More Life Lessons Provided By T.G.I.F.

by Twinswin83

Let’s face it; sitcom television is a dead genre. It’s been apparent for nearly a decade now that American television is ruled by reality TV and serialized dramas. Not since the heydays of Seinfeld and Friends has a sitcom dominated the Nielsen ratings. It has been even longer since a network has pieced together an entire evenings worth of quality sitcoms to fill their two-hour primetime block. I remember the glory days when you would consistently hear during the end credits of your favorite program that “this show was filmed before a live studio audience.”

With shows like The New Adventures of Old Christine and Two and a Half Men “leading the pack” for sitcoms today, is it any wonder that absolute crap like Dancing with the Stars is one of the 5 most watched shows on television? I find myself longing for the days of the early 1990’s when children everywhere could flip on their TV on a Friday night and be entertained by four quality family sitcoms without even having to change the channel. The sitcoms that made up T.G.I.F. were kind of like the “The Dude,” they were just right for their particular time and place. Hokey family fun and corny life lessons were the norm in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Now people are more interested in watching dark and moody actors solve bizarre murders in 60 minutes or less with forensic methods that, if used in real life, would take years. Hey, I’ll take a cheesy sitcom about a blended family from Wisconsin over that any day.


Step By Step was a favorite of mine and survived for years as T.G.I.F’s blatant attempt to recreate The Brady Bunch. The Lamberts and the Fosters were two families, consisting of three siblings each, forced together by their parent’s second marriages. Throw in a wacky, van dwelling, radical and bodacious cousin and you’ve got a mixed family to be reckoned with. I learned a lot about life by watching this show, and thanks to ABC Family I am able to relive those teachings a couple times every weekday. Here are a few of the lessons Frank, Carol, JT, Al, Dana, Cody and the whole gang helped fill me in on:

*Every family has its nerd, and you can easily spot them by their oversized glasses, sweater vest, whiney voice and complete inability to fit in.

*Cousins are family, but not important enough to let live in the house.

*The ThighMaster works.

*Step brothers and sisters aren’t real siblings and therefore should not be treated as such. Insults, practical jokes and isolation are a must.

*The more you use the word “dude” the more dim you will appear, and the more likely it is that you will one day live in a van.

*If you are going to run a salon out of your own home you must hire a male stylist that speaks with a French accent and whose sexual orientation is debatable.

*There is no problem, dispute or issue a family might face that can’t be resolved by spending a day at the amusement park together.

Family Matters

Ah yes, Family Matters. Who could possibly forget this gong show? For as much as I enjoyed this show growing up I don’t think I have ever witnessed a program “jump the shark” quite like this one. It’s not every day that the main character of a sitcom invents a robot in his own likeness. No matter how absurd, Steve Urkel became engrained in American pop culture throughout the shows run and it wouldn’t have been T.G.I.F. without him. The outlandish nerd next door and the always compelling Winslow family taught me plenty about the way the world really worked. They tutored me on important life lessons such as:

*The higher you hike up your pants, the higher your voice gets.

*If you make a mistake, break something or just flat out mess up, all you have to do is look around like an idiot and drop the line, “Did I do that?” It’s like a get out of jail free card.

*If your first, middle and last names all rhyme chances are it’s not all working upstairs for you and you’re only around so that others can have a laugh at your expense.

*If you’re having trouble landing the girl of your dreams the simplest solution is to build a machine that will transform you into a cooler, sexier and overall more appealing version of yourself. But be sure you engineer the machine so as to allow yourself to change back and forth as much as needed.

*Robots that resemble real people are not a thing of the future, they are here now and they are hilarious.

*If you consistently pester, annoy, harass and downright stalk a girl for eight or nine years she will eventually break down and fall in love with you, no matter how dominant a role suspenders play in your wardrobe.

*I’m not the only one who sometimes snorts when I laugh.

That’s all I got for now folks. Well, at least until all of my strongly worded letters and emails to 20^th Century Fox are answered and they finally release The Wonder Years on DVD.

Three Newish Bands I've Listened To Lately

By Haas

The Black Keys

This duo from Akron, OH has been around for about five years. Their brand of raw rockin' blues is a breath of fresh air in this crappy rock age of the 00's. They sound like the White Stripes exept more straight forward; and they've been at it for longer than Jack has. I first heard these guys when I was using my little brother's computer and I played the first two songs of their most recent LP, Magic Potion. Those two songs immediately caught my attention. I quickly downloaded the other five albums they've put out and was not disappointed. Their music does have an AC/DC type quality to them, in that many of their songs have the same sound and feel. They range from softly rocking (Act Nice N Gentle) to rockingly rocking (Grown So Ugly) But they all have one thing in common: they rock. Most of them are pretty short, so much so that I was able to fit 23 songs onto one CD that I burned. I recently heard them on 93X, so I guess they are starting to get noticed.

Check these out: 'Stack Shot Billy' on Letterman, 'Your Touch' myspace

Jackie Greene

My hip friend in Chicago turned me onto this guy, but I’m not too sure about him. I’ve looked at his bio and seen that he has a blues background and can rip on the guitar, but I’ve yet to actually hear one of those songs. The songs that I have heard are either really awesome or bad (maybe I’ll like the bad ones more once I hear more of his catalogue). The bad ones sound like the run of the mill dave matthews-john mayer acoustic college rip off music. The good ones are acoustic, but are either bluesier or dylanesque. Jackie is probably not deserving of the mention on AH! since I haven’t heard more than ten songs of his, but his song called “Cry Yourself Dry” is fucking awesome. Anyone who writes a song that good deserves...... well, something more awesome than this blog has to offer.

Check these out: Jackie on Conan, myspace

The Hold Steady

These fellas have been around the block in the music biz. They sound like a pretty standard straight forward rock n' roll band, until you actually hear their songs. The songs are weird. The weirdness starts with front man Craig Finns vocals. He doesn't really sing, but kind of drawls like he's making fun of Bruce Springsteen. The hooks and the riffs are different too - it's kind've hit or miss. But what really gets my attention is their radical lyrics. Although their homebase is in NYC, four of their five members are veterans of the Twin Cities music scene. Many of their lyrics include references to Minnesota and getting high - two of my favorite things! Like this: "Your little hoodrat friend got me high though, we were 17 and stuck up in Osseo" Their album "Boys and Girls in America" was ranked a top ten album of 2006 by Rolling Stone Magazine. I'll admit that I probably never would have heard of this band if it weren't for an article in the sports section of the Strib last fall. You see, The Hold Steady are huge Minnesota Twins fans. They even wrote a Twintastic version of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" that you might hear at the dome this summer. A rock band that loves the Twins? Hell YEAH!

Check these out: Interview with Craig Finn about the Twins, 'Chips Ahoy!', myspace

References to purple in rock music

by M.L. Haas


1. Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix (1967)

2. Deep Purple (Band created in 1968)

3. Purple Rain - Prince (1984)

4. Purple (album) - Stone Temple Pilots (1994)




Am I missing anything?

I'm liking the youth, and then some...again

by Mark Waters

Kevin Slowey is younger than me, and is completely dominating AAA. I cannot wait until the clause in his contract will expire (this will push back arbitration an extra year) so he can take over for Ortiz...Or Silva if he continues to show his true colors. I'm sure most of you are aware of his 50 strikeouts to 5 walks, .195 opponent batting average, and his almost equal splits between left and right hand batters.
yay

Everyone also knows about Garza and Baker's potential, but I'm wondering about our non-pitchers over in Rochester.

I really don't know anything about these guys, other than reading their stats, but Shortstop/2nd baseman Matt Tolbert is currently hitting .356. He is only hitting .250 against lefties, but about 2 weeks ago he was hitting 60 points lower than that. He has limited power (as if punto/bartlett have more) but he is hitting roughly 100 points higher, and he just turned 25. Talk about long term potential at short, or 2nd, depending on how big of a bust Alexi Casilla is or isn't.

What about Jose Morales at Catcher? In 36 games at Rochester, he is batting .353 - .286 against lefties. He is also very young at 24. He too has limited power, but so does Mike Redmond and Morales is a decade younger. Morales would be perfect for the Twins' future, allowing Mauer to transition to 3rd base or LF without losing too much production behind the plate.

Trent Oeltjen is another 24 year old prospect who is hitting .318 in AAA. Although he's had limited ABs against lefties, he is hitting .294 against them. Due to the absolute lack of production out of Tyner/Kubel, he could make a great subsitution come September.


Here's the part where I start dreaming. I can dream can't I?


This trade proposal makes sense, and is plausable. Trade Perkins, Hunter, Baker/Boof and possibly a draft pick to Texas for Mark Teixeira and Hank Blalock. Tex hits for power and average, and could clear up the DH problem. Being only 27 is also a big plus. Blalock is basically out for the next 3 months recovering from a bizarre rib operation. Because of his significant stint on the DL, his trade value should be relatively cheap.

Texas is in last place, and they realize two things. 1. They need to rebuild. 2. They desperately need young pitching.

I would like to see Santana be resigned, but I do not see Johan AND Hunter being signed. Torii is having an MVP type year, and the Twins need to take advantage of his value while they still can. Now this is fantasy land, but hear me out.

The next 2-3 years:

Starting Rotation:
Santana LHP
Slowey RHP
Liriano LHP
Garza RHP
Boof
or BakerRHP

Position Players:
Morales C
Morneau 1B
Casilla 2B
Tolbert SS
Blalock 3B
Teixeira DH
Mauer LF
Span CF (not so good hitter, but can play D)
Cuddy RF

Hopefully Kubel will figure it out by then, because I still believe that he can be a somewhat productive bat.

That roster gives an excellent balance of hitting for power, hitting for average, and speed on the base paths
Bullpen:
Neshek
Rincon (he's only 28)
Guerrier check out his stats so far, very nice.


Does anybody else have an erection after imagining this roster? I do.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club @ First Ave. . . . . . . . . I Was There!

By Andy Bresnahan

I went to a concert at the legendary First Avenue Night Club in downtown Minneapolis on Tuesday night with my roommates and I thought I would share my experience/thoughts with y’all. The band on the ticket was Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Perhaps you have heard of them, but I have been familiar with the band only in the past few months. I am unaware of what inspired the unorthodox mouthful that is their band name, but I don’t let it bother me when people ask who the eff is that?

BRMC comes to us from somewhere on the west coast even though they’ve found most of their commercial success in the UK. They were co-founded by their two front-men shortly after high school. The current drummer didn’t join until later on. They have released four full length albums including the new one, “Baby 81”. They kick out a brand of bluesy, guitar driven rock n roll that doesn’t sound like the main stream garbage we all are forced to ignore these days. “Baby 81” has received mixed reviews, most claiming their previous release “Howl” captures their true appeal. I would agree with that so far, “Baby 81” does have a higher dose of the slow stuff, but I will give it a couple more listens. I came to the show with a good sample of their stuff on my itunes and thought it was all about average. Nothing to get really excited about but good enough to see at First Ave.

Opening act was some struggling cookie-cutter modern rock band that lasted just long enough for me to drink two very large coronas and find a nice spot on the main floor. Three songs into BRMC set I found myself very impressed with the energy and stage presence they present. The studio recordings did most of the songs little justice. They really put on a good show.

It is a shame Newton’s 3^rd law of motion did not apply however. The crowd did not respond with nearly as much intensity. In fact when one guitar/singer requested house lights for a song (dumb idea) I looked around and felt like everyone was watching a car crash.

One could argue this had an effect on the chosen set list. This is the first concert I’ve been to that I didn’t hear my favorite song. In fact, when I got home I realized there were several rockin’ tunes they should have played. It frustrated me they wasted time with 3 acoustic solo songs in a row but what do expect with a Tuesday night in Minnesota… Don’t get me wrong, I like it when a band can be dynamic and hit you in the face with a powerful psychedelic finale then come back and do an acoustic ballad. It’s like someone who gets you stinking shitfaced but then sticks around to help you puke later. It’s good stuff, but please keep the limit at 2 in row, otherwise you leave people wondering what happened to their rock show.

All in all I’d say I became a bigger fan of BRMC after seeing them live. I can’t say my opinion really means anything but I encourage you to check them out. I guess this blog entry wont really spark any hot debates but I figure all of you are into rockin’ out just like me so here ya go. Anyone else see a show lately?

for more info and to hear BRMC, visit their myspace page or their official website

Garnett Needs to be Traded

by Tom Daymont

I really feel bad for Kevin Garnett. It has gotten to the point where my loyalty to KG outweighs my loyalty to the T-wolves. If McHale decides to do the decent thing and trade Garnett, my loyalties will then lie with his new team, any team. (besides the Lakers)
Glen Taylor and Kevin McHale have messed up Garnett’s career more than Coach Reilly messed up Gordon Bombay’s in The Mighty Ducks.
Riley: You got something to say to me, Bombay?
Bombay: (shakes head) To think, I wasted all those years worrying about what you thought. You're going down, Riley.
I digress, my point is this: please, oh please Basketball Gods let the T-wolves get the first pick. I just did ESPN’s Mock NBA Lottery Draft and it took me 62 simulations before the T-Wolves won the first pick. This is far worse than the 5.3% chance we are supposed to have. According to ESPN, Minnesota’s odds are about the same as getting two pairs in five-card draw poker. Could be worse.
I would love to see Greg Oden be schooled in the ways of the NBA by KG. Think Robinson and Duncan in ’99. (this was written on the day of the lottery; wolves maintained their 7th place. maybe oden will fall?)

If this doesn’t happen, and we inevitably waste our pick on Brandan Wright (he has is own stupid-ass website) or heaven forbid, Joakim Noah, and the Wolves have another pathetic year with another group of pathetic players (sans KG of course). The Wolves have no other choice than to trade him, they owe him that much..
KG has too much pride, it’s become a fault. If he can’t recognize this, the Wolves need to do it for him. McHale needs to push him out of the nest (the Target Center) like a mother bird to her baby chick and let him fly free. But when he inevitably returns to Minneapolis (probably with a ring on his finger) I for one, will give him a hero’s welcome.

Knights Baseball

by Josh Holm

The smell of Honey Nut Toasty O's accompanied by the scent of freshly cut grass wafting through my open windows brings me to only one place in the world, Sechler Park. On this hollowed ground lies the home of the Northfield Knights, where all summer you can take in great baseball played by regular local guys, that can't get enough of our national past time. These men-in-teal charge the field day after day, most of them fresh off a hard days work. Some sacrifice their home lives to get out and show what they can do with their leather and lumber. Although the team members range from 18 year old Luke Rasmussen (Future Gopher) to 40 yr old Jay Lucas (Former College World Series Pitcher), they are held together by a bi-managerial crew of Scott Paulson and Chris Graupmann. These two provide the leadership needed while creating the line-ups to deciding to wave 'em home or hold 'em up. Their two styles of managing compliment each other in a way that allows the guys to have a good time, and still play the game right.

Let's be serious...
The Knights are the most laid back bunch of dudes I've ever seen take the field together. They play baseball hard, and after the game adult beverages and baseball talk can last for hours.

Contrary to their lackadaisical look in the dugout, they show an unusual amount of talent and aggresiveness on the diamond. Some of the gloves found around the Knight's diamond are the finest you'll find in five counties. Their pitching staff is full of both veteran wit and youthful spunk. T.J. Sigstad, with his devistating heater, makes up the top of the rotation. He is flanked by two newcomers that are anything but rookies; Jay Lucas, and Aaron Rushing have shown their journeymen's knowledge of the game, and brought greatly appriciated help to the pitching staff that looked to be running thin after a few guys hung it up at the conclusion of last season.

So...

If you find yourself chattering at your inanimate television while watching a Twins game, you might as well make your way down to the friendly confines of Sechler Park. There you will be welcomed with some die hards grillin' up brats and kickin' back beers. You can join them in their shouting some chatter that is worth their while. You may even want to bring your glove, you never know if a foul is coming your way!

This weekend there will be three games to watch. Two of them will be at lovely Sechler Park (Friday 7pm, and Monday 2pm), and the other will be played on Sunday versus the Rail Cats in Randolph (not too far of a drive). Monday's game is one that you will not want to miss, as they play their cross-town rival, the Dundas Dukes. This match-up is always hyped by both towns, and should draw one of the Knights' largest crowds of the season.

For more information go to: www.northfieldknights.com