Doing his job: Delmon Young

Delmon Young seems happy to be playing baseball this year. And when Delmon is happy, I'm happy.

He hasn't always been happy. He looked like a fish out of water when he first came over from the Rays in 2008. He played like one too, gasping for air and flopping around left field. The expectations were mighty for the former overall number one pick, yet both he and Brendan Harris couldn't back it up. Those expectations were probably unfair, but it also didn't help that these guys didn't come up through the Twins minor league system.

Now, I'm not blaming Delmonzi for this, I'm blaming the Twins. Gardenhire and the coaches probably saw blemishes in his game, but weren't accustomed to ironing those things out at the major league level. If you think about it, Carlos Gomez, Delmon Young and Brendan Harris would never have come up to the big club with the Twins in the shape they broke in with their respective teams. Harris was an all bat-no glove shortstop, which is completely unheard of in the Twins system. Carlos Gomez, when he came up to the Mets, was just stupid energy in a spaceman suit. And Delmon was a pull-happy sloppy footed right-fielder.

The difference is that Delmon has changed, while Harris and Gomez have not. The Twins have been patient with the left-fielder, even through his inconsistency. Delmon was probably exasperated after years on constant verbal and non verbal questions by Gardy, "Do you know how to do the little things right? Do you know how to play the game the right way? Nah, you don't know."

But I think Delmon has come around. He lost a bunch of weight, talks about hitting with Jim Thome, and says all the right things. Last Saturday, Dan Gladden asked him after the night game if it was frustrating to have to check to lineup card for his name every day. He said something to the effect of, "no, I know we have good players that need At-bats, and whenever they need me I'll be there to do my job."

Former overall number one pick, disappointing formerly hyped up trade piece, and now, just another player doing his job on a pennant contending team.

I'm happy that Delmon is happy with that.

I Like Him. He's Kinda Like..... (notes on baseball players)

Jose Mijares

I like him. He's kinda like the cookie monster. He's always going around saying, "cookie cookie cookie!" I swear to god "cookie" was the only English word he knew for his first six months in country. He's also a good guy to have on the team.... because he's great at being the butt of jokes. Oh, he's just so not skinny and so not punctual. But he'll probably do alright this year.

Pat Neshek

I like him. He's kinda like a character from a Matt Christopher book. "The pitcher with the death metal arm." He's coming back from Tommy John surgery, so he's not even a lock to make the club. But in the spirit of spring training, everyone seems to agree that he's going to kick ass. Also, he likes death metal and throws sidearm. He'll probably do alright this year.

Francisco Liriano

I like him. He's kinda like the puppy who lost his way. He was the happiest pitcher in 2006 (in fact his nickname was 'happy'), but his killer slider ended up killing his elbow. Since coming back from Tommy John surgery he's had to learn how to actually pitch. He completely loses his composure with guys on base because he can't bomb his slider in and get the strikeout. This year he may have his confidence back though. Cuz he pitched great in the Dominican winter league. (coincidentally, I expect Alexi Casilla to hit about .350 because that's what he hit in the Dominican winter league.) So, you see, the Francisco was like the puppy. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially Rick Anderson - "society" - knew where to find 'em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the pitcher, my friends, that was a revolution. He'll probably do alright this year.

Joe Nathan

I like him. He's kinda like your old '86 Pontiac Fiero. He still looks good, but I don't know how much he's got left. Experts still like him, despite his high-profile implosion in Yankee Stadium last October. And of course everyone looks great during Spring Training; Michael Cuddyer said he was filthy. That's a very positive term for a pitcher, and yet it doesn't boost my confidence in Nathan. To me, it means he's throwing a lot of junk with movement and trickeration. I'd rather hear the Twins closer described as over-powering or really really really fast or tourettesy. But whatever, he'll probably do alright this year.

Who is Danny Valencia?

When discussing the options the Twins have at third base, the conversation usually begins with Matt Tolbert, Brendan Harris or Nick Punto and then progresses to Melvin Mora or Joe Crede. Puuuke. Luckily, the conversation always ends with one name: Danny Valencia.

Any potential opening day third baseman is consistently referred to as a "placeholder" for Valencia. Who cares who's playing third base, he'll only be around until the great Danny Valencia is done being seasoned at Rochester. Every time. And it's kind of annoying actually. It's just like how any Star Wars article or news item will have a comment section with a mention of Han Solo shooting Greedo.

When George Lucas was digitally messing with the original Star Wars trilogy for re-release in 1997, he made some slight changes. Remember when Jabbas' goon Greedo confronts Han Solo about some late payments and tries to blow his head off? Luckily for Han, Greedo misses and he's able to shoot him under the table. This is different from the original 1977 version, when the swashbuckling Han kills Greedo before he even thinks about firing.

I agree with most Star Wars fans that Hans' preemptive killing of the goon was key to his character development. Keep in mind that he had been introduced only moments before, and had only been talking shop with Luke and Obi-Wan. Han's drama sequence should definitely portray him as a shoot-first, rogue badass scoundrel smuggler; instead of some dork in a vest who just allowed a green guy to get the drop on him.



There isn't really another side to the argument. No one is disagreeing. That's why it's so confusing to see this statement sprinkled across the internet "HAN SHOT FIRST" han shot first. Han shot First!

Oh sure, it's an undeniable example of how crazy old George Lucas is corrupting the franchise. It's like saying, "I know more about your movie than you do - and it's your movie." Well congratulations, because the phrase has officially been done to death.

Every corner of the internet where anything Star Wars is discussable, someone says, "yeah, but who shot first?" knowing full well someone will respond with "Han" or even this picture of George Lucas wearing a 'Han Shot First' tee shirt. If someone answered facetiously with, "greedo," they'd probably get torn apart because they take this thing is taken Very Seriously.

Anyway, I think Danny Valencia is pretty good. He's 25 years old with an above average glove and gets on base at a pretty good clip. But he probably won't make the all-star team. Ever. And if he found himself in a dark cantina, some green doofus would probably turn him into bantha fodder before he could even unholster his blaster.

Mid-way point: Cheers and Jeers

By Michael Haas

Editors note: this is Haas's first entry in a while. There are many theories on his lack of blogging, but unfortunately for you, he's back.

The Twins played their 82nd game of the season on Sunday, marking the half-way point of the season. There has been a lot to cheer about lately, and a lot more to cheer in general than we predicted at the beginning of the season.

Here's how the conventional wisdom went heading into the 2008 campaign:

The Twins are in a rebuilding year, with too many young pitchers and inexperienced bats to compete with the Tigers and Indians.

That's all wrong. Here are some fairly obvious observations, which don't match with the expectations we had in the spring:

Cheers:

Carlos Gomez - We weren't sure if this guy would be up in the majors at the beginning of spring training. Although he's still raw, he can absolutly play. He's fast too. His nickname is Go-Go, Which is fun for all the Minnesota 30-something women with their thick Minnesota accents:

"Well, ya know when we get done here at Calhoun we're headed over to the Dome to watch Go-go"

The Rotation (besides Boof) - Scott Baker, Nick Blackburn, Kevin Slowey and Glen Perkins. This spring, I didn't feel confident that all of those boys could hold a spot in the majors for a long period of time. Perk at Play still hasn't proven he can do it, but he's done pretty well. Baker is a rock. Blackburn has been pretty alright. Slowey is making a Bakeresque turn toward solidity. And don't forget Livan. Considering the expectations, he's done well. We shall we where he ends up, especially if Liriano continues his slow journey back to the bigs.

Alexi Casilla - Forgotten in Triple-A, Casilla came up due to injury, and has been fantastic. We ripped him last year for being a space cadet, but he's cleaned up his act and become a professional. I hereby anoint him the starting second baseman of the new ballpark 2010 awesome team.

Brian Buscher - Is he the long awaited Answer to our third - base - post - Koskie nightmare? Probably not. But I read a Buscher - Coomer comparison the other day. Obviously, I'll take it.

Jeers:

Delmon Young - I proclaimed him my new favorite player at the beginning of the season. He was going to hit like 50 bombs and drive in 120 and build the new bridge all by himself. Fuck.

Neshek - his trademark sidearm pitching motion was a response to an arm injury. Now his sidearm delivery caused him to get injured. Or is it his new diet?

New camera angle at the dome - I don't like the over-the-top camera angle they have from centerfield.

There's still a lot of baseball left to be played. I am thankful that the Twins are competitive this year. Even though it's more fun to bitch about them when they suck.

Random Notes, Despite Trade Stuff

By Michael Haas

- There's really not much to say about the Garza for Young trade. It seems pretty even. The Rays needed an arm and we needed a bat. As Twins fans, all we can do is sit back and trust Billy Smith, because there's certainly more to come. It's weird to be a Twins fan right now. I'm excited for the future, but sad that we're losing all our players and that we didn't win with them. So we'll wait and see. Here are some random notes and thoughts while we sort this whole thing out...

I hate driving. One of the most important questions one must ask oneself when driving in the city is: Left Lane, or Right Lane? The left lane is generally a faster lane, but say the car right in front of one tries to turn left? Could be big problems. So might as well go to the right lane. Well that's fine, except for pedestrians. You see, pedestrians have the right of way. Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?

- Most populous cities in Minnesota, as of the 2000 census:

Minneapolis 373,811
St. Paul 275,150
Rochester 97,191
Duluth 85,889
Bloomington 84,347
Brooklyn Park 71,048

Sucks to be Mankato and St. Cloud. Didn't even crack the top six. (click the city names for the dumbest image result from the first page of a google search)

- I went to see the Bob Dylan biopic, 'I'm Not There' the other day in Uptown. The movie uses six different actors playing Bob Dylan. It doesn't have an obvious plot, so I wouldn't really even call it a movie. It's like a collage of stories, images and summaries of Bob Dylan. It weaves in and out and around different characters and stories, but doesn't really tell you anything about the guy. It's wild - go see it whether you're a Dylan fan or not. Just sit back and let the images wash over you. It's better to do that than expect some kind of biographical story.
Watch the trailer

- Former AH! contributor Krystal Webb got her Twins blog off the ground recently. She even has a big money backer. Pretty exciting stuff. In one of her recent blogs, she admits that she's finally ready to talk about Torii Hunters departure. That's something AH! hasn't even done yet. I think we were in the acceptance category in July. Check her out: http://www.twincitynotes.com/

- Do you know what year it was four score and seven years ago? If you said 1776, you'd be wrong. You see, a 'score' is twenty years. So four score would be 80. If you remember elementary math class, you know 'and' means 'plus.' So that puts us at 87. And 87 years ago was 1920. The same year that the Cleveland Indians won their first of many World Series Championships.

here's some other exciting stuff going around the internets -

"Givin' him the business," said the ref. Click here.

Hilarious bunch of rap song graphs and things. Really funny. click here.

- Has anyone noticed how bad the music is on Menards commercials? It's like this really bad country blues grass banjo music. The only thing worse is the music they use during the holiday season. But it's not just their television ads, it's their whole campaign. The Dale Earnhardt Jr. billboards that say, 'Gr -8 Savings!' I mean c'mon. Hick music and Nascar. No wonder everyone goes to the Home Depot at the Quarry rather than the Menards near the Midway.

-Quick reminders: For those of you who didn't see Tuesdays post, we are doing a local brewpub tour in December. The event has been RESCHEDULED to DECEMBER 15th. All are welcome. More info to come. We're also doing an AH! cookbook for the holiday season, featuring reader submitted recipes. They don't have to be anything fancy, so email those recipes!

And finally, 3 blog points to whoever names the greatest switch hitter of all time.

Navigating the Blogosphere

By Michael Haas

Many people are fairly new to this thing called blogging. So I thought I would regale you with a story about my personal history of blogs, and then give a little cyberspace map to some blogs that are worth reading.

I remember my first contact with a blog was way back in 2002. That was the year that I really couldn't get enough of those cute Minnesota Twins. It seemed like every day someone would write something about how cute of a team we had in Minnesota, how they were almost contracted and now playing excellent baseball, and doing it with integrity and class. I was eating that stuff up, but I was desperate to find more, to get that good-feeling-fix.

After the newspapers, I would turn on the radio. First, I would tune to WCCO. I loved listening to anyone on that station talk Twins. But when they weren't praising the hometown nine, I thought I would switch over to the all-sports station, KFAN. The only problem was that I would usually only tune in some time just after noon. The Common Man Dan Cole would inevitably be discussing his golf game or it was just dead air. I would scream at the radio, "How can you talk about nothing after that amazing win last night?!?!?" I had never listened to KFAN before, and I vowed never to listen again. (but once I tuned to Common during Vikings season, I was hopelessly addicted)

So I figured I'd hang ten on the supernetinfohighway. I found one of the only Twins Blogs around at that time, (at least the only one that mattered?) TwinsGeek. It wasn't mainstream, it was amateur, it was well-written, it used statistics that I'd never heard of, it was updated daily, and it was right up my alley.

From there, many other fine sites popped up like Will Young, Seth Speaks and Twins Chatter; but I only regularly read two blogs aside from TG - Bat-Girl and Aaron Gleeman.

Bat-girls website, which shut down just this past May, is pretty much famous around the Twins Blogosphere, she even gained attention from ballplayers and national writers for her guest posts at ESPN Page Two. Her blog was humorous, what with her LEGO recreations of plays and her characterizations of the Twins players.

Aaron Gleeman's site was and still is the complete opposite of BG's. He offers zero humor, but sound analysis and realistic predictions. The only problem with him is that he rubs me the wrong way sometimes - like when he arrogantly describes the downfall of the newspaper industry, or talks about how much weight he's lost, or arrogantly describes the fact that he dropped out of college but got a good enough job through blogging that he could afford a new house, or how he still cannot believe that the Minnesota Daily actually turned down his amazing talent. If you can get past those flaws and his poker infatuation, his blog is excellent.

Back a few years ago, it was just random jack-off's who started blogs (this blog is way behind the times.) Nowadays, the term BLOG has become posh and cool, so much so that some people hate the very thought of them *coughjakegraff* Now not only do jack-off's have them, but corporations have them, celebrities have them, Pat Nesheks have them and even people named RuPaul. Mainstream writers who used to shun blogs have even started blogging, and newspapers have embraced them. The blogospheere is a crowded place these days. So here are a few weblogs that I recommend, but like LaVar said - don't take my word for it. So check out these blogs, but do yourself a favor and discover some for yourself. The space on the right side of AH! is always open for more links. There are tons of them out there, and theres probably one thats really cool, like one that we don't even know about.

• Howard Sinker's blog, "A Fan's View From Section 220" over at the Star Tribune is by far the best baseball blog. Howard used to write for Bat-girl occasionally, as well as cover the Twins and appear on M.P.R. and shit. An true expert fan. If you scroll to Howard's Monday, July 9th post, you'll understand why he's first on this list.

• The other two Twins blogs over at Star Tribunes website are written by The Beat Writers, LaVelle E. Neal and Joe Christensen. There's something special about a beat writer. Their love of the game always shows through, and their everyday involvement with the club is more than most bloggers can brag about. I especially dig it when they throw in their opinions on shit, knowing they'll get ripped by Gardy or savaged in the comments section.

• Twins Geek is the Original Duder. He's a good writer and analyst, and a very good leader for the twinsblogosphere. I've had the chance to shake his hand a couple of times and tell him what a good job he does. He sets up events for the bloggers to step away from their computers and meet real people, he writes and helps run Gameday (the independent scorecard magazine they sell outside the Dome) and even attempted to start a Twins blogging community website. Pretty goddamn good.

• Aaron Gleeman. I already mentioned him up there. I read him a lot and his site provides me with lots of insight for arguments with friends. He attends SABR conventions, does work for NBC.com and has been written up in Sports Illustrated. Pretty good for a kid who got turned down by the Minnesota Daily, right Aaron?

• Coffeyville Whirlwind is a blog that I should read more often. It is all about the history of the Twins franchise, going all the way back to the early days of the Senators. Sure, anyone can look up box scores or old player stats, but this duder brings old games and players to life. Amazingly fun and easy reads.
  

• Pulling A Blyleven is a LiveBlog. These grad school students are away from home, so they get their Twins fix by watching the games on MLB.tv and then commenting on the game. It's pretty damn funny, they are a lot like Mystery Science Theater 3000. They have taken the humor throne from BG, so I encourage anyone, while watching the game to check onto Pulling a Blyleven, or even as a recap for games, if you watched the whole thing.

• Minnesota Sports Guys is a community blog a lot like this one, but it's all Sports Sports Sports, their whole lives are sports over there - with no humor to boot. I linked to them right away after this duder named Corey from the site commented on Wuters first blog and invited us to write for MNSG.

• The two blog following the New Twins Stadium are excellent. Greet Machine has been around for a long time, following the legislative process and even giving fans a voting guide in hopes of electing pro-stadium officials. Activity over there has slowed down, and it probably would have completely died off if it weren't for this Landowner vs. Hennepin County curfuffle. It's actually kind've fun to follow, you should check out Mike Opat's letter that was posted on there a couple days ago. Twins Ballpark 2010 follows the progress and critiques the designs of the ballpark. It is a very good site, and I wish it were updated daily.

• On the Road With Pat Neshek is a blog by some duder who pitches for the Minnesota Twins. It's pretty alright, but it's not updated very often and half his posts are about rare baseball cards that I've never heard of or auctions for game used equipment. I wish he would have won the Final Vote, then he'd be updating daily and giving all kinds of insider information.

• A good one to check out this time of year is MLB Trade Rumors. They scour the web for any rumors at all and then report back. They also report on signings and stuff. It's way better than ESPNinsider's Rumor Central, and it's free!

• The Soul of Baseball is a blog written by Kansas City scribe, Joe Posnanski. I just finished reading his book of the same name (review coming), which is all about his travels with negro leaguer Buck O'Neil. Posnanski is a superb writer and he knows what he's talking about. His posts look long, but i equate his writing to a automobile driver - all of a sudden you're to the end and you didn't even notice how long it took. He's awesome and he knows what he's talking about.

• There are a bunch of other blogs that I read, and next time I'll list ones that are not baseball related. Until then, I feel I should mention these other Twins blogs that I swing by occasionally: MPR baseball blog, Battle Your Tail Off, Lipgloss n' Baseball, Twins Junkie, Twinkie Town, Twins Territory, Babes Love Baseball, Bugs and Cranks, Alright Hamilton There are bunches more, but I either couldn't find them or they aren't updated frequently enough to be listed here.

I started this blog after I had a few discussions with some friends. I used to send around emails to my buddies who worked in the office as I did. So I figured that I might as well make a blog-type-thing on which anyone could post their dumb shit. What clinched it for me was when I felt I had written an article worthy of Bat-Girl, this fake article about the Twins stadium. I thought that my buddies would enjoy it, so my friends and I met in a secret locale, and started the blog. We then took an oath to never to divulge the secret origins of the name of the blog - unless the blog lasted two months. So it's time to reveal that secret - it's named for one of the last lines that the great Spicoli mutters in 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High' One of the great mysteries solved - besides for those who've seen the movie. I hope thats most of you. So maybe not a great mystery.

Faribault Is At It Again

By M. Haas

Recently, I picked up a copy of the Faribault Daily News and saw the following front page headline

How Faribault Stopped a Gang of Outlaws

And it had a big picture of some cowboys riding through downtown Northfield. It just about blew my mind. I thought to myself, 'I could've sworn that Jesse James and his gang of outlaws attempted to rob a bank in Northfield on September 7th, 1876, and that it was Northfield's heroic residents who wouldn't open the safe and shot most of the gang outside on the street' That's what I thought. Could I have been wrong all these years?

Perplexed and curious, I read on:
Members of the James/Younger gang may have robbed the bank in Northfield, but justice came to half of them at the hands of Faribault residents.

Ohhhhhhh, okay. So by "stopped a gang of outlaws" you mean dealing out justice to half the gang. I should have understood that.

The story of the raid is often connected simply and specifically to Northfield, since that is where the shoot-out that took four lives occurred. But the story of the buildup to the raid and its aftermath is far more complicated and includes several former members of Faribault

The article goes on to say how the town of Faribault received news of the attempted robbery, and started up a posse to go after the remaining members of the gang. The next part of the story took me a second to understand.

According to local historian Chip DeMann, 'the Faribault posse arrived in Shieldsville (10 miles west of Faribault) hot on the trail of the six remaining members of the gang. They went into the Saloon to wet their whistles and left their guns in the buggy. Within minutes, the (outlaws) showed up.'

The Faribault newspaper of the day describes the events:
The robbers, as they rode by Hanlin's hotel, where they had stopped one night before, asked Hanlin's son what team that was and how long it had been there. He answered that it was a Faribault team and had arrived about five minutes before. One of the party then said, 'They are after us; let's smash their guns.'
"They rode up to the wagon and one took hold of a gun. The young men came to the door, and one attempted to take his gun. The robbers pointed their revolvers and told them to get back in the house, which they proceeded to do."

...Huh?

Lets think about this for a moment...


Ohhhh, okay. So by "stopped a gang of outlaws" you mean chasing after them for 10 miles, then stopping for a drink and getting your guns stolen. I get it now.

So Faribault's contact with the James/Younger gang amounted to this:

- they slept in towns outside of Faribault
- Two members spent about two months in the jail there
- a guard was shot and killed by another guard at the jail, thinking someone was trying to spring the prisoners
- a posse attempted to chase the outlaws but got drunk instead

And to top it all off, in Tuesday's edition of the Daily News they had a 'question of the day' that one could cast a vote online.

Q: Who has the better Jesse James story - Northfield or Faribault?

Great Moments in AH! History

By Tom Daymont

Many people probably think that the writers and readers of Alright Hamilton! are just a handful of dudes just out of college who like to spend their time at work writing and reading blogs that deal with bars, baseball and a variety of other Minnesota sport teams.

Little do they know that some of us (not me) have actually been around for some of the greatest events in sports history. Let’s take a look at some of these moments.

Who could forget when Tony F. Rezac had a dramatic finish at the 1986 Masters. Coming back from 9th place on Sunday to beat a young Greg Norman, and future Hall of Famers, Tom Kite, Nick Price, and Tom Watson.
Some of these moments go back even farther. Like when “The Iron Horse” Josh Holm set the MLB record playing in his 2,130th consecutive game. While this was thought to be an unbreakable record, it stood for 56 years until it was finally broken by Cal Ripken Jr. on September 6, 1995.
Not all moments by AH! contributors have been “great”, a young Andrew Bresnahan was at the October 14, 2003 game 6 of the National League Championship Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Florida Marlins. Andy, better known now as “Bresna-man” attempted to catch a foul ball in front of Cubs left fielder Moises Alou at Wrigley Field. As many now know, Alou did not make the catch and the Cubs failed to reach the World Series. As for the Bresnahan, no one knows exactly where he is now.
As for Michael Haas, who could forget the 1965 fight with Sonny Liston in Maine. The fight only had 2,434 fans attended it live, setting an all-time record for the lowest attendance in a world championship boxing fight, but that didn’t stop the fight from being one of the most controversial in boxing history.

Midway through the first round, Liston fell to the canvas, in what many have argued was not a legitimate knockdown. Referee Jersey Joe Walcott, a former world Heavyweight champion himself, seemed to be confused after he sent the boxer to a neutral corner, but Haas refused, instead posing over his fallen rival, yelling at him to get up, then with his fists up in the air, celebrating the fall. Haas was awarded a first round knockout in front of a couple thousand confused and disappointed spectators.

But probably the greatest athletic acheivment of any Alright Hamilton contributors is that of Mark “The Stilt” Waters. Doing something no one has done since. Mark scored 100 points in NBA game on March 2, 1962 at Hersheypark Arena in Hershey, Pennsylvania. The game was between the Philadelphia Warriors, for which Mark played for and the New York Knicks,

While Mark holds the record for most points averaged in a season and most points in a single game. Mark also proclaimed in his second autobiography “A View from Above” that he has slept with over 20,000 women. Which if you do the math, means that Mr. Waters slept with 9 women a week since the time he was 15 to the time he was 40.

Other AH! Readers have also been featured in sports related movies. Matt Pillsbury, better known as Daniel LaRusso, is tutored by Karate master Mr. Kesuke Miyagi in this 1984 John G. Avildsen film (director of Rocky). He is seen here in a promotional photograph.

There you have it, the next time you read a post by Mark Waters concerning the Timberwolves and you ask yourself “what does this guy know about basketball” remember he once scored with 20,000 chicks and 100 points in a game.

Lies My Teacher Told Me - A Book Review

By Michael Haas

Lies My Teacher Told Me is a book by James W. Loewen that came out about ten years ago. The tag line reads, "Everything your American history textbook got wrong" but don’t let that fool you, because Loewen doesn't talk about details; he discusses ideas and themes in an intelligent criticism. He rips apart the way that history is taught in public schools, noting that textbooks miss the point of many of the stories they tell, while skewing and omitting facts in a deliberate attempt at making the U.S of America seem flawless, and duping the kids into believing they can do anything.

The book starts out innocently enough, on a topic that everyone is familiar with: how Chris Columbus is portrayed historically. The dozen books that he surveyed paint do not portray Chris as a man who uttered "I could conquer the whole of them with fifty men and govern them as I pleased" Columbus wiped out villages and began a tradition of disease, plundering, slavery and racism in the Americas whose affects are felt even to this day.

Our 28th President Woodrow Wilson is also one of the main bad men whom Loewen mentions often as a symbol of what is wrong with textbooks. Everything that Loewen hates about how historical figures are portrayed seems to be embodied by Wilson. It turns out that Woodrow was an open white supremacist, who segregated as many departments of the government as he could. Wilson also embodied a theme shared with other us presidents: undeclared wars without the support of congress. Wilson overthrew many democratically elected governments. (see Haiti, Mexico) If foreign governments did those things to the U.S., it would be called state sponsored terrorism. The list of other covert missions to topple governments for us political and/or economic gain is quite long. Loewen is not surprised that the textbooks he surveyed either omit or downplay these events.

The book goes on to discuss the myth of reconstruction, ripping how Helen Keller's story is taught (you can do anything! romanticism, when in reality she was a socialist) and the omission of how Native's got fucked over (wars, disease)

Loewen does a good job of going through inaccuracies, telling true stories and then explaining why and how the way it's currently taught is dangerous to the students. He attempts to explain why the events and people are skewed or omitted, usually blaming ethnocentrism, elitism or just plain stupidity. He also throws around some sociological ideas, such as the Orwellian line of thought - "who controls the present, controls the past"

But he also realizes that the textbook business is a business, and that often the publishers of the books are aware that some schools and states may not buy their book if any part of it is perceived to be unpatriotic or generally negative.

In conclusion, Loewen believes the textbooks present history as a succession of boring events, and as a line of progress. He particularly harps on the idea of progress in the textbooks.

"The faith in progress has promoted the status quo in the most literal sense, for it proclaims that to progress we must simply do more of the same. This belief has been particularly useful to the upper class, because Americans could be persuaded to ignore the injustice of social class if the they thought the economic pie was getting bigger for all."

His idea is that if you teach students that America is progressing upwards and always has, students will not become active citizens in their community and that they have no sense of their own civic importance, or how things we do now will impact the future. If America is always correct and is always progressing, why would we participate in society, have an opinion or voice an opinion?

This is the question that I took from the book:

Do we teach our children that America is flawless and that they can do whatever they want when they get older, or do we tell them the truth?

Ode to Chicken in a Biskit

By M.L. Haas

Oh, how I love you, Chicken in a Biskit
I much prefer you to a Triscuit
I eat you for dinner, I eat you for lunch
And that meal mid-morning, I think it's called 'brunch'
I eat you at work, I eat you at home
I eat you so often, I wrote you a poem
The doc says I'll die at age Twenty-five
But when I'm not with you, I don't feel alive
So when the waiter asks "What'll it be?"
Just reply, "Chicken in a Biskit, that'll be all for me"

Lyle Overbay: The Best Ever?

By Michael Haas

First baseman Lyle Overbay has impressed with his stick and his leather at every level of baseball, and he shows no signs of slowing down. Drafted by the A.Z.D.BACKS out of Nevada in 1999, Overbay quickly developed into one of the most exciting young players in the National League. He has played for three teams in his career and amassed 69 big flies and 628 hits - - but how does he compare to some of the best first basemen ever? Let's take a look.

The man that set the bar for all first basemen is a man named Lou Gehrig. I know what you’re thinking: “Dude, you’re comparing Lyle effin Overbay to Lou Gehrig?” But just hear me out; once you look at the numbers, I think you’ll be surprised.

The Hall of Famer played in 2,130 consecutive games (over 15 years), averaged .340 with 37 round trippers and 149 RBI per season with a 1079 OPS. The Mighty Yankees won six world titles with Biscuit Pants before he prematurely retired in 1939 on a count of his very own disease.

Lyle Overbay’s best season came in 2006 with the Toronto Blue Jays. Overbay would hit .312 with 22 homers and 92 RBI with a .880 OPS. while helping the Jays dethrone the Boston Red Sox as the runner-up in the AL East. His 2007 campaign was sidetracked after just two months when Johnny Danks broke three bones in his hand with a fastball. At the time, Overbay was hitting very well - a solid .256 average and projecting to hit 23 bombs and drive in 79.

So The Big O is not quite as good as the Iron Horse, but they're in the same conversation. He turned 30 years old in January, so if his hand heals, he should continue his Cooperstown numbers for a few more years. Perhaps 15 years from now, we'll be watching two first basemen enter the Hall together: Doug Mientkiewicz and Lyle Overbay.

Lyle Overbay on the web:

Official statistics at Baseball-Reference
really stupid Blue Jays commercial


UPDATE


OK I admit it. Lyle Overbay should not be compared to Lou Gehrig. He probably shouldn't even be compared to Derek Lee or Mark Teixiera. But Lyle Overbay is the best baseball player named Lyle to ever play the game. A look at The Other Lyles:

Lyle Bigbee
This guy played for the A's and the Pirates in 1920 and '21, respectively. He threw 45 innings for the A's and gave up 40 earned runs. He must have known someone in Pittsburgh, cuz they signed him for some reason in '21. He pitched 8 innings for the Pirates, allowing just one run. Sadly, he never again played in the majors. He did hit one home run though. Sounds like a nice guy.

Lyle Judy
This Lyle only played one year. He was 21 years old playing for the Cardinals back in '35. He must have been fast or something, because the only two times he ever reached base, he stole second. He never got a hit, he grounded into two double plays and played in just 8 games.

Lyle Lutrell
Lyle-Lu played shortstop in a whopping 57 games for the old Senators in '56 and '57. He hit two bombs and sports a .192 lifetime batting average. I'll have to ask Harmon about this guy next time I see him.

Lyle Mouton
I don't remember this guy, although I'm sure I've seen him play in person. He played for the White Sox 1995 through 1997 and bounced around a bit before retiring in 2001. His best season came in '97 when he hit .269 in 88 games. Maybe this Lyle would have been great if he were able to see the field more often. I think the Twins should look him up - he could be the bat we need to push us over the edge. He's 38 years old and has only hit one career home run. He could be '06 Phil Nevin or the '05 Bret Boone.

"Me is the best Lyle!"

Three Newish Bands I've Listened To Lately

By Haas

The Black Keys

This duo from Akron, OH has been around for about five years. Their brand of raw rockin' blues is a breath of fresh air in this crappy rock age of the 00's. They sound like the White Stripes exept more straight forward; and they've been at it for longer than Jack has. I first heard these guys when I was using my little brother's computer and I played the first two songs of their most recent LP, Magic Potion. Those two songs immediately caught my attention. I quickly downloaded the other five albums they've put out and was not disappointed. Their music does have an AC/DC type quality to them, in that many of their songs have the same sound and feel. They range from softly rocking (Act Nice N Gentle) to rockingly rocking (Grown So Ugly) But they all have one thing in common: they rock. Most of them are pretty short, so much so that I was able to fit 23 songs onto one CD that I burned. I recently heard them on 93X, so I guess they are starting to get noticed.

Check these out: 'Stack Shot Billy' on Letterman, 'Your Touch' myspace

Jackie Greene

My hip friend in Chicago turned me onto this guy, but I’m not too sure about him. I’ve looked at his bio and seen that he has a blues background and can rip on the guitar, but I’ve yet to actually hear one of those songs. The songs that I have heard are either really awesome or bad (maybe I’ll like the bad ones more once I hear more of his catalogue). The bad ones sound like the run of the mill dave matthews-john mayer acoustic college rip off music. The good ones are acoustic, but are either bluesier or dylanesque. Jackie is probably not deserving of the mention on AH! since I haven’t heard more than ten songs of his, but his song called “Cry Yourself Dry” is fucking awesome. Anyone who writes a song that good deserves...... well, something more awesome than this blog has to offer.

Check these out: Jackie on Conan, myspace

The Hold Steady

These fellas have been around the block in the music biz. They sound like a pretty standard straight forward rock n' roll band, until you actually hear their songs. The songs are weird. The weirdness starts with front man Craig Finns vocals. He doesn't really sing, but kind of drawls like he's making fun of Bruce Springsteen. The hooks and the riffs are different too - it's kind've hit or miss. But what really gets my attention is their radical lyrics. Although their homebase is in NYC, four of their five members are veterans of the Twin Cities music scene. Many of their lyrics include references to Minnesota and getting high - two of my favorite things! Like this: "Your little hoodrat friend got me high though, we were 17 and stuck up in Osseo" Their album "Boys and Girls in America" was ranked a top ten album of 2006 by Rolling Stone Magazine. I'll admit that I probably never would have heard of this band if it weren't for an article in the sports section of the Strib last fall. You see, The Hold Steady are huge Minnesota Twins fans. They even wrote a Twintastic version of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" that you might hear at the dome this summer. A rock band that loves the Twins? Hell YEAH!

Check these out: Interview with Craig Finn about the Twins, 'Chips Ahoy!', myspace

References to purple in rock music

by M.L. Haas


1. Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix (1967)

2. Deep Purple (Band created in 1968)

3. Purple Rain - Prince (1984)

4. Purple (album) - Stone Temple Pilots (1994)




Am I missing anything?

I sure do feel like I'm being taken advantage of when I go to the bars

by Michael Haas

Listen, I don't carry any cash most of the time

Have you ever been to a bar or some place and seen a sign that read "minumum purchase of $10" or else they won't swipe your card? Well it turns out that the establisment is violating their agreement with my credit card company when they do that. It's kind've a long story, but I'll try to bullet point it.

- the bar is charged a transaction fee each time I use my credit card

- the bar makes a greater percentage of a 20 dollar purchase than it would a 3 dollar purchase.

- many places apparently don't make ANY money when you put something on your card for three dollars

- many small places feel they are being taken advantage of by the large credit card companies

- some claim that the bars and places are forced to pass on those fees to the consumer, in the form of higher prices

- when the retailer signed an agreement with the credit card company, they agreed to accept credit cards for all valid reasons. not spending enough money is not a valid reason.

So the Contented Cow and the RuebnStein had these signs up. They are now rightfully gone.

I was at the Cow the other night, and this bartender was very unprofessional. I opened a tab thinking that I would have a few beers, but I ended up only putting that first one on there.
I went to close it out at the end of the night and this dude looks at my card and looks at me and this exchange followed. (this guy was sassy and condescending)

dbag: five dollars?
me: Yeah, thats the one. I guess I only had one beer
dbag: you don't have any cash or anything?
me: no, I don't.
D-bag (all sassily): alright, five dollars *swipe*

I was so fucking pissed. Who the hell is this guy to ask me if I have any cash? I should get him fired. And why did I tip him? Why couldn't I think of anything to say at that moment?

Other instances where I feel degraded at the bars

Then theres the whole getting-kicked-out-of-the-bar thing. I believe there is no grey area here. You either deserve to get kicked out or you don't. I have only been kicked out twice; once I deserved it, once I didn't. Just because someone is drunk and wearing a Columbia jacket instead of a leather jacket, doesn't mean I can't go back in after making a phone call. Oh and then they had a change of heart and decided to let me back in - if I paid the five dollar cover AGAIN. fuck those guys. The other time i got kicked out was because I was blacked out and felt like serving myself some drinks. Alright, I'll leave, but you dont have to throw me off the barstool and drag me out by my collar. These bouncers all think they're so much better just because they're sober.
I can't think anymore. Downtown Minneapolis pisses me off. It seems like so many people are way drunk trying to fight people or rape girls. So many people are just wasted. And the few sober people - oh they think they're so sweet; they get to tell drunks what to do.

Yeah, I'm defintitly going to get ripped for this one - for being a cheapass negative nancy. I just had two bad experiences this past weekend, so I had to get this off my chest. I encourage anyone with a story to share that with us.

Architect: Twins New Stadium to be "Absurdly Small"

From the AP:

In a ballpark age where intimacy is everything, the new ballpark in Minneapolis will be taking that idea to the extreme. The Twins plan to break ground in July, but some officials and fans worry about exactly what type of stadium will be there in 2010. The site on which the stadium will be built is by all accounts, very small. The plot of land is now causing all kinds of controversy around the area, and have many speculating on consequences of an imperfect site.

The stadium situation in Minnesota is never calm, even as proposals have passed and tax dollars are accumulated. The Twins organization first went public with stadium proposals over ten years before anything was passed. The original plan had the fabulous new stadium built along the Mississippi River next to the old Ames flour mill, but the Guthrie snatched up that real estate for their new multimillion dollar theater. Speculation swirled that the Twins would be forced to build between a freeway and a trash burner. That speculation came to realization in the spring of 2006, when HOK sport architects revealed renderings of a stadium behind the Target Center.

The site is so small that the Twins, the architects and the City of Minneapolis will have to make some sacrifices to fit the ballpark and infrastructure into the area. The baseball players have quieted their enthusiasm over the dream of a nicer clubhouse. The Metrodome currently has the smallest clubhouses and player facilities of any major league baseball stadium, and the Twins look like they well keep the title - with current architect specifications calling for a six foot ceiling and only one shower.

Local slugger Joe Mauer expressed concern. "I think the new ballpark will be great for fans. Outdoor baseball really is something special, but sometimes I wonder if this move is the best thing for our organization."

Mauer is currently floating an idea to baseball officials which would see the Twins splitting their home games between the Metrodome and the new stadium.

"From what I hear, the dimensions of the stadium might actually change how the game is played. I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I'm used to running 90 ft to first base, ya know?"

A call to HOK Sport confirmed that there could be drastic changes to the field dimensions.

"Making the base paths 80 ft and the foul lines 250 ft with a 32 foot wall, was the only way we could realistically fit a stadium with a 20,000 person capacity into the space available. Major League Baseball, the players and umpires union have given us the go-ahead"

Other rumored ideas to save space include having zero women’s bathrooms, underground concession stands, and specific timed seat assignments, to ease pedestrian congestion in the remarkably narrow hallways.

Even though many worry about the new home of the Twins, fans generally express optimism and excitement for outdoor Major League Baseball in Minnesota. The new place will seat less than one third of the Metrodome, so fans are clamoring for ticket priority. Season ticket sales are up 23 percent - apparently an indication that fans are willing to spend money to get in line for the tough ticket that will be Twins Baseball in 2010. Strangely though, zero women have shown interest in season tickets or the new stadium in general.

Friday Baseball Notes

By Michael Haas

I'm going to try to give you a September perspective in May. The Twins are out. I said it. Yeah, I remember what they did last year. But this is different. If we can't win games when these guys named Ramon and Carlos are pitching way over their heads, how are we going to win when they come back to earth? There are three solid teams ahead of us this year, rather than just two. I doubt that all three will play sub-.500 ball after the all-star break, as they did last year. We don't have an MVP waiting to bust out or a Cy Young candidate jumping from the bullpen to the rotation. We have Nick Punto. We have Mauer on the DL. We have Lew Ford. We have Ramon Ortiz. I'm not negative, I keep it real. Of course, if we somehow climb out of this, I will pretend I never said any of this. Anyway, I encourage you all to view every at-bat as one step closer to that magical year....

A year that will be called 2010

You see, in the year 2010, all will be cool. We may even win the whole thing. I don't know if you heard about this, but there is a new ballpark opening in Minneapolis. It is being built especially for you and I and the Twins. And it's an outdoor ballpark. That's twenty million dollars of revenue toward payroll, which we'll begin to see by the beginning of '09. It's guaranteed good times.

Our rotation will be solid. Six to choose from. Baker, Liriano, Perkins, Garza, Slowey and Boof. If we trade Johan or some of our other non-m&m boys before we lose them to free agency, we should have some good young hitters. Mauer and Morneau will move back in with each other and mash baseballs, Liriano's left elbow will be an indestructible slider-throwing machine and Mauer will be a gold glove third basemen. November 3rd, 2010 I will be on Nicollet Mall at a parade. I am telling the truth.

So don't worry, just enjoy the season. Watch Justin and Joe and Johan do their thing. Don't worry about the standings. Be patient, for our time is near.


Am I bad luck? A statistical analysis

I have been to five Twins games this year. The Twins have won just one of those games, while losing four. That is a .200 winning percentage. But how bad is my bad luck? On which do I have a greater affect, hitting or pitching? Let's look at some numbers.

Twins: 15 runs

Opponents: 18 runs. Close!

Twins batting average when I’m there: .228

Overall 2007 batting average through 5/17: .273

Twins ERA when I’m there: 3.60

Overall Twins ERA through 5/17: 4.07

It appears that I am good for pitching and bad for hitting. At future games, I’ll try to note where I sit and what I wear to see how it correlates to batting average, ERA, and most importantly, wins.

I also attended the Rockies square off with the Diamondbacks on opening day. Obviously, I wasn’t cheering for either team, but there are a few things to note in this one. I wanted ’06 NL Cy Young winning Brandon Webb to do well for the D-Backs, since he is on my fantasy team. I also wanted former Twin LaTroy Hawkins to do well for the Rockies, since I am still in his official fan club. Almost everyone in that stadium that day was rooting for the Rockies. It would take some luck for none of those three things to happen.

Webb pitched badly and gave the Rockies the early lead. Looked like the Rockies were on their way to victory number one - until the top of the 8^th, when LaTroy takes the mound and gives up three runs. Ballgame. And the hot dogs were terrible.

Can the Milwaukee Brewers win 100 games?

With the upcoming inter-league series against this hot hitting "brew crew", much has been made around the Twin Cities about the Brewers fast start. I have discussed this with two of my friends, and found two different opinions. One dude thinks they won't win the division. One dude thinks they'll win 100 games. I think both these ideas are ludicrous. AH! contributor Tom Daymont reports that the last time a sub-.500 team won 100 games the next season was the AZDBACKS in '98 and '99. Those mother fuckers. It would be quite an accomplishment if the Brewers pulled that off. What do YOU think?

Blogging: An Insiders Perspective

This Entry by Haas

Alright, I'm not an insider. I couldn't even defend blogging in a rational way after my friend said "I hate blogs" when i told him of my hot new idea. So I say to my friend I say, "Alright I'm going to write a blog post about this." Oh he thought that was hilarious.

So what is blogging? Where did it begin? Well, it turns out that the ancient Egyptians began popular blogging (back then it was called a web log) by hyroglyphing about the construction of their new sphinx. Not unlike Dave St. Peters blog about the new Twins ballpark. (sphinxblog was updated more often)

As religious and intellectual freedom began to flourish, individuals began blogs about their feelings, upcoming marriages, and lots of other stupid shit.

Today there are around 200 blogs worldwide. I have viewed many of them, and found that they can be broken into two main groups: Shit Ass Blogs and Agenda Blogs.

Agenda Blogs are those with a point/topic/agenda who wish to share that with others. These include any blogs that market an idea, a writer, a product; and any blogger who believes they have something to add to society.
Shit Ass Blogs have no apparent point, and are simply a more personal thing documenting every day life and thoughts. People (me) made this because i'm bored at work.

These two types of (true) blogs have one thing in common: the bloggers enjoy writing and knowing that anyone in the world can see it.

I really think that to hate blogging is stupid. Blogs are like people - theres lots of em and they're all talking shit. But you dont have to listen to em; and if you pick the right ones, they can be cool and interesting.

This blog is made for my friends and family. My friends and family will post things on here. If you aren't in said group and you enjoy reading this blog, we're happy to have you. If you aren't in said group and you hate this blog, well guess what it's not written for you anyway so go fuck yourself.