Metrodome Confessional

Forgive me, Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, for I have sinned.

You had done me good for so long, yet I often did you and your staff so wrong. With this 2010 season having the feeling of renewal, I would be regret not to adequately close the previous chapter. To do so, I must confess and ask the Dome for forgiveness before I can move on to the 2010 season.

-Metrodome, I'm sorry for using my college student identification to get cheaper tickets long after I graduated college. I owe you an apology and probably $8.

-Metrodome staff at gate G, I'm sorry for pretending that those sunflower seeds in my cargo pocket were jumbo-sized and not a small bag of seeds used as cover the two beers at the bottom of my cargo pocket. I owe you $28.

-Metrodome Division III baseball temporary staff, I apologize for pretending my boxed wine full of Nalgene was ice tea. And, I wish I could take those hurtful words back I spoke to the Wartburg first base coach.

-Metrodome stairs to lower-level ushers, I'm sorry I lied to you. You were just such sweet old people. I lied right to your faces wrinkled from the gentle hand of time. But, seriously, lower-gen is a lot better. You know this. So I politely and deceitfully asked you, "I'm trying to find a dietary health option. Is there a concession stand that sells something healthy like a sandwich?" Without considering the ramifications of an upper-gen person sneaking down to lower-gen, you generously blurt out, "Well, there's a sandwich place right down stairs." Then, time and time again, I would slink past you, never to return to my ticketed seat.

Un-named AH! contributor: Metrodome tunnel near the Twins clubhouse, I'm sorry I borrowed all those parking passes without asking. I fully realize they were intended for the suite owners, but I just got greedy. And you're right, taking a pass for every single home game of 2002 may have been a bit overboard, yet the thought of parking for free right next to the dome all season was just too much. I feel bad saying this but; it was awesome.

Goodbye Metrodome, Hello Jail Time

I am sure almost all of you either saw or attended the game last night. It was bittersweet, it was a great season, and I was glad to have been at the last game (I couldn't have gone to the game today if the Twins would have won) but some terrible mistakes really made you wonder why the Twins have a reputation for playing baseball the "right way".The highlight of the night for many was the super drunk fan that dropped about 15 feet onto the field near the Yankee's dugout. The dumbass was wearing a Rod Carew jersey and carrying a MGD plastic bottle when he dropped down. He dropped the beer but quickly grabbed the bottle before too much had spilled. He took a swig and than ran towards the mound and towards Rivera. He veered away as A-Rod began to run towards the mound to protect the Yankee closer. As the drunk fan ran past the mound he threw down the beer and flipped off Rivera.

The drunk fan then proceeded to run out towards center field. One security guard fell trying to catch him and the drunk fan eventually made it to the center field fence.


The dumbass valiantly tried to scale the soft wall but he gets tackled before he can get all the way over.


I put the dude's chances of escaping around 25% if he gets all the way over. I don't know too much about the Metrodome's corridors but I feel like he had a shot of getting out of the stadium if he gets a decent head start. There is no way those security guards are getting over the wall there in a timely manner.

While I think this guy was a total asshat, he did give me and 54,000 fans about 3 more minutes with the Metrodome and for that I thank you, super drunk fan with a twisted ankle, terrible headache and mounting legal fees.

UPDATE: I found a video! It's not the first part near Rivera but it's still pretty good.

Metrodome memories

I went to my first game at the dome when I was seven. As I sat in the home run porch I tried to comprehend how Kirby Puckett was standing right there in center field. It was actually him. I knew it was him. It looked like him. He was wearing Kirby Puckett's uniform. But I asked my dad for conformation that it was actually he, Kirby Puckett, standing there. He looked at me with an "of course" expression and said, "Yup."

But for a kid there was no "of course" about it. Being there and witnessing these players -- players I got to know through box scores, baseball cards, and TV screens -- was an amazing event.

That's what I liked best about the dome. My favorite baseball team and favorite players played there. We all got older and replaced our childhood wonderment with grumbles and complaints. We beg.....




What is...?????




SHIT! RUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! RUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!



SAVE YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!!!



Hellllllllllllooooooooo! It's me again! The Kinetico Water System's girl!!!!! Watch ya doin? Can I play too? I have lots of Metrodome memories. Games six and seven of the '91 World Series, Santana's 17 Ks, stealing the souls of the cleansed...I could go on forever. :P

Hey, I built a fort in an abandoned slaughter house. Wanna see it? It's awesome. We could play hide-and-seek, tell secrets, rub animal blood on our faces. It's gunna be so fun, you guys! :)

Nobody? NOBODY!?!?! Fine. I just thought one last time before I'm gone we could hang out. So I guess this is goodbye. But remember, You may not see my face in the 7th inning anymore, but I'll be there. I'm always there. Watching.

Silly Metrodome Similies

The Twins will end their 27 year run at the Metrodome this weekend, leading many local and national media members to wax nostalgic about the teflon dump. They'll be compiling lists of memories and moments, writing about pros and cons of playing baseball there, and looking forward to Target Field. You'll see them referring to the dome as "functional," probably comparing it to a rec room.

We've decided to boil all these things down to the nuts and bolts by making silly comparisons between the dome and random stuff. After all, how can we reflect on our time in the dome without comparing it to an old couch?



The dome is like your girlfriend's cat, it's really scratchy but it you have to deal with it.


The dome is like your favorite brand of beer - it tastes great but no one else will even try it.


The dome is like Tim Pawlenty - full of hot air and totally out of work in 2012.


The dome is like your old couch - had some great fucking times but now it smells.


The dome is like Kevin Costner - really shitty but associated with baseball too often to ignore.


The dome is like Hootie and the Blowfish - totally passe but had a couple awesome moments


The dome is like the time John Kruk's crotch got hit with a baseball - sucks at the time, but it was ultimately life-saving.


The dome is like Utah - good place to sit on your ass and stay dry.


The dome is like England - Not sunny and the beer costs too much.


The dome is like a RonCo food dehydrator - stupid looking but surprisingly functional.


The dome is like Nick Punto - doesn't have much of a batter's eye.


The dome is like Sputnik - Spherical yet pointy in parts


The dome is like the DeLorean - Seemed like a good idea in 1982


The dome is like a box of chocolates - It's sticky.


The dome is like the Chartres Cathedral - Innovative in use of Gothic flying buttresses, but just not that great to watch a baseball game.



Let's see more in the comments.

Faces of the Metrodome: Scorecard Guy

"Scorecards! Programs! Twins-colored-baseball-themed-mardi-gras-style beaded necklace things!"

Those are words he lip-syncs while toting his wares up and down the aisles of the Metrdome. He's a professional, so he let's the products speak for themselves. He's selling baseball intelligence at three bucks a pop. And mardi gras beads.

He's a salesman, sure. But he's also a fan. He knows the best way to be a fan is to convert others to his ways, by spreading The Word. And mardi gras beads. He must spread the knowledge of the game, the faces and numbers of the players and the ads of the sponsors to all those beer soaked heathens. And mardi gras beads for the ladies.

Faces of the Metrodome: Most Valuable Usher

She is a controversial figure. For some, she represents the fist of the man. For others, she represents truth, honesty and protection. To Twins fans, she is known as the Seat Nazi. Most ushers at the Metrodome are assigned a different for each game. But she has kept the same post for what seems like a millenia.

The left-field corner, sections 136 through 139, is particularly attractive to fans seated in the upper deck. It's a dark blue oasis promising great baseball viewing. And even though Delmon Young could never track a fly ball into the corner, he's still within shouting distance. No one is sitting down there.

That's when she strikes, snarling, "can I see your ticket please?" You didn't lose your ticket. Your buddy doesn't have them. You're not going to sweet talk her. You're fucked. It's back to upper general for you.

The amount of money this one red-clad usher-warrior has saved is practically incalculable. Without her, fans would regularly buy $7 tickets, and simply move into the $31 seats in the corner. She's keeping it fair for those who actually spent the $31 bucks while providing financial flexibility to the Twins front office. Bravo!

The View From the Organist Box

Sue Nelson is one of my favorite musicians of all time. Not unlike The Hold Steady, her music actually helps the Twins win ballgames! Sue plays the organ at the Metrodome, and she loves her job --for good reason, too. Getting paid to do something she loves while watching baseball. Her sweet music helps soothe the restless baseball fans in times of defeat. And from the tips of her fingers, she rallies them together when their team needs them.

I got to chatting with Sue during Friday's game. Here are a few things I learned:

- She loves kids, and often makes school visits to tell the children about her glamorous job in the music business.

- They're taking the same organ to Target Field next year, so it'll probably be a lot of the same sound and the same classic music.

- Apparently Target Field won't have a football press box, so she and the organ will be moving into nicer digs, much closer to the action.

- We both found it funny that many fans, and even some staff, don't know there's a live organ at the Metrdome.

- She loves visitors! She's a wonderful lady, so next time you're at the dome, feel free to run up and say, 'thanks!'

Sometimes people bring beach balls to the Metrodome

Isn't that fun?!?! I know my two year old nephew loves hitting beach balls up in the air.

...Then he bangs a fork on the table and poops his pants...because he is a small child. Apparently those that bring beach balls to baseball games are like-minded.

I really do not get these people. I mean, the wave and throwing program paper airplanes are similarly infantile. But these acts of baseball malfeasance are acts of passion. Kids get bored and make paper airplanes. Teenage boys crave attention and try to start the wave. But bringing a beach ball to a baseball game with the intent to inflate? Well, that shit is premeditated.

Let me tell you a story of a time when Iwitnessed the complete life of a beach ball at the Metrodome. There was a beach ball in play. I don't remember if I audibly expressed annoyance, but I tried to ignore the oohs, awes, and drools, of those fascinated by a colorful sphere that moved clunkily about the crowd. Of course, a usher confiscated the ball, dumb people booed, and I was thankful. Then something inexplicable happened.

There was a couple two rows in front of me. They seemed like a very normal late-twenties or early-thirties Minnesota couple. They were both wearing ordinary jeans and Twins jersey T-shirts. I don't remember which players they were wearing, but because this is my story and you won't know the difference if I lie -- let's say she was wearing a Punto and he was wearing a Radke. They seemed like those kind of people. Oh, and he was probably wearing one of those Dairy Queen give-away hats with the Velcro strap in the back.

Then, before my very eyes, The guy suddenly pulls a deflated beach ball out of his pocket, blows it up, and hits it into the upper general crowd. She smiles him on approvingly.

The most troubling thing about this is that it had to be planned out. Maybe one of them had a beach ball readily available in his or her residence, but or more plausibly, he or she had to go to a store that sells beach balls and actually pay money for one. I imagine their conversation for a beach-ball-at-a-baseball-game went something like this.

Brian: Hey honey. I got to take a little detour. Daddy's got to make a stop.
Nikki: why?
Brian: You'll see
(Brian comes out of the dollar store.)
Niki: what did you get?
Brian: A little something I like to call a "beach ball" BOOYAH!
Niki: You so crazy, Brian
Brian: Hey baby, I just like to have fun.
(Brian and Niki tongue kiss for a few minutes)
Niki: This is gunna be a hoot...beach ball...at a baseball game...I tell, ya.

So, here's hoping Target Field will be a place where people go to ball park to watch baseball. We don't need slides or swimming pools or picnic areas or human waves or beach balls. We just need baseball.

Get To Know Your Soon-To-Be Former Stadium

By Daymonster

With the construction of the new stadium already underway, I am probably one of a handful or people that will be sad to see the Metrodome go. Come with me as we get to know the Metrodome and take a look back at some interesting moments that occurred in that magical marshmallow in the Minneapolis Skyline.

Metrodome by the Numbers:
Official Name: Hubert Horatio Humphrey Metrodome (Nicknames: The Metrodome or The Dome)
Owner/Management: Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Opened: April 3, 1982
Cost of Construction: $68 million
Surface: SporTurf (1982 to 1986), Astroturf (1987 to 2003), FieldTurf (2004 to present)
Capacity: 55,883 (baseball); 64,000 (football)
Highest point: 195 feet above the playing field
Total enclosed volume: 60 million cubic feet
Largest playing field area: 142,515 square feet
Stadium Area: 415,000 square feet
Roof weight: 290 tons
Roof exterior: 10 acres of teflon-coated fiberglass, 1/16th of an inch thick
Roof interior: woven fiberglass, 1/32nd of an inch thick
Roof support: 20 electric fans, 90 horsepower each (It takes 250,000 cubic feet of air per minute to keep the roof inflated)
Construction material: 40,000 cubic yards of concrete, 11,900 tons of reinforced steel, and 500 tons of structural steel

Baseball Field Dimensions:
343' down the leftfield line, 385' to the leftfield power alley, 408' to dead centerfield, 367' to the rightfield power alley and 327' down the line in right.

The fence in leftfield and centerfield is 7' high and the one in rightfield is 23' high, including 16' of plastic tarp installed in 1983.

Leftfield had a 6' plexiglas extension from 1983-93, but it was removed prior to the ’94 season.

Interesting Metrodome Facts:

• The Metrodome is the only stadium in the world to play host to the World Series (1987 and 1991), baseball’s All-Star Game (1985), the Super Bowl (XXVI, 1992) and the NCAA Final Four Basketball Tournament (1992 & 2001). (Not to mention: Twins Games, Vikings Games, Timerwolves games, Gopher Basketball, Football, Baseball games, Minnesota Strikers Games, Monster Truck Competitions, Presidential Campaigns and of course, a mass wedding)
• The Metrodome includes 7,600 retractable seats in rightfield, the largest such section of any stadium in the world.
• The Metrodome is the only air-supported dome in all of professional sports.
• Duke has never lost a NCAA Men's Basketball Championship when it has been hosted at the Metrodome (It's only been twice, but still).
• In just four hours, the Metrodome can be converted from a baseball stadium to a football stadium, faster than any stadium in the U.S. ( The pitcher’s mound is powered by an electric motor and can be raised and lowered at the push of a button. The mound weighs 23,000 pounds and is 18 feet in diameter.)
• The roof's questionable design

Metrodome Image Gallery:
1 2 3 4 5 6
Seating Charts:
Baseball
Football
Basketball

(Somewhat) Interesting Metrodome Moments:
11/19/1981: Roof deflated due to tear caused by heavy snow.

12/30/1982: Roof deflated due to tear caused by heavy snow.

04/14/1983: Roof deflated due to tear caused by heavy snow and the scheduled game with California was postponed. It is the only postponement in Metrodome history.

05/04/1984: Oakland's Dave Kingman hit ball into one of roof's drainage holes in a 4th inning at-bat. The ball never came down and Kingman was awarded a ground-rule double. (There is some controversy on this one, some believe it went through the roof, and some believe the ball came down later)

04/26/1986: Roof suffered slight tear due to high winds, causing a nine-minute delay in the bottom of the seventh inning vs. California.

05/30/1992: Detroit's Rob Deer popped out to shortstop Greg Gagne in consecutive at-bats with both balls ricocheting off the ceiling.

07/05/1992: Minnesota's Chili Davis hit a towering fly ball to deep right field vs. Baltimore's Rick Sutcliffe. The ball bounced off a speaker in play and caromed to second baseman Mark McLemore, who made the catch in shallow right field to rob Davis of a sure home run.
To many, the Metrodome may seem like a big white stain (gross) on the Minneapolis Landscape, but the giant inflatable pillow is actually quite unique and has a very storied history. So please join me for a moment of silence when the Twins move to the new stadium in 2010, it might be tough to do however, as most people attending opening day will be freezing their asses off.

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Special Thanks to all the sites I recieved my information from and the others that I linked to.
http://www.geom.uiuc.edu/~math335x/Labs/Lab12/node8.html
http://vikings.scout.com/2/11156.html
http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/min/ballpark/min_ballpark_history.jsp

Who Needs a New Stadium?

By Michael Haas

This week there will be much fanfare as ground is ceremoniously broken for the New Twins Stadium in downtown Minneapolis. I will be attending the ceremony, but you won't hear any cheers from me. I will be booing like I just spotted Barry Bonds. Call me selfish, call me a dinosaur, call me afraid of change - but I do not want a new stadium.

There are various reasons to not want a new stadium:

I love the Metrodome. Think about the word 'love.' The true meaning has nothing to do with aesthetic qualities or functionality. It has to do with fun-value and fond memories. The 'dome is certainly not in the top 25 of major league ballparks, but it has sentimental value - and that's why I love it. Here's a list of things I remember about the 'dome to illustrate my point:

• I remember seeing Kirby Puckett play there.

• I remember when I had a 'cup of coffee' with the Twins as an audio intern. I got to eat free press box hot dogs, (best hot dogs ever- bar none), go on the field before the game, and meet Mr. 573 himself, Harmon Killebrew.

• I remember watching Joe Mauer foolishly force a pass with the final seconds ticking away of Prep Bowl '00. The pass was intercepted and Eden Prairie won the championship. It was the last pass in organized football he threw.

• I remember watching the Gophers lose in heart-breaking fashion to Wisconsin in '05 and Michigan in '03. Those were historically brutal games, but I'm glad I was there.

• I remember when I saw Ken Griffey Jr. rope one opposite field that just got over the fence and to the right of the foul pole. It was the best I felt about an opposing player hitting a home run.

• I remember going to college baseball games in March and walking around the tunnels.

• I remember watching numerous Prep Bowls. Notably 1997 when the Northfield Raiders finally won it all.

• I remember after a Gophers baseball game in March one year, I turned back to look at the field, and thought to myself, 'this is the last time I will ever gaze upon the hard bright green astro-turf' Within two weeks, it had been replaced with Astro-play.

And the 'dome is great for other reasons too. Mainly selfish reasons:

• In many sections, you can spread out. It would go to half as many games if I knew that I'd be sitting elbow to elbow with some stranger, and theres one in front of me and one behind me too. Ahh! What do you think the new stadium will be like?

• Ticket availability and pricing. I don't really need to elaborate on this one.

• Parking. I park for free. I have a secret spot. I'm skeptical that I will be able to find a new one that is so so perfect for the new stadium.

• Windy doors.

But perhaps the broadest, most unselfish reason that I do not want a new Stadium is the financing issue. The stadium situation in Milwaukee is the perfect example of what can go wrong when a commissioner and owner convince the government and the people that they should fork up hundreds of millions of dollars for a private business. They built their stadium, hundreds of millions of dollars over-budget, two years behind schedule and at the cost of three lives. The stadium came complete with a roof that didn't work well and grass that wouldn't grow.

Bud Selig has told many Major League cities that they need a new stadium to remain competitive. The line of thinking goes like this: new stadium=more revenue=more money to spend on players=better team. The main problem with this is that owners don't always put that extra money back into the organization to make the product on the field any better. If they did, everyone could just cut to the chase and start paying players with county sales taxes.

So when an owner pockets money which made because of a stadium built with taxpayers money, it's essentially stealing the people's money. The owner of the Brewers, Wendy Selig-Prieb, ended up pocketing much of the revenue from the first two seasons of Miller Park, and then selling the team for a MUCH steeper price than she would have if the team didn't have a new stadium.

Carl Pohlad and his team has gone on record saying that the new stadium figures to bring in about 40 million dollars of revenue more than the Metrodome. When asked how much of that will be used to increase the payroll, he answered: about 20 million.