Pavano and his wacky theories - every team has one.

Twins pitcher Carl Pavano threw a gem yesterday, giving up just two runs over eight innings. Unfortunately, Gardenhire's trotted out his JV lineup and the Twins lost, accomplishing a bunch of firsts a long the way:

first back-to-back losses
first complete game by starting pitcher
first unearned run (thought Butera was supposed to be good defensively)
first series loss
first shutout

Pavano's effort was even more heroic considering the pain in the neck he had to withstand. After the game, the pitcher theorized on his aggravated neck, saying, "it might have been the pillows that threw me off or it might have been that throwing a baseball is the most unnatural movement in the human body. That might have something to do with it, too."

Okay Carl. I appreciate your hard work and your good pitching, but hold the phone.

Isn't the notion that throwing a baseball is "the most unnatural movement" a bit self-serving? It sounds like an excuse, especially considering his history of injuries. He probably just convinced himself that human beings weren't meant to throw things while sitting around the trainers room. And then there's the Bloody Sock Theory, which says that pitchers enjoy feigning injury in hopes of heightening their bravery and skill (or excusing a bad performance.)

Also, I wish he'd present some sort of data with his ridiculous statement. Maybe a top ten list based on a kinesiology algorithm of unnatural movements in sports? I can think of about a million movements and motions for a human body that are more unnatural than throwing a baseball. Like pole vaulting. Or typing on a computer keyboard.

So you'll understand if this was a poor blog writing performance.

Season thus far: part 2

It's come to my attention that Alright Hamilton has featured literally no content about the play of the Twins this season.

Okay, maybe one line:

...it appears those of us that have devalued a closer's worth have been validated. Albeit less than two weeks into the season, Jon Rauch has been just fine.

Sound analysis from Soup. Rauch actually leads all AL closers in Just Fine.

So before April ends, we're going to try to recap and analyze the on-field exploits of the Minnesota Twins.

It's been a pretty amazing April, definitely unlike any other in Twins history. The combination of a new ballpark, high expectations and Mauer-mania have propelled this spring into the stuff of legend. And that was even before they took the field and started playing great. Are there any other Aprils that can compare with this?

1961: Calvin Griffith moves his Senators to Metropolitan Stadium in Bloomington, Minnesota. In a brilliant marketing move, he decides to rename the team, "the Bloomington Twins of Minneapolis." They played their first game on Minnesota soil in front of 24, 606 fans, losing to the new Washington Senators. They finished April with a 9-6 record.

1966: Coming off a seven game World Series defeat, the '66 Twins has a number of returning stars in Zoilo Versalles, Harmon Killebrew and Tony Oliva and pitchers Grant and Kaat. Expectations were high, but the Twins went just 4-6 in April and eventually lost to the emerging powerhouse known as the Orioles. Wait, they only played ten games in one month?

1985: The Twins had a young crop of talent who had surpassed expectations the season before, miraculously finishing in 2nd place. The team looked like it was on its way up. They went 11-9 in April, but couldn't keep it up and finished tied for fourth.

1993: After winning 90 games in 1992, the home team probably thought, "I hate Oakland." Alas, they took a big step backward and finished the season at 71-91.

But 1993 was great.

Remember when you first became conscious of the culture in which you lived? Everything was awesome. Nothing sucked. Heck, even Hootie was cool. I'm talking about sixth grade here. I don't think a young person realizes that there are dissenting views on stuff that was popular. If it's played on the radio, everyone likes it!

Great albums from around 1993 :

Alanis Morrisette - Jagged Little Pill
Rage Against The Machine - Rage Against The Machine
Green Day - Dookie
Weezer - Blue Album
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik
Jeff Buckley - Grace
The Offspring - Smash
Oasis - What's the story morning glory?
Live - Throwing Copper
Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
Sublime - Sublime
Ace of Base - The Sign
Blues Traveler - Four
Adam Sandler - They're all gonna laugh at you
TLC - CrazySexyCool
The Fugees - The Score
Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die
Wu-tang Clan - 36 Chambers
Nas - Illmatic
Beck - Odelay

Tons of sonic memories on that list. If you compare 1993 albums to 1998, it becomes clear that the quality of music dropped dramatically. That's only five years.

Oh right, the Twins season analysis. I think they've done Just Fine.

A Revolving Door at Third

Jerry Crasnick at ESPN.com wrote an interesting piece about the lack of consistency that teams have at certain positions. He cites the A's Travis Buck as a particularly extreme example, as last week he became the eleventh different opening day left-fielder in eleven years.

Crasnick didn't mention the home team, but they've had some notable inconsistency with personnel too. Check out this awesome chart that lists all the Twins opening day starters through the years.

(click)
There's been some turnover, to be sure. But third base is what most Twins fans should think when they hear the phrase 'revolving door.' (besides some nightmares of the Metrodome.)

2002: Corey Koskie
2003: Michael Cuddyer
2004: Corey Koskie
2005: Michael Cuddyer
2006: Tony Batista
2007: Nick Punto
2008: Mike Lamb
2009: Joe Crede
2010: Nick Punto

I get dizzier than Corey Koskie when I look at that list. Of course, the opening day starter is terribly misleading because most of those guys only made it a few months there. Closer look? Well, okay.

Michael Cuddyer: Only played seven games at third in 2003, before taking over right field. He must have shown something, because Gardenhire turned to him when Corey Koskie left for Toronto before the 2005 season. Cuddyer played 95 games there, hitting .263 with 12 home runs and 43 RBI. The company line was that he couldn't produce offensively while worrying about balls banging off his face at the hot corner. I didn't realize this, but Cuddyer was very Nick Punto-esque until 2006. In 2004, he played 48 games at second base. Why don't I remember this? He also played 43 at third and ten at first base, while only 15 in the outfield. All while hitting just .263/45/12. If the internet existed back then, I'm sure someone would have started a Free Mike Cuddyer movement. Once he finally settled into right field at age 26 in 2006, he hit .284/109/24.

Although the best move for him might have been the one that put him between two leftys: the MVP and the batting champ.

Tony Batista: Remember when the Twins were small market? That was funny. On a team that had Johan Santana, Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Torii Hunter at peak performance, the front office patched the hole at third with this guy. What did we think when we saw this headline?

Twins grab 32-year-old Tony B. from Japanese league to start at third

I actually miss the days of low expectations and blind optimism. I'm sure I thought he'd be a decent player. At any rate, he hit five bombs in 50 games before being released in early June, at which point Nick Punto took over and the Twins ceased to lose.

Nick Punto: had an awful year in 2007. For which many fans will never forgive him. The 2007 season sucked in general. So they decided to bring on...

Mike Lamb: was a decent player, but not for the 2008 Twins. If he had signed a one year deal instead of two, he probably would have been released much earlier than September.

Joe Crede: I won't call this signing a bust, because the Twins knew they were signing an injury-prone, on-base handicapped player. But it must have been killing them when they realized, in mid-September, they were paying two third baseman to workout in Florida.


Conclusion:

Suggesting that someone switch positions is one of the most comically silly things that rubes bring up on a regular basis. Someone, somewhere, right now, is telling his buddy that Joe Mauer should switch to first base and they should trade Morneau. Or someone else is asking is Wilson Ramos can play second.

But I'll say this: I wish Michael Cuddyer's move to third base would have worked out.
___________________________________________________________________

Sorta Related posts

Cuddyer Apology

Who is Danny Valencia?

Opposite Day

Riding your bicycle to Target Field

In an interview with Twins president Dave St. Peter, he was asked if there were any surprises during the ballpark's opening home stand. His reply:

The number of people riding a bike to baseball games. We were at 460 bikes for a game. We have to lead the league in people biking to baseball games. We might be able to get to 1,000 bikes at some point. That's just stunning to me. It's an example of people loving to bike in this community. We have to add more bike racks, which we'll be working on in weeks to come.

I think that's pretty neat. I rode my bike to all three games so far. It's great that the Twins are promoting this.

There are only a few issues/questions I have about biking down to the ballpark:

1. It's a clusterfuck by the lightrail station.

They use the northwest corner of the promenade as a loading area to light rail passengers. Everyone seems confused as they pour out of gate 6 toward the rail platform, only to be turned to the end of the line back toward gate 14. It's a mess, but there's not really a better way to do it. I never take the LRT, so I wouldn't care except that I need to get my bike from the promenade to westbound 5th street. And it's a clusterfuck. I've started to just lock my bike by the Ford Center instead of wade through that muck.

2. They need to finish that Cedar Lake trail.

They had planned to connect the beautiful bike trail from Uptown and the lakes all the way to the Mississippi river, with a stop at the new ballpark. Unfortunately, the path curls away from TF at the last instant, shooting you out near Lee's Liquor Lounge. It looks like they're working on it, but who knows?

3. Having a few beverages and biking home.

Alright Hamilton associates BizMarkie, Daymonster and Bagman all claim you can receive a citation for Biking While Under the Influence. I say bullshit. I contacted my old business partner Luke, who has worked in DUI court and is a mere months from taking the bar exam. He said, "bullshit."

Let's argue it out in the comments. And vote in the upper right-hand corner of this page.

Weekend Calendar - April 23rd - 25th

This is a new weekly feature only on Alright Hamilton called "Weekend Calendar," which tells you all about what's happening in Minneapolis this weekend.

FRIDAY

Twins @ Kansas City 7:10pm
FSN

SATURDAY

Twins @ Kansas City 6:10pm
FSN

SUNDAY

Twins @ Kansas City 1:10pm
WFTC29

Where's Waldo? On the outside looking in

He was nicknamed "Waldo" by Bert Blyleven's wife because he was always in the crowd. For years, he was one of the most dedicated and visible Twins fans. From his perch in centerfield, Waldo would snare home runs and welcome Torii Hunter back to his position at the top of each inning. And the players seemed to like him; Joe Mauer gave him a personalized autographed bat after the 2006 season, Johan Santana presented his last pair of cleats he ever wore as a Twin. He was even featured in a Twins commercial as the fan in the first television ad for the Every Fan Counts campaign. Near the end of Torii Hunter's tenure, he said of Waldo, "I know he's my biggest fan," Hunter said. "I think he's one of the guys I'm going to miss most because he comes to every game."

Indeed, he had been to every game in the Metrodome since early 2004.

So why hasn't Waldo seen a Twins game at Target Field?

The trouble started last September when his Bloomington house was burglarized. Among the stolen items were his tickets to the remaining six games and his trademark white Twins batting helmet. He called his season ticket rep to explain what happened, but they couldn't comp him tickets or even allow him to sit in his regular seat. He bought tickets to the final games, but security guards followed him around the stadium after they kicked him out of his seat. He was expecting some compassion from the Twins organization after he supported them for years.

This wasn't the only time the Twins brass looked down on Waldo. He says that whenever an incident occurred in centerfield, a fight, a drunk, a beach ball, security would approach him. He says that security didn't like how many autographs he would get after the games, even though others around him would get ten at a time, clearly to re-sell. He said some fans don't like him because he pops beach balls and won't give balls to kids, even though he'd hand any youngster in the area a baseball.
So after he gave so much of his money and got so little respect in return, Waldo has decided to take a break from the Twins. He attended the Gophers game at Target Field, but hasn't been inside to see the home team play. Of course, he can't just stay at home. Instead, he bikes up from Bloomington every day to his new perch: just beyond the fence of Gate 34. He talks with fellow fans about baseball, respectfully declines ticket offers, and plots his return to the spotlight:

He's going to catch the first home run ball that makes it to the plaza.

GB Leighton makes Twins fans blush in embarrassment

Have you seen this? The Twins have inexplicably allowed their good name to be put to music. Awful music. It looks like their television partner, FSNorth, needed some rousing tune they could play before the game and during advertisements. They probably thought they wanted something raw, original, and exciting. So where did they go to find this next great sports rock anthem?

The suburbs. Not the band, the place. FSNorth are a bunch of suits looking to make a buck off some music, so why would they investigate the seedy underbelly of the Minneapolis music scene to find something actually good? Instead, they turned to GB Leighton, whose most famous tune is 651-488-8888 (Pizza Hut Delivery Is Really Great.) With a hit single like that with amazingly wide airplay, this seemed like a sure thing.

The suits must have been ecstatic when they first read these lyrics, which GB probably wrote while shopping at the Galleria in Edina.

We got baseball outside
Minnesota Pride
Target Field bring on the heat
Twins are the team to beat

Duluth, St. Paul, Rochester, Minneapolis
Are you ready? Get Ready.

This is where we start the World Series story
this is Twins Territory

Bring on Mauer and Morneau
the fans are ready to go
Dick and Bert on every call
they're gonna circle em all
Brainerd, St Cloud, Winona, hey Dakotas

Are you ready? Get ready.
This is now our time to shine in the glory
Fox Sports is Twins Territory

This is how we start the World Series story
This is Twins Territory

As Bert Blyleven would say, that's a Grammy-type tune. It's Very Serious.

[Watch the music video HERE ]

If the Twins win the World Series this year, I know I'll be telling the story to my kids someday. And how will I start that story? By explaining that GB Leighton kicked it off by singing a very clutch and inspiring tune at the beginning of the season.

But whatayagonnado? It seems like no one can write a song for a professional sports team and get away with it (besides The Hold Steady). Prince's fight song for the Vikings was decidedly awful, but at least it wasn't completely bland and cliche. I would take that over "Twins Territory."

Amazingly, this song falls somewhere in the middle of pro sports songs. Because nothing will ever be as bad as this:

Scott Stapp Makes the Marlins Suck More - watch more funny videos

Agree with our anti- GB Leighton stance? Join this Facebook group!