Teaching BronxBoi sabermetrics: BABIP

This is probably a terrible idea, but our judgment here at AH! is often clouded by our gigantic bleeding hearts for those that are uninformed. In this spirit I will attempt to educated the always-controversial Bronxboi in the ways of sabermetrics. He tried his own hand at sabermetrics, and I don't think anyone but himself was too impressed. So, in our first (and possibly last) installment we will be learning about BABIP.

Soup: You ever hear of BABIP?

Bronxboi: UP YA NOSE WITH A RUBBA HOSE!

S: alright, great. Got that out of your system?

BB: TWICE AS FAR WITH A CANDY BAR! Hahahaha. I'm so JK-ing. Yeah I know a lot about Bopit. I beat my nephew, Brian, at it like 4 times in a row last Easter.

S: No, idiot. BABIP! Batting Average on Balls In Play.

BB: I like the "Flick it!" It reminds me of when people in cartoons get boners.

S: My god.

BB: Remember when the priest on the Little Mermaid got a boner?!?! That shit was CA-RAY-Z

S: Seriously, focus for a second. This is important. BABIP is important in evaluating both pitchers and hitters. It gives you an idea on...

BB: What's Jeter's?

S: Well, I don't know off the top of my head. I'll look it up.

BB: I bet it's really good. Proly like 100.

S: No. The highest BABIP you can have it 1. League average is around .300, but it varies depending on specific players. If a player is young or in his prime and his BABIP drops significantly below his career norm and his flyball, groundball, and linedrive ratios stay relatively the same...he's probably been the victim of bad luck.

BB: Derek Jeter creates his own luck. Oh, and I'm sorry. I suppose the New York Yankees just lucked themselves into 27 World Series Championships?!?! Whatdaya think of your lucky BABIP now, sir? Irregardless, I think it's unconceivable.

S: Well, I tried.

BronxBoi on Yankees series

Here Ye! Here Ye! Attention all loyal Twins D Bags.

This blog just got a hole bunch cooler because BronxBoi is officially back in this bitch. So if you came here to read the same old "Twins are good because Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau have high batting averages" dribble. You're not going to get it today because I'm not going to write that because I know that that line of thought is ignorant.

I am going to preview the series between the defending world champions and the Twins by an analyzed in an even keeled hand. I'm sure you internet trolls will probably just say that I'm biased towards the Yankees because I am a Yankee's fan, but that is strawman arguing.

Firstly, I'm glad I'm not going to the game. TARGET FIELD IS A JOKE!!! It is brand new and so it doesn't have any history and history is what makes baseball the best. sport. ever. The Yankees did it right when they build their new stadium. They did it like the old one so it has history, and ghosts, and loar but its new so its got better stuff. That's why Yankee Stadium tickets are so expensive. The same reason why Cristal (Yankee Stadium) cost more than Boonsfarm (Target Field).

And NO ROOF??? That's highly dubious. The Twins front office should stop living in a vacuum and have realizationed that it SNOWS ALL THE TIME IN MINNESOTA!!! Yeah, watch baseball when it's snowing...good idea, Minnesotans. Your brains need a reality check, seriously.

We'll look at the pitching match-up momentumly, but right now the Yankees have a better offense than the Twins hands down without a doubt. Yeah, Mauer and Morneau have high batting averages. SO WHAT?!?! I've said it once and time again on this blog, BATTING AVERAGE ISN'T EVERYTHING!!! Cano and Tex have more combination of RBI and HR than Mauer and Morneau. But since your golden boy Mauer isn't as good as those two stats, you nimrods think that BA is the end of all be all. Well IT ISN'T, so deal with it! And Jeter has more offensive intangibles than the all the Twins team.

Burnett vs. Baker
There is no way Baker pitches better than Burnett. Burnett throws at least 3 mph faster.

Pettitte vs. Liriano
Liriano couldn't even carry Pettitte's future Hall of Fame plaque because his left arm would probably fall off and he would need surgery.

Vazquez vs. Blackburn
Same reason as Burnett vs. Baker

Prediction: Yankees sweep.

- BronxBoi, out

BronxBoi2 does Sabrmetrics

Controversial Yankee fan and guest poster, BronxBoi2, is back. Now with Sabrmetrics

Sup, D Bags

BronxBoi2 back in this bitch. Some of you internet trolls will probably say that I'm over-exaggerating the unjustices of the MVP that faced Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira. But this year's voting was LITERALLY THE MOST MONUMENTAL ROBBING OF ALL TIME IN THE SOCIETY WE LIVE IN TODAY!!!!!

To put this debate to sleep once and forever, I have made a sabrmetric. This sabrmetric demonstrates imperially WHO IS THE TRUE MVP for 2009 and all substantive years following. This stat is all-conclusive because it uses all five assets that make a great baseball player: batting average, home runs, runs batted in, intangibles, and defense.

So not that I have to ration my logic to you stat-humpers that live in your mom's basement and probably can't even throw a baseball because you'll start wheezing because of your asthma, but this stat is super complex. So, try not to get too excited and make a mess all over your computer...no pun intended...lol.

I call it BronxBoi Everything Statistic, or as it is abbreviated, BBES. The fist part of BBES is the batting average. You Minnesota fans are all to familiar with this stat BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY STAT that Joe Mauer could even hang his coat on for his MVP case. IT'S THE ONLY OF THE THREE OFFENSIVE STATS THAT HE WAS BETTER THAN TEX!!!! But you guys have been literally drinking so much kool-aid that you can't even see your own face!! As I'll show you it is important, but it is NOT EVERYTHING in determining an MVP!

The standard barrier for a good BA is .300. So, the BBES looks at the percentage someone's BA is superior or subsuperior to .300.

[(BA/300) x 100] -100

Then for HR you add the number of HRs a player hit. BTW, Tex HIT 39!!!!

+ HR

Then for RBI you add the number of runs batter in a player had. Tex HAD 122!!!

+ RBI

Now for the most important part, intangibles. This is something you Minnesota mouth breeders will NEVER UNDERSTAND. This includes blatant stuff like being the captain of your team, playing in a meat cooker mega-media environment, diving on the ground, sacrifice bunting, playing the game the right way, trying really hard, and giving yourself up for your team no matter what all the time. Each player's intangible rating is created by me and my bros P Dawg and Middy.

What's our qualifications?!?! Um, let me think...We call into talk radio stations at least three times a week and comment on at least ELEVEN different sports websites EVERY DAY!!! And we watch baseball ALL THE TIME when we're not out partying :P The scale for the rating is .100 for the most intangibles and .000 for no intangibles.

x Intangible Rating

Leaving defense out of determining the best baseball player would be oxymoron. Seriously. So, the BBES includes the defensive stat, Gold Gloves won the year previously.

+ Number of Gold Gloves

So the final equation looks like this:

{[(BA/300)x100] - 100 + HR + RBI} x IR + GG

Let's look at Joe Mauer's BBES first and for most:

{[365/300x100] - 100 + 28 + 96} x .038 + 1 = 6.54

Now Tex:

{[292/300x100] - 100 + 39 + 122} x .06 + 1 = 10.5

Now Jeter:

{[334/300x100] - 100 + 18 + 66} x .10 + 1 = 10.53

There you have it, D bags. These facts are undeniably strait from the horses mouth. Derek Jeter intangibles narrowly out-pushes Tex for the best overall player in baseball. As you can see crystal clear Joe Mauer is not even in the conversation. The numbers LITERALLY DON'T LIE!!!

Oh, and BTdubs...STILL. WORLD. CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BronxBoi2 weighs in...

Congratulations Joe Mauer. As a Twins fan I am biased, but I think you make for a terrific MVP. Of course, BronxBoi2 disagrees. He sent me this email:

Dear Soup,

Oh, congradufrickulations, Joe Mauer. You have somehow convinced the baseball writer people that they should vote for Mauer to be MVP based soley on batting average. Somehow you have beswindled the baseball writers to ignore HR, RBI, and Intangibles. THIS IS SUCH A GONG FACTORY!!!!! Seriously, smoke a crack pipe more, you guys. THERE ARE MORE STATS THAN BATTING AVERAGE.

The simple fact that Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter didn't recieve ONE first place vote is assinine!!!! They should have been co MVPs. If you put their numbers together, JOE MAUER WOULDN'T EVERY COMPARE!!!! If you lived between a rock and the broad side of a barn you would argue that Mauers numbers were better than should-be-co-MVPs Jeter and Tex and you probs road the short buss :P

You want to compare defense?!?!?! Jeter also got first place in the defensive stat. Um, I got two words for you. "Gold Glove." That's the defensive stat, and Jeter also got first place at it.

The absolute fact is, you guys, is that Derek Jeter (the should be MVP...or Tex) doesn't even care about individual awards. Seriously, he only cares about World Series Championships. THAT'S IT!!!!! That's different than Joe Mauer.

But the bottom of the light of the end line is that Jeter and Tex won the world series. Mauer didn't. Let me check the internets (lol)...um, it appears that the YANKEES WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!! I would like to see Mauer wear his MVP award around his finger...like how Jeter wears Championship rings around his fingers!!!! It would be THE WORLD'S DUMBEST THINGS because MVP plaques don't have holes for ring fingers!!! I guess he could be an idiot and punch a hole through it and wear it around his neck like Falvor Flav. But new flash, you guys, JOE MAUER IS NOT EVEN FLAVOR FLAV!!!!!

So enjoy, D Bags

/ still. world. champions.

BronxBoi2, out.


Well said. With Jeter winning the World Series and Mauer winning the MVP, I was reminded of this piece of internet brilliance, Jesus is the Derek Jeter of Christianity. To the part about Jeter liking winning more than anyone else:


From WSJ: Still, there is a question as to whether the MVP award really means all that much to Derek Jeter. As he put it on Aug. 23 after the Yankees beat the Red Sox-a victory that Mr. Jeter paced by hitting a home run on the game's first pitch off Boston ace Josh Beckett-"I'm not thinking about winning any awards right now. The only award that matters is that fifth World Series ring."

From FJM: Joe Mauer, meanwhile, issued a different statement to the press after going 2-4 with a walk against the Cleveland Indians. "Fuck the World Series," said Mauer. "Seriously. Write that down. Fuck the World Series. If I ever win a World Series ring, I will literally just take it and fuck the tiny ring-hole." Mauer punctuated his remarks with a graphic, thrusting pantomime, presumably of what he would physically do to the World Series ring. Mauer added: "I don't give a flying goddamn about winning. I am an awards guy. I'm Joe Fucking Mauer. I only care about individual honors. How many times do I have to tell you guys that? Mauer out, fuckfaces!" Mauer then urinated on a picture of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett holding hands and stormed out of the clubhouse whistling a pro-al Qaeda anthem that he wrote himself earlier in the day.

Guest post: Mark Teixeira 2009 AL MVP

We here at Alright Hamilton! like to be open-minded. In that spirit, we welcome Yankee fan and avid internet commenter, BronxBoi2, to break down the 2009 AL MVP race.

Hands down Mark Teixeira is your MVP this year without a question. It's undisputable. Sure Joe Mauer is having a good year. He leads the league in batting average. But you idiots have to open your eyes and see that batting average isn't the ONLY STATISTIC!! THERE ARE TWO MORE!!! Did you really think that people wouldn't notice that Mauer is leading the league in only ONE of the THREE STATS?!?!

Tex is pwning Mauer in the other two: RBI and HRs. So, let me check the math...Tex: 2 Mauer: 1. Um, last time I checked TWO IS BIGGER THAN ONE!!!. It's TWICE as many.!!! Tex's stats have been throwing Mauer under the bus all year. Mauer wouldn't be the MVP if it hit him in the face. This MVP race is apples and oranges.

And there are people in baseball society today that say that Mauer is better at slugging than Tex and that is just ignoramous. How can this be possible when Tex has slugged more HR AND RBI?!?! That point is muted.

And who cares if Mauer is a catcher. People say, "That's really good for a catcher." People also say that Candace Parker is good at basketball for a girl but nobody is saying she should be the NBA MVP! It's not Tex's fault that catcher aren't very good at offense. If Mauer wanted to be better at offense he should have played a better position.

Moreover, people that say that Tex's defense is not world class are impunible. Maybe these guys that make up these defensive stats in their mother's basement should actually look up from their calculators and LITERALLY WATCH HIM PLAY!!! I've seen with my own two eyes an insurmountable number of great defensive plays. If he doesn't win a gold glove it will be abominal.

They main reason Tex should win is because the Yankees are way better than the Twins. Seriously, where would the Yankee line-up be without Tex? It would be Johny Damon, Derek Jeter, Robinson Cano, Nick Swisher, Hideki Matsui, Alex Rodriguez, Jorge Posada, and that's it. They Yankees would be NOWHERE WITHOUT TEX! And the Twins aren't even in the playoffs, so without a doubt end of conversation hands down.