MLB All-Star Game: The Skills Competition

By Soup

So today I was thinking that Minnesota should change its name to Brangelina. Then our favorite baseball team would be the Brangelina Twins. We would be so popular.

Wait, what the hell? Where has my mind gone? What has this all-star break done to me? I decided that the break needed more than the Home Run Derby. As entertaining as it is to listen to Chris Berman say the word "back" 894 times, we can do better. It's time we steal the most exciting part of NHL's all star break: the skills competition. Here are some proposed events:

Base running

The base runners would bunt, and the stopwatch would start as soon as the ball makes contact with the bat. The watch would stop timing when the base runner returns to home plate. To make the competition fair Carlos Gomez would do it wearing snow pants and clown shoes.

Pitching Accuracy

There would be four targets set up; one at the knees outside corner, one at the knees inside corner, one at the belt inside corner, and one at the belt outside corner. They would get something like 20 pitches. So it would be pretty similar to the NHL accuracy shooting event. Pitches also have to go at least 83mph. Daniel Cabrera also has to wear snow pants and clown shoes to make it fair.

Double Play

I think this one could be fun. Baseball purist would not approve. So this event would have to take place at 10 PM while they're all watching the news. The competition would have judges that would score a double play turned. The judges would score based on degree of difficulty, creativity, and style. Each mlb team would send up to 6 representatives to "perform" a double play. It could be any combination of outs (so it does not necessarily have to end at 1B). The teams would have 6 seconds (or whatever a realistic slow time to first is) from the crack of the bat to complete the second out. I'm expecting costumes and choreography.

Line Drive

The would be five large targets set up in the shallow part of the outfield: down the left field line, left center, center, right center, and right field line. The batter would have to hit the targets in order left to right. The ball would not have to hit the targets on the fly. Each missed target would be an out like in the homerun derby.

Outfield Accuracy

There would be targets at home and third. The outfielder's would all throw from the same spot and try to hit the targets on the fly or one hop. It would also operate on a homerun derby out system

Catcher Throwing Accuracy

Targets would be at each of the bases. The catchers would take balls from a pitching machine. It would be cool if the targets were on timers so they would be synchronized with the pitching machine and would pop up at random. They would also pop back down so the catcher has to throw with urgency. The winner would hit the most targets in the set time period.

Bunt

Ok, this might be boring for some people to watch, but I think it would be cool. The winner would be the batter that bunts the ball closest to first or third base (batter's choice) without it going foul. Each batter would get like 3 tries.

Ok, now let's gets ridiculous...

Pop Fly Hang time

Adam Dunn has been practicing all year for this.

Chop Off the Plate Hang Time

Is Luis Castillo still in the MLB?

Dugout Handshake

Two players from each team would have 30 seconds to show off their most extravagant handshakes. Judges would score on a 1-10 scale.

Pitching Velocity

Yeah, this would never happen. Trying to pitch as hard as you can is probably not recommended by physical trainers. But, what do they know? They're like J.V. doctors.

Wall Run High Jump

There would be one of those poles with the different planks that you jump and hit on the outfield wall. Then the player runs up the wall and tries to swat as high as possible. My money is on Loek Van Mil.

Who would be invited to each event? Who would win? Any other events I missed? Something for the infielders maybe? Best bat flip competition? limbo? a Lincoln/Douglas debate? Hungry, Hungry Hippos?

Milton Bradley, shortly after losing the All-star Limbo Showdown.