing? I dunno, maybe that isn’t true, but I just can’t get on board with a dude that I hated for so long. Anyone that spent that much time in Wisconsin has to have some serious defects.


*Do you wonder if Jennifer Aniston has ever been sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon surfing through the TV channels and sees that Mr. and Mrs. Smith is on TBS and just gets pissed?


*John Daly has lost 115 pounds. Yup, you read right, 115 pounds. That’s great, but from what I understand lap-band surgery doesn’t cure bat shit crazy.


*Has anyone ever seen Yo Gabba Gabba? Thanks in part to my one-year old daughter I’ve been watching a lot of Nick Jr. lately and for some reason this gong-show of a program is her favorite. If you have never heard of it check this out. As I am forced to sit and watch this thing the only thing I can think is how high were the people who created and wrote this thing?


*Tubby Smith is recruiting an 8th grade point guard from Apple Valley. This kid was playing on the varsity team as a 7th grader and that is no small feat when you consider Apple Valley plays in the Lake Conference and he’s not a 7 footer, he’s a guard. Still, recruiting is getting crazy when middle schoolers are having D1 coaches attend their practices. We’re talking about practice. We’re not even talking about a game. Practice. When I was in 8th grade we had a hard time even getting our own coach to show up for our practices.


*As the decade winds down we will undoubtedly be bombarded with lists of the best and worst things about the past ten years. Some I pay attention to and some I pretend I don’t pay attention to. But one things I have noticed that I’m happy to see is that every list I’ve checked out on the best TV shows of the decade includes Arrested Development. So how come no one realized this while it was airing?


*I wish they would post more pictures of Target Field on the Twins website. Does anyone know of anywhere else that has up-to-date pics?


*After watching the Vikings game in Arizona the other night I couldn’t help but think how nice it would be if the Twin Cities had a stadium like that, and not just for the Vikings. And you know what, the state of Arizona only contributed $9.5 million to the $500 million project. So why in the world can’t they figure it out in Minnesota?


I’ve got a few countdowns going on right now:

75 day until pitchers and catchers report.

118 days until Opening Day.

125 days until Opening Day at Target Field.

45 days until the Vikings are blown out by the Saints in the NFC title game

Roy Halladay Scoffs At Your Ridiculous Proposition

As a baseball fan, I enjoy a good trade rumor. It doesn't matter if the rumor is completely absurd or unsubstantiated. I even devour old stories about proposed deals that fell apart, invoking evoking the "oh what might have been" feeling. Using speculation to imagine players on one team eventually playing for a different team - It's quite fun, and mildly addicting.

For one-stop shopping, I MLBtraderumors.com. It's great for pulling all the rumors from various baseball people and piling them in one spot. It's fun to follow because each piece of information, sometimes seemingly useless and trivial, can affect the free agent or trade market. The ebbs and flows of the market definitely affect the Twins chances of acquiring players. You can bet Billy Smith pays attention to every move every team makes, probably via the same website.

So I wonder what Billy Smith thought when he read this:

A major league executive told Elliott that he doesn't know where Halladay might end up, but knows that he has told the Blue Jays that he would agree to be dealt to the Yanks. Doc has used his no-trade clause before to prevent being shipped to the Twins and Rangers.

That's it. They're just going to leave it at that. Just throw that out there, without explaining it. This little mind-fuck leaves us with the following questions:

1. What the hell are you talking about?
2. Roy Halladay?
3. To the Twins?
4. Was there an accepted deal on the table, and then Halladay just nixed it?
5. Or did he have the Twins his "don't even bother talking to them" list?
6. Even if Halladay had the Twins on his never in a million years, did the Blue Jays and Smith continue to talk, ala Padres-White Sox for Peavey?
7. Or maybe it's something really cool I don't even know about.

Of course, the phrasing is interesting.(italics, capslock and bold are mine)

"....used his NO-TRADE CLAUSE to prevent being shipped to the tWiNs..."

It's almost as if Roy Halladay would be a Minnesota Twin if he had not prevented it with his mysterious no-trade clause.

I don't know why Billy Smith and the Toronto front office would even waste their time. The Phillies offered a sweet package, and got denied. Not by Halladay, but by the Blue Jays top brass. For the Twins to complete a deal, they would have had to send their whole farm system to Toronto.

I seriously doubt Billy Smith ever even had much of a discussion for Halladay. It probably went like this:

Smith: Whataya want for Scuturo?

Riciardi: More than you're willing to give up.

Smith: Come on, you're going to get fired after the season anyway.

Riciardi: Fine, give me Casilla, Valencia, Guerrier and.... Punto.

Smith: c'mon! Gardenhire would kill me if I took Punto from him. Whataya want for Halladay?

At that point, it would be a race between the pitcher and his GM to humiliatingly reject Smith first.

NL Cy Young double dactyls

Haas' MLB award limricks got the rigid-forms-of-poetry part of my brain a tickin'. And wouldntyaknowit, one of the award winners this year, Timothy Lincecum, is eligible for a double dactyl poem! More amazingly, the NL Cy Young runner-up, Christopher Carpenter, is also a double dactyl!!!!!!

Here's yours, Tim:

Humphery Dumphery,
Timothy Lincecum,
Won Cy Young jewelry,
This year and last,

Certainly deserving,
Mandated ganja joke,
Ultra-diminutive,
But still throws fast.

And Chris, I know you didn't win, but it was a close vote. So you get one too:

Youngity Woungity
Christopher Carpenter
Has fixed ligament
Back to Cy form

Beaten just narrowly
Deserving cardinal
Incontrovertibly

No SABR storm

So, what we've learned from this is that double dactyls are good at pitching. It's the rule. Jonathan Papelbon, there's another one right there. You can keep your Fips and fly ball percentages. My fantasy teams from this day forward will consist of as many double dactyl pitchers I can get my hands on.

And don't be a wise-ass and bring up Jeremy Bonderman. Exception to the rule.