Monday, October 15, 2007

Nine Things the Rockies do Before the World Series

By Haasertime

The Colorado Rockies are in the midst of a historic streak. They have won 11 in a row and 21 out of 22. But in sweeping the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Rockies will have nine days off before the World Series. Will they practice until then? Do they go home and visit family? After the game Monday night, Todd Helton revealed a list of their plans:

9. Perform full production of the musical Grease. Draw straws for the part of Sandy.

8. Go to a water park. The Rockies are notorious for their love of water parks.

7. Try out for The Next Great American Band. They can't lose playing baseball, I'd imagine they can't lose at stuff like television talent shows. And Yorvit Torrealba plays a mean keytar.

6. Edit their Wikipedia pages. Todd Helton explained how they would like to change all references to the 'Colorado Rockies' to 'The Breathtaking Colorado Rockies' and add "the magnificent" as the prefix to their names. Like "The Magnificent Ryan Spilborghs"

5. Embark on a savage journey to the heart of the American Dream. Head to Las Vegas. Pack some cars with two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.

4. Contest: See which player can get the most dates by posting personals on CraigsList. My money is on Ramon Ortiz.

3. Play North Dakota State University in football. In place of the Minnesota Golden Gophers.

2. Catch up on missed episodes of "The Office" They probably don't even know about Jim and Pam.

1. Pretend for a day that they lost. Clean out lockers, say goodbye to teammates, and then laugh and yell "JK!"

8 comments:

soup said...

I love pam more than jim could ever imagine.

Croud lovin the Fear and Lothing ref.

soup said...

*I think the kids are spelling it crowd these days

Daymonster said...

Sorry, I don't have photoshop at work, that is the best I could do with crappy MS Paint.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Especially the Ramon Ortiz line and the Hunter Thompson reference.

Somebody at work said that the Rockies remind him of the '87 Twins -- havin' some fun, drinkin' some beer, playin' some ball. So the water park idea isn't so far-fetched.

TwinsWin83 said...

I dont care if you have won 21 of 22 games and have been in the middle of the pennant race and playoffs for the last month, you still gotta know Jim and Pam finally got together.

TwinsWin83 said...

oh and if your a die hard RBI baseball fan like I am and loved the 87' Twins team check out this hillarious story from the Trib:

http://www.startribune.com/blogs/christensen/?p=394

haasertime said...

haha thats great writing by joe c.

i remember this summer i saw a sportscenter thing where they followed around cc sabathia for a day or something. he was talking about rbi baseball and their teamwide tournaments for about half the day. gotta love it.

Anonymous said...

Pills:
If the thing about Las Vegas is true Clint Hurdle better be ready to check into a five-star hotel on a head full of acid