Kinda Obscure Reasons the Twins Sucked This Season

By Michael Haas


Justin Morneau's girlfriend

Last season, when the Twins won the AL Central, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer lived together in a house in St. Paul. They were roomates, sharing food, playing video games and eating together at Jimmy John's. Joe and Justin, Justin and Joe. Life was good for the M&M boys. But Justin Morneau became more serious with his girlfriend, and he probably felt that he should grow up and get his own place. Bad idea for both Mauer and Morneau.

While living together:
Morneau - .321/34/130 - named '06 AL MVP
Mauer - .347/13/84 - won batting title

While living separately (as of publication)
Morneau - .279/29/96
Mauer - .294/5/53

The numbers don't lie.


Boof Bonser's affinity for food

By late August, a funny pattern was beginning to show in Boof's starts. He would generally start out strong, but in the middle innings, he would waiver. Many people started questioning his pitch selection and psyche, but the Twins told the media that they think he would get plumb worn out by the 5th. The reason? His weight. The organization declared that the 6-4, 260 pound pitcher could stand to lose about 15 pounds, and were putting him on a diet. If the Boofster would just lay off the buffets, who knows how well the Twins could have done this season.

St. Paul's municipal water supply

Tall catchers don't really exist in the majors because it's hard for tall guys to crouch and stand so often. They have a long way to go, and their legs start to go bad. In 2006, Joe Mauer was listed at 6-4. He didn't spend any time on the disabled list, and ended up winning the batting title. But in 2007, Mauer was injured three separate times and has hit only .294. Mauer is only 24, but apparently, he's still growing. The Star Tribune reported at the beginning of the season, "But the Twins catcher, who was 6-4 last season, has pushed past 6-5 and is approaching 6-6"
Something is in the water over there.

Chicago's 1988 decision to build a new stadium without a roof

During the second half of 2006, free agent acquisition Rondell White finally began to show some signs of life. In the last month of the season, Rondell took his average from an abysmal .214 to an OK-considering-where-he'd-been .245. Twins fans looked forward to seeing a healthy Rondell White in '07, and expected his usual 80 to 90 RBI's while holding down the 7th spot in a solid line-up. All that changed on a cold April day on the south side of Chicago, where the temperature dipped below 40 degrees, White injured his right calf when he skipped out onto the field for pregame warmups. The cold weather was cited as the primary factor in White's injury. He didn't appear in a game again until July 23rd, and has since been used sparingly while hitting just .148

The 2007 All-Star game Home Run Derby

Like Tom Brunansky before him, Justin Morneau's swing got all screwed up by the Home Run Derby.

Before the Derby: 24 homers, 73 rbi
Since the Derby (as of publication) 5 homers, 25 rbi